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Chapter 7:

"Mommy! We're home! I'm hungry!" Levi called as soon as he entered the two story yellow farm house. He flung his backpack on the couch and rushed through a large archway, screaming something about snacks and school. Iya soon followed him, dropping all of her stuff on the couch. It was a large living room with a country accent. The couch was an off white with pillows that pictured a large yellow rose. The chairs around it were similar, and a square white coffee table with glass stood in the middle. Plants were everywhere; large and small, in every empty space. Before I could study it further, Josh put our school stuff near Iya's and pulled me after his cousin.

"Mommy, I'm hungry!" Levi whined, resting his chin on his hands, staring at who I believed to be his mother as she finished up the dishes.

She wiped her hands on the towel before coming over to wipe up the large, dark wooden table Levi and Iya were seated at away from the island in the middle of the kitchen. "I know, honey. You gotta tell me what you want."

"I told you I wanted cookies!" he crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat, pouting.

"And I told you I wasn't going to make cookies." She replied calmly as she made her way back to the sink to wash the cloth off. Josh cleared his throat as we stood at the entrance to the kitchen. She glanced over her shoulder and did a double take, her eyes widening as she glanced from me to Josh. "Oh," she raised her eyebrows, "Hello! Josh, ya think ya could warn a woman? The house is a mess!"

Josh scoffed, running a hand through his hair. "Yea, this place is a complete dump." He said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

She placed her hands on her hips and gave him an irritated look. "Yes, it is, and you're lucky I'm not making you clean it up." She hinted, raising her eyebrows.

"Starving here, if anybody cares!" Levi wailed.

Josh gave her a scowl. "This place is spotless!"

Levi coughed. His mother tossed the cloth in the sink and went to a pantry hidden by a door at the edge of the kitchen. As she rummaged through the food, she spoke. "And I'm guessing this is Danny?"

"Hungry," Levi moaned, leaning over the back of his chair, holding his stomach and pretending to die.

Joshua bowed slightly. "Yes, your madam." He said, putting on a slight British accent.

Iya giggled and his mother flashed him another cross look. "Go sit down, your royal Highness."

"Starving…to…death…" Levi gasped, half closing his eyes and staring up at the ceiling lifelessly.

"Au contraire," he said, heading over to the table, "wait…" he paused, "I don't speak French. What were we talking about?" The room burst out into laughter as I followed him to the table, where he pulled out a chair and gestured to it. No one noticed as Levi slipped from his chair, moaning and groaning. Josh nodded towards the chair as he locked eyes with me. Hesitantly I sat down just as Coffeeblue burst into the kitchen.

"I'm hooommmmeee!" she sang before catching sight of Levi. "Why is he on the ground?" she said, placing a hand on her hip and the other one pointing at Levi sprawled out on the floor. He was pretending to be dead, and he was doing well.

"Ah, who cares?" Cormac pulled a towel hanging from the counter next to him and twirled it. Coffeeblue yelped as he flicked it at her.

"Cormac, you jerkface!" she screamed, lashing out and punching him in the shoulder.

He raised an eyebrow, threatening her with the cloth. "You sure you wanna do that?" he twirled the cloth again, stepping towards her.

"Help!" she screamed, running around the island, using it as a shield from her twin. Josh finally sat down after watching the two. He leaned back in his seat and watched with a smile on his face. "You get away from me, you buttface!"

Cormac barely twitched his wrist and the cloth nipped her arm. "I'd stop calling me names, twinny."

She gave him a content grin as she rubbed her arm. "Bring it on, Corm."

I could see his jaw tighten at the horrible nickname. He jumped to the left, and so did Coffeeblue, smirking at him. "I told you never to call me that." He warned.

"It's only half your name, Corm, why don't you like it?" she teased, batting her eyelashes.

"It sounds like you're calling me corn; I am not a vegetable!" he yelled, jumping to the left. The twins ended up on the opposite side of the island than where they began.

"Corn…starving…dying…hungry…feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eed meeeeeeeee…" Levi complained. Still, everyone ignored him.

"Alright! Alright! Go sit down you two!" she shooed them away.

