A/N: This last entry will be a combination of three "Thank God You're Here" prompts from . They're silly little ~1000 word entries of things you wouldn't normally write, just to get used to the characters by putting them in odd situations. Hope you enjoy them.
Seven Deadly Drabbles
Thank God You're Here
"Mrs. Potter?" The Healer asked the perky young redhead. Ginny was dressed only in a hospital gown, and already had her feet in the stirrups, giving the Healer a full view.
"Yes, finally you're here." Ginny said, leaning upright to look at the Healer over her spread legs.
"Yes, well there was a bit of an emergency from some cursed toilet seats –"
"Well I'm here because I haven't been able to get pregnant yet!" Ginny interrupted, bored with the Healer's excuse.
"…Alright Mrs. Potter, let's take a look, then." As the Healer ran her wand around Ginny's belly to diagnose her uterus and ovaries – the principle suspects in cases of infertility, she asked a few questions.
"Now how long have you and your partner been attempting to conceive?" The Healer asked.
"My husband, Harry Potter, and I have sex EVERY NIGHT!" Ginny said fiercely, displaying her redheaded temper.
"…Alright, Mrs. Potter. That really doesn't tell me anything, though. How many months? Have you been tracking your cycle?" Ginny sighed, and the Healer had a distinct impression that she was rolling her eyes.
"Obviously if we're having sex EVERY NIGHT – and we are, and it's FANTASTIC! – then I don't need to. My mum never did, and she had loads of kids! What's your name? You aren't a very good Healer, are you?" Ginny snapped waspishly.
"My name is Healer Tam, Mrs. Potter, and…I think I may have found your problem!" The Healer had moved on from her ovaries and uterus to her vagina itself, and the wand immediately glowed a burning red.
"Mrs. Potter, have you been having itching or burning sensations in your vagina, specifically when you pee? Any unusual secretions?" The Healer asked quickly, waving her wand for a few more thorough diagnostic charms.
"Eww, that's gross! And maybe…I don't really check when I pee, that's weird!" The Healer barely held back a sigh of frustration as she continued ruling things out.
"This is so unusual, Mrs. Potter…it reacts like a venereal disease, but I've ruled out most of the common ones." The healer had pulled out a parchment, and seemed to be ruling out most of the list.
"Have either you or your husband had sexual relations of any sort with either a chimera or lizard?" Ginny's eyes flashed with anger as she sat up to yell at the Healer.
"NO! This is ridiculous! I want a new doctor!" The Healer ignored her outrage, but her eyes lit up with an idea as she finished the list on the parchment.
"One moment, Mrs. Potter, I think I may have it. I'll be back in just a moment!" The Healer left the room with a spring in her step.
"I dunno what she's so bloody excited about…must have been a Ravenclaw…" Ginny whispered, alone in the room and growing bored.
"Mrs. Potter!" Healer Tam said as reentered the room holding one of the largest tome's Ginny'd ever seen – it was, in fact, exactly 13 pages longer than Hogwarts, A History.
"Well? What is it, can you cure it? I want babies!" Ginny said excitedly, finally getting somewhere with the annoying Healer.
"Well, Mrs. Potter, I'm not sure – we have no test for this, since I'm sure it'd be a unique case…and I would like your permission to publish a case study about it, actually – but I read this book – Hermione Granger's A Succinct History of Harry Potter: the Muggle-born's Guide to Strange Happenings When You Become A Wizard or Witch. It has details of Harry's every adventure at Hogwarts, you know." Ginny did, in fact, know. Hermione had spent years writing the book, and conferred with Harry at the oddest hours of the night. She huffed in assent at the Healer.
"Well it reminded me that both you and Harry had some contact with the dark wizard Voldemort. I believe that if those residual energies came in contact in intimate situations, then perhaps it could effect the tissue in question – as it turns out, it mirrors a terrible Chlamydia infection. I'm not sure how yourself and Mr. Potter were continuing to have sex, quite honestly, as it must have been quite uncomfortable." Ginny reddened slightly at being caught out in her lie, but said nothing.
"What does that even mean?" She asked skeptically. The Healer bit her lower lip for a moment as she considered the best way to deliver the news.
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Potter, but I believe you have a venereal Voldemort infection in your vagina. The negative energy of it is causing your infertility."
Ginny's eyes watered slightly at the thought, and she haltingly asked, "Can you cure it? When can I have my babies?"
