10/5/09

Life. Sucks.

So, my computer is dead currently. I've been writing like a sentence a day trying to pace myself, but I'm finished. I'm so beyond ready to post this thing. I'm in love with the chapter. But. Sigh. I guess I'll just add more.

Well, you guys probably don't care that I'm gonna add more. I can see you now, "well, yeah, Claire, you better add more. You did abandon us." Well, Shuttup! Did not abandon you! The internet. Died. That means I've been without for as long as you've been without stories. Have you ever tried writing a paper on skeletons by memory? Let me tell you. It's hard. Okay. I'm done rambling. Love you guys- C.

Calm Before The Storm

By Claire Jasone

Chapter Five

Bella's P.O.V

It was all very familiar, too familiar, as I watched Jasper's eyes darken, and his lips curl against his shining white teeth. The venom oozed from his mouth, and I stifled a gasp. I had been so close to death, so many times, that as Jasper crouched, I almost gave up. I almost let him have me. I'm fighting fate, I realized sadly. Edward's not my future- death is. In that moment, the moment before Jasper's attack, everything fell into place.

I should have realized it before- time and time again Fate had tried to show me. Tried to take me into its grasps, and release me only to the darken abyss that is death. But I had fought, fought hard. James could not take me- he was the enemy. Victoria could not take me- I wouldn't let her win. But Jasper? Why couldn't Jasper have me? I was going to die. Edward wouldn't change me, he insisted on my humanity. Eventually, whether it was now, or in forty years, or even sixty- I was going to die. The more I was with the Cullens, the more a Vampire attack seemed to be my doom. And wouldn't I rather go in the arms of my Jasper then in the arms of my killer? Jasper wouldn't let it hurt- any humanity that he could force into the Monster would make it quick and easy. I'd barely feel it. The real Jasper would never plan on hurting me, and the remorse he would feel would kill him.

I felt a tug in my heart at his pain.

"Jasper," I whispered, backing up. This would kill him. Edward would kill him. Alice, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett... they'd all be so upset with him that he'd off-ed me, and he would feel everyone's shame and disappointment.

No.

I was surprised at the intensity coming from this small voice in the back of my mind.

Jasper took a small step, and I saw that he was no longer Jasper. His face was pale, his eyes black. His teeth gleamed dangerously, and he cocked his head, like a jaguar reading to attack its prey. He smiled at me, so dazzling beautiful, that I shuddered with fear. That smile belonged to nothing but a vampire.

"Jasper, it's me, please," I pleaded, looking at him with all the intensity. I flew my emotions of love, attachment, gratitude, remorse, happiness at him. Edward's words of caution seemed a million years away as I remembered him telling me that Fear, surprise, terror, emotions to these extents only egged them on. I tried to make him see what I saw in him- but I knew. Jasper was far away, deep inside this Monster, that had consumed him whole.

Suddenly, the Monster was on me, his hands holding mine above my head, my back firmly against the wall. I almost cried out in surprise and pain.

His jaw tauten, and he lowered his face down to my neck. I stiffened, and tried to keep my heart from bumping any louder than it already was. His nose slid over my neck, and he inhaled.

"Delicious," he mused, chuckling. "Such a shame, such a shame…" His tongue slipped out, and he licked the throbbing vein on my throat. His lips parted, and his teeth came closer, closer, to my death.

In a moment of complete idiocracy, I panicked, because I knew if I didn't do something, I was going to die. I grabbed his face between my hands, and I looked at him straight in the eyes.

"Jasper," I said as calmly as possible- though I heard the panic in it. "It's Bella."

He didn't move from his position in my hands, frozen. I could see Jasper and the Monster fighting for control.

"Please, Jasper. Come back to me, save me." I pleaded for my life, for my survival. For his sanity and his conscience. Jasper was strong…

But the Monster was stronger, and it smiled at me, leaning in for my kiss of death.

Kiss.

Of death.

My surviving answer hit me like a ton of bricks, and I slammed my lips into his, moving quickly. My lips hotly pressed against his, but I refused to open my mouth, to let him taste my scent. Once he began to eagerly return my kiss, and he urged my lips to open, I pushed him away and ran to the other side of the room.

Thanking God when I got there without tripping, I considered ripping open the window in hope to rid the room of my scent. But then, in a horrifying premonition, I saw me, clumsy old Bella, falling from the window in my vampire boyfriend's window. It was poetic, almost, that I had escaped the most gruesome of horror movie deaths, only to die by my first flaw: my klutziness.

I shuddered at the thought, and glanced quickly at Jasper.

He wasn't there, but Edward's door was open, and I could see a blurry outline moving very quickly outside the window.

Jasper's P.O.V

I can't believe what I've done.

I'm such a dick.

I'm… completely sickened with myself.

Bella!

Bella, God dammit!

How could I even consider doing that to her? Again? Holy Fuck.

I tried not to think of what would have happened if she hadn't kissed me. If she hadn't confused to Monster enough to let me back in, to gain control over him.

One moment I had been concerning over Bella's inability to sleep, the next feeling humor over her tripping, and then…

A white rage engulfed me, and I felt the Monster climbing up me, scratching up my throat, begging me to just give in. To give up. To go back to the house and rip Bella open, draining her and drinking that sweet, sweet blood. This is who you are, it reminded me eagerly. It made sense and she smelt so good… I felt myself withering away. Don't fight it. Bella will understand.

Her name was like a cold slap in the face- Bella. Edward's Bella. My Bella.

"No!" I roared, and the trees around me swayed uncertaintly.

