Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight
Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight. Or Ricky Martin or his songs. Or Chuck E. Cheese. Or Wal-Mart. Or Ben 10. Or Shake Boy and Lava Girl. Or Demi Lovato.
Author's Note: Just a notice: school for us is going to be starting in little over a week, so our updates might not be as fast depending on how much homework we are given (I'm taking two AP classes, so I'm going to guess I'm going to have a fair amount of work). And also, what's going on with our cross-country schedule will affect our updates. Just thought we'd let you know.
B.D. (Barbie Doll, oh I mean…Breaking Dawn.) spoilers!
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Carlisle was sitting at the kitchen table pouring over his family albums. All the memories were so close to him.
The first time he and Edward had gone out for a hunt. The picture was in front of him.
Edward got a mountain lion on his first try, and so Carlisle just had to take a picture of him posing with the dead animal carcass. Edward's mouth dripping from the fresh blood, his red stained teeth in the form of a grin, his clothes muddy from tackling the animal…but if you ignored all that, it was a beautiful picture.
The time Esme and Carlisle had baked a cake for Emmett's first vampire birthday. They substituted the milk with type AB blood, the sugar with type B blood, and the eggs with type A blood. And they threw in an each sprinkle of type O for taste. It was the best, sort your birthday, cake anyone had ever eaten. The Cullens could only eat it because it was just a tube of blood sitting on table with a candle floating at the top.
Another picture, Jasper and Emmett basket weaving. They fell in love with basket weaving after they had watched the do it yourself channel.
The next picture was of Alice and Rosalie when they went backstage and met Ricky Martin. Those girls were 'Livin' La Vida Loca'.
There was Edward and Bella doing the bump. The picture had been taken when the Cullens invited the wolf pack over for a house party. And somehow, Mike ended up there and in the punch bowl. Leading Jasper and Emmett to get down with their bad selves.
Then weirder than all the humans appearing, someone called the Volturi and they concluded the house party by first nibbling on Eric, and then declaring a 'no vampire house party' rule. This broke Alice's heart so much she went straight to Italy and overthrew the Volturi herself. And since then, Alice has been the queen of the vampires.
Carlisle's eyes found the next photo, him and Rosalie after he had just bit her and she was writhing in pain.
Oh, what a gorgeous shot. Carlisle thought, as he stared at his smiling frozen face in the picture. Rosalie was next to him clawing at his arm, her mouth open letting out a screech. Edward was nice enough to capture this moment, like Carlisle had capture this same kind of moment with him.
Finally, Carlisle looked at the last picture. It was him, Esme and Renesmee with Jake hovering the background like a mad mother waiting to take her child to soccer practice.
He looked over the happy faces (well, except for Jacob, who kind looked it a panther or a dug beetle, Carlisle wasn't really sure). He stopped on his wife, her smiling eyes, and lovely face.
Then slowly he moved to his granddaughter…and that's when it hit him like a homing missile targeted for the Cullen house, because someone figured out that Alice was the queen of the vampires and they didn't like that. So they decided they were going to nuke the Cullen home before they could overthrow the world. Thus saving the world from a certain doom that would have been brought on by the Cullens. And in conclusion, Emmett saved the world. Got it?
He, Carlisle Cullen, was OLD.
Not just like old in regular Times New Roman; Edward was that kind of old. Still young enough to have the word in lower case. No, Carlisle was old as in caps lock and italics.
Well, at least he wasn't OLD like Aro. His kind of old was with a b with an old at the end, italicized and caps lock.
And he was extremely grateful he wasn't OLD , that was just awfully old.
Carlisle began to grieve. He was too gorgeous to be this OLD! He'd even take Jasper's old.
Edward, the old man, walked in at that moment, "What's up, Carlisle?" He was holding Renesmee in his arms.
"I'm OLD." He moaned, glancing up to see the baby. "She made me OLD!" He accused while pointing at Renesmee.
"Umm…Carlisle, you are old. You're about three hundred years old." Edward rocked Renesmee. "Nessie had nothing to do with that."
"Yes she did! I'm having my mid-life crisis because of her!"
"Carlisle, you can't have a mid-life crisis…you're going to live forever, thus you will never be at mid-life."
As Carlisle and Edward conversed, Renesmee had grown five feet and was standing on her own two legs.
She jumped in. "God, Gramps. Get over yourself." She looked at Edward. "You too, Ed."
"Renesmee, be nice." Edward patted her on the head.
