Disclaimer: Twilight

Disclaimer: Twilight? That's a big NO! Or Superman. Or Juice Juice.

Author's Note: More Breaking Dawn Spoilers!

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Rosalie was fussing with a one-month-old Renesmee, when she raised her hand up to touch Rosalie's cheek. Upon the touching her, Rosalie saw what she wanted; a diaper change.

"Ok, then." Rosalie stood up with the tiny girl. "JACOB! YOUR FUTURE WIFE NEEDS YOU!"

"What? What?" Jacob scurried down the stairs. "What's wrong with her?" He ran over as a panicked just like an overprotective parent. Except for the fact, Jacob was not in any way related to her. They were just bond together forever with each other.

Jacob grabbed Nessie from Rosalie. "What do you want, Nessie?" He asked. She placed her hand on his cheek. "Oh, you need to get changed? I thought was Blondie's job. That's the only thing she good for, remember?"

Rosalie glared, but then she saw her reflection and completely forgot about Jake's comment.

"No," Renesmee shook her head. "You." She pointed. "Change me."

He sighed. "Fine." Jake changed her. He didn't like poopy diapers. They smelled like vampires. Ewww….

"Done." He said when he was finished. "You, Nessie. Since you understand really well and you're like super baby and are probably Clark Kent's daughter and not Edward's." Renesmee looked concerned. "Oh, Bella was cheating on Edward with Superman. I'm just waiting for you to inherit flying and just zoom off."

Renesmee looked even more concerned than before for her future husband. "Umm…"

"So anyway, I called Quil and we have decided that we are going to teach you and Claire how to use the potty!" He smiled.

Renesmee wanted to laugh. She knew how to use the toilet. She did it all the time when Jake wasn't here; she just used diapers when he was around, so that Rosalie could yell at him to change her.

"Sound like a good idea?" He asked. She nodded, smiling.

"Wait-" Edward appeared. "You're potty training my daughter. I want to watch!" Edward ran over to the banister and called to the rest of the family. "HEY, JACOB IS TEACHING RENESMEE HOW TO USE THE POTTY! ANYONE WANT TO WATCH HIM FAIL!"

Rosalie was already halfway up the stairs. "Oh, baby. I'm watching for sure! I bet she pees on him!"

"I bet all my piñata candy, she doesn't." Jasper joined in the bet.

"You're on." She shook Jasper hand. Already planning what she'd do with the candy. She decided to go out and feed pigeons with it.

"Thanks for the encouragement, guys!" Jacob sounded really excited. Apparently he'd missed the making fun of Jacob memo. The doorbell rang. "That's probably Quil."

Carlisle got the door and Quil and Claire walked it. Claire was sitting on top of Quil's shoulders and was screaming something about wanting go potty.

"Umm…Jake, I filled her up on Juice Juice just for this, so can we go quickly." Quil looked a bit paranoid that Claire would do something unpleasant.

"Ok, ok." Jake lifted Renesmee. "OFF TO POTTY LAND!" And ran to the bathroom with her. Quil, Claire and the curious Cullens followed after.

Upon reaching the bathroom, Quil was shifting around kind of strangly. "Something wrong?" Jake asked.

"I feel something…warm. Aww..Claire!"

"Qwil aaaaawl wet!" She giggled.

"Oh well." Quil sighed. "She's just marking her territory, I guess." He glanced up at her face. "I still love you!" She smiled.

"That counts," Rosalie said. Jasper handed her and piece of candy.

"We bet on Jake and Renesmee. She hasn't gone yet." Jasper crossed his arms.

"So, I guess we're only to train Renesmee, since someone doesn't need to go anymore." Jacob looked down at Renesmee, and pointed to the toilet. "This is a magical water fountain that makes all your pee-pee and poopy magically disappear."

She looked up at him like 'duh, Jake.'.

"And this." He motioned to the flusher. "It's the magic wand that makes all the magic happen. Do you want to see?" She nodded and he flushed the toilet.

Claire screamed. "Too, too swary!" She cried.

"I better take her some where there isn't a flusher of doom." Quil began to walk out with Claire.

"You should probably get a new shirt as well." Jacob added.

"Umm…no, this one has Claire on it! It's best shirt ever!" Quil smiled and ran away.

Jacob glanced down at Renesmee. "Please, never pee on me." She smiled a wicked little pixie smile.

"Ok." She laughed like she knew something he didn't.

"You've already done it before, haven't you?"

"No." He raised an eyebrow. "Yes." She answered quickly.

"Ha! She did!" Rosalie sounded proud that Renesmee had peed on Jake. "Hand it over."

"No, the bet was when he was potty training her. I'm still winning." Jasper smiled, knowing he had her in a loophole.

"Oh, ok. If I didn't love you so much I might be mad. But since I imprinted on you and we're like bonded forever, I don't really care!" He smiled. "Back to business."

They both looked forlorn at the potty.

"I know." Jacob sat down on the floor. "Let's meditate!" Renesmee sat next to him. "Be the potty. Envision yourself as the potty. Be the potty." But as soon as they started concentrating on being the potty, Jake turned into one.

Darn, shape shifting. Awww…well…Oh wait, what is she doing?

Renesmee was starting to get ready to relieve herself.

Umm…Renesmee. Jacob thought. Please, don't go the bath-

"I win." Rosalie held out her hand and Jasper handed her the candy.

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Author's Note: Darn shape shifting. And poor Jasper lost the bet. Aww…