Disclaimer: I ain't got no Twilight ownership

Disclaimer: I ain't got no Twilight ownership. Or the song 'Bust a Move'.

Author's Note: … Breaking Dawn spoilers….You've been warned….I'll put a warning at the start of the chapter if there is spoilers.

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Bella rested her head on Edward's stomach, waiting for whatever Emmett was making them watch. At this point it could be anything. Which scared her.

Emmett skipped into the room. "Ready?"

"No." Edward and Bella both shook their heads.

"Good. 'Cause here it comes." Whatever Emmett was trying to show them was coming onto the screen and in one flash it appeared.

"Welcome to the best game show you'll ever hear of in your life. It brings child predators out in the open and makes it family entertainment to the fullest degree!" The announcer bragged. "And now for our host, Emmett McCarty!"

"Emmett." Bella thought out loud. "Not many people name their kid Emmett anymore…" She shrugged.

Four seconds later, she realized she knew why his name was Emmett.

Emmett Cullen walked on the screen, waving to the crowd as they cheered and wooed for him and his show.

"Umm…Emmett?" Bella wasn't looking at Emmett she was watching the T.V.

"Bella?" He asked back.

"What's with the McCarty?"

He gasped. "That's my name, Bella? Aren't I allowed to use it? Or are you to steal it from me? Do you want my name, Bella? Huh? Do you? Do you?"

"No, Emmett. I don't want your name."

"Aww…And I was going to sell it to you. Well, I guess there's always Ebay." Bella nodded and then paid attention to the screen more than Emmett.

"Welcome, skillet bisketz." Emmett on the T.V. greeted. "And welcome to another episode of Spot the Pedophile. The game show where you try to figure out who's legal and who's down right creepy. Let's meet our contestants."

Emmett made his way over to the panel of contestants, all lined up and ready to find out who was going to the slammer soon for things they shouldn't be doing with small children.

"First we have, Erica, this girl has been able to recognize 4, 352 predators in the last six games and as they say, it takes one to know one. Right, Erica?"

She smiled. "Just don't let them tell."

"Oh…kay. Next, we have Amy, who is new to the identifying predator game. Are you prepared to figure out whose raping who?" Smiling she nodded.

"And finally, we have…" He paused and read from his card. "Insert name here." There was no one there. "Ok, well anyway. Let's begin."

Emmett turned so that the com-predators, as they were called, could see the screen behind him. A picture flicked to the screen, showing Edward and Bella walking down the street hand in hand.

"Emmett!" Bella screeched. "EDWARD IS NOT A PEDOPHILE! NOR I AM A PREDATOR! "

"You just said, 'I am a predator'. You just admitted to it." Emmett pointed out.

"Crap, I meant. Nor AM I a predator!"

"Just admit it, Bella." She glared. "Well, don't worry. You're not the creep." They turned back to the screen.

The Edward and Bella scene progressed to show them kissing in public, hugging in the park, and dancing to the song 'Bust a Move'. Bella was panicked because she clearly looked older than Edward, they were probably going to think she was the creep, but really it was her hundred-year-old lover.

"Now," The host Emmett began. "Whose the creep? Erica?" She held up a sign that read, 'Bella is such a creeper.'. "Ok, Amy?"

"Ummm…Bella. She's just weird looking."

"And insert name here." Emmett read his next card. "Insert answer here. Ok, Bella. And the answer is Edward!" The crowd booed, because everyone was wrong. "That hundred-year-old creep, who is stalking his poor eighteen-year-old lover! Now, onward."

The picture on the large monitor changed to someone else Bella knew very well. Actually two people she knew very well. Renesmee and Jacob.

Jacob was rocking Renesmee to sleep. It would have been a cute scene, if not for the fact that across the screen it read, 'CREEPER!' with a large arrow pointed at Jacob.

Host Emmett opened his mouth to speak. "Now who deserves to be beaten with a thick stick for being madly in love with a newborn child? Erica?"

"Renesmee. She far too creepy. She probably eats other babies or something." Erica replied.

"Again…oh…kay. Amy?"

"Bella, she probably rapes them both."

"And insert name here." Emmett read his next card. "Insert different answer than one before it in here. Ok, Aro is the pedophile. That's why he wants to touch everything. It's his first step."

Emmett pulled an envelope out. "And the predator is Jacob, of course!" Emmett shouted. "He's already memorized her, he's so good, doesn't even have to use candy to get kids, and now it's all down hill."

Emmett moved out of the way one more time.

"Who else did you torture?" Bella asked.

"Just wait."

The T.V. on the show came on with Carlisle and Esme. They were standing as far away as a normal appropriate couple would be. Doing nothing that would suggest anything.

Emmett looked at his contestants. "Who is it?"

Erica studied and focused before saying, "How much longer until lunch?"

Emmett shook his head. "I don't know. Answer the question."

"Oh yes, I choose you, Mr. McCarty, you probably rape them their not together, that's what's going on." Erica smiled and growled sexily.

"And Amy?"

"Bella."

"Bella?" Emmett questioned.

"She apparently wants more than her husband here. So she'll settle for anyone. Thus she rapes everyone."

"Again, what? But anyway, the correct answer was Carlisle you three hundred some old vampire. Kind of creepy you're with a girl so young. And the fact you had the hotts for her since she was a young girl. Creeper. Like Quil and Claire. Very freaking."

The T.V. flashed to Quil kissing Claire, but cut out fast as well.

"So," Emmett started. " The winner is…ummm…no one. 'Cause you all suck at figure out who's a creep. Thus you all fail and are now being sold to known creeps. Wait no." He read his card. "Insert winner. Ummm...the winner is Billy Black. Toodles. And see you next time on Spot the Pedophile."
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Author's Note: This was a request by Kaira5. I hope you liked it! :D