A/N: In order to maintain the "T" rating on this site, I've cut a section from this chapter. If you're a consenting adult, and you want to read the NC17 version, then you'll need to check it out at my LJ site. The link can be found on my profile page.

"I feel strange," Jack confessed as Ianto helped him into the bath. Concern flashed across Ianto's face, and he began searching for any sign that Jack was still sick.

"In what way? Is your stomach upset?"

"No," Jack reassured him. He sighed a little as he sank into the hot water. "I don't mean like that. It's just..."

"Take your time," Ianto told him as he sat on the edge of the tub and ran a damp washcloth across Jack's shoulders and back. A soft moan escaped Jack's lips that Ianto was not entirely sure was innocent.

"I remember my life," Jack said finally. He played idly with the foamy bubbles that Ianto had added to the hot water without a second thought. The sight brought a hint of a smile to Ianto's lips. Maybe the innocent little boy wasn't completely gone after all.

"I remember most things, at least," Jack corrected himself. "I mean, I remembered all along, but when I was still a prisoner, it was all pretty hazy." He uttered a frustrated grunt. "I'm not explaining myself too well."

"I think I understand," Ianto assured him. "When you were a prisoner, you behaved the way that everyone expected you to."

"Like a monster," Jack agreed. "Something like that. I stopped thinking, and just reacted to everything that was happening around me without thought. They expected me to behave like some sort of animal, so that's how I acted. At first, it was my way of fighting back. They wanted me to tell them what I knew, about the Doctor, and about the future. It was my way of saying 'screw you'. But then, after a while, it got harder to think like a person. In the end, it was just easier to..."

"Go feral?" Ianto suggested lightly, and Jack nodded.

"I guess so, yeah. I mean, I did kind of remember that I was still a person, despite how I was being treated, but after a while I stopped trying to hold on to my humanity and just became the animal they treated me as. When you came along, a part of my did understand you, but by then I'd conditioned myself pretty thoroughly to behave like the animal that I was when you started looking after me. And it had been pretty easy to maintain it, because everyone who came into contact with me was either cruel or indifferent."

"Even Gage?" Ianto wondered, all the while quietly marvelling at the way that this most recent, traumatic death seemed to have finally tipped the balance and washed away the remnants of Jack's most prolific childlike behaviour and personality.

"Gage tried. When he first started he tried to make it better for me, just like you, but the one in charge... the one the Daleks killed..."

"Spence?"

"Yeah, him. He caught Gage trying to slip me some fresh food, and he beat him unconscious. Gage never came back into my room after that. Not until you brought him in."

Ianto felt ill as the reality of Jack's words hit home.

"That day that I gave you the apple... If Hartman hadn't been there, Spence probably would have done the same to me."

Jack peered up at him with a curious gaze.

"Would it have stopped you from helping me?"

"I don't know," Ianto admitted truthfully. "I'd like to say it wouldn't have, but who knows?"

Jack shifted a little and rested his head against Ianto's thigh.

"I don't think it would have. You're strong and brave. My Ianto."

Ianto smiled, touched by Jack's simple faith in him.

"My Jack."

Jack hesitated.

"What she called me... You know that Jack isn't my real name, don't you?"

"I figured as much. It doesn't matter, love. You'll always be Jack to me."

"Not Joe?"

Ianto smacked him lightly on the shoulder, causing Jack to giggle softly.

"Don't be cheeky. You know I only called you that because you weren't exactly forthcoming at the time with your name. And besides, you answered to it happily enough."

"I know," Jack agreed. "I didn't mind, you know. It was nice, having someone call me something other than 'freak'."

Ianto watched him thoughtfully, rubbing the washcloth in soothing circles over Jack's shoulders.

"Jack, you said you felt strange. How do you mean? Strange in what way?"

Jack frowned a little, and didn't seem to be able to put it into words.

"It's hard to explain."

"Well, how about you try to give me some sort of example?"

Gradually, Jack focused on the bath, and on the bubbles that frothed around him.

"This bath. I know I should just wash myself, but a part of me just wants to..."

"Play?" Ianto suggested lightly, and Jack nodded. He looked embarrassed, Ianto thought sadly. He leaned down and kissed the top of Jack's head.

"You've got two sides of your personality at war with each other, but the truth is that there's no right or wrong answer, and no right or wrong actions. If you're having a bath, and you want to play with the bubbles, then why not? Don't inhibit yourself, Jack. Act however you feel comfortable. I promise that it won't change how much I love you."

Jack nuzzled Ianto's thigh with his cheek, and hummed softly. Ianto smiled at the sound. It was the most audible evidence of Jack's pleasure and contentment, and it gave him a warm feeling throughout his body.

"I love you too," Jack murmured. "Love you so much."

