This is after AshLynn died I wanted to kind of continue what's going on so I hope that ya'll like it.
I don't own Jeff Hardy and I do not own the song What Hurts The Most Rascal Flatts does.
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let em out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me
Jeff pulled up to AshLynn's momma's house. He sat in his Vette for a minute. He wasn't ready to go in there and help her pack up Ash's stuff. He sighed and got out and went up to the door and knocked. He heard shuffling from the other side and the door opened. Mrs. Cooper was a pretty woman so it's very easy to see where AshLynn got her looks from. All but her eyes, she had her father's eyes.
"Hello Jeff"
"Hey Mrs. C" she moved out of the way so I could enter. She closed the door behind me. She grabbed a box and handed it to me.
"Here, you can have anything that you want of AshLynn's"
"Thank you" I made my way up to AshLynn's room, it still smelled like her. I saw more boxes and I started putting some things in there. I stopped when I saw a box 'Me and Jeff pics' written on it, I grabbed it down and went and sat on her bed and lifted the lid. I saw hundreds of pictures of us and of just me and letters that I wrote to her. I looked through some of them and I put the lid back on and put the box in my box. I grabbed her CD's and put them in my box. On her dresser I saw a little jewelry box and I took it down and opened it. I saw her class ring and I took it out and looked at it. I put it on my pinky and continued to look through it and I found a decent sized chain in there. I put the ring through the chain and put it around my neck. I decided to leave her dressers alone; there was nothing I could do with her clothes. I started to look through her DVD's and I saw some labeled 'me and Jeff' and some labeled 'me, Jeff, and friends' so I took them and put them in my box. I decided to finish looking through her closet. I saw some of my sweatshirts, so I took them back. I took the rest of her hair ties. I decided that I was basically done in her room, so I said goodbye to her mother. I put the stuff in the backseat and headed home.
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
He got home 15 minutes later. He grabbed the box and sat it on the floor beside him and got out the DVD's out. He put the first one in and pushed play. When it started to play he saw AshLynn on the TV and asked.
"Is it on yet?"
"Yea" I told her
She was always smiling and laughing. But when she was mad you knew it to. I watched all the videos and I cried and laughed. Man I missed her so much, it feels like a huge part of me died when she did. I heard a knock on the door, I really wanted to be left alone, but I answered the door anyway and it was Matt and Dustin.
"Hey guys" I moved out of the way and let them in and shut the door behind them.
"Hey" they said
I showed them the videos and we all laughed and cried because like me they missed her. Dustin especially because he was her older brother. I couldn't imagine loosing my brother, but I do know what it's like loosing a parent and if it's anything like that…..I don't want to think about it. I got up to grab a beer.
"You guys want anything?" I asked
"Yea a beer" they said so I grabbed 3 beers and handed them out. We started talking about AshLynn.
"You know I miss they way she'd laugh till she cried at what we were doing for The Hardy Show" Matt said
"Yea I miss that to"
"I remember when at times she'd join you guys doing stupid stuff for that show" Dustin said. We laughed remembering those times
"Yea us to"
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder
Getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
Later that night I laid in bed and I swore to it that I could smell her and hear her laugh, but then I remembered that she's no longer here so it's not possible. I turned over and looked to the side she used to sleep on and I saw something there, and I noticed that it was a piece of paper so I grabbed it and opened it and as I read it I swear I heard her saying it.
"Jeff, I'll always be watching over you, if you ever feel alone just say my name and I'll be there, I love you always 'n' forever, Ash"
Tears welled up in his eyes and he felt like someone was there with him, holding him.
"God Ash I miss you so much, why did you have to leave me?"
He got up out of bed and went into the kitchen and grabbed his bottle of Jack Daniels and went up stairs he stopped by the couch and grabbed the box of pictures. He opened the bottle and took a big swig and sat it down and took the lid off the box and started looking at the pics. An hour later the Jack was gone and I was putting the pictures back into the box when I took one out and put it on my bed side table and put the lid back on and laid down and fell in a deep sleep.
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
(So much to say)
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Oh yeah
He woke up the next morning and got in the shower and decided to go to to AshLynn's grave site. He got dressed and grabbed his keys and cigarettes and got in his car and made the 10 minute drive to the cemetery. I parked my car and got out and found her grave it had 'AshLynn Marie Cooper April 24 1980- Sept. 26 2009, Daughter, Sister, friend, you will be missed dearly' and it had her senior pic on it. He really didn't know what to say. He just stared at her headstone for 5 minutes and he decided to go back home, he feels lost. He doesn't know what to do or how to handle anything anymore. He pulled in his driveway and saw Matt and Gil's cars. He sighs and gets out.
"Hey guys"
"Hey bro"
"Hi son" Gil looks at his youngest and he can tell that he's still in a lot of pain and he knows how it is because he felt the same when his wife died.
"It gets better son, someday it will" Jeff just looks at his dad. He knows that he's right it will get better but till then he's gonna feel like this for awhile.
"Yea I know, but what happens until then?" Gil didn't know what to say to that.
"Jeff…" Matt started to say
"No Matt you don't know what it's like losing the love of your life, so don't pretend like you know what I'm going through because you sure as hell don't"
"I never said that I did, did I? no so don't even start. And dad's just trying to help Jeff there's no need to be like that to him" Matt said and Jeff knew his dad had been trying to help and Jeff didn't mean to snap at him.
"I'm sorry dad, I just…"
"I know son, it's ok" Gill said
"No it's not, I…. I just don't know how to really deal with it"
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
(Much to say)
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
After Matt and Gill left he went back to her grave site knowing what he had to do. He sat down on the hard ground Indian style, he ran his hand through his hair and sighed.
"Hey Ash I hope that you can hear me" he chuckled to himself
"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for everything, and it sucks that it took this (he gestured to her headstone and himself) but it did and I'm sorry for it, you had so much to live for. I guess what I want to say is I'm letting you go, I won't ever forget you and I'll never love anyone as much as I do you but I gotta move on"
"Jeff" he looked up the sound of his name being called but he didn't see anyone but he heard it again and looked and he saw AshLynn there, he couldn't believe it.
"I know what your trying to say and I know you'll find someone some day and the pain and the hurt will go well not away but it will subside and I'll just be a dim memory, but that's ok I want you to move on and I love you more then anybody else and I'll always be there weither you see me or feel me, you'll know I'm there" Jeff smiled and got up and kissed her headstone.
"I'll always love you" and walked away from the love of his life again.
Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
So plz tell me what you think of this one. Love it, like it to hate it?
Love always 'n' forever
Chrissy
Aka: Hardygirl87