Disclaimer (of the not claiming kind): I don't own Twilight in the least. Or the song "How Much is the Doggy in the Window?"

Author's Note: A Cullen Moment for the New Year. These takes place at Jacob's High School…I know this can't happen because of the whole treaty, but assume the teacher disregarded the prejudice against the Cullens on the reserve. This takes place before Bella is a vampire. Okay, here we go…

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Jacob fidgeted in his seat, rubbing his back against the backrest of his hard chair. Wellness sucked. He knew that; the world knew that.

Jacob groaned, glancing over to Embry who was taking notes vigilantly. Who takes notes in Wellness, anyway? Unless it's about the female's repro-

"Today," their teacher, Mrs. Barney, cut off Jacob mid-thought. "We will be learning about leeches and how they beneficial in the medical field." She smiled, lifting a pile of papers from her desk and moving them.

"Are not!" Jacob involuntarily shouted. "Liar! Leeches suck!" Embry snickered.

"That they do, Mr. Black. And I would appreciate it if you would raise your hand before you blurt out answers." She turned her attention back to the rest of the class. "Anyway, we have been lucky enough to have Dr. Carlisle Cullen here to speak to this class about leeches and their purpose."

"What!? You're having him talk to us about leeches!? This is an outrage!" Jacob had another sudden out burst.

"Mr. Black," Mrs. Barney scolded.

Embry chimed in. "It's nothin', Mrs. Barney. He's just mad about having the sit through the dog sledding lesson in lit last period."

"Oh the humanity! How could they be SO cruel to dogs!?" Jacob slammed his head down on his desk and began to pound it violently against its surface. "WHY!? I ask you! Why!?"

"Okay, moving on." Mrs. Barney wrote leeches on the board with two columns, pros and cons. "Dr. Cullen will be here in moment with his leeches." Jacob's swallowed, his nose being assaulted by the scent of vampire.

"Ahh!" He pounded his head with more force. Embry watched him, as he wrinkled his own nose at the smell. "And why did you put pros!? There are no pros!"

Carlisle walked through the classroom door with the teacher not a second later. Smiling, Carlisle greeted the class. "Hello, youthful blood sausages!" – Jacob and Embry winced –"I am Dr. Carlisle Cullen. You may call me Dr. Cullen or Carlisle, if you prefer."

The class resounded in a variant of hellos to Carlisle. Carlisle waved them silent and began again with his speech.

"Now, I hear you are all learning about leeches and their purpose in this world. Well, I would like to introduce you to some leeches." The rest of the Cullen family walked through the door with Bella in tow as well. She smiled and waved at Jake, who twitched.

Carlisle grinned at his family holding the leeches in their hands. Bella was the only one without any leeches on her person.

"Now, these are leeches." Carlisle motioned to his family, showing off his leeches. "Beautiful aren't they?"

"Could you please demonstrate for the children what a leech does?" Mrs. Barney asked. Carlisle nodded. Jacob grabbed tight onto either side of his desk.

OhGod! OhGod! OhGod! Thisisacompleteandtotaloutragethattheyaredoingtome! Jacob's thoughts ran at a rapid pace. Crap! Crap! Crap! Yay italics!

Edward smirked at Jacob's thoughts.

"Ah, yes," Carlisle looked over towards Edward and Bella. "Why don't you two show us what a leech does." Edward's smirk grew wider as he listened to Jacob's thoughts.

Ohcrap! Ohcrap! Ohcrap! Ohcrap! Jacob then realized Edward could hear his thoughts. Oh my God! I'm sharing my italics with Edward…Eww…

Edward – while trying to ignore Jacob's thoughts – pulled Bella to the front of the family, so the entire class could see.

Carlisle introduced the class to Edward and Bella. "This is my son, Edward and his girlfriend, Bella." Carlisle took Bella's arm and moved her into position for Edward to recreate what a leech does. "Usually leeches are used to help drain blood after reconstructive surgery. They are allowed to attach to the wound and drain the blood from the patient. Some call them 'bloodsuckers'." He chuckled.

Bella held up her arm. Edward opened his mouth and faked biting Bella's arm. Jacob twitched again his chair, falling out his chair. He began to have a spasm on the floor as Edward repeatedly pretended to bite Bella.

"Thank you, Edward and Bella." Carlisle pulled Edward off of Bella.

"Ow," Bella jumped. "I think you broke skin the last one!" Jacob froze, eyes wide. "Kidding." She held up her hand laughing.

"Let's give them a round of applause." Carlisle said, while the class began to clap, cheering for the bloodsucking leeches.

"Mr. Black," Mrs. Barney crossed her arms. Jacob instantly understood, sliding back up into his chair.

Carlisle smiled at Jacob, who twitched for the third time today.

Jacob raised his hand. Mrs. Barney nodded to him. "This is an outrage! As I said before! What about the treaty!?"

Mrs. Barney looked puzzled. "What treaty?"

Jasper smirked as he and Emmett fed the treaty into the leeches in their hands. "Yeah, Jacob. What treaty?" The paper was devoured.

Jacob squeaked like a little girl.

"Mr. Black, I do believe you are being quite rude to Dr. Cullen and his family. I think you may need to talk to principal about this." The teacher began to write up a disciplinary act chart.

"First we sing, "How Much is That Doggy in the Window?" in chorus, next dog shedding, and now, LEECHES! How cruel and wrong can one day be!? And why didn't anyone ever buy the doggy in the window!?" Jacob flung his arms in the air.

"Mr. Black!" The teacher started, but was cut off by Carlisle.

"I think we should go. We do not want to cause problems." He turned to the class smiling. "Goodbye, my future blood donors."

Embry and Jacob again winced at the vampire joke.

"I say future blood donors because, since I'm here, this school will be having a blood drive." Jacob and Embry sighed in relief. Carlisle waved once more. "Bye, Wolfie – I mean - Jacob! See you at the newborn fight!" He skipped out.

Mrs. Barney turned back to Jacob. "Jacob, why are going to fight infants?"

"Stupid leeches…" Jacob muttered.

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And then – suddenly – Edward and Bella ran back into the classroom and Edward bit her.

Bella cheered. "Woo-hoo! Go leeches! Hi, Jake! Don't you just love Wellness class!" Then Bella remembered she was supposed to be in pain and had a spasm.

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Author's Note: I can only imagine Jacob in school…this is how we suppose he would react to the leeches for medicine lesson. Tee hee.

Oh yes, and I'm slowly replying to all the reviewers from the last two chapters. I'm sorry I'm slow...

And I wanted to say thank you to everyone who stuck with us, even when we didn't write for like 4 months... and thank you to all of you who favorited this...we have currently over 200 favorites, which is incredible. So thank you so very much for all of your support! :D