To say that Rumpelstiltskin and Snow avoided each other after Emma caught them in what she thought was mid-intercourse was an understatement.
They didn't share the room that night, and Snow was up bright and early in the morning. She stopped at Jefferson's house and left a note telling him the time and date for his daughter's career day. It'd been moved back like it was every year to meet parents' schedules. She also made a note to visit Jefferson later and spend an afternoon with him so he could have company.
But not that day, she spent it catching up on her grading, skipped lunch, had a very long dinner by herself at the diner and then drove to the cabin in the woods and cleaned it.
Anything to get out of having to talk to Rumpelstiltskin about how she'd lost control and pretty much mounted him.
Gods, how could she have looked at herself in the mirror if she'd gone through with it? She was Snow White, married to Charming and she'd nearly betrayed him. It was different for her as opposed to his David Nolan personality. She knew what was going on.
Even going as far as she had filled her with guilt. She just had to wait. She would see her husband again, she had to be patient.
It was hard to remember that or be patient when she drove back and saw David and Kathryn Nolan walking hand in hand together down the street. She had to tell herself that the curse would weaken until it broke and she'd have her husband and daughter back. All that was left was the waiting.
No one was home yet when she pulled into the driveway. Snow was grateful; she could relax in the tub for a bit and then climb into bed. She'd worn herself out and she hoped that she'd settle into a dreamless sleep without dreaming about Rumpelstiltskin as Mr. Gold and her as Mary Margaret happy and in love.
Was that a bouquet of flowers on the table with her name on it? No, Snow wasn't going to think about it now; she was going to be the first to hog all the hot water and go to bed.
She did dream about them and she couldn't wake up or control it…and then her alarm didn't go off. So she was rushing around that morning, trying to get everything together when she saw Emma throw the bouquet of flowers into the trash.
"Hey, wait, what are you doing?" she rushed to get them out.
"If Graham thinks flowers will work on me….," Emma started.
Snow tensed. She'd seen them flirting. The Sheriff was older than even herself was, when they met. And that'd been years before she met Charming, and he was looking to get with her daughter?
If the sheriff wasn't forced into that sick slavery that Regina forced him into, then Snow would be a little more reluctant about letting the man that nearly killed her date her daughter. But she felt pity for him and they hadn't been able to keep her safe so…she wasn't sure how she felt about a possible match. It'd be nice if Emma found a man who liked her for her before the curse broke. She could have any man she wanted when they realized who she was, but at the same time, Graham made Snow uncomfortable. Because he wasn't the Huntsman and Emma would be falling for a lie.
"No," Snow muttered, "Those….were mine."
"Oh," Emma pulled on an overcoat, "From David? You might want to hide those then."
"No. Uh….from Elias."
"Why would Mr. Gold-."
Snow gave Emma a look.
"Are you serious?" Emma asked stunned, "I never pegged him for a flower guy. So is it… 'That couch sex was amazing,' or 'Sorry about the couch sex,' bouquet? I noticed you guys haven't been in the same room since."
"It's just a disaster," Snow muttered.
"No!" Emma went to the kitchen, "Barring my…awkwardly time entrance, It's amazing! You're trying to get over David."
"First of all, there's nothing to get over," Snow lied, "Second of all…what you walked in on didn't mean anything between Elias and I. It was just a thing that happened and we both wish we could forget about."
"Not according to those flowers," Emma teased, "That is definitely not a…whatever it is that married people have that equate to one night stands with each other that isn't roleplaying."
Snow really hoped Emma forgot about what she thought she saw when the curse broke, "I'm still learning. We've never…did something like that before without emotions attached. I feel guilty."
"Why?" Emma grabbed the orange juice, "There's nothing wrong with what you did. Trust me. One nighters are as far as I ever go."
Snow didn't want to hear that. Maybe it was her old way of thinking, but she didn't want to know how her daughter became so hurt that sleeping with men she didn't know was an acceptable lifestyle. She was pretty, surely she could have settled down? "Well, yeah. That's because you're-."
She hesitated. She wanted to say 'alone' but that wasn't true. Not anymore.
Emma watched her, "Because I'm what?"
"Nevermind," Snow walked away.
Emma followed her, "Yeah? Tell me – what do I do?"
"You're just," Snow thought of the best word, "Protecting yourself. With that wall you put up."
Emma looked offended, "Just because I don't get emotional over men-."
"You don't get emotional over men?" Snow asked, "Uh, the floral abuse tells a different story."
