-=I'd prefer not to have to admit that I am not JKR, but I'm not. So there it is, I'm not in denial.=-

AN/ I'm dedicating this one to takara410. Thank you so much everyone. It's a long one, enjoy.

Cheap Thrills

Lust for Life

*

"Draco check this out." Granger downs a fourth shot of fire whisky.

Draco shakes his head, he knows this isn't going to be good. He needed to keep a close watch on the Gryffindor. Meanwhile Neville, Harry and Ron sung the Ballad of Godric Gryffindor.

"I sure love this fire whisky." Rubbing it in Draco's face. Draco Malfoy, Designated Wizard. "It's all down to you Draco, I might not have sprung for it myself."

Lucky me.

Three sheets to the wind, she looked at Draco critically. "You Slytherins aren't so bad after all, I suppose." A smile crept across her face, "Madam Rosmerta!" Hermione called out. "I want to karakote. Sing, I mean." Rosmerta waved her wand at the corner, conjuring a microphone and a modified Wizarding Wireless.

Cantering onto the makeshift stage. "You, lot." Hermione yelled into the microphone. "Thisssis an olldie, Draco, be my dancer."

"Hell no Granger, you're on your own. Pansy'll do it, go Pansy." Everyone chanted 'Pansy!'

Hermione and Pansy danced as the music played. Hermione began singing too soon. "Here comes Professor in again, With the lick her and hugs, And the sex machine, Draco's gonna do another strip tease. Hey man, where'd ya get that potion? I've been hurting since I've bought the gimmick, About something called love, Yeah, something called love. Well, that's like hypnotizing snitches...." and the music played on Hermione forgot to sing until the refrain, "I got lust for life!"

Pansy repeated the refrain after Hermione yelling instead, "I got a bust for life," rubbing her chest. Hermione forgot what lyrics she changed but contented herself to dance with Pansy for the remainder of the song. Ron cheered Pansy on. Hermione and Pansy bowed together holding hands and stepped down carefully.

Neville ran up to the stage to sing, "If You Were Gay," to a very red Harry.

Hermione threw herself into a chair, nearly falling down. "Beer! Draco, I'm thirsty, Beer." Holding up her middle finger to indicate "one." Taking a sip of the beer, sighed. "Harry, take me to the loo. I got to tinkle." Harry looked mortified at the proposal. "Come on Harry you've been in the little witch's loo before." Harry helped Hermione to the loo.

Back in her seat Hermione watched and cheered the other singers, loudly. George turned up for the party. "Butter beer please," he called over Madam Rosmerta. Walking over kissing a very drunk Hermione whispering, "did you get my Valentine's gift?"

She dropped, her freshly supplied butter-beer. Butter-beer splashing, glass breaking. "That was you!" She bellowed.

"Make that two, please." George amended. He cleared the mess and dried their clothes.

Ernie stood at the microphone and hollered after his forth butter-beer. "Granger, show them how you take your socks off with your teeth." Raising his fresh beer in a salute.

All the males in the pub, and most of the females looked expectantly at Hermione.

"What?" George asked, looking knowingly at the Head Girl.

Hermione giggled, and winked at George. "Georgy Porgy Puddin' Pie, you're very clever, but so am I." Hermione sat on the floor, removed her clog slides, hitched up her pant legs, and pulled her socks off with her teeth.

"I think I'm in love." George breathed. Many of the surrounding men agreed.

Madam Rosmerta spared her a glance, "it's always the quiet ones."

She bowed wobbly to her spectators. "Don't thank me, thank my yoghurt instructor."

George helped her put her socks and slides back on. Steering her into a private booth."Hermione, so you got it? How did it work?"

She shook a finger at George. "You got me in trouble."

George was necessarily confused. It wasn't suppose to animate until she was undressed. Maybe it malfunctioned.

"No note, I thought someone else sent it." She levelled a look of blurry incredulity at him. "I don't have it anymore, it got condiskated."

Not being the least bit inebriated, George's mind worked fast to figure out who might have been up to charming it, then angry enough about it to take it. Not coming up with anyone feasible, "who took it?"

"Never you mind that." She shook her head determined.

"Did it work?"

Hermione lulled dreamily. "Oh, it worked alright. Ten points to Wisely's Wizardping Weasels, for outstanding sex toys. It was a sex toy, wasn't it?" George blushed at Hermione's overly-loud question.

George took her hands, "Be with me Hermione. Your brilliant, and beautiful, and I like to think I'd stand up well to you trying to boss me around."

