Disclamer: Ha ha…clams…Oh right

Disclamer: Ha ha…clams…Oh right. Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Or New York Times Best Seller List. Or Saving Private Ryan. Or The Hills. OR Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer. Or Newberry Award.

Author's Note: In honor of our first cross-country meet of the season tomorrow, I've decided to write something that somehow, someway relates to a cross-country story we have…

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Edward scoured the woodlands looking for his next prey. He could hear a deer not too far from where he was now located. He smelled the air, inhaling the scent.

"Northwest." He sniffed again. "Emmett?" Edward took off in the way of the deer.

Emmett was supposed to be at home with writing his autobiography; entitled, 'Emmett McCarthy Cullen: A True American Man'. Alice had had a vision and he was going to top the New York Times Best Seller List, knocking Reconstructing Dusk to number twelve thousand nine hundred and four-seven.

Edward arrived at the spot where the deer's scent ended. He glanced about the area, sensing Emmett's near presence.

"Emmett?" He called.

It was then that Emmett appeared out of the trees jogging. "Hi, Edward!" He waved.

"Umm…aren't supposed to writing a autobiography?"

"Yup, but I needed more action. So…I enlisted Jacob here." Emmett reached behind a tree and pulled Jacob out, who looked incredibly confused.

"This is not my parent!" Jacob pointed at Emmett and ran towards Edward. "You are –he he italics- not my parent either!" He cried.

"No, Jacob. Nor would I want to be." Edward looked over at Emmett. "What are you doing?"

"Adding action." He skipped over and took Jacob by the arm. Jacob whimpered as Emmett pulled him back away from Edward. 'Help me.', he mouth in the process. "Jacob and I were just about to reenact the opening scene from Saving Private Ryan." Emmett smiled.

"You're going to reenact a war scene that is on a beach with hundreds of people with just you, Jacob and a forest?" Edward raised an eyebrow.

"No, silly." Emmett laughed. "I brought people. More people, come out." Embry stepped out.

"Oh, now that's war." Edward rolled his eyes.

"Well, Embry's not actually going to be fighting. He's just a corpse." Embry nodded and fell to the ground. "Jacob and I are going to go save Private Ryan, right?" He turned to Jacob, who was on his knees mouthing out pleas to Edward to save him.

'Please, please, please. Edward, please. Please….' Jacob mouthed. "I mean, yes. Let's save a fictional movie character." He smiled. 'Please.'

"Oh well have fun." Edward began to walk away.

Suddenly, the deer Edward had been tracking ran out, plowing over Emmett in the process, knocking him to the ground.

"QUICK! WHILE HE'S DOWN!" Jacob ran over and grabbed Embry and they fled for the Hills.

"Emmett? Emmett? Are you alright?" Edward was leaning over him. Technically, Emmett should have been stronger than the deer and should have knocked it over, but due to the fact that logic doesn't really matter in the story, it knocked him over.

"What happened?" Emmett stood up.

"I can tell you in song…" Edward pulled a guitar out of nowhere and began to sing and commonly known song with a twist.(A/N: To the song: Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer by Less Than Jake (this one doesn't really match)) "Emmett got ran over by a deer. Walking around the forest at nearly eve. You can say there's no such thing as random deer attacks. But as me for me and Jacob and Embry, we believe."

"Wow, Edward. Your parodies are usually go pretty well with the actually rhythm of the song, but that was just horrible."

Edward shrugged. "Just made it up."

"So, what do we do now?" Emmett looked around, noticing a book on the ground. He picked it up and read the cover. " 'Jacob Black: For the Love Italics'…aww…Jake already wrote a autobiography. And it says it a Newberry Award winner and New York Times Best Seller List. Dang. I give up. My ten minutes are going to be up in four seconds anyway. Let's go home."

Edward nodded and the two left.

--

"Ha, ha! We made it to the Hills!" Jacob laughed. "This is great. Right, Embry?" Embry was staring blankly at a girl named Lauren Conrad. It was like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time.

"I have to talk to her." Embry walked over like a zombie.

"OH NO, EMBRY! YOU JUST IMPRINTED, DIDN'T YOU?" Jacob pulled his mirror out and looked at himself. "You're still prettier." He glanced up at the lovesick Embry.

Embry was now standing right next to Lauren. "I love you."

"Huh?" Lauren pulled out her script. "That's not in the script….I mean. I don't know you. Eww…gross." She tried to shoo him with her hands.

He sat down next to her grinning like a stalker. "You can spurn my affection as much as you like. I'll always love you." He looked loving at her.

"Seriously." She looked around. "Heidi, does it say some lovesick stalker sits and looks all creepy at Lauren?" Heidi shook her head. "Please, go away. You're not in the script."

"I can re-write the script. So that we're best friends." He grinned, taking Lauren's and Heidi's scripts. He scribbled 'Embry and Lauren are best friends'.

The girls took their scripts back. "Oh," Lauren pointed. "It says were best friends. Since the script hasn't been wrong before I guess we are." She hugged him.

--

Author's Note: Oh the Hills. I've only watched like three episodes…my friend was trying to convince me it wasn't scripted. Umm…yeah.

Oh yes, and the whole being hit by a deer thing actually happened. A junior high runner got ran over by a deer. I felt bad for the poor kid…Though it was so funny! Lol!