ULTRA DISCLAIMER: This is better than a regular disclaimer because it's ULTRA

ULTRA DISCLAIMER: This is better than a regular disclaimer because it's ULTRA! Now feel the wrath of my non-owning Twilight-ness! Or Harvard. Or Demi Lovato.

Author's Note: (crickets) I've got nothing…(glances around) Here we go…

--

Staring at his creation, Emmett's smile grew wider. His time machine was fixed, and this time they were going somewhere.

Jasper strolled through the foyer to find Emmett's invention.

"I thought I trashed that." Jasper reached for his pitchfork to destroy the annoy machine that kept returning.

"NO, JASPY!" Emmett threw himself at Jasper, stopping him from destroying the time machine. "No, please! This isn't just a fridge box, this is a real time machine!"

"How did you get a real time machine?" Jasper put his pitchfork away.

"Well, while I was at Harvard looking at the campus, before I lost my glasses…do you know what happened to them?"

Jasper looking suspicious, laughed nervously as he thought of the sacrificial ceremony they had had the day before. "No." He shook his head.

"Ok then. I saw this and I used my amazing brains I had at the time and came up with a plan and took it."

"You stole from Harvard?" It was more of a statement than a question, but Jasper liked the question mark, so he left it.

Emmett shook his head. "No, I borrowed with no or possibly little intention of returning. Probably the no intention of returning."

"You stole from one of the United States top schools…Emmett…you are a genius underneath."

"AHHHH!" They heard a loud screech. "EDWARD! SOMEONE SAID EMMETT IS SMART AGAIN! OH GOD, NOT DEMI LOVATO!"

"Guys," Edward appeared at the top of the stairs. "Can you stop scaring Bella? She just passed out."

Jasper and Emmett shrugged.

"Is that a time machine?" Edward asked, forgetting entirely about the not conscious Bella in his room. But who cared about her. There was a shiny object to look at in his foyer.

They both nodded at Edward.

Jasper looked at Emmett. "Do you want to try it?" Emmett grinned.

"Yes!" His excitement caused him to almost have a spasm right there. "Let's get everyone who's conscious. So no Bella!"

"YAY!" They all cheered.

--

A couple seconds later, the entire Cullen clan was crammed into Emmett's stolen, but completely AWESOME time machine.

"Where are we going exactly?" Carlisle asked from under Esme and Rosalie. "I have a manicure in twenty minutes."

"Umm…Carlisle, that's kind of weird." Edward replied.

"You think this kind of a sexy is natural…well, actually it is, but who doesn't want to be more gorgeous?"

Jasper, Edward, and Esme raised their hands.

"Ah," Carlisle put his hand to his mouth, taken back. "And I call you family." His voice menacing.

"Don't worry, Carlisle." Rosalie smiled. "I'll always be shallow."

"And that's why you're my favorite." She laughed, knowing it was true.

Alice closed her eyes, letting her visions come. "Emmett, are you taking us to Bella's house…when she was like six months?"

Emmett nodded. "Yup, we're going to kidnap her, so that she doesn't leave Forks ever. Then we're going to bite her now so that all of her problems will be fixed. Smart, huh?"

"Except for the fact that she'll be six months old for eternity."

"Oh, Edward can be a pedophile. In today's society that's considered completely normal."

"Emmett, where do you live?" Alice sounded concerned. "And why do you think child predators are cool?"

"Don't judge me! That's all you people do!" Alice glared at him. "And I call you family!"

"We're here!" Jasper exclaimed.

"How shall we do this?" Emmett pondered. "Subtle or completely obvious?"

"Obvious." They all said in unison.

Upon knocking down the door the Cullens noted something strange. One, this was apparently not Bella's house, but Jacob's. How they had messed that one up was beyond reason.

Only later did they find out at the sign that read 'La Push', Emmett thought it meant la push yourself onward. So he went onward.

And two, the fact that it smelled like goat cheese.

"I don't think we went back far enough." Emmett leaned over to Jasper, who agreed.

The room was empty, except for a small, dark brown-eyed boy, about four years old, sitting with his legs dangling over the edge of the couch with a red toy plane. Clearly it was a baby version of Jacob.

Jake was staring from across the room at them, wide-eyed.

"Oh, Jake was kind of cute as a puppy." Rosalie snickered.

Jake still just stared blankly at them.

"Umm…" Feeling awkward, Edward started to talk to the boy. "We're going to go." Edward turned to leave the staring Jacob, when he heard a cry.

"STRANGERS! STRANGERS!" Jake jumped off the couch, falling over in the process as he tried to find someone. "STRANGERS!"

There was a banging of footsteps, as another boy, who was about eight or so, leaped onto Emmett's back. He bit Emmett.

"Ahhh!" Emmett cried out, as he tried to knock the kid off.

"SAM!" Jacob was now crying. "SAM, THOSE ARE STRANGERS!"

"What's going on down there?" Another voice was heard. One the Cullens knew, Charlie Swan.

Charlie appeared with a tiny, brown haired girl clenching on to his pant leg. "Bella," Charlie placed her on the couch next to the bawling Jacob. "Stay here. Sam, move I have the pepper spray!" Charlie threw himself at the Cullens, who were far too confused to move.

Bella looked at Jacob. "Oh," She slapped him across the face. "Grow up baby."

Edward caught Bella's act. "Aww…I knew I loved her for a reason." His family and Charlie then trampled him.

Emmett had managed to throw the little monkey they called, Sam, to the ground and kicked him in the face. "Let's escape!"

They all ran to the time machine, launching themselves into their seats. They quickly turned the thing around and went straight home.

"So, Alice." Edward turned to her. "Did we change anything?"

"Not that I can see…but…"

--

"Hey, Bella. Do you remember that time when random strangers broke into my house when we were little?" Jake asked out of the blue.

"No." She shook her head.

"Oh, it was really scary." Jake started to cry again.

"Oh, grow up baby." She slapped him.

--

Author's Note: This was inspired by TheVampireWithTheGoldenEyes, this what I came up with after reading your last review. I hope you liked it. :D