The Healer's smile dropped, and she said, "I'm sorry Mrs. Potter. We'll do our best, but there's no real precedent for this kind of venereal curse. If it were any other woman, Mr. Potter would be fine, but you…I'm sorry." The Healer left the room just as she heard Ginny's whisper.
"But what about poor James Arthur and Albus Severus? And little Lily Molly…and Remus Orion, Colin Nymphadora, and Ted Griphook?"
When the door closed, Healer Tam walked to her next patient and silently thought, 'With baby names like those, maybe it's better if she didn't have kids…'
Neville Longbottom's only respite was Herbology.
Professor Sprout had always liked him – he was a promising student and had, in her opinion, the personality of a Hufflepuff – and his skill meant that he wasn't ridiculed like in most of his other classes.
It was little surprise, then, that he used Greenhouse Three for his clandestine meeting place with his girlfriend.
"I just don't understand why you have to be so belligerent in class, Neville." She said sweetly as she dabbed some dittany on his shoulder, where his latest scar was slowly healing; the Carrows never let him go to Madam Pomfrey.
He jerked slightly as she rubbed a particularly tender spot, and replied, "Someone has to, Hannah. I mean, you remember Harry in Umbridge's class – he never would have let –"
"Neville, you aren't Harry Potter! And he's gone…how do you know he'll ever be back?" Neville's face hardened at this. Many of his classmates were losing faith; some claimed that Harry had been killed, while others thought he was hiding, afraid.
"We don't know, Hannah. But we can hope – and we don't have to be Harry Potter to make a difference!" Hannah, a bit teary-eyed, grabbed him in a fierce hug that once again tore open the wound on his shoulder.
To steady himself from the pain, he tried to clutch the bench he was sitting upon, but accidentally put his hand on a ceramic pot that shattered.
"Neville? We'll never know when our time will come, will we? One minute you might be sitting in class, and the next…the Carrows could take things too far!" She tried to leap into his arms, but he wasn't expecting it, and his head fell back into the stalks of the Honey Suckling Hemerocallis behind him; its yellow lily flowers spilled gobs of honey over both of the teenagers and the bench.
"Yuck!" She eyed the sticky substance all over Neville's hair, face, and pants with a depressed sigh – the greenhouse was far from the ideal setting for her romantic tryst, but it was all they had.
She leaned in and kissed Neville passionately, the sweet taste of honey flooding both their senses, and he was for a moment too shocked at her boldness to reciprocate; they'd kissed a few times before, but it was usually a shy thing, far from the aggressive lip-lock in which they were currently engaged.
Hannah's robe slipped from her shoulders – it too was covered in sticky honey, so this actually took a bit of doing – and flung it, covering up the nearby Venomous Tentacula that had been drawn to the blood leaking from Neville's shoulder; it visibly pouted before going back to its usual pot.
"Umm…H-Hannah?" Neville squeaked. Hannah had straddled him, now, and was unbuttoning her blouse. "Is there a leak of Amorous Magnosea Pollen?" He whispered furiously, trying to understand her actions.
"Don't you get it, Neville? The Carrows could kill you at any time – you could be the next disappearance! I won't let you disappear without knowing how I feel about you!" She kissed him again as she grinded against him, and he almost gasped as a shiver went down his spine.
Hannah stopped, and looked down at him oddly.
"That wasn't…you aren't, I mean…you aren't finished yet, right?" Disappointment was a bit evident in her voice.
"No," he stuttered. He wasn't sure if he was, but didn't want to tell her that. She traced a line down his stomach then, and undid his pants.
"Neville! Take me now, I'm ready!" She suddenly turned and lay in the dirt of the main trough on the workbench – her skirt was hiked high, and she wasn't wearing any panties.
Neville almost fainted when he saw her bare ass, and reflexively shut his eyes, unsure if he was supposed to look.
"Neville," Hannah called somewhat impatiently, "Put it in me!"
Neville tried to hurriedly lower his pants, but tripped and landed in the Honey Suckling Hemerocallis; the honey went all over his stomach and groin, making a bit of a mess; he further complicated the process by rubbing his hands in the dirt to rid them of honey, which only made them dirty and sticky.
Finally, he got back up and walked over to Hannah, who was still lying on the ground, but was now turned upward with her legs spread. Neville hurriedly closed his eyes once more, not wanting her to change her mind about this whole thing in case he wasn't supposed to look at her.
The sprinkler system chose that moment to go off, squirting the teens with freezing water. Neville was so shocked that he tripped once more and fell on top of Hannah. He looked down, and realized that his dick had been buried in something squishy.
