Disclaimer: Twilight ownage for me is a no…
Disclaimer: Twilight ownage for me is a no…Or Charlie's Angels. Or Skittles.
Author's Note: I'm currently at my sister's Twilight themed sleepover party…it's quite interesting…Well then, let's go.
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Emmett stood in the living room marveling over the machine he had created. For how utterly stupid everyone thought he was, he truly was pure genius. The new toy he had just invented in seventy seconds ago was amazing. He smiled.
"Emmett?" Edward froze when he saw the gun looking thing in his hands. "What is that?"
"Oh, I call it my Babyanator!" Emmett stated proudly, holding it up for Edward to admire it. And even though Emmett was a genius at times, his naming skill sucked, really, really bad.
"A Babyanator?" Edward walked cautiously towards Emmett, half expecting to be electrically shocked or turned into a pickle. Edward prayed the second one didn't occur, for he hated pickles with a deep burning passion. They were the root of all evil.
Emmett nodded madly. "Uh-huh. Do you want to see what it does?" He asked, excitement filling his eyes making him look childish.
"Not really." Edward started to back up. Yup, I'm going to be a pickle. "I have plans with Bella. And I can't be late because she threatened to eat my babies. So…for the safety of my babies, I must go."
"Please, Edward." Emmett begged, he pouted his lip and whimpered.
Edward rolled his eyes. "Fine. But you only have ten minut-" Emmett aimed and fired at Edward. There was a bright light and suddenly.
"Aww…" Emmett leaned down to pinch Edward's little five-year-old cheek. "Maybe your not a very little baby, but you're still so cute." He began to ooo and aww over Edward and his cute baby five-year-old-ness.
"Emmett!" Edward's voice was high pitched, quiet and adorable. "Why am I so tiny? And where's my bear?" He looked around, panic overwhelming him for the loss of his beloved bear.
"Edward?" Bella walked into the living room, beckoning to her boyfriend. "Where are you?"
"Oh crap." Emmett whispered. "Bella."
"Emmett?" Bella took a few strides towards him. "Where's Edwar-" Emmett shot her with his Babyanator.
Bella's chocolate brown eyes gazed up at Emmett. "Oh, sorry, Bella." He apologized.
"Bella!" The tiny boy named Edward ran to her. "Bella, let's play with my fire truck." Edward searched for his truck. "Emmett, where's my fire truck?"
Emmett shrugged. "I don't know. Why don't you two look for it?" Bella and Edward nodded and ran off giggling. Emmett didn't care about the truck; he was more concerned with figuring out what shenanigans he could cause with two five-year-olds.
"Bella?" A familiar voice resounded in the Cullen home. A voice that was both welcome and unwelcome, depending on the day. "I've come to rescue you from your bloodthirsty boyfriend, who wants to kill you! You know you love me! Where are you, Bells?"
Emmett knew he couldn't let Jacob stumble upon the itty-bitty versions of Edward and Bella. He might do something manically evil with them. Like send them to kindergarten for a week. Or teach them to read. Emmett winced.
Emmett did a spy roll like he had seen in Charlie's Angels; he loved that show. For the longest time he only agreed to let Edward see Bella because he was convinced that her father was Charlie and thus Bella must be one of his spy angels.
It took Emmett until he tied Bella to a chair and integrated her about her secret spy life, that he realized she was just a boring regular girl. From then on Emmett opposed to Edward ever seeing her. If she wasn't a hott spy, she wasn't worth it.
Aiming his invention at Jacob, Emmett fired. Hitting Jacob dead on.
A white flash and then a high-pitched squeak of a voice was heard in the home. "Bellwa!" There was a pause. "BELLWA!"
Emmett ran to him. Taking note of his height, he was almost four feet shorter than usual. This made him easier to lift and throw over his back. Jacob squirmed a bit, but due to lack of strength from the recent shrinkage, he wasn't able to do anything.
"Help! Help!" Jake squawked from over Emmett's shoulder. "Fire! WEEE-WOOO!" He shouted like an alarm.
Emmett tossed the Babyanator off into the corner and used his free hand to cover Jake's mouth. "Hush. And I'll take you to Bella. Ok?" Jake nodded.
"EMMMMEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTT!" Bella and Edward yelled together in their screech like tones.
Emmett let his hand fall from over Jacob's mouth and used the arm to lift up Edward and Bella. "Come on, Skittles." Emmett ran out the door with the kids. He couldn't let anyone find out what he did.
As Emmett moved out into the yard, Alice danced her way into the living room. Noticing the strange thing in the corner. She picked it up.
"This is not part of my interior design. How dare someone try to change my interior designs." Alice put her hands on her hips and pouted. "I must dispose of this." She lifted the Babyanator and took it to the inferno conveniently in their backyard.
--
Emmett must have looked like he had just committed kidnapping. He was after all carrying three relatively small children through the streets of Forks at break neck speed.
