Disclaimer: I own a dog

Disclaimer: I own a dog. I don't own Twilight. Or Parental Control. Or 'I'm Too Sexy'.

Author's Note: So, my sister and I were watching NEXT and this what happened…

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A loud, deep voice came from the speakers of the Swan's T.V.. Bella stopped and sat down on the couch. It was on. Again. This was the fifteenth time it had run the re-run this week.

"This is Bella." The announcer introduced her, while pictures of her smiling and spinning around appeared. "She's eighteen and her parent's pride and joy. But there's on thing her parent don't like…"

A paused and then a Charlie, Renee and Phil appeared.

"Her lowlife, though extremely attractive, boyfriend, Edward." Charlie finished the announcer's statement.

Renee and Phil both gave thumbs down and said. "Eww…"

But before the scene changed Phil did get in one parting statement. "Though, as Charlie said, he is quite sexy. I would like to d-" The scene cut out, but you still see Renee smack Phil upside the head.

"This is Edward." A clip of Edward biting a deer came up. Quickly he tossed the deer off to the side, smiling with blood running down his chin onto his white shirt. He noticed his appearance in the camera, and with a laugh he smudged the blood from his lips and chin.

"He and Bella have been together for a year, but her parents don't approve. So we've set up for Bella to go on two blind dates handpicked by her parents. And in the end, she'll have to choose whether she'll stay with Edward." The clip of Bella and Edward that was playing during this narration, the camera did a close up on Bella's face as he spoke the last part. She mouth out 'duh.'.

"If you feel bad for Bella. Think of how Edward's going to feel as he watches the dates with her parents."

"I'm not too worried." Edward said confidently, when he was supposed to be posing with Bella.

"Bella, get ready for some Parental Control. Now, let's see the possible daters."

The Bella and Edward scene switched to Phil, Charlie and Renee sitting on a red couch waiting for the first dater. The boy, almost man, walked in.

"Hi, I'm Mike Newton!" He reached out his hand. The three all shook it. "I'm so excited that I get a chance to learn your weakness before I kidnap Bella and hold her hostage away from Edward and her family!" He smiled.

"Interesting…" Charlie stroked his chin. "Kidnapping…very romantic. I like you already."

"So, do you have any talents, hobbies or anything?" Phil asked.

"Yes!" He stood up and did a front flip. "I'm head cheerleader-I mean- I'm head manleader!"

"What's the difference?" Phil raised an eyebrow.

"Well, cheerleaders cheer. We, manleaders, which is masculine, we don't cheer, we uplift with dance moves!"

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"No."

The scene changed to the next possible dater.

Two people walked instead of one. One was in a wheelchair and the other was pushing from behind.

"Hi, Billy, Jake." Charlie greeted. "What are you both doing here?"

"Coming to date your daughter, duh." Jacob smacked his forehead. "I heard that you guys didn't like Edward, so I thought I'd come and charm her with my italics."

"Oooo…I love man that came speak in multiple fonts." Renee licked her lip seductively.

"No." Charlie shook his head. "Italics aren't impressive at all. Now if you could talk in Wingdings, then you might have a chance. Anyway, I wanted to know why you're both here. Only one of you can date my daughter."

"We're a packaged deal." Billy spoke up. "You date one, you date the other."

"I'm not sure it's legal for you, Billy, to date my daughter. But who cares, this is scripted real life drama anyway!" Charlie gave them a thumbs up.

Another scene change and the next dater walked in.

"Hello. I'm Jasper Cullen." He smiled winking at Phil. Phil blushed. "Sorry, there's something in my eye." He rubbed it. "Darn contacts. Making me wink at old men." Jasper whispered so they couldn't hear.

"You're Edward's brother, correct?" Charlie asked. Jasper nodded. "So, why should I let you date my daughter?"

"Date? Oh crap. I thought this was ate my daughter. I starved myself for nothing!" He sighed. "Now, I'm going to go attack the Newton boy…but he is delicious. Bye." Jasper left.

Leaving the parents to look confused at one another.

New scene and a new dater appeared.

"Hello." Sam said quickly as he walked in. He looked terribly uncomfortable and nervous. "So-so-so, I what do you want?"

"Umm…Sam?" Charlie seemed concerned. "You signed up voluntarily for this. We didn't want to see you. And aren't you engaged?"

"Oh, I see. It was them and that woman who refuses to leave me alone. The one at my house…that girl that thinks I'm obsessed with her. When truthfully I've been trying to get rid of her. They're out to get me!"