"OH MY GOSH!" Levi cried, shooting up from under the table.

"What?!" everybody replied, well, except for me.

He frowned, his eyes narrowing. "I'm hungry."

"Fine," his mother snapped, pulling out a box of vanilla wafers from the pantry. She brought them over to Levi, who looked as if he was just seeing the sun for the first time.

"Hayw w'all!" a sweet, innocent voice called as a little girl wobbled into the kitchen. "Hi, Corm—!" her pale blond hair was tied in low pigtail braids and she wore a cowgirl hat. She was about one, and she wore overalls that were a little too big for her; the pink cowgirl boots completed the image. Her green/blue eyes were wide as they stared at the food in front of Levi. "COOKIES!" she ran over to Levi, who was just beginning to eat the first cookie.

She snatched it out of his hand. "Tank ywou!" she said, taking the taking the entire box along with her as she dashed out the kitchen.

"NO! HANNA! GET BACK HERE! THOSE ARE MY COOKIES!" he jumped up and raced after her, Hanna screaming as he chased her.

"Don't you hurt her! She's mine!" Josh shouted after him, chuckling.

"Do I wanna know why Levi is chasing Hanna?" a boy's voice calmly said as a boy around Levi's age strolled into the kitchen. He definitely did not have the energy bursting around him that his family did; he was calm and laid-back.

"Kyler!" Iya screeched, pushing away from the table and rushing to give the boy a hug. "How's my favorite little brother doin', huh?"

He pushed her away with a roll of his dark brown eyes. "Considering I am your only little brother, I would've figured that." He flipped his long black hair that just stopped over his eyes.

"HANNA!" Levi screamed, and I could hear him bounding on the stairs.

"WEVI! WEAVE ME AWONE!" Hanna screamed, bursting into the kitchen clutching the box to her chest and leapt onto Josh's lap. She was breathing hard, glancing at the door. "He won't weave me awone, Joshywa!" she whined, stuffing a cookie in her mouth.

"Hanna! That's mine!" Levi whined as he ran into the kitchen. He crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. "Mommy! Make her give 'em baaaaaaacccccck!"

"Hanna, can you please give your brother some cookies?" his mother asked as she placed some chips and salsa in the middle of the table.

"Do I have to?" she frowned, putting the big eyes on her mother.

"Yes, Hanna, you do." She said, taking a chip and dipping it in along with all the other kids.

"Here ya go, Wevi." Hanna gave him a handful of cookies. It wasn't much considering her little baby hands were well, little.

Levi scowled at the two tiny cookies in his hands. "No! I want more!" he lunged for the box, but Hanna screamed and dodged his hand. A deep rumbling echoed through the kitchen.

"Alright, buddy!" Josh said, taking my attention away from Levi. Quickly he set Hanna down on the floor and instead scooped Levi up. "That's enough." Josh hauled Levi out of the room, leaving a dead silence.

Suddenly a scream sliced through the air. "CORMAC!" A girl screamed again. "Cormac! Cormac! It came, it came!"

There were gasps and screams, and Cormac dashed out of the kitchen and into the living room. "No way! What does it say, what does it say?!"

Iya grabbed my arm, making me gasp. "C'mon!" she said, pulling me up and dragging me out along with everyone else.

"Mom!" Cormac yelled. "Give me the paper! It's my mission call! Oh, c'mon, stop cryin'!"

"Fine, fine!" The girl, whom I was guessing was Cormac's mother, and therefore Josh's aunt, sobbed. We found Cormac sitting on the couch with the whole family surrounding him. Josh was still carrying Levi, and was standing over Cormac's back, while Cormac's mother was sitting on his right and Coffeeblue on his left.

Coffeeblue pushed his shoulder. "Open it! Open it!"

Cormac pushed her back. "Alright, alright, stop buggin' me." he said, staring at the huge envelope in his hands. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before ripping it open and pulling out a thick booklet. He smiled and glanced around at his family urging him to read it. "Dear Elder Miller," he read, "Oh my gosh, that sounds—"

"READ IT!" everyone interrupted.