Jack tilted his head up, a hopeful look on his face. Ianto didn't disappoint. He closed the gap between them and captured Jack's lips in a prolonged and tender kiss.

Immediately. Ianto felt the difference between this one and their last kiss. Before, Jack's efforts had been clumsy and uncertain, and tempered by grief. Now, Ianto finally understood why Jack had just a reputation with the Doctor and Rose for his sexual prowess. He could think of no cliché to apply, and nor did he even want to try and think of one. All he knew was that kissing Jack right then was perhaps the hottest experience he'd had for a long time. Forget any concerns about Jack getting aroused – Ianto could feel his own pants tightening to the point of discomfort as he sat there enjoying the experience that was being kissed by Jack.

An unexpected pressure on his crotch snapped him back to awareness, and Ianto pulled away from Jack in shock. Jack's hand was quite unashamedly on his cock, rubbing it through the material of his denims.

"Jack, what are you...?"

His question was stymied when Jack pulled him in for a second kiss that was even more intense than the first. He never missed a beat, and if Ianto had had any lingering doubts about Jack's mentality, they were erased completely when Jack unzipped his pants with deft skill and slipped his hand inside the material.

Ianto found himself groaning into Jack's mouth. When he finally managed to pull away again, it was to find Jack watching him with a disconcerting mixture of adult lust and childish nervousness.

"I remember sex," Jack said so simply and matter-of-factly that he had Ianto blushing bright red.

"Jack..."

"I remember how I can make you feel good," Jack whispered in a seductive voice that sent Ianto's equilibrium spinning out of control.

"Jack..."

"I want to do this for you," Jack told him with utter sincerity, and Ianto's breath hitched loudly as Jack's hand found its way past the flimsy barrier of his boxer shorts to fondle him with a practiced touch. "I love you, and I want to show you how much. I want to prove how much."

Ianto initiated the kiss that time, but at the same time he gently eased Jack's hand out of his pants and away from his cock. When they broke apart again, Ianto could see the beginnings of panic in Jack's face at the perceived rejection.

"I'm sorry," Jack stammered, and Ianto wondered whether Jack was remembering his last disastrous attempt to seduce him. "I shouldn't have... I'm sorry..."

"Hush," Ianto murmured reassuringly. He zipped up his jeans as quickly and discreetly as he could – not an easy task given that he was well on his way to a full erection – and then drew Jack back into his arms. "It's fine. You don't have apologise. I'm not mad, and you didn't do anything wrong. In fact, I'd say you were doing everything very, very right."

Jack looked up at him, confused.

"But you don't want me to..."

"Not yet. I'm not ready for that yet. Can you understand that?"

"I guess so," Jack mumbled, sounding very much as though he didn't. Ianto stroked his fingers lightly over Jack's hair.

"I'm not saying no, Jack. Just... not yet. You need to understand that for me, having sex is a big deal. I need to be totally ready."

"So... You will eventually?"

Ianto swallowed his nerves and embarrassment. Jack was able to talk about this, so there was no reason why he couldn't do the same.

"Yes," he answered, marvelling that he managed to keep his voice from breaking. "Eventually... yes."

"I understand," Jack said, sounding much less disappointed that time.

Silence fell between them, and Ianto took a moment to reflect on the fact that he had just agreed to have sex with Jack at some point in the probably near future. Beyond that was the realisation that far from repulsing him, as he had once thought gay sex might, it was actually turning him on. He shifted minutely, trying to ease the uncomfortable tightness in his pants. Apparently, this time it was he who would be needing that cold shower.

"I just thought you were angry at me," Jack admitted. "Like that last time when I tried kissing you." He paused, and frowned at the memory. "And damn, didn't I ever bugger that up! If they'd killed you, it would have been all my fault..."

"Don't," Ianto warned him. "Don't go there, Jack. Nothing that's happened has been your fault. Not even Lisa, not entirely. Personally, I'm amazed that after everything you've been through, you've managed to recover like this."

Jack looked up at him with such an open and unguarded expression that it wrenched Ianto's heart.

"You know it's because of you, don't you? I owe you everything."

"Did you used to be this sentimental?" Ianto asked with a smile.

"No." Jack's rapid answer wiped away any lingering amusement that Ianto had. "Never cared about anyone but myself, and I never said I love you to anyone without a hidden agenda. Last time I said those words to someone, I stole her ship and never looked back. Even after I met Rose and the Doctor, I still couldn't say it."

"You've said it to me a lot," Ianto pointed out, and Jack could hear the sudden uncertainty in the younger man's voice. If Jack was admitting now to never really meaning it when he said 'I love you', then what did that mean for Ianto?

Jack took his hand and kissed it softly.

