Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I do, however, own Adrian, this storyline, and the big screen TV my hubby is currently glued to.
A/N: First of all, huge apologies to my fabulous beta, readingtime, for posting this before she had a chance to review it. My forum ladies were anxious for an update and begging me for something to read while their significant others were watching the Super Bowl.
Jasper's POV
I had never hated hunting to so much in my life. Even though we were on the outskirts of town and near a park, it wasn't as though it was exactly teaming with wildlife. But the bigger problem was that even during the hunt, when my senses should have overtaken everything else, all I could think about was Bella. At Edward's. I tried to control my apprehension and jealousy, but was finding it more and more difficult. I briefly considered trying to sneak by his house to see what they were up to, but I didn't. For one thing, I promised myself, and Bella too, for that matter, that I would trust her. For another thing, Edward would know I was there; he would hear my thoughts. Over the years, the family had learned to block some of our thoughts from him by replacing them with other, more mundane thoughts, but he still heard something from our minds, even if we managed to hide what it was we were trying to keep private. Even Carlisle, who was better at it than any of us, admitted that he had yet to find a way to keep his mind utterly blank from Edward. Either way, I stayed away.
Instead, I tried to focus on our upcoming date night. Bella and I had not really been able to go on many actual dates. Actually, come to think of it, I don't think we had actually gone on one. It was always a group thing with Alice and Adrian or Angela and Ben. We'd never actually had a real, romantic night out just the two of us. I was getting more excited about it by the minute. As I tracked down a deer and a red-tailed fox, I thought about what song I was going to sing to her on Friday. I wanted it to be perfect, and I had three days to get everything in order.
I ran back to the house to shower and change before heading to school. I noticed that both her bike and the truck were in the garage. Bella must have gotten a ride with someone. I was hoping it was Adrian, but I doubted it. I texted Bella while getting my books together.
B – Missed you darlin'. Where are you? – J
I beamed when it took less than a minute for her to reply.
J – Missed you more. In Biology w/Edward. Meet me outside Independence Hall in 10? – B
I quickly replied before hopping on the bike.
B – With Open Arms – J
Unfortunately, the stadium lot was full, so I had to park in the "C" lot all the way on the other end of campus. I went behind the buildings so I could run at vampire speed. The only people I saw were a young couple making out against a dumpster. Hopefully they didn't notice anything except the sharp breeze that flew past them.
I got there just in time to see Bella and Edward emerge from the building, laughing. I tried to shove the little green monster aside, which was a lot easier to do once she noticed me standing there, as promised, with open arms. Bella ran up to me and gave me a big hug. I held her for dear life. Edward cleared his throat.
"Well, Bella, I'm taking off. I have a few things to do before our next class. See you two later." Bella smiled at him and I nodded my head in his direction as he walked away. I kissed Bella, soft but passionately, trying to convey without words everything I was feeling. Bella entwined her fingers in mine and we held hands as we headed for High Street to grab her some lunch. Tuesday and Thursday were our short days, we each only had two classes, with a long break in between. Bella settled on Taco Bell, which I thought smelled even worse than normal human food, but she liked it.
"So, what did you and Edward do last night?" I asked as we sat down, trying to sound casual. Bella looked contemplative, and I felt apprehension from her.
"Homework, and talked, mostly. He made me dinner," she said. Now she was nervous, and it was making me nervous, too.
"What about him making you dinner is making you feel so nervous?" I asked hesitantly.
"Well, to be honest, it's not the dinner that I'm nervous about. Something Edward said to me last night is bothering me and I want to ask you about it later, but I think I should probably wait until we get home. As far as dinner goes, he made me mushroom ravioli, which was what I ate on our first date. It kind of freaked me out at first, but I realized it was innocent. He was just trying to do something nice." I couldn't help it. I growled. Bella's eyes grew wide and I forced myself to calm down before replying.
"Bella, I really don't think that's appropriate, do you? Maybe this arrangement is not such a good idea after all."
"Jasper, really, I'm only telling you because I want to be honest with you. It was fine, I handled it. He was a total gentleman." The nervousness was still there, coming off her in waves.