"Sam…maybe Bella was right. You have some serious issues. I'm going to call a shrink and he's going to take you to a nice padded room. Where you can-"

"NO! WHERE'S MY LUCKY PAPERCLIP? DANG IT! EMBRY STOLE IT AGAIN! NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? I'M UNLUCKY. THEY WANT THE EVIL COOKIE ELVES TO GET ME!"

"You a bit more than unlucky…SERCURITY!" Charlie called and they took Sam away to the nice safe room.

As he was escorted out, his faint cry was heard. "AHH! EVIL COOKIE ELF!"

"Crap." Mike's voice was muffled as he was tackled.

The final dater came through the door. He strutted through the door with total confidence.

"Hey," Harry Clearwater entered.

"Aren't you dead?" Charlie asked, complete un-phased that he was speaking to a dead guy.

"Maybe…but your daughter already dates dead guys, so I'm perfect!" He smiled. "And I can cook fish!"

"That's it! You win!" Phil stood to shake the man's hand, but Renee grabbed him.

"No, we've got to finish the rest of this totally scripted true life show. Even though we all know Edward wins." Renee scolded.

The scene cut out to the parents making their decisions.

"Him." Renee pointed.

"And I choose him." Charlie pointed. They shook hands.

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The next day, Bella was preparing for her dates.

"Bella, make Jake cry." Edward commanded.

"I'm going a date with Jake?" Bella looked surprised.

"And Billy. I read ahead in the script. Oh yeah, when Jake asks what you kind of chap stick you're wearing, kick him in the shin and kiss Billy."

"Ok." She smiled.

"Here's my pick, Bella." Charlie opened the door revealing, as Edward predicted, Jake and Billy.

"Hi, Bella. Let's go." Jake walked over and took her arm.

"Don't touch my girlfriend." Edward sneered.

"Oh well…" Jake squinted his eyes. "I can't read my line…can you read it, Bella?"

"Sure." She looked over to Edward. "Ha, loser. Big words huh, Jake?"

"Yeah, I know!"

They left. Leaving Edward with the parents.

"Let's watch." Renee hit the remote.

The T.V. showed a picture of Jake, Bella and Billy dancing to 'I'm Too Sexy'.

"Oh dang, he is too sexy." Edward commented.

"Jealous?" Charlie asked.

"No."

The date flew by, because Jacob and Billy's idea of fun included the following: watching grass grow, watching paint dry, hopping for three steps, reciting the national anthem, and constructing a full scale pyramid. And finally it reached Edward's favorite line.

"Bella, what kind of chap stick are you wearing?" Jake asked.

"Cherry." She leaned over and kissed Billy.

"Wow, that wasn't in the script!" Jake paused. "But I liked it!"

Soon, Bella returned home.

"So, how was that?" Edward asked.

"Good." Bella sighed. "Who's next?"

"Harry Clearwater."

"He's dea-"

"Hello, Bella." Harry walked in and took her by the hand and kissed it. "You've grown up."

"Ummm…excuse me, sir. I believe you're dead. And I don't date dea- Oh wait, scratch that." She bit her lip and roundhouse kicked him in the face. "Eww..cooties." She ran off to her room to decide whom she wanted to date.

"Who will Bella choose? Her boyfriend, Edward or one of the guys her parents picked?"

"It's so difficult! How do I make this more dramatic? The script clearly states I pick Edward." Bella complained and soon enough. "I think I've chosen."

She walked down stairs to find Edward in between Harry and Jacob and Billy.

"I had a great time with all of you." Bella looked at each one. "But I can only choose one." She took a breath. "Harry. Though I like dead guys. You're too dead for me. Sorry."

"You know what, Bella? Fine, it's over!" Harry left, but he spoke to the camera as he did. "She doesn't know what she's missing…it's pitifully." He grunted. "I need to go cook a fish." His angel wings sprung from his back and he flew away.

Bella took another deep breath. Create drama. "I've made my decision and they guy I choose is…" DRAMA. DRAMA. AND MORE. DRAMA! "Billy." The entire group gasped.

"Yes! Take that!" He pointed to Jake and Edward.

"I decided to throw away the script and do this right. Billy was a better kisser than both of you, so…see you!" She waved.

"Oh, yeah that's right. Leave!" Charlie ran after Jake and Edward, making sure they left.

"Umm…that was weird…"Edward looked at Jake.

"No, that wasn't weird…" Jake mumbled.

"Bye, Jakers! My little step-son!" Bella waved out the door.

Edward and Jacob looked at each other and shivered. "That was weird." DRAMA!

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Author's Note: That was long! Lol! But fun to write! Hope you enjoyed! And thanks again for all the reviews and such! :D