"Fine, fine!" He said, shaking his head. "You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Well, of course, right?" he chuckled.

"Cormac!"

He scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You are assigned to labor in the Washin'ton Tacoma Mission. It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 24 months. You should report to the Provo Missionary Trainin' Center on Wednesday, June 13, 2012. You will prepare to preach the gospel in the English language.

"I'm goin' to Tacoma!" He stood up. "I'm goin' to Tacoma—wait, where is that? Oh, look! It's signed by the prophet! Thomas S. Monson!" everybody screamed as I stood there awkwardly as they tried to grab the paper.

"It's in Washin'ton, by Seattle," his mother said through her sobs. Whether they were of excitement or relatively sad, I had no idea. "Read the rest of it, sweetie."

He plopped back down on the couch. "You have been recommended as one worthy to represent the Lord as a minister of the restored gospel. You will be an official representative of the Church. As such, you will be expected to maintain the highest standards of conduct and appearance by keepin' the commandments, livin' mission rules, and followin' the counsel of your mission president. As you devote your time and attention to servin' the Lord, leavin' behind all other personal affairs, the Lord will bless you with increased knowledge and testimony of the Restoration and of the truths of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

"Your purpose will be to invite others to come unto Christ by helpin' them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His atonement, repentance, baptism, receivin' the gift of the Holy Ghost, and endurin' to the end as you serve with all your heart, might, and strength, the Lord will lead you to those who are prepared to be baptized.

"The Lord will reward you for the goodness of your life. Greater blessin's and more happiness than you have yet experienced await you as you humbly and prayerfully serve the Lord in this labor of love among His children. We place our confidence in you and pray that the Lord will help you become an effective missionary.

"You will be set apart as a missionary by your stake president. Please send your written acceptance promptly, endorsed by your bishop. Sincerely, Thomas S. Monson."

A chuckle sounded behind me and an arm wrapped around my waist. Josh pulled me away from the Millers and down the hallway where we passed some stairs. The hallway lead into a huge dining room with a back door, where pictures of the family hung on the wall. Most of them were in front of a huge white building with a golden statue on it. I stopped to look at them; there were multiple pictures in front of multiple buildings. They all had different structures and the same statue on a spire, and yet they were all the same. Some had all the kids, and in some they were younger and a couple of the kids were missing. There were two of the parent's wedding picture in front of the building, the spire towering above them.

I almost didn't hear Josh come up behind me. "That's the temple. There's about 140 in the world. We try ta visit 'em as much as possible." He pointed to a picture with just the 'temple' in it. "This is the Washington D.C. temple, but it's in Maryland because they can't have any buildin' taller than the capital buildin' in D.C. Well, 'cept for the Washington Memorial, but that's a memorial, so it's different." He shrugged.

I nodded, studying it, still not sure what it was. "We go ta do baptism a lot with whatever ward we're in, and usually the family comes along." He pointed to the picture of his parents wedding. "My parents got sealed in the Palmyra temple in New York. Getting sealed is a big thing for us; it means your family can be together in heaven forever. So when they got sealed to each other, they also sealed all of their future children to them."

I nodded, finding one when Josh was younger. "If ya like, we can go sometime. We couldn't go inside, but we could go inta the visitor's center. The missionaries would know so much more than me."

I shrugged, turning back to him. "C'mon, let's go." He lightly touched my waist and I followed him out of the hallway/dining room, and out the back door. The wind immediately whipped my hair around my face, blowing harder than it had been earlier. It whistled in my ears. The first thing I saw was green; green pastures with green trees in the background. A white wooden fence told the outline of the pasture, which held three huge horses. A large red barn overlooked the paddocks, only a few feet away from the house. I looked at Josh, but before I knew it, he was headed towards the barn. I scurried after him, glancing around.

The barn stunk of horses, but it was to be expected. I froze momentarily when I suddenly saw a man in the back of the stable, mucking it out. He stood and looked our way as soon as Josh came in. I almost gasped; he looked almost exactly like Josh, or well, Josh looked like him. He had the same chestnut brown hair, only bit shorter and his eyes weren't as bright. "Hey, Dad." Josh said, going to the back of the barn with his father and pulling down two bridles. "Can I take the horses out?"