"God, Dad. You're messing up my perfect hair that can't actually be messed up, because I'm just too perfect for that. What's wrong with you?"
Edward rolled his eyes. "Renesmee, can't you see your grandfather is having a very hard time with his kids and grandkids growing up?"
"Who's growing?" She shook her head. "You know, I don't care. God, I hate this freaking family…Oh yeah, Ed. Jake and I are getting married in Vegas tomorrow and then I'm going to live out my dream as a stripper. See ya." She waved and left to go make-out with Jake.
Carlisle watched her leave. "NOOOOO! She's all grown up. It seems like yesterday she was just born."
"That was yesterday." Edward was contemplating going to stop his daughter from marring Jake and becoming a stripper, but she was too perfect, so nothing would go wrong. So in the end, Edward just stayed with the OLD Carlisle.
"I've got to do young things!" Carlisle stood, grabbing Edward. "Let's go, you old man!" They ran out the door.
First off they stopped at Chuck E. Cheese, and played in the play tunnels until a couple of first graders called Carlisle a booger. The two-some left very hurt.
Next stop was Wal-Mart to play in the toy isle. They ran into the isle only to find Emmett and Jasper already playing with all the Ben 10 toys.
"Hey, guys!" Carlisle yelled as they jumped into the pile of toys with Emmett and Jasper.
They played with the pogo sticks, rode bikes, watched Shark Boy and Lava Girl and laughed through the part were Shark Boy sings.
"What's this?" Emmett held up a baby doll.
"It's a baby doll." Edward walked over to examine it. "It's actually a Cuddly, Sweet, Soft, Pinky, Lovely Baby Doll. The exact kind Renesmee wanted!" He realized. "I'll buy it for her wedding gift!"
At that moment, a group of three-years-old stood at the end of the isle, all glaring at Emmett and the doll in his hands.
"He's got the last Cuddly, Sweet, Soft, Pinky, Lovely Baby Doll." The girls growled. "GET THEM!"
The three-year-olds pounced on the group. Emmett dropped the doll. "Jasper!" He yelled. "Use your deliciously awesome power to get the kids to maul each other!"
"Good idea." Jasper spun around. "Calm down." The toddler fell to the floor like at nap time. "Now, you are all angry at her." He pointed to the girl who started the attack.
The girls woke up and tackled their former leader. "No!" She screamed.
It was then that they noticed Edward at the check out with the doll. He went back to rescue it for his baby girl.
"GET THEM!" The leader screeched. And suddenly the little girls Jasper had just made angrier, were mangling the Cullen boys.
They finally escaped. Edward had lost the doll and he was heart broken.
What would he give to his daughter who was now pregnant with Jacob's babies at this point? She just aged so fast. That what started out as a Vegas wedding tomorrow, ended up as wedding the same morning she had announced it. And that afternoon she was three months pregnant.
"I'm still OLD!" Carlisle cried. "What do young people do these days?"
His sons looked at one another.
"Let's go make you young, Carlisle." Edward took his hand. "They way everyone gets young these days."
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Three days and fourteen plastic surgeries (A/N: Yeah, plastic surgery wouldn't actually work on him, but that's how people stay young these days it seems….) later, Carlisle was ready for his big reveal.
The whole family, minus Bella who was shopping for baby clothes for her new grandchildren that were born yesterday, waited anxiously and suddenly, he appeared.
And much to their dismay, he looked like Demi Lovato.
"I told them to make me look like the youngest and hippest person on T.V.." Carlisle smiled modeling. "I rock. This is me." He smiled.
Bella came through the front door without knocking as always. She saw Carlisle. "OH MY GOD! DEMI IS OUT TO GET ME AGAIN! Edward, use your old-ness to protect me!" She hid behind him. He rolled his eyes.
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Author's Note: I kind of mixed to people's requests together…I hope you don't mind. Anyway this was for both TheVampireWithTheGoldenEyes, for Carlisle's mid-life crisis and EdwardCullensLuckyBite, for the rabid toddlers. Hope you both enjoyed! :D
OH YEAH, I meant to say this like two chapters ago...THANK YOU GUYS! WE BROKE 1000 REVIEWS! Oh my Carlisle Cullen, thank you all so much! I love you! (Yay, I finally proclaimed my love for you guys! lol! XD). THANKS so much for all the support and everything else. You guys, seriously ROCK beyond all belief! You all get imaginary hugs! (hugs reviewers, favoriters, and readers!) THANKS!