"What do I do with you three?" Emmett asked them as they passed the Newton's sporting goods store.
"I gots work today with Mikey." Bella spoke up.
"Eww…" Edward and Jake said together.
"He's got cooties." Jacob said.
"Yup, yup." Edward agreed.
"Ok, not helping." Emmett stopped in the local park. Setting them down on a bench, Emmett began racking his brain for something to do with them. At least the three kids were almost up to Emmett's eye level now when they stood on the bench.
"La la la la…" Bella started to sing, holding the hem of her jumper and swinging her hips back and forth. Luckily, when they were shot by the Babyanator, it also gave them baby clothing. Emmett was glad for this. He really didn't want to dress Edward.
"So, what do you do with five-year-olds these days?" Emmett asked no one in particular.
"I don't know." Edward replied. "I haven't been this age is foreva!"
Bella giggled and continued her song.
There was a team of what looked like kids about five playing soccer on field just across the park.
"Look!" Jake pointed. "Wet's play with them!"
"Yea!" Bella began to jump up and down. Edward smiled.
"Alright." Emmett picked up his kindergarteners and carried them over to the group of children playing soccer.
"Kick the ball! Not each other!" A man, who Emmett guessed was the coach, shouted. "Erica! Erica! The ball is right there! No, no!"
"Hello," Emmett greeted. "Can I dump these kids with you?" He held up the trio.
"More?" The coach looked flustered. "Sure. Just them each a ball."
Emmett did as he was told. Giving each of them their own ball.
"Ok, kids." The coach addressed. "We are going to play keep away. Erica, get rid of your ball and you are going to try to get someone else, alright?" Erica nodded.
The game began. The little girl, Erica, looked confused. She chased after a few kids, before ending up chasing Jacob around.
"Can I please have your ball?" Erica asked.
"Woo want my bwall?" Jake seemed shocked. Apparently he had missed the point of this game. "No!" He ran from her.
"Please." She chased after him.
"I know." Jake sat down on top of his ball, so that she couldn't take it from him. "Ha!"
Erica's eye's filled with tears.
"Have my ball." Edward handed her his ball.
"No hands!" The coach yelled.
"Thank you." She took the ball, set it down and began to dribble.
Bella gave up on the game, and went back to swaying and singing. "La la la la…"
--
Later, practice ended. There was a playground next to where the soccer practice was being held. And now being the responsible adult for three small five-year-olds(oh my…), Emmett decided to let them play for a while.
Edward sat at the top of the slide, staring up at the sky.
"C'mon!" Jacob urged him. "Slide!"
"Not yet." He said, watching for the exact moment. "Not yet."
Bella laughed and went down the twin slide next to Edward's. "Weee! Come on, Eddie! It's SOOOOO much fun!" She giggled and pranced about.
"No…" And suddenly, Jacob pushed him down the slide from behind.
"Ha ha!"
"You ruined my perfect slide timing!" Edward complained, but soon gave up on it when he saw Mike Newton walking through the park. "COOTIE ALERT!"
Jacob turned. "Ewwww! It's Mikey!" Jacob slid down the slide to where Edward was.
Bella stared at Mike wide-eyed. "He's so cute!" She screamed. "Ilovehim! Ilovehim! Ilovehim! Ilovehim!" She danced around in circles shouting and laughing.
"NO!" Jake and Edward yelled. This was horrible. She was falling for cootie boy!
"Tag team?" Jacob glanced over at Edward. He nodded.
They let out a war cry and took Mike out at the knees, knocking him to the ground. They proceed to kick and punch him.
"What the heck is this?" Mike cried. "I'm being attacked by little kids!"
"We're not little!" Jacob said insulted. He bit Mike's forearm.
Bella had finally made her way over by then. "Ohno! Ohno! Ohno! They're attacking my hott boyfriend!" She started to cry.
"Aww…Don't cry, Bella." Edward halted his kick to Mike's cheek to comfort his girlfriend. "We're just protecting you from the cootie man."
"Oh. Ok." She waved her hands. "Continue."
They did.
--
One minute of pounding the cootie man later (they had short attention spans). Edward, Bella and Jake remembered they desperately needed Emmett to change them back to their older selves.
"Emmett!" They all said in unison. "Change us back!"
He bit his lip. "Funny story…I can't. Sorry." They all glared. "Well, at least your all adorably cute."
"Take us home and change us back." Edward said as menacingly as a kid could.
"I'll take you home."
They were home in two seconds flat.
Emmett walked in the door with his three little skittles. He searched for his invention, but he couldn't find it.
"Don't worry." He reassured them…He didn't have any positive news, so he ran out a grabbed someone.
Emmett tossed Mike out in front of the kids. They all gasped.
"COOTIE MAN!" They screeched.
"Yay for short attention spans!" Emmett cheered.
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Author's Note: Those soccer practice and playground (minus the mauling Mike and Bella dancing) things were what happened with the Jacob and Edward on my cousin's team.