. thgiliwT oN: remialcsiD Or Jar Jar Binks. Or Jabba the Hutt. Or Any other Star Wars Reference. Or Rob Pattinson. Or Youtube. Or Trivia Pursuit.
Author's Note: Hola, readers! How beith thou? Thy is delightful. So, yeah. This is entire chapter is based off of conversations my sister and I have had with our cousin, Erica (she's helped us so much with this story) about Twilight. Which, because she's five, she's never read. She only knows Edward, Bella and Jacob.
--
Emmett bounced up and down. "Guys! You'll never guess!"
"Knowing you. We won't ever guess it." Edward said with an eye roll.
"Guess!"
"Umm…you're going to be abducted by Jar Jar Binks because you owe Jabba the Hutt money." Edward tried to come up with the most ridiculous thing ever.
"How did you guess?" Emmett seemed completely amazed. "I've been on the run from Jabba since before I met you guys. Would you believe that he sent a bear to maul me?" Emmett huffed some air. "So rude."
Edward was now searching for a exit. "At least he didn't freeze you in liquid carbonite."
"Yeah, I heard that stuff sucks. So, do you want to hear my news or not? Shall I call Jacob and tell him?"
"Oh please do." Edward smiled. He might actually get out of this one.
"No." He waved his arm in Edward's face. "That would be silly. He's poop."
"What?"
"You're full of poop, Edward."
"Ok, this has just gotten ten thousand times weirder. I'm just going to leave now." Edward began to move towards the door.
"Come on, please." Emmett begged.
"Tell me, so I can leave before this gets any freaker."
"Remember that awesome book that came out that we all went to the premier party for?"
"Reconstructing Dusk?"
"No, a better book." Emmett hopped around the room. "That Twilight book."
Edward nodded. He remembered, he'd read it only to realize it was it was his life in novel form, so he didn't read the next two. Though that had been creepy. Edward found the videos of it on Youtube, far creepier. Everyone thought he looked like this Rob Pattinson guy. What was up with that?
Well, he was thankful he wasn't the guy everyone thought Jacob looked like….though from video to video, Jacob always seemed to changed apperance. It was strange, like someone couldn't find clips of the same actor, so they threw in someone random.
And though, he loathed Jacob. He felt bad for him when he'd stumbled across a video that had him being played by a trained acting turkey leg named Spud. In the same video, Edward had been played by a pile of mashed potatoes named Kevin, so maybe the were even.
"Well, there's a fourth book coming out!" Emmett smiled.
"Yay!" Edward and Bella, who fell out of the sky, cheered.
"And Edward's in it!"
"Yay!" They both cheered once more.
"And Jacob's in it!"
"Oh, geez." The two looked really disappointed. "Not again."
"There's a movie coming out too!" Emmett waved his hands in the air.
"WOO!"
"Jake's in that too!"
"Can you cover my eyes?" Edward asked. Emmett shook his head.
"No, Ed. You've got to take this like a man."
"But I'm not stronge enough for that. I'm full of poop, remember?"
"No, Edward. You can do it!" Bella smiled, while hugging him.
"This is going to scar me for the rest of my afterlife."
--
They bought the book and read the book. Skipping all of the Jake parts. (A/N: No detail about the book).
"Yay for skipping Jake!" Edward celebrated.
"Yay for skipping nearly half the book!" Bella danced around.
"Yay for angst!" Jasper jumped in, because he felt he hadn't been represented enough in this chapter.
"Yay for italics!" Jake fell out of the sky, like Bella. And was incredibly still speaking in italics.
"Yay for Trivia Pursuit!" Alice threw herself into the cheering.
--
The movie came out in December. The Cullens brought Bella and the movie and book ruiner, Jacob, along.
The Bella on the scene, who looked nothing like the actually Bella. The one on the screen was far too pretty. It was like Bella on beautifying crack. Was getting her car from Billy, Edward caught his first sight of the horrifying Jacob (A/N: I know Jake doesn't drop off the car with Billy, but when I watch behind the scenes, they added that in).
"Ahhh…the horror!" Turning to his left to see the real Jacob. "OH MY GOD! THIS IS A NIGHTMARE!"
"Hey, you talked in underlined!" Jacob looked more terrifying.
"OH GOD! THE IDIOTIC-NESS IS SPREADING!" Edward stood up. "MUST ESCAPE!"
"I love people who can talk in fonts! Come back!" Jacob chased Edward.
"Hmm…I probably should be concerned." Bella glanced to either side of her. "Speaking in different fonts is pretty awesome, but GOD I'M GORGEOUS!"
"No, you're not." Carlisle cut in.
Bella glared at him.
"I'm sexy, Bella. It's not a crime." Carlisle handed Bella the popcorn. "Hold this it's blocking my sexiness."
--
Author's Note: The whole 'Yay' conversation about Breaking Dawn and Jacob. Is an actual conversation I had with Erica. So yeah…