His father glanced at me, and then his gaze turned back to his son with a smirk on his face. "Sure, but you need to feed Anthem first."

Josh sighed. "Alright." He beckoned me over, looking in the stall right next to the one his father was cleaning out. Hesitantly, I went over to him just as a little white foal threw its head over the stall door. "This is Anthem. He's a grey shire colt. Did you want to feed him while I go get our horses?"

I nodded slowly, reaching my hand out to stroke his nose. His coat was a grey/white and his mane was a little lighter. His eyes were big and dark, just like any other horse. Josh abruptly handed me a bottle of milk to me. "Here ya go. He should take it in an instant. Just hold on tight." He winked and walked out with the bridles in his hands.

Hm… how do I do this? Anthem was going wild, stomping his feet and tossing his head around. I offered the bottle to him and he immediately grabbed it in his mouth and began wolfing it down. He almost ripped the bottle out of my hand, but I tightened my grip on it.

"So you're Danny, hm?" a voice cut into my thoughts, making me look up at him. I smiled shyly and nodded.

"And you really don't talk?" he asked, paying attention to the stall and not to me. "Hm…I thought he was just exaggerating."

I shrugged, but I don't think he saw. Anthem was sucking on air, so I pulled it away from him and stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do with the bottle, until Josh came back in, two sets of hooves clonking on the floor behind him. He had two horses flanking him, one about two hands taller than the other. It was the exact same color as Anthem, and it had hair covering its hooves. It tried to push by Josh towards me and Anthem, but Josh held it back. The other was shorter and thinner; obviously a different kind of horse. It was a creamy white with light coffee colored spots all around its coat. It had a small spot around its ear; which one was a brown and one was the same white.

"This is America," he said, rattling the bigger horse's reins, "She's Anthem's mother, so I'm gonna let 'em be together while I get him ready. Can ya open the door?" he nodded towards Anthem's stall.

I bit my lip, staring at him for a minute before slowly opening the door. America shot into it, and I shut the door after her. The mother and son nuzzled each other in welcome. I looked back up at Josh, who was smiling at me. "Good. Alright, so this is Beany Baby—he's Hanna's horse, can ya tell?" Josh patted the horse's nose, which had hardly made a sound the whole time. "Here, do ya mind holding his reins while I get the saddle?" he pushed the reins into my hand, and the horse took a step towards me. Leaning his nose in, he calmly sniffed my shoulder and moved to my hair. Tentatively, I rubbed his neck, and he seemed to like that because he snorted, flicked his ears and flipped his tail. He lifted his head and watched Josh as he came and set the saddle on the horse's back, tightening it around his stomach. The horse hardly noticed, and went back to sniffing me, nuzzling my hand that still held the bottle. Suddenly, Josh took the bottle from my hand and replaced it with something else. I brought my hand up closer to me so that I could open and see what it was before Beany Baby would get it.

Sugar cubes. It was sugar cubes. "You feed those to him, and he'll love you forever." Josh said as he walked behind me to get America from the stall. So I held out my hand to him and opened it and offered up the sugar. His lips tickled my hand as he ate them, and when he finished, he sniffed around for more.

Before I knew it, Josh had both the horses saddled and ready to go. "Have you ever ridden a horse before?" Josh asked as we led the two out of the barn. My horse, Beany Baby, walked easily behind me, and I could probably drop the reins and he'd still follow me. I shook my head as Josh pushed America away; she had been chewing on his hair.

"Well, BB's a good horse to learn on. Do you have any idea how ta ride?" he asked as he pushed her away again when she was sniffing the hem of his shirt. "America, would you quit?!" he groaned.

He stopped and went to America's side, hauling himself into the saddle. "I wanna show you the basics, so just watch me a minute." He kicked her sides and she walked forwards. "You gotta kick 'em to get 'em started, and turnin's pretty easy; you just pull their reins the way you wanna go." He pulled the reins to the left, and America turned left, and when he pulled right, she did also. "And pulling on the reins slightly will get them to stop, and if you keep pulling she'll go backwards." He pulled back on the reins, and America tossed her head, but backed up. "Never stand up on the saddle; you just sit in it." He swung his leg back over and fell softly to the ground.