"What story is that?"
Snow didn't want to play Captain Obvious today, especially to a situation that she wasn't sure she approved of until the Huntsman was awake, "The one that's obvious to everyone except, apparently, you – that you have feelings for Graham."
Emma gave her an exasperated look, "Come on."
There was a thing about Emma that Snow had noticed in her first few days living with them. Emma wanted a friend. Emma wanted someone to be close to and sometimes Snow could feel her trying to reach out…but make a wrong move or say the wrong thing and then there was a wall or a wedge between the two of them that Emma put up so fast that Snow thought she'd actually physically run into it, "There's that wall."
"That's not a wall!" Emma protested.
"Really?" Snow asked but she knew the answer.
"There's….nothing wrong with being cautious."
"Oh, true. True," Snow walked forward and looked into her daughter's eyes, "But Emma, that wall of yours? It may keep out pain but it also may keep out love."
And then there was a different look in Emma's eyes. It was a flicker but she saw it.
Fear.
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Rumpelstiltskin was NOT avoiding Snow. That would be ridiculous. He'd had many women in his lifetimes and several times the brief affections shared meant nothing. There were very few that he allowed to get close. Snow was not one of those that he counted as particularly close, he didn't trust her yet but that was because of how many other times he'd been betrayed. Not because of anything she'd done.
He didn't come home until late last night. If Regina was going to start playing games with people's minds and she started suspecting him of being awake, he had to hide the thing that controlled him. Regina didn't know about the dagger, but he wasn't going to risk it. It took him all evening to find a place where he was comfortable enough to dig and then it was awhile before he was able to dig a hole large enough. His bad leg was screaming at him and he leaned on his cane heavily before he was able to get home.
Today, he took the dagger and buried it. It was a lot easier to fill in the hole than it was to dig it up and he let himself think about what had nearly come to pass that drunken night.
Maybe it was because there was a part of her that loved a part of him and they both knew it wasn't real but there were feelings there that would never go away. Maybe it was because they were relying on each other right now completely.
It would've meant nothing and he would've been ashamed of himself because he knew that Snow deserved far better than that.
He hadn't lost control until she straddled his lap. He should've said 'no' when she kissed him but he'd been so drunk and stunned. And then when she moved towards him, he had a fleeting thought of 'what if?' and that's when Elias Gold took control.
But he knew better. Snow was in love with her husband and he was in love with his Belle. To cling to a hope of a happy ending with her because their other personalities cared for each other was nothing more than a dream. It wasn't that he wanted Snow, it was simply that he didn't want to be alone again.
He heard something in the woods when he started back. He felt a bit of surprise when he saw the sheriff standing there. Had he been followed? Had the sheriff followed him on Regina's orders? No….he'd have to move the knife again! Oh Gods….
"Good morning, sheriff," he greeted carefully, "Sorry if I startled you."
The sheriff wasn't looking very good. He looked like he had a fever. His eyes were bloodshot, he was shaking and he was panting like he was out of breath.
"Right, sorry, I…I thought you were a wolf."
Rumpelstiltskin wasn't sure Graham knew where he was, much less knew Rumpelstiltskin was burying something. Perhaps he was safe. Rumpelstiltskin managed a small smile, "Did I forget to shave? "
"What are you doing out here so early?"
Rumpelstiltskin hadn't expected that and the lie was pitiful, "A spot of gardening. Yourself?"
Graham didn't seem like he noticed that it was obviously a fib, "I was looking for, um…"
He didn't look like he wanted to say, "A wolf. Yeah, I think I'm beginning to catch on. You know, to the best of my knowledge, Sheriff, there are no wolves in Storybrooke. Not the literal kind, anyway. Why are you looking?"
The Huntsman was notorious for having a wolf. Could it be that his prolonged exposure to the savior had him remembering? Was that how Emma worked?
"You'll think I'm crazy."
Rumpelstiltskin gave him as gentle a smile as he could, "Try me."
"I saw one…in my dreams," Graham said, "And then I saw one for real. Just a few hours ago. Did you, uh…did you see anything unusual…out there?"
Graham seemed like he trusted him, but maybe this was a trick. Maybe Regina was trying to bait him by showing him something of the old world and how he reacted. Maybe Graham hadn't even seen a wolf.
But what if he had?
"I'm afraid not," Rumpelstiltskin started, "I do wish I could be more helpful. You know, Sheriff, they say that dreams are….memories….memories of another life.