"I was a prisoner for so long, and for so long the only reason people touched me was to cause me more pain. Occasionally someone would try to help me, but it never lasted long. Then you came. You didn't let anyone bully you or scare you... not even me. You saved me, and I will always love you for that."

Ianto sighed, an unpleasant feeling settling in his stomach.

"You don't love me, Jack. You've got a case of hero-worship happening, but that's not love. You don't know me well enough to say you love me."

"Maybe I don't know you so well," Jack conceded. "But I want to know you better. And I don't think it'll make any difference."

"Jack..."

"No, please, let me finish. You know what I was like before. Could barely think for myself. When I did start thinking for myself again, thanks to you, I lost a lot of those old inhibitions that I used to have. I learnt to say 'I love you' to you, and mean it, because that's how I really felt. I didn't have to second-guess myself, and I didn't think about motivations. Back then, I wouldn't have understood what motivations or agendas were. I just knew that you took care of me, and I loved you. That hasn't changed. I don't have any ulterior motives. I just know that I love you, and I don't want to ever lose you, and nothing you say or do will ever change that."

Ianto smiled. He couldn't help it. Jack had presented a damned good argument, but what had him so amused was that whilst he'd started out sounding like a reasonable and mature adult, he'd ended up sounding like a petulant five year-old. Jack pouted, realising that Ianto was grinning.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing," Ianto assured him. "It's just that I used to think about love as the same as getting hit by lightning. That it was sudden. Mam always said that if it hits you suddenly, then it's just infatuation, but that real love is like a slow burn. It happens over time, and is meant to last."

"What are we?" Jack asked softly and anxiously. "Infatuation or love? Because I really, really love you, Ianto, but if you don't love me..."

Ianto silenced him with a long kiss.

"It's definitely not infatuation. That much I'm sure of."

Jack smiled faintly, enjoying the hot water that soothed his aching body, as well as Ianto's arms around him shoulders.

"That's good. I can wait."

Jack's exhaustion was obvious, and when Ianto finally helped him out of the bath, all Jack wanted was to go back to bed. Ianto conceded and helped Jack back to their room. Upon entering, though, Ianto thought they'd walked into the wrong room. Gone were the two single beds, to be replaced by one enormous bed that was adorned with comfortable and colourful duvet. Jack, however, didn't seem at all bothered. He wandered over to the bed, and sat down with a sigh.

"This is our room, right?" Ianto asked tentatively.

"Yeah," Jack confirmed. "The TARDIS just made a few discreet changes."

"Discreet? Jack, are you suggesting that the ship wants us to sleep together?"

Jack grinned, but he was too exhausted to put much effort behind it. He missed 'lecherous', and came out looking sweet instead.

"What can I say? She's a smart girl. She knows we belong together."

Ianto only just resisted an urge to roll his eyes.

"You are being a soppy git," he said, smiling fondly as he helped Jack strip down to his shorts. Jack shrugged.

"I love you," he said simply. "I can wait for you to catch up. It's not like I don't have the time to spare."

A frown flitted across Ianto's face.

"Do you remember what the Doctor explained about you?"

"Remember, and understand," Jack confirmed in a considerably more subdued tone. "I'm forever. Never gonna die. Not permanently, anyway." He paused, and Ianto saw a palpable pain in his eyes. "I'm going to outlive everyone. You, Rose... Even the Doctor. Everyone."

"I'm sorry," Ianto murmured, although he wasn't entirely certain that he knew what he was apologising for. Jack smiled tremulously.

"At least you know you don't have to be scared of losing me, right?"

"Right," Ianto agreed softly. Jack crawled under the covers, and threw a pleading look at Ianto.

"Will you sleep with me?"

Ianto blanched at the blatant question.

"Jack, I'm sorry, but I'm just not ready."

Jack raised an eyebrow at him, and Ianto knew instantly that he'd misinterpreted Jack's request.

"All I meant was sleep, literally. Not sex. Please, Yan? I just want to cuddle. It'll help me sleep."

It was a plea that Ianto couldn't refuse. He stripped down to his tee-shirt and boxer shorts before he could give himself a chance to think twice, and climbed in next to Jack.

Jack hummed softly in pleasure as they curled up together, and the sound drew a smile to Ianto's face.

"I do love you," Jack whispered as Ianto urged him to snuggle in close. "You'll see. I'll prove it."

Ianto kissed the top of Jack's head.

"You don't have to prove anything. I already know. Hush, now. You need sleep."

Jack hummed again incoherently even as he gave him to his exhaustion. Ianto, however, lay awake for a long while afterwards, relishing the sensation of Jack's body in his arms and quietly marvelling at the realisation that maybe, just maybe he didn't have quite so much catching up to do after all.

Jack awoke to an empty bed, and felt a rush of panic that was quickly eased when he realised Ianto was sitting at the end of the bed.