"That's about all you need to know." he walked over and grabbed the reins from me. "Grab this thing right here," he tapped the saddle horn, "and put your foot into the stirrup and kinda just jump up." So I put my foot into the stirrup and pulled myself up; I could feel Josh's hand lightly touching my waist. I settled myself in the saddle and slipped my other foot in the opposite stirrup. Josh handed me the reins and smiled at me and then got back up on America.

"You gotta kick 'em hard. Don't worry, it won't hurt 'em, I promise." I gulped and nodded as I gripped the reins. I dug the heels of my shoe into the horses side not too hard, but not soft either. Luckily, Beany Baby got the idea and set off at a calmly walk. Josh did the same thing and soon we were heading towards a trail into the forest.

"You probably have no idea what just happened in there, do you? With Cormac's mission call?" Josh asked as he leaned back in the saddle, looking so comfortable. I tried to relax as he did. I found that he was looking at me, expecting an answer. I shrugged, but shook my head.

He smiled and looked up at the sky. "In our church, the young men are encouraged to serve a mission when they're nineteen for two years. The missionaries go out to their assigned area and teach the gospel ta those who're willing. There's a whole lot more ta it than that, though." I nodded, looking at him with a question in my eyes.

"I'll serve a mission after I graduate high school and go to college for a year. I'm hoping to go outta the country, but it doesn't really matter ta me. Wherever they need me, I'll go. 'I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.' Ah, seminary, ya gotta love it."

I stared at him for a while, wondering how he could remember that off the top of his head. He sighed, smiling and shaking his head. "Seminary is like Sunday school, but in the early morning. We study the scriptures every morning, and they have things called scripture mastery's, which are the really important scriptures, and we're told to memorize them and where they are. That one's 1 Nephi 7:3 I think."

In my house, we never even had a Bible enter the house, let alone be able to read it. I knew very little things of the Christen religion, but I knew the basics. So I had no idea that the verse he was talking about wasn't in the Bible. "We're studying the New Testament this year. The Book of Mormon was my freshman year, so I didn't think I'd remember it, but I guess some things just stick with you."

I stared at him, blinking. "You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?" I shook my head, confused. "Not even the Bible? Please tell me you know about the Holy Bible and Jesus Christ."

I smiled shyly and shrugged, biting my lip. He smirked, his eyes lighting up. "Then I guess you'll just have to come to church with us on Sunday." He winked.

I bit my lips again, shrugging. I'm sure my father wouldn't allow me to go to church, but I wanted to. I wanted to know more about Josh, and learning about his religion could be a good thing.

All of a sudden, a movement caught my eye and I looked up; a branch was coming loose from the trunk of a tree, right in Josh's path. It looked as though it was just about to fall.

Right when Josh and America would be standing under it. I had no choice; I had to warn him, or he could be seriously injured, and so would America. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I was terrified. I hadn't uttered a word for two years. Two years. And now I was about to break that for this guy I supposedly wanted to avoid. But I wasn't going to let a branch fall on him. I glanced up at it; it was on its last strand, and still breaking. "Josh!" the words slipped from my mouth flawlessly.

I pulled on BB's reins to get him to stop as Josh turned to look at me, his mouth parted in surprise. "The branch." I said, pointing urgently at it. He followed my finger and pulled on America's reins, getting her to back up just as the branch fell. The horses startled and backed up further, tossing their heads and snorting. Beany Baby calmed first, but Josh had to stroke America's neck for her to calm down.

He turned in the saddle to look at me. "You talked," he stated in complete surprise.

I smiled, blushing deeply, and shrugged. "I couldn't have you dying on me, now could I?" I said softly, staring at a flip in the horse's mane and trying to fix it, trying to occupy myself so I wouldn't have to look at him and his startling eyes. My heart was thundering in my chest, and I vaguely wondered if he could hear it. And when I finally looked up at him, it did a little flip as I saw him right at home in that saddle. It was almost as if he had been riding before he could walk.