"What did he say that is bothering you so much?" I tried to change the subject. Now a slight amount of fear was mixed in with the nervousness.
"He said that," she leaned in closer to me so she could whisper in my ear, "that after he saved me from Tyler's truck, he stayed away from me to keep me safe from your family. He said that some of you were not happy he saved me and saw me as a risk to you. Who saw me as a risk, Jasper? Did someone actually want to hurt me because I saw Edward save me?"
Shit. I can't believe he told her that. I didn't know whether to be angry at him for saying anything, or shocked that he hadn't told her it was me. The overwhelming emotion, however, was fear. I hadn't thought of that day in so long. I hadn't intentionally hid it from her, it had just never occurred to me. What do I do now? How am I supposed to look in the eyes of the woman I love and tell her that once upon a time I had made plans to kill her? Plans I was very set on going through with if Alice hadn't stopped me. Shit.
"You're right, Bella. This is a discussion best left for home." I know I probably sounded a little cold, and it wasn't how I intended for it to come out, but my mind was racing. I didn't know how to handle this.
"You know what, Jasper, my stomach is suddenly upset. I don't feel like going to my last class. Let's just go home now." I wasn't sure if she was really sick, or if she just wanted to finish the conversation. I wordlessly got up and followed her out the door. She didn't hold my hand, and her nervousness and fear were increasing moment by moment. She was afraid of the answer, and I was afraid of her reaction. But I would not lie to her. I would tell her the truth, and beg her to forgive me.
By the time we got home, she was visibly shaking. Damn Edward. Damn him to the very depths of hell. I picked her up, carried her into the house and set her down on the couch before taking her hands into my own.
"Bella, you need to understand that I didn't know you then. None of us really did. All that we knew was that Edward had exposed our secret to a complete stranger, and that posed a significant risk."
"I would never have said or done anything to endanger you!" Indignation and anger clouded her eyes.
I reached up and cupped her cheek in my palm. "We know that now, but we had no way to know that then. You know my background, I was a military strategist. My first reaction to a potentially hostile situation is always eliminate the most obvious threat." Bella pulled her hand away and jerked away from me. Shock, anger and fear overtook her as the realization set in.
"It was…you? I would have thought Rosalie, maybe, but you??? You were going to…kill me?!" Bella's hand flew in front of her mouth and the tears started flowing.
"I'm sorry, Bella. Rosalie and I were trying to protect our family. I would kill to protect them without a moment's hesitation. I would do the same for you, now. I have, in fact." My mind flashed briefly to James and Victoria. Their deaths left the world a better place.
"How?" She asked, scooting as far away from me on the couch as she could.
"How, what, exactly? How have I killed for you?"
"No. How were you going to kill…me?" This was tearing me apart, piece by piece. I couldn't believe I was having this conversation with Bella. I wondered if she would ever see me the same way again. She'd forgiven me for trying to attack her on her birthday, but that wasn't premeditated. It wasn't planned. I swallowed hard and looked down as I spoke softly, not really wanting her to hear what I had to say.
"I was going to make it quick and painless, if that helps. I was going to sneak into your room while you were sleeping and do it. My plan was to smother you in your sleep and then make it look as though you had sustained a more serious brain injury than they originally thought and hemorrhaged to death."
"What, you were going to scramble my brains, like shaken baby syndrome?"
"Something like that. I had actually thought of a dozen different scenarios, but that one seemed the most humane."
"Humane? Humane?! You came up with a dozen different ways to kill me, when I had done absolutely nothing wrong!" Bella got up off the couch and started backing away from me, but then suddenly collapsed on the floor in a heap. "How could you?"
"Bella, sweetheart, I'm so sorry. You've got to know that I am so grateful that Edward threatened to fight anyone who tried. Because of that, Alice talked me out of it and had Carlisle order Rosalie to leave you alone as well. I love you... I didn't know you then." I choked on the last sentence.
