Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I can't think of anything else… OR The Hills.

Author's Note: So, I had my first cross-country race of the season and what happens? I slip going down a wet hill and bruise my leg…Ugh…so much fun….Anyway, I really don't have anything pertinent to say here, so let's begin.

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"Ugh." Edward crinkled his nose. "Jacob, do you realize how incredibly bad you stink? It's like rotten eggs left to sit in an oven for six years. Then baked in hot vegetable oil. Roasted in a broiler. And deep fried in pizza grease."

Jacob giggled. His for one second his two favorite things were in the same room at once. He was staring at his own reflection while Edward spoke in italics. A dream come true!

"Tee hee. You talked in italics. Like me." Jacob bit his lip trying to look as sexy as he could while he gazed at his gorgeous complexion.

Edward took the mirror and smashed to pieces on the ground. His eyes met Jacob's.

Jacob's expression fell. "You killed my beautiful reflection! How will I look at myself?" He fell to his knees in near defeat.

"I'll make you a deal." Jacob looked up hopefully. "You let Alice give you a bath-"

"What can't you give me a bath?" Jake asked, cutting him off.

"Because that would be beyond weird." Edward turned. "I know I kissed you and wrote a song about it, but that's just too far."

Jacob huffed a sigh. "Fine." He finally agreed. "But what will you do for me?"

"Besides make the world a better place by removing your stench…." He paused. "I'll buy you a new mirror and speaking in italics for hours. Sound ok?"

Jacob grinned wildly, nodding like crazy. "Yeah, yeah, yeah!"

"Now, go!" Edward pointed towards the bathroom.

--

Alice had finished with the bath and needed to dry Jake. And since Jacob thought it was strange for him to be in his human form for this, he had transformed into a wolf for the bath.

Edward was waiting downstairs with a full-length mirror that he had bought while Jacob was in the bathroom. He decided he would be nice and even let Jake have a full view of himself, instead of the headshot he was so fond of.

Jake burst into the room, his soaking wet fur throwing small droplets of water throughout the entire room.

Edward stood. "This was not part of the deal?" He raised an eyebrow. "I said that Alice was going to give you a bath, that included everything. Even this."

Alice sprinted her way into the room; her hair flying each which way as she tossed it about shaking her head searching for her prey. "Where is he?"

Edward pointed to Jacob, who was hiding, quite poorly, under a white sheet.

"Found you!" Alice whipped her tools of torture out, a hairdryer and a spiral comb. "I just need to groom you. So that you're all pretty and you look like a show dog." She grinned and threw her small self over on top of Jacob. He whimpered.

Edward smirked. "That was our deal, Jacob. You're going to be gorgeous!" Edward laughed.

Jacob wiggled himself out of Alice's grasp and began to make a run for it. She growled and chased after him.

"Oh no you don't! You are going to stay here and be blow dried and made to look so pretty!" Alice hopped on his back, trying to knock him over.

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Eventually, she succeeded and finalized her grooming of Jacob. She tied a bowtie around his wolf neck and had a wolf tuxedo especially made just for him. Luckily, she knew the only place in the world where they make wolf size clothing.

"And now presenting the now handsome, Jacob Black." Jacob walked out in his human form wearing the oversized clothing. "Oh, Jake. You're supposed to stay as a wolf." She grumbled.

"Pish. If I stayed in wolf form I wouldn't be able to see my own sexiness." He took notice to the full size mirror. "Hey, beautiful-oh, I mean- Edward?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "Hello, you sexy beast. How was that?"

"Good. Just added more passion to the italics." Edward nodded.

"You're one completely and total package of a shape shifter. You gorgeously beautiful hunk…" The compliments continued for three straight hours, until a unexpectied guest came over.

Embry walked through the door with Lauren, his imprint lover. "Hey, guys. I just wanted to tell you that I'm back in town."

"Yeah, there was a re-write in the script and now I live in Forks." Lauren smiled and they left.

"Hmph." Jacob pouted. "They broke up my me time, just to say some random information of why Embry will be showing up randomly still. I need a compliment."

"You're so pretty." Edward said while smiling.

"Oh, thank you, mirror. I love me too!"

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Author's Note: This was for BellaSwan321, our adoring fan! :D And also for Ninja Spork, for mentioning what Jacob's perfect item would be! Lol! I hope you like it!