His eyes narrowed in amazement. "No, I guess not." He glanced ahead of us, breaking our eye contact and snapping me out of a trance; I was getting lost in his eyes. The pair began moving again, and we followed as he continued down the trail with America jumping over the branch. "Well? Do you like it? Horse riding, I mean." He asked, glancing at me.

I shrugged. "Yea, I guess." I could hardly get my voice above a whisper, but he heard me all the same.

His gaze lingered on me for a little longer than necessary. "I just can't get over that you're speaking to me."

"Do you not want me to?" my heart constricted, and I stared at my hands on the reins.

"No! It's not that, but just a second ago, you weren't speaking, and now you are, it's just… wow, ya know?"

I shrugged, staring off into the woods. The wind was calming, but not that much. "So if I did go to church with you—which I'm not saying I can, because my father's very…strict," the lie slipped from my mouth with difficultly, "what would happen? What's church like?"

"You've never been to church?" he asked in amazement.

I shook my head. "No, my father doesn't believe in anything like that."

He stared at me in shock. "Well… um… we have sacrament first, which is where the priesthood serves bread and water symbolizing the body and blood of Christ, and where people give talks on certain subjects, and then we have Sunday school where our teacher, Sister Moore, teaches us about the scriptures; kinda like seminary, but it's different. And then we have another class that separates girls and guys. You would go to young women's with Coffeeblue and Iya. You know—if you come."

"I'd like to," I whispered, wondering how he could hear me. "But it's not like I can ask him or anything."

"Yes you can," Josh insisted. "You can talk to him. I'm sure your family'll love for you ta talk again."

I couldn't help but scoff, shaking my head. "Yea, right. It's so much easier not to talk."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because I can't get in trouble for talking back, or being sarcastic. And in my house, getting in trouble…it's big thing." I looked away so he could see the hurt in my eyes as I lowered my voice at the end, almost where I couldn't even hear it.

"You can't live your whole life in silence."

If my life keeps going the way it is, then I hardly have any time left. I stayed silent, not sure what to say. I could, and I did, and I could do it again if I wanted.

I didn't even know why I was talking to him right now.

My first conversation in years, and it wasn't going so well. "Josh, why'd you move here?" I asked suddenly to change the subject.

He looked at me, smirking. "Why, you wishing I would go back?" the corner of his mouth picked up.

I blushed slightly, shaking my head. He chuckled, smiling. "We came from a small town in Kentucky not far from Lexington."

"Why? Why would you want to move here, in the middle of nowhere?" I scoffed again, rolling my eyes.

"It was a small town with a lot of trees, and the whole reason we left was because they were cutting down all of the trees." Why do they care about trees? I thought, but I didn't question it.

"How did you find the place?" a smile tugged at my mouth.

"A lot of driving," his eyebrows rose as he rolled his eyes. "Follow me; I know the perfect place to go." He gave America another kick and she sped up to a trot, going in front of me and BB, taking a trail to the right that was obviously not used as often. I pulled his reins to the right and he turned after the pair, speeding up even when I didn't kick him. I followed Josh, staying silent and looking around. Squirrels bounced from tree to tree and scurried around on the ground. A couple of deer spotted us and disappeared in the foliage.

"Here," Josh said as he jumped off America without even stopping. "I love this place. I found it when Anthem decided to run off. It's so beautiful." He grabbed his horse's reins and led her over to a creek at the edge of the forest. He glanced back at me as he tied them to a low-lying branch leaning over the water. Immediately, America dipped her head and began drinking. I stopped the horse and slid off, grabbing the reins and also led him over to the water.

Josh stood to the side with his hands in his pockets. "Do you wanna start a fire?" the side of his mouth picked up in a grin.

My eyes widened and I blinked at him. "A fire? You know how to make a fire?"

He shrugged. "Well, yea, I learned in Boy Scouts. Some of 'em even called me Ashes. It's a dumb nickname, but we were like 12." He scoffed, turning around. "We need to find some kindling; some dry leaves and twigs. I think I brought some matches; usually they're in their saddles."