"Neither did Edward, really, but he saved my life anyway, and apparently not just by stopping that van. It seems he saved me again by standing in your way. Oh, God…" Bella curled up into a ball and started rocking back and forth. Her breathing was becoming rapid and shallow. She was hyperventilating. I picked her up off the floor and tried to ignore the spike of fear as I carried her into our bedroom. I laid her down and pulled the blankets over her. I wanted nothing more than to calm her fears, but considering the fact that it was me she seemed to be afraid of at the moment, I doubted she would appreciate it. I leaned down and kissed her forehead.
"Bella, know that I love you more than life itself. I am sorry this hurt you, but hopefully you can understand my reasoning at the time. You don't need to fear me, Isabella. You know that. Your love has made me a better man." I started to walk away when she reached out and grabbed my hand. She still wasn't looking at me, though.
"Hold me. Sing to me." Bella whimpered through her tears. I slowly, carefully climbed on the bed and snuggled my chest against her back.
"Can I help calm you?" I asked. She nodded slightly, so I sent her calming waves of lethargy as I sang her a lullaby.
They didn't have you where I come from
Never knew the best was yet to come
Life began when I saw your face
And I hear you laugh like a serenade
How long do you wanna be loved?
Is forever enough? Is forever enough?
How long do you wanna be loved?
Is forever enough? 'Cause I'm never never giving you up
I slip in bed when you're asleep
To hold you close and feel your breath on me
Tomorrow there'll be so much to do
So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you
How long do you wanna be loved?
Is forever enough? Is forever enough?
How long do you wanna be loved?
Is forever enough? 'Cause I'm never never giving you up
As you wander through this troubled world
In search of all things beautiful
You can close your eyes and you're miles away
And hear my voice like a serenade
Bella fell asleep and I held her as I finally allowed the dry sobs to wrack my body. Hours later she was still asleep when I heard Alice and Adrian come in. I kissed Bella's cheek and carefully closed the bedroom door on my way downstairs.
"Rough day, huh?" Alice asked as I walked into the living room.
"Did you see this coming?" I asked. She shrugged her shoulders noncommittally.
"I'm trying very hard to not look at your futures anymore. It causes more harm than good." Alice said. Adrian made a quiet exit into the kitchen to let us talk.
"That's not true. If it weren't for your visions, Bella and I wouldn't be together right now." Alice raised her eyebrow at me and I realized how insensitive that sounded. "I'm sorry, Alice, that didn't come out right."
"Don't worry about it. But I mean it, unless it's life or death, I'm keeping my visions to myself from now on." Alice crossed her arms in front of her chest for emphasis.
"Alright, Alice. And yes, it was a rough day. Edward told Bella about how Rosalie and I wanted to kill her after the accident. I don't understand what would have possessed him to say that to her."
"Well, if it's any consolation, it's probably better that it's out in the open now, isn't it? She'll forgive you, don't worry."
"I thought you were keeping your visions to yourself," I teased.
"I'm not saying that because of a vision. I'm saying that because I know my best friend. She loves you and won't be able to stay mad at you for long. She's just in shock, that's all. She needs a little time to process all that information. It had to have come as a shock to know that her boyfriend was almost responsible for her premeditated murder." I hadn't noticed Adrian come back in with a sandwich and a bottled water.
"You know, guys, it's more than a little weird to hear how nonchalant you two are about this whole thing. I mean, your family actually had a conversation discussing whether or not to kill an innocent human being. Forget that it was Bella, our Bella, for a moment. You were still talking about killing a human, in cold blood, who had done absolutely nothing to you. That's just wrong, you guys know that, right?" Adrian kissed Alice on the forehead to let her know he wasn't mad at her, and sat down on the couch, setting his food on the coffee table. I wanted to argue with him, but he was right, of course. Knowing Bella, that was probably bothering her more than anything. She was always arguing that we were the good guys, not monsters. But at that family meeting, we actually voted on whether or not to do a very monstrous thing. Somehow, I was going to have to find a way to earn back her trust. Not just in me, but all of us.
A/N: The song he sang was 'Lullaby' by the Dixie Chicks. The Cullendales have finished Los Angeles and are making a quick stop in Hawaii!