"H-hannah? Am I?" She looked at his oddly, and then down between them.
"No, Neville. That's the mud." Sheepishly, he removed himself from the mud, and used his discarded robe to wipe his cock of the mud. Since it was also coated in honey, this was only marginally effective, but he ignored it and, looking Hannah in the eyes, once again thrust his hips.
A moment passed, and Hannah exhaled a breath Neville hadn't realized she was holding.
Another moment passed, and Neville realized he wasn't quite sure what to do next.
"Is anyone in here?" A voice Neville recognized as Professor Sprout's called out. Hannah's eyes widened, but both of the teens froze.
Neville finally whispered, "It is in you, honey, or the mud?"
"Me," she gasped.
"Well I might as well put it back in the mud." Neville continued, extracting himself from her.
"A greenhouse wasn't a great place for our first time, was it?" Hannah said, looking a bit ashamed as she saw the site of their attempt at lovemaking. It was a mess, with at least three expensive and potentially dangerous plants crushed.
Neville shook his head morosely, and hiked up his pants.
Hannah bit her bottom lip and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear as she offered another suggestion.
"There's always Hagrid's pumpkin patch…"
As Harry left the common room after the confrontation with Hermione, he nearly shivered with frustration and barely controlled rage.
Some thought his temper better controlled this year than last, but they knew little about what he did in private. The Half-Blood Princes' spells he'd practiced with Ron, the few that Hermione had seen, they were only the beginning. Almost as important as the Prince's own creations were the spells the Prince mentioned in the margins, and the books he recommended.
Harry's Invisibility Cloak meant that he was invisible to prying eyes as he tore through the books in the library, looking for certain spells the Prince told him of. A bit of emphasis on the right syllable of a charm Herbologists used to use to squeeze sap out of a vine, if used on a person, squeezed the blood into a small area, and caused massive swelling, and eventual necrosis; the Prince even claimed that Madam Pomfrey couldn't treat it well, and that some of the victims had lost limbs because of it. Of course, were the charm used on someone's neck…
Even better was a "Potions mishap" that turned a typical witch's facial cream into something that ate away the flesh it was applied to. Harry had summoned a bit of the cream from the girls' dormitory, and the modified cake was in the schoolbag he'd grabbed on his way out of the common room.
It was time for him to release his anger. The frustration he felt at Hermione's constant nagging, the difficulty he had with nonverbal spells – soon, none of it would matter.
"Oof!" The girl yelled as she collided with him. On the ground lay Susan Bones, whose bag and purse had dropped onto the floor with the collision.
Yes, she would do nicely.
"Stupefy." Harry intoned calmly. Susan immediately collapsed like a limp noodle, and Harry smirked with excitement as he whispered, "Mobilicorpus." And her body rose as though it were on a stretcher.
Harry had determined, after five years of adventures, that he learned best by doing. He learned when he had to fight for his life, when he had to solve puzzles.
But he learned this year, that he also learned by killing – first, with a few nights spent in the Forbidden Forest. No one noticed a dead Acromantula, since they had a very short lifespan due to constant infighting, and if he killed anything else – a centaur, or maybe a unicorn – close enough to the Acromantulas, they would take care of the body, and no one would be the wiser.
But now, he longed for release of a different kind – Hermione's nagging and Ginny's hot and cold flirtation left him frustrated at females in particular, so tonight would be a new kind of experiment.
"Yes, you will do nicely," Harry said to the unconscious girl as he ran his hands along her body. The forbidden nature of what he was doing, the lack of consent, was like an aphrodisiac to Harry, and he was more turned on than he'd ever been before.
He quickly pulled out the Marauders' Map and found his way to an abandoned classroom.
"Colloportus. Silencio. Muffliato. Cave Clango." The last two spells that would ensure his privacy were gifted from the Half-Blood Prince. The last would set off an alarm, should anyone attempt to disturb him. He had his Invisibility Cloak for just such an event.
Susan was laying on the floor now, in a heap, since Harry abandoned his movement charm.
"Petrificus Totalus. Enervate." He said, intoning a few well-practiced spells.
"Wha?" The girl questioned dumbly. He had worked with her last year in the D.A., and knew she wouldn't win any awards for genius.
"Harry?" She asked frightfully, her eyes moving rapidly to try to take in the dark room. "What's going on?"
He stalked over to her again, his excitement risen with her consciousness, and lay beside her – though he had a Cushioning Charm for his comfort. He ran his finger fondly up her robe once more in a swirling motion, reaching her face. He twirled a strand of her strawberry hair idly.
