Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Or P, B, & J. Or Blue's Clues.

--

There was a sharp knock at the door that interrupted Emmett's daily habit of watching P, B, & J Otter. It had become his favorite show since Steve had left Blue's Clues and Joe started.

Emmett grumbled and grumpily opened the door, only to show Jacob Black to him. "Edward! You're lover is here!" Emmett called.

"Bella or Jake?" He replied from seemly nowhere.

"Jake is your lover. Bella is just your girlfriend. Duh. Haven't we gone over this?"

"Ask him what he wants, besides me!" Edward yelled back.

"Edward, wants to know what you want?" Emmett looked at Jacob, who sighed.

"I actually need to talk to Bella. Is she here?" Jake crossed his arms.

"EDWARD!" Emmett screeched.

"What?" Edward called back angered. He decided to come out and see what was happening.

Emmett looked to the top of the stairs where Edward now stood. "He wants to talk to Bella."

"Crap no!" Edward said narrowing his eyes straight at Jake, who growled. "Not ever! Bella is mine! Ha ha! Go love your walrus!" Edward tried to shoo him away.

Jake rolled his eyes, which seemed to be filling up with tears. "Can I just talk to her?"

Emmett glanced back and forth between them, giving them both a stupid look that did absolutely nothing. "I'm going back to my show. Later, Wolf Boy. See you, Spedward." He waved and left.

"Fine, but you only have six seconds. If that…" Edward went and retrieved Bella. She walked down the stairs and smiled at Jake. "Ready, go…. Stop."

"I didn't even say anything."

"You wasted your own time. Let's go, Bella." Edward tugged on her arm.

"Edward, five minutes please." She smiled. Dang you woman! You shall be the end of me! I shall not look into your eyes, then I won't give in! Oh god, she's whimpering! Why? Why am I just so adorable? This is both a curse and a gift.

"Ok, but you go over five minutes and I'm nuking you." He pointed at Jake.

Jake looked confused, but ignored him. "Bella, I have a problem."

"No duh." Edward's voice was still heard even though he was 'gone'.

"What?" She asked.

"I imprinted."

She nodded. "Yeah, on the walrus. Which I might add is so weird. How are you two going to have a loving relationship? Do you visit her at the aquarium daily? Where are you going to find a wedding dress that fits her?"

"No, I um-imprinted on her."

Bella stopped mid-rant. "That even possible?"

He shook his head. "No." They both shrugged. Who really cared anyway? "Anyway, she was cheating on me with Paul."

"So who or what did you imprint on? Please, don't say me." She crossed her fingers.

"No, someone more gorgeous and handsome." He smiled.

Bella raised an eyebrow.

"Me." He pointed to himself.

"You imprinted on yourself? What the heck, Jake?"

"Well I was really heartbroken over losing Patricia, so I decided to go into my bathroom with a two gallon tub of ice cream and cry/eat away my pain, but once I sat down on the toilet I really needed to go to the bathroom. So did, and when I washing my hands, I looked in the medicine cabinet mirror and fell in love." He said the last sentence was such passion.

He then pulled a mirror from his pocket and held it up so he could see himself and no one else. "Hey, gorgeous. How are you? You're looking mighty fantastic today. Oh thank you. You don't look so bad yourself. Oh, you flatter me." He kissed his reflection. "See, Bella its love." He held the mirror up once more and kissed his reflection again.

"This is mildly disturbing, Jake…." She shuttered.

"Five minutes up!" Edward returned into the room to find Jake making out with a mirror and Bella playing hopscotch. "That wasn't that bad." Edward went over to play with Bella.

--

Author's Note: A special thanks to MyStIc BlAcK PhOeNix for giving us the idea for this chapter…I've got nothing.