-=I don't own Snape, Granger or Hogwarts, and I don't make money writing this canon fodder.=-

Cheap Thrills

Normalcy Deferred

*-*

Dearest Hermione,

Your father and I hope you are in perfect health and happiness, and that your studies are going well.

We've received your owl about coming home for the Easter break.

I don't know how to tell you this, but your father and I are going on a second honeymoon. I'm sorry. I assumed incorrectly, that you'd be staying at school since the N.E.W.T.s are upon you. Knowing how important it was for you to return to Hogwarts this year, it seemed natural that you'd stay. If I had known sooner that you had planned on returning home for the holiday, I assure you dear, we would have been happy to delay our romantic honeymoon.

Hermione dear, I hope this doesn't upset you too much. Your father and I know you're disappointed with this arrangement, we'll make it up to you at the end of the year. Then perhaps we can have a wonderful celebration of your accomplishments and a coming home party together.

When we return from Madagascar we can formalize the plan. You may want to start making a list of guests.

Sincerest Love,

Mum and Da

P.S. Be sure to invite all of the Weasleys, they are such nice people.

~*~

Uncharacteristically, Hermione burst into tears and ran from the table. The 8th years as they so termed themselves, gathered a contingent and went after her.

After escaping them, she skulked to her room. Ernie knocked at the door. "Ernie go away, tell Snape I'm skiving off, tell McGonagall too. I'm skiving off all of my lessons today." The lock clicked open. "Damn it Ernie go away." She put her head back under her pillow. She felt him sit down, depressing the mattress. He rubbed her back. "Ernie you pompous ass," registering her visitor. "Sorry Professor, I won't be in classes today. I'm not fit."

Snape's resonant voice intoned, "not fit Ms. Granger? You're positively frightening."

She hit Snape on the arm. "Thanks for that professional assessment." Curtly she dismissed Snape.

"I'm not the pushover you may have pegged me as." Dryly he continued. "As a teacher I'm permitted certain licence; such as harassing students, barging into whatever room I deem fit, and insuring my pupils welfare."

Hermione rolled over onto her side. "That may be. As my welfare has never been a huge concern before, I don't see any reason to detain you."

Snape ignored this. "Hermione Granger, unfit for class. Nothing short of animal transfiguration or petrification has prevented you in the past." Snape's hand rested on her hip. "As you don't resemble cat woman, and have already tried to brutalize me, then I must assume you are not petrified."

Despite her bad humour, she almost laughed. Some of her hair found it's way into her mouth. Snape hooked a finger, removing the strand. I'm afraid of so many things, you know. Snape turned and warded the door, floor, walls and ceiling. Snape lay down next to Hermione. He touched her hair and kissed her forehead. It didn't turn out the way Snape wanted it to. She bawled up her fists pummelling Snape in the chest while crying.

Was he the author of her troubles? Snape wrapped his arms around her, holding her like a human straight-jacket. He spoke flatly in her ear. "Ms. Granger." He repeated this over and over until she stopped struggling. "Hermione, does this have anything to do with me?"

He felt like some travesty of an adolescent, lying down in a girl's bed hoping he doesn't get caught. Worse for him, his anatomy was behaving very rakishly. Hermione spoke quietly against his Adam's apple, "no, you didn't do anything." Hermione kissed his throat, making soft grumbling noises. As she ascended to his earlobe, he exerted more effort over his body trying to compartmentalize the urge to skive off class and spend some quality time putting a smile on her face.

"Hermione, please no. I want to be a gentleman, I do," trying to convince himself. "You and I need to get to class. How would it look if we were both absent. If you'd like me to stay intact I suggest we get going, or the Headmistress will see to it that I never feel gentlemanly again. I think she'd even go so far as to use Sectumsempra on me."

With the greatest effort he got to his feet and turned away to adjust his wicked flesh. Straightening his coat he faced the now sitting Hermione. Extending a hand to her, pulling her to her feet. Still very upset Hermione gave in, "have it your way, you can go ahead. I'll be a little late, Professor." Hermione wiped her face roughly with her sleeve. Snape turned and left.