"Well… alright…" I said, and rummaged through the woods for some twigs. "Where do I put them?" my voice was so low, I had no idea how he heard me, but he did.

"Put 'em near that clear spot right over there." He answered, pointing to it. I set my two handfuls of the stuff right next to it. Soon, he crouched next to me with an armful of twigs. He set it down and took a couple of twigs and set them in a tipi shape, stuffing the inside with dead leaves. He got up and went to the horses, digging in the saddle pouches and pulling out a box of matches. "Ha! Told you." He said, smirking.

He crouched down deadly close to me, close enough that our skin brushed together and lite a match, poking the flame into the dead leaves. They caught on fire almost immediately, licking up at the twigs and burning them. He kept stuffing more dead leaves in it and adding more twigs to the structure. He leaned back on his elbows, sighing contently. "I thought we'd stay here until dinner. Shouldn't be too long, but my house is so loud. Levi and Hanna are probably fighting over something stupid right now."

Hesitantly, I lay down next to him, staring at the fire. "They're cute; especially Hanna."

He smiled. "Definitely," he agreed.

"Is she your little sister? Are there anymore of you guys?" I smiled shyly, glancing up at him, at the ground, and then back up at him.

He lay fully on the ground with his hands behind his head and closed his eyes, smiling. "No, not yet. That's all of us."

My chest swelled as I studied him, his skin glowing in the light of the fire, and his hair a little longer than when he had first come. I loved the way his t-shirt framed his chest, and the next thing I knew, I found myself lying down on his chest and closing my eyes. I felt him take a deep breath and wrap his arm around my shoulders. For a second, everything was amazing; my life was perfect, in that small second.

But in the next second, I remembered that I wasn't. I wasn't good enough for him; not good enough for anyone. I had grown up hearing that. "You're worthless! I wish you had never have been born! No one even likes you, why are you still here? You'll never be good enough for anyone." I flinched involuntarily and clutched a handful of his shirt in my hand. And they were right. I wasn't; I never had been, and I never will be. Especially now. Now no one will want me. I'm ruined, and no one buys broken junk. He needed someone else. He might not know it now, but he'll wish he'd never met me. His whole family will hate me; I know it. I hate myself. I hate what's happened to me, and the family I was put with. What did I ever do to them? Why do they hate me so much? I just didn't understand.

What did I do?

Josh propped himself up on his elbow. "Danny…" he breathed, making me look up into his remarkable eyes. I lifted my head up as he reached his hand over to brush his fingers across my cheek. I blinked up at him, confused by the tingling and the shiver running down my spine. It felt…good…almost like…I belonged there. In his arms, with his mouth claiming mine.

Then, suddenly, my eyes focused again, finding Josh leaning in towards me. No. No. I wasn't ready for this. He couldn't kiss me; I wouldn't drag him into my messed up life. It wasn't right, and he didn't need this. I wasn't right, and he didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to be pulled into my life; he didn't need this.

"Josh, I—I can't." I stuttered, pulling back when his lips were inches from mine.

Josh furrowed his eyebrows, sitting up along with me. "What? What did I do?" his eyes were so soft and understanding, that I didn't want to put him down. But I knew I had to. It would be best for him, I knew it.

"I—I don't d—deserve you. I—I'm n—not gu—good enough f—or you." I said, staring at the dirt with my hands trembling. My mind was going back without my permission, and I was there again without wanting to be.

"Of course you are. What are you talking about?" he reached his hand over to place over mine.

I stood up quickly, muttering, "I—I gotta gu—go." I pushed my bangs behind my ear and rushed over to my horse.

"Danny! Wait!" Josh called after me as I untied Beany Baby's reins and hauled myself up on the saddle. Briefly, I made eye contact with him as I turned the horse around and kicked him slightly. He started off almost like me could detect my mood. I didn't look back, but I knew that Josh was not far behind me. He would understand eventually; I knew that. That was the kind of guy he was. He was very understanding, and he was very smart. Sooner or later he'd realize that he didn't want me, and I wasn't worth all the trouble. I didn't want to be there when he realized it.

I couldn't handle being hurt again.