He hoped that if Graham was starting to remember, then Snow was in those memories. They could control him if he relied on Rumpelstiltskin and Snow.
"And…w-what do you believe?" Graham asked.
Rumpelstiltskin gave him his most enigmatic smile, "I never rule out anything."
He picked up the shove, "Good luck, sheriff. I do hope you find what you're looking for."
He walked off.
This could be an amazing opportunity, but if he wasn't careful, Regina would know. He had to make sure she wasn't involved in this before he found out how he should proceed.
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The final bell for the day rang and Snow realized she had no reason why she couldn't go home. The shop was closed today; he would be waiting for her there. Snow wasn't sure what she should do, she wasn't sure she could avoid Rumpelstiltskin for very much longer. They had to talk about it…and hopefully lay some new boundaries.
"Mary Margaret?"
Snow looked up at the sheriff. What was he doing here? Snow thought she'd passed the note on to him for career day.
"Can I talk to you?"
He didn't look good. He looked like he should be in bed; Snow thought he looked like he was ready to just fall over, "Graham? What's the matter? Are you okay?"
"I think we, uh…I think we know each other."
How odd. "Of course we do!"
"No, no, no," he said quickly, "Not from here. Not from Storybrooke."
"From Boston?"
"I don't think so," he shook his head.
Snow felt a tingling in the back of her neck. Could it be that…he was starting to remember?
She had to be careful though, Regina had his heart, this might be a trap, "From where, then?"
Graham hesitated and looked like he was searching for the right words to say, "Another life."
Snow pulled him over to a couple of desks and they sat down. Graham seemed upset and confused as she did so. Snow wanted to tell him, she wanted to tell him everything but she also knew why that would be risky. Regina controlled his heart.
"Mary Margaret," he started, "How long have we known each other?"
"Um…I don't know. Awhile," she wasn't sure he'd believe her if she said 'decades'.
"Do you remember when we met?" he asked almost desperately.
"Umm," Snow looked for the right answer and realized she had to lie, "No."
"Me neither," he told her, "I can't remember when I met you, or when I met anyone. Isn't that odd?"
"I don't know. I mean, I suppose. But I think that's just life," at least the life in this snow globe, "things get hazy."
"Have I ever hurt you?".
He looked like such a lost child and Snow felt guilty that she couldn't really assure him that he'd saved her life and that of Charming's, "Oh Graham. No, of course not. What's going on?"
Graham hesitated, "Do you believe in other lives?"
"Mm," Snow tried to play stupid, "Like heaven?"
"I mean like past lives."
And then Snow knew what she had to do. She couldn't give away her position at this point in time without risking Regina finding out but Regina couldn't suspect anything if Regina told him about Henry and Henry put him on the path he needed to go down, "You've been talking to Henry."
"Henry?"
"Well, he has this book of stories. He's been going on about how he thinks we're all characters from them. From another land. We've forgotten who we really are."
She saw something in his mind start to click and she shook her head quickly just in case he suspected Mary Margaret believed it, "Which of course makes no sense."
"Right," Graham said, but his mind was made up, "Of course."
"Graham," Snow leaned over and touched his forehead. He definitely had a fever. How was it that Graham was going through this when Snow never did. Was it because she was linked with Rumpelstiltskin and he would want to transition to be as easy as possible for himself. Would everyone else go through what Graham was? "Ah, you are burning up. Go home and get some rest. I think you'll feel much better after you've had some sleep."
At least he wouldn't make it so obvious.
"Right, you're absolutely right. I'm sorry to disturb you. Thank you."
"Of course," Snow smiled and watched him leave. She made sure he went to the parking lot and got in his car. He didn't head towards his apartment though; he headed towards Regina's house.
Snow would wait. She'd let Henry do his work at convincing him. Snow was certain he was almost ready. And then when enough time passed, she would call Emma. Maybe…just maybe he could get her to believe.
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Emma hadn't come home yet, Snow was worried.
Worried because her daughter was out with a man that was not himself…and because she was here alone with Rumpelstiltskin.
They'd been civil to the other, they cooked dinner together (Stood on opposite ends of the kitchen to do so.
"Graham came to the school today," she finally said and put the casserole into the oven.
Rumpelstiltskin looked over his shoulder, "Did he now?"
Snow nodded, "I think he's starting to remember. I sent him to talk to Henry and then I sent Emma….maybe he can start to convince her."
Rumpelstiltskin raised an eyebrow, "You did all that?"