"Hello, Susan." He whispered, close to her now.
The girl was terrified, and the sweet knowledge of that terror excited Harry even more.
"I have this problem, Susan. You're going to help me with it." Harry removed the fastenings from her robe and let it trap her arms behind her back. Her wand, in the pocket of the robe, was tossed irreverently across the room. She would have no need of that.
While robes were the only standard attire at Hogwarts and in many places underclothes would be all that was worn underneath, most everyone wore another layer to stave off the brisk Scottish weather – Susan wore shorts and a collared white shirt underneath her robe.
Harry gave an approving nod as he inspected her bare legs, and ran a hand up her belly to cup her breast, which he caressed and kneaded softly – this was the first opportunity he had to inspect a girl's breasts, after all, so he was naturally fascinated with them.
Growing tired of the clothing limited his access to Susan's person, Harry unceremoniously ripped off her shirt and pulled down her shorts. Looking right at Susan's face, though she had her eyes closed and tears ran down her face at the assault, he casually slipped his hand under Susan's lingerie, a green pair of matching bra and panties.
"Why Susan," Harry exclaimed excitedly, "You shaved in the shape of a heart?!"
He laughed in a bit of a cackle, and said, "Ah, you must have been wanting something special for Valentine's day. Well, I hope I won't disappoint!"
Harry loosened his own robes and took his cock out from his pants, stroking himself as he slipped into her most sensitive cavity and explored with his fingers.
Her lack of response was troubling, he decided. In a Full-Body Bind, she couldn't moan or squirm.
Luckily, the Half-Blood Prince had mentioned a spell that would suit his needs nicely – perhaps it had even been used years past for this same purpose!
"Petrificus Diversus!" Harry exclaimed vigorously. Sure enough, the Prince had come through once more. Susans arms snapped behind her back, thrusting her chest out most wonderfully on display, and her legs spread apart. Her torso and head were free to move, and she no longer had her mouth snapped shut.
"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!" She screeched. Harry flinched at her obnoxious yell, and used yet another of the Prince's spells. "Langlock," he said calmly. It was the perfect spell – her tongue was locked against the roof of her mouth, so she could still scream or moan, but couldn't talk. Harry was sure it would be much more satisfying than a simple Silencing spell.
"Now, Susan, let's get rid of all these extra clothes," Harry said, eying her body lewdly as he divested himself of his clothes.
"Diffindo! Diffindo! Diffindo!" Three Severing charms later, nothing was left of her bra or panties except for superficial cuts where the charm had gone slightly too deep. Harry had no qualms about this.
"Mmm," he said as he snacked a bit on her right breast, "You know, Susan, your breasts are quite marvelous. Who knew what those Hogwarts robes hid?" Harry chuckled again at his own wit and attempted to decipher what, exactly, Susan's whimpers or cries meant as he toyed her nipples with varying degrees of pressure – a sharp cry when he really dug in, he assumed, meant that she enjoyed it the most.
"Well," he said, stopping his stroking of his own cock; upon seeing this, Susan cried even harder, realizing what was about to happen, "I think it's time we took our relationship to the next level, Susan. If you disagree, feel free to bitch and moan about it!"
Susan only whimpered and cried harder, occasionally attempting to wriggle free.
"You know, all that wiggling just does wonderful things to you, my dear," Harry said with a smirk.
He finally lay on top of her, kissing her neck roughly as he looked her in the eyes.
He aligned his dick and thrust harshly and deeply within her, taking her virginity all at once, and continued thrusting, ignoring her louder cries of objection.
Harry wrapped his arms around her in a macabre imitation of love-making, thrusting harder as he grew closer to climax.
"Ah!" he said as he finally came, wiggling around inside of Susan as he looked her in the eyes and laughed.
"You know, Susan, that was great. I don't know what I'd have killed if I hadn't done that, I was so frustrated." He said, putting his clothes back on.
"And do you know what the best part is, Susan?" She had fear in her eyes once more, not sure what was going to happen.
"I can do this a thousand times, and it'll always seem like the first, to you…Finite Incantatem." The myriad of spells holding the girl hostage broke at once, and she lunged at Harry, screaming viciously.
"Obliviate." He said calmly. Susan collapsed in a heap of confusion on the ground, unaware of where she was or why she was naked.
She heard only the slam of a door, as someone left.
A/N: Thanks for sticking with me to the end! I appreciate all reviews, and may be adding to this as I toss away more ideas to the junk pile.