"Thought you'd gone," Jack confessed, sounding embarrassed and relieved at the same time.

"No, I'm not going anywhere," Ianto assured him. "I just needed to think."

Slowly, Jack sat up, his eyes fixed firmly on Ianto. Had Ianto spared him a glance, he would have seen the beginnings of fear in the older man's eyes.

"About what?"

Ianto did look at him, then, with an appraising gaze.

"You know, I half expected to find you'd regressed again when you woke up. I'm not sure why. I just went to sleep thinking it wasn't going to last. But, it has. You really are back to your old self, aren't you?"

Jack contemplated that before answering.

"Yes and no. I'm not the same, not completely. I... I think I'm better, though, thanks to you. Ianto, what's wrong?"

Ianto stared at him with a haunted gaze.

"It was partly to protect me, you know. Insisting that I couldn't stay with you. It was when I realised that I'd started becoming more attached to you than I should."

"You already explained, Yan."

"Not completely, I didn't. The main reason I tried to dissociate myself was because I thought that once you were back to normal, you wouldn't want me around anymore."

Jack gaped at him in disbelief.

"You thought that? But it's not true! I do want you! I love you!"

Ianto sighed softly.

"Do you really love me, Jack? Or is it just because I helped to rescue you from Torchwood?"

"That's part of it," Jack conceded as he crawled over to sit beside Ianto. "But it's a hundred little things, too. It's that you look at me and don't think 'freak'. It's that you stuck with me and didn't give up on me. You know what I did to... to Lisa, and you forgave me. You didn't leave me behind, not even to save your own life. How can I not love you?"

When Ianto didn't speak, Jack leaned in slowly, taking his time and making his intentions obvious. No objection was forthcoming, and Jack closed the distance to kiss Ianto with every bit of emotion that he had. He put every ounce of love that he felt into that kiss, and didn't stop until he felt Ianto relax against him.

Ianto was bemused to note that their roles seemed to have shifted, and suddenly it was he who was being held and comforted by Jack. He felt lips brushing over his cheek and jaw, moving down to his throat. A sigh of pleasure escaped Ianto's lips as Jack gently sucked on the tender flesh, and he felt himself melt a little more into Jack's embrace.

He knew where they were headed and felt powerless to stop it. More to the point, he didn't even want to try.

"Let me love you," Jack whispered. "Please, Ianto."

Ianto was never entirely sure whether he had actually verbally given his consent, but Jack seemed to sense it intuitively for suddenly they were kissing again with renewed fervour. This time, Ianto made no attempt to put a stop to it.

"Lie down," Jack murmured, guiding Ianto to lie down on the bed after divesting him of his tee-shirt. "I want to explore you."

Ianto's gaze flickered uneasily to the door. He'd never live this down if either the Doctor or Rose walked in on them now. Jack smiled as he played briefly with the hair that covered Ianto's chest.

"Don't worry. The TARDIS won't let either of them through that door until we're ready for them. Now, just relax. Let me take care of you for once."

Ianto lay there, breathless and panting, and in a pleasantly dazed state of mind. For a while, Ianto wasn't aware of anything much until he felt warm pressure against his side. Dragging himself back into awareness, he found Jack lying beside him, watching him with eyes that were bright with tears. He could feel Jack's interest pressing against his hip, but Jack didn't appear to be in any hurry to do anything about it.

What's with the tears?" Ianto asked, once he was confident that he had full control over his verbal skills. Jack reached out and touched his lips.

"I want to tell everyone how much I love you," Jack said with a somewhat watery smile. It was Ianto's turn to chuckle, then.

"You soppy git."

"Can't help it," Jack said with a half shrug. "I don't ever want to leave you."

The smile faded from Ianto's face.

"Jack, you do understand, don't you? I'm going to age, but you won't. When I'm ninety, and I'm an old, frail man who couldn't get it up to save his life, you're still going to be like you are now. I doubt that you'll still be interested in me then."

Anguish filled Jack's face.

"Don't you understand? I loved you long before I remembered what sex was. Before I understood there was a difference between kissing an adult and kissing a kid. I loved you before all that!"

Ianto felt a shiver pass through him as he realised the truth of Jack's words. Feeling a surge of emotion through him that might just have been love, Ianto claimed Jack's mouth in a fierce kiss. He shifted his hips instinctively, and Jack groaned long and low at the delicious friction the movement created against his hardness.

"I think," Ianto whispered as he stared at Jack with tears in his own eyes, "that it's about time I stopped asking idiot questions, and just accepted the truth."

Jack returned his gaze with an open and hopeful look.

"What truth, Yan?"

Ianto kissed Jack again lingeringly.

"That I love you, too."

to be continued....