Snow looked at him, "The curse is weakening on him, I wanted to make sure someone could help him without blowing our own covers."
"Well, aren't you warming up to this manipulation thing?"
It sounded so proud…and so affectionate that Snow smiled a little, "I'm not very good at it."
"You get even two thirds of your wished results, and I'd say you're a very good beginner."
I've never done anything like this before."
"I should've kept you on as an assistant when we were back home," he said and turned off the stove. You'd have been a great apprentice."
"No, I don't think I would've been happy," she said quietly.
Rumpelstiltskin hesitated and then crossed over to her, "You know, us avoiding each other for something that didn't happen is childish."
"If nothing happened then we shouldn't need to talk about it," Snow said, "We lost control and we nearly didn't stop ourselves. My daughter came in and thought we were…further along in it than we actually were and today she was asking for details concerning the flowers you got me. We both lost control and I'm sorry that my alternate initiated it."
"I continued it, it was my fault."
"We just…wont' let it happen again," Snow said.
"We won't," he agreed, "Because you and I are in this together and it would be devastating to lose my only ally because we were stupid.
Snow nodded and kissed his cheek, "Thank you."
Well, that wasn't so bad.
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Rumpelstiltskin spent the night in her room so Emma could think that things were going well for the couple now that they were moving past David Nolan.
He didn't so much mind the couch, it was comfortable and the pillow Snow let him have was fluffy but he really wanted a bed. However, after the drunken lap fiasco, Rumpelstiltskin didn't feel comfortable asking if he could jump in Snow's bed…even if they were adults being mature. It was far too tempting. He didn't feel comfortable being shirtless around Snow; she was a lady after all.
And he was a lowly coward peasant turned deformed coward imp that no one could love. His clothes stayed on and he kept his distance.
Through the light of the window, he looked at the sleeping form in the covers. So, was she going to keep him in the family? Or abandon him when everyone woke up?
Would he be remembered as the man who helped keep her safe?
Could this be his atonement?
He started to drift off but was awakened by Snow White's cell phone. She groaned at the disturbance and answered it, "Hello?"
Probably Emma. Who else would call? He turned over to go to sleep.
"Slow down, Emma! What?"
Rumpelstiltskin lifted his head up and watched as Snow threw the blankets up and stood up, "We'll be there in two minutes."
"What's going on?"
"Get dressed," Snow said, turned her back to him and pulled off her long sleeve shirt. He automatically turned away to give her her privacy.
"What's happened?"
Snow rushed to the closet, "Graham's collapsed."
"What?" he pulled off the covers of the couch and grabbed his cane, "Is he dead?"
Snow paled, "I don't know, but Emma was crying…I don't think it's looking good."
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Every time they got a victory, it felt like they were forced several steps back and now it had claimed a life.
Regina was responsible for this…she had to have be. She realized that something was going on and she killed him.
Snow should've…eased his fears more. She should've told him…but she thought that since he looked so sick, Regina might ignore it.
Of course she wouldn't. She wouldn't risk anyone finding out.
And now Snow knew the price of remembrance.
They were quiet until they pulled up to the sheriff's station. It hit home when Snow saw that there was no ambulance….but there was a hearse.
"He's dead then," Rumpelstiltskin said. Snow could hear a slight bit of anger in his voice.
"He didn't deserve that." Snow whispered, "He saved my life and Regina made him pay for it."
"Just one of the many lives she's ruined," Rumpelstiltskin said, "And one of the many who didn't get their life back."
Snow saw her daughter leaning against the sheriff's car with her arms wrapped around herself. Snow bolted out of the car and was by her daughter's side. Emma's face was swollen; her eyes were red and puffy. She was shaking against the cold.
"He's dead," Emma whispered, that wall that they'd talked about earlier today was as tall and thick as ever, "I tried to save him….I tried to save him but he…he died."
Rumpelstiltskin came up behind her and handed her a blanket. Snow wrapped it around her daughter. She was reluctant to hug her…she didn't know how Emma might react, she was clearly in shock.
Through the light, Snow saw a bruise forming on Emma's face. Had she been in a fight?
"Oh Emma."
"It's my fault," Emma whispered.
"It wasn't your fault," she promised her.
"I should've…started CPR faster, I should've saved him."
Snow blinked away tears," Sometimes you can't save them."
Emma closed her eyes and lowered her head.
"Come along dear," Rumpelstiltskin put his hand on Emma's back in an almost tender paternal way, "Let's get you home. There's nothing more you can do here tonight."