Hermione laughed hard, unfortunately her stomach jarred, a bit much. She lurched drunkenly from the table, loosing a shoe on the way to the loo.

George picked up her shoe, waited by the loo for Hermione to return. When she didn't come out in a reasonable amount of time, George went in.

Draco saw this and waited. He wasn't about to rush into the girls' water closet.

Hermione looked a bit like a drown rat when George carried her out. George called over to Harry, "I'm taking Hermione back to the castle."

Draco intercepted George before they reached the door. Hermione was shoeless, but standing on her own feet now. "We are supposed to return together as a group, just the way we came."

"Hermione can't hang out while you lot party, she should probably go to the Hospital Wing. If you all are ready to go now, fine. I'm ready to take her back. Either way, I'm taking her back."

Hermione's head bobbed like a flower on a long stalk, and threw up. Wiping her mouth absently. "Yeah, there's more where that came from."

Draco, conceded the point, "I have to stay here, it looks like Macmillan isn't in much better shape. Tell Professor Snape, I had to stay behind. So help you George Weasley, if one hair on her head is out-of-place..."

"Then you know she's thrown up on that too, yeah got it." George looked at Draco's shoes. "You might want to get that."

The Entrance Hall was lit with torches as Snape emerged. "Mr. Weasley?"

Hermione looked up. "Stevis...Servis...damn it...Sir." George was bearing most of Hermione's weight. She didn't weigh a lot, but dead weight was dead weight. She stage-whispered to George, "thanks George. I'll ouw you. I'm going to crawl upstairs."

"No, you don't," Weasley and Snape said together.

Snape pulled a vial out and held it for Hermione to drink. "Servis, I've had enough thanks. One more and I might..." She put her hand to her mouth.

George careful of what mess she might make and observed Snape. George had put it down to distraction, but Hermione wasn't trying to say Potions Master, Snape or Sir...she had been trying to say Severus. Did Snape take her Valentine's Day gift? No. His mind wanted to refute, but...Merlin no. He certainly hoped not.

"Thanks Mr. Weasley. I'll take her from here." Briskly Snape dismissed George, meaning to take her arm.

"That's okay Sir. I'm not in any hurry." Snape didn't miss the note of suspicion in George's words. George looked eloquently at the vial, "Pepper-up or Sober-up?" It was a pointed question.

"Sober-up, Mr. Weasley." Looking at Hermione. "Open up Granger," she pulled her hand away from her mouth and threw up on the vial, Professor Snape's robe-sleeve and both of the men's shoes.

"I feel so much bedder." She pulled out her wand, casting the wrong spell, Snape stood in the Entrance Hall clad in his smalls. "Oh." Hermione was just as surprised as the two men. "Professor what happened to your clothes?"

Snape snatched her arm from George. "Drunk people, Ms. Granger should keep their comments to themselves, and their wands in their robes." He looked angrily at Hermione, "and where is Mr. Malfoy?"

Hermione was about to answer, George stepped in, "Draco is going to Shepard the group back."

"Come on Ms. Granger we need to get you sobered up. I'm told that aspirating on your own vomit is a horribly painful way to die. And will cause a dreadful amount of paperwork. Thank you Mr. Weasley, good evening." Snape re-clothed himself, and watched as George left reluctantly.

"Ms. Granger, if I weren't worried about you throwing up on me again, I'd spank you here and now. We are going down to my lab so I can get more Sober-up, a hang-over potion wouldn't go amiss either. I should make you suffer." They slowly progressed to Snape's lab. He dropped her unceremoniously in a chair. Opening the cabinet, he pulled out both potions. Handing them to Hermione, who promptly drank them down. "Ms. Granger?"

Her vision cleared and she could focus on Snape properly. "Thanks." She leaned her head back against the high back of the chair. "You're a dream come true Professor." Snape sniffed the vial to make sure he'd given her the right potion. Yes, right potion. Wrong strength?

"Ms. Granger, let me give you another, you appear to be in need of more." He went to the cabinet to retrieve another. The third vial drunk, Hermione sat there, unmoving and staring. Snape waved a hand in front of her face. She snapped to attention.

"Professor. Professor Snape, I feel horrible." Snape turned to get another vial of hanger-over remedy. Sweet Slytherin how much had she drank? "I think we should talk, there are some things I want to know."

"Ms. Granger at the moment, my tolerance for charity has been exhausted."

AN/ Just for the helluvit, I'm going to state, "Lust for Life is by Iggy Pop, and If you were Gay is from Avenue Q." You likely already knew that. -Oh yeah, I don't own those either.