I was somewhere in Canada. I didn't really know where. There were a lot of trees, and I could smell deer, elk, and moose. Meese. Mooses.

I didn't know what the plural word for moose was.

I went and defleated the population of the unknown species, smirking as I wiped the back of my hand over my mouth. My stomach was sloshy, and it felt good. I wondered if I was strong enough to go back to Bella…

The monster inside me moaned at the memory of her blood, and I grasped onto a tree, picking it from its roots, and throwing it with all my force.

My outburst silenced the Monster.

We will not hurt her, I commanded it. Never. The Monster in me did not reply.

Bella's P.O.V

It was Sunday.

Noon-thirty, on Sunday.

And Jasper was still not home. I missed him. I missed Edward. I missed Alice, and Esme, and Carlisle. I missed Emmett, and shockingly- I missed Rosalie.

I missed my family.

I had never really realized just how big the Cullen's house was. How creepy it could be. I wandered around the house, watched T.V, prepared my own meals… I was spoiled, I knew, but seriously- didn't Alice see me by myself? Why didn't they send someone to check on me, on Jasper? I didn't understand.

Sighing, I glanced at the clock, for what must have been the hundredth time that afternoon.

12: 32.

Two minutes.

Two freaking minutes had past, and I was nowhere close to finding him.

Maybe he didn't want me to find him.

Maybe he was sick of me. Sick of trying not to hurt me.

Realization hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course he doesn't want you. I thought bitterly. Why would he? My heart ached at the thought, and I wondered why it bothered me so much that Jasper didn't want me. He never had. He resented me at the beginning of Edward's and my relationship. He never said so, and Edward denied it. But I could see it in his eyes. I could hear it in his perfect voice when he was forced to talk to me.

I had thought that he had gotten over it, that he was beginning to love me as much as I loved him. But I was wrong.

"Jasper." I moaned, putting my head in my hands, and gave in. I gave up, and began to cry. "Come back to me," I cried, letting my sobs wave through the air. He had to hear me. "Please!"

I felt a cold draft, and looked up anxiously. "Jazz?" I whispered, standing up and shuffling through the house. I went to the kitchen, to the attic, to the basement, and the bedrooms, ending up in Jasper and Alice's room. No one was home.

I felt another wave of depression crash into my heart, and I laid on the bed, curling into Jasper's sweet scent. Alice's was there, too, more potent in the left hand side of the bed. I shifted to the right, and put my head on the pillow, sighing. The closet hovered over by Alice's side of the bed, and the bookshelf was arms length away from Jasper's. I let my eyes run over the novels sleepily, and smiled at all the Civil War books. I would have laughed, if I wasn't so sad and tired.

I eventually drifted off to sleep.

-

When I woke up, I sighed in complete contentment. Jasper was home. His cool arms were wrapped around me, and his delicious scent was…

Not so delicious.

I wrinkled my nose. It smelled great, of course, but not the right great. It didn't smell like Jasper's. And his arms were just a little too loose. Has Jasper ever held me? I didn't remember. But Jasper's arms would be tighter, I knew. He didn't treat me like a fragile flower. Edward did.

Edward.

He chuckled. "Yes, love, it's me. Who did you expect?" He kissed the top of my head. I hadn't realized I'd said his name aloud, but either way, he was here.

I fought against the irrational disappointment. It had no place in my heart when Edward was around.

"No one," I muttered, and leaned against his chest.

"I missed you," Edward smiled into my hair, and took a deep breath.

"Me, too," I replied and looked up at his beautiful face. It looked… guarded. And guilty. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." And the guilty expression vanished from his face. But it was still guarded. "Why are you in Alice's room?" A topic change? What was wrong with him?

"I was in here, and just… fell asleep."

"Okay." He smiled again, and whipped me off of the bed. I was suddenly in his arms, flying down the stairs. I missed him, I knew. But why was he being so distant? Stop, Bells, I scolded. You're reading into this because… I didn't know why. But I was. Edward was fine. I was the one who was hiding stuff- like what I felt around Jasper!- not Edward.

"Look who I found, camped out in Alice's bedroom." Edward teased, setting me in the middle of the living room, his family perched on the furniture. Jasper's bedroom, I mentally corrected Edward. Alice smiled at me, but it was tight. Worried. I glanced around and saw that Jasper was still gone. My heart crinkled a little.

"Bella, aren't you hungry?" Alice asked cheerfully, gracefully leaping up and grabbing my arm. She was right. I was starved. "Let me cook this time." I followed her to the kitchen.

Alice opened the cabinet, and got a granola bar out. She spun around, her face dark. "Eat this." She commanded, tossing the food at me. I shrunk in my shoes, and my appetite died on the spot.

"Jasper's gone." She said, nonchalantly. But I could see the fear and anger in her eyes. I felt a lump in my throat, and I nodded, avoiding her eyes. "Bella, does Edward ever tell you about hunting?" Confused, I shook my head. "When we hunt, we let our senses take over almost completely. So, our gifts don't work as well. At least, mine doesn't. So, I don't always see everything I normally would. But what I did see was Jasper, depressed and in Canada, and you, depressed and crying." I didn't move. "Please, he's my husband- my mate. Tell me what happened, Isabella."

A/N:

And..

I'm done(: Hope you guys love it. I do.

The only thing I'm unsure of is the Alice thing. But, its what I wrote when I was in one of my moods, and I've never doubted myself before, and I figured. Why start now? Please review. Love- C.

P/S:

It happens to be October7th tonight.

And my computer is still not fixed, I'm just uploading this by taking hte laptop to the internet acessed area. Haa. Don't be too mad, I love you guys- C.