Disclaimer: (shakes head wildly) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TWWWWWWWLIGHT

Disclaimer: (shakes head wildly) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TWWWWWWWLIGHT! Or the Barney Song. OR Barbie. Or Sam's Club Cookie Club Card. Or Fisher Price. OR Fred Flintstone.

Author's Note: I don't know…I don't know at all…Oh, I do know! I know that Jacob's shape shifting has become one of my new favorite things, just because it's so much fun to mess with him!

Oh yes, there are more Breaking Dawn spoilers present in this…

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Bella's cell phone rang. "I love you. You love me. We're a happy fami-" The ringtone was cut off by Bella picking up the phone.

"Hello." She greeted, knowing already it was her darling, drop dead gorgeous, face of an angel, more beautiful than Edward, daughter, Renesmee. Did I meantion how incredibly pretty she was?

Renesmee is so good-looking she makes Edward look like a squirrel that got ran over by a tracker, then stomped on by a herd of water buffalo, and then dipped in tea. That's just how amazingly stunning she is.

Renesmee's voice came over the receiver. "Mother," She spoke with teenage attitude lacing her voice, even though she was only six months old.

"Yes, dear." Bella replied sweetly to her striking daughter. "What do you want?"

"Oh, right." She said with some sass. "I'm going to the mall with Jacob. We're going to go and-"

Bella cut her off. "Oh well, how are you getting there? Is he driving?"

"Heck no, Bella." She sassed back. "No way am I letting that God awful driver drive me anywhere. We're taking my car, duh."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, really. I'm taking my pink Barbie car and we are going to the mall." She huffed her breath into the phone, creating and loud crackling noise.

"Now, Nessie. You have to be careful-"

"Shut up, Bella! I'm six months old for God's sake! I know how to take care of myself! I'm not like two weeks anymore! God! Can't you just give up on the whole parenting thing! I moving out for college next week!" Renesmee talked with such cheekiness Bella could hardly believe her.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen!" Bella shouted back. "Watch your mouth!"

There was muffled noise and then Bella heard her voice again. "Jacob, talk to this woman who thinks I'm like four days old! I mean seriously! What's up with that?"

"Hey," Jacob's voice made appearance on the phone.

Edward responded. "Put, Renesmee back on," His voice a growl.

"Kay. For you." He handed her the phone back.

"For. The. Love. Of. God. Dad! Can't you two just get over yourselves! I'm all grown up! Six months! SIX MONTHS!"

"Renesmee, you're making your mother tearlessly sob. And I know from experience it's very awkward to do!" Edward scolded.

"Whatever." She began to twist a curl in her hair around her finger.

"Renesmee." Edward's voice was like poison.

"What? I'm bringing ID along incase some stops me."

"Sam's Club Cookie Club Card doesn't count as ID." Edward replied, reading her mind.

"DANG. You think they would notice? Hmm…" She pulled a piece of gum from her pocket and threw it in her mouth. Chewing, she spoke again. "Maybe I should take my Fisher Price car."

"The one where you have to use your feet to move it?" Jake asked from behind her.

"Yeah. Do you think someone will pull out over?"

Jake shook his head. "Shouldn't, Fred Flintstone."

"What did you-" She stopped and shook her head. "Whatever. You're just as bad as my parents, it's just I can't get you to leave me alone. The only thing you're good for is a stepping stool when I can't reach my sippy up of blood. Dang, my Grampy for putting my cup so high!"

Renesemee was only about the height of a five-year-old, so when Carlisle put her cup too high she would have Jake kneel down, and she would climb up on to him.

"Okay." Jake agreed that his life was made for nothing more than being stepped on. Literally.

"Renesmee, are you still there?" Edward demanded.

"God, Ed. Yes." Renesmee threw her gum wrapper on the ground. Littering. She blew a bubble.

"Renesmee, come home now." He gritted through his teeth.

"And what if I don't?" Acting like any other mutant vampire/human child would.

"I'll take your teething ring." He threatened.

"You wouldn't." Her voice was both shocked that he'd threaten something like that and fearful for her teething ring. "Those are my favorite things."

"And your rattle." Edward paused. "And your Teddy-Weddy."

She gasped. "Not Mr.EddieJakersBellsCarlEsmeEmJazzRoseAl!" She had a knack for naming things like her mother.

"Yes. Him." Edward sounded positively menacing.

Nessie cried out. "No, please! I'm sorry! Please don't take them away!"

"Coming home?"

"Yes." She sniffled. "But I can pick up a kid's cone at the ice shop?"

"Sure." He agreed.

"Thank you, daddy."

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Author's Note: Renesmee the sassy six month old. I don't understand why she's always portrayed as so sweet…Can't she be a pain in the rear end teenage/toddler. I don't know.