A Lesson in Fate Chapter 8: Lessons Learned, a twilight fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I do, however, own Adrian, this storyline, and a fantastic collection of cookbooks.

A/N: The songs sung at The Library, in case you want to listen along, are So Close by Jon McLaughlin, What About Now by Daughtry, and Lessons Learned by Carrie Underwood. Thanks as always to my beta, readingtime. She is better than chocolate.

Edward's POV

Bella didn't show up to our last class. I thought about calling or texting her to make sure that she was alright, but I stopped myself. It wasn't my job to keep tabs on Bella anymore. If something was wrong, I would have gotten a phone call from Alice, I'm sure. So instead, I pulled out her diary and started reading again.

March 3, 2005 -- Today was really strange. Edward decided to start talking to me again today. His first words to me after how many weeks of the cold shoulder – "It's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant." Jerk. Then he proceeded to tell me he INTENTIONALLY caused the traffic jam yesterday to 'give Tyler his chance.' I really should have rammed his car yesterday. My truck would've won. Stupid, shiny Volvo owner. He makes my head spin. One minute he is calling me absurd, the next he's asking me if he can drive me to Seattle the day of the spring dance, saying he didn't think my truck could make it and making some crack about wasting finite resources. Then after I agree to go to Seattle with him, he tells me that it would be 'prudent' for us to not be friends, but that he's tired of staying away from me, whatever that means. Maybe he has multiple personality disorder. Ooh, there's a theory – different colored eyes for different personalities! Today they were the color of liquid honey. I like that color. Geez, I'm hopeless.

He asked me to sit with him at lunch. Then he starts talking some nonsense about how if he's going to hell, he might as well do it thoroughly and how if I were smart, I'd avoid him. That one pissed me off. I may not be pretty, or rich, or popular, but I'm not stupid. I ended up going off on him about all his cryptic little comments and how I didn't understand how he could save my life under impossible circumstances one minute and turn into a total jerk the next. Then I go and tell him that I was trying to figure out what he is. I even go into the whole Bruce Wayne/Peter Parker analogy! Brilliant, huh? His response, when he got done laughing at me, was to suggest that he was the bad guy. I haven't figured out what he is yet, but there's just no way that's true, and I told him so.

He stole the lid from my lemonade that I had sitting on the table and started spinning it like a top, just staring at it while he told me he was skipping class 'cause it was healthy to ditch. I don't know if he was hoping I'd skip, too. The police chief's daughter doesn't ditch class. It would be like Angela cussing in public when her dad's the minister. You just know what not to get caught doing.

Then just when I thought my day couldn't get any weirder, we had blood typing in Biology. Blood typing! I just about passed out before I even got started. Mike was walking with me when I thought I was going to be sick. Of course, Edward shows up right then and picks me up like a Neanderthal and I was sure I was going to puke on him. He seemed to think it was funny that I fainted at the sight of someone else's blood. I asked him how he magically appeared at the perfect moment yet again and he said he was in his car listening to a CD. It was such a normal response, which coming from Edward seems utterly abnormal.

Edward flirted with Ms. Cope to get us out of last period, then dragged me to his car, literally, like by my coat collar, to drive me home. At first I was ticked because he was being so pushy and bossy, but then we ended up having another interesting conversation about our families and how I act older than my age. Then he had to go and mess it up. He said he is going camping at Goat Rocks, so he's not going to the beach with everyone this weekend, and asked me to try not to fall into the ocean or get run over. Stupid, beautiful, infuriating jerk.

I laughed to myself reading this passage. The night before was the first night I had snuck in her room and watched her sleep. The night she called my name in her sleep and begged me not to leave, just as I was about to do that very thing. The night when I realized I loved her, and I was going to make her mine. Not as a meal, not as a vampire. Just mine. She was so angry with me the next morning, and I guess I made it worse with the comment about her being unobservant. She apparently didn't hear the sarcasm in my voice. Bella was anything but unobservant.

I opened the desk drawer and pulled out the lemonade bottle cap from that lunch conversation. I clasped my fist around it as I thought back to that day. I wanted so much to tell her I loved her. Instead I insulted her intelligence. She thought it was odd that I would have been in my car listening to a CD? Funny, I actually was. Well, before I turned down the volume and started writing her lullaby, anyway.

I only dragged her to my car after the blood typing incident because I needed to be near her so desperately, even if only for a couple extra minutes. Plus I thought it would be good practice being alone in the car with her before the trip to Seattle. I shouldn't have been so forceful. I should have given her a choice. Hell, I had even threatened to drag her back if she'd made a run for it! I highlighted that section. What an idiot I was.

March 5, 2005 – Went to First Beach with the gang today. Mike started a driftwood fire by the beach – the flames were blue! It was so pretty! I went to the tide pools with him, mainly to get away from Lauren, but also because I love the tide pools. Charlie used to take me there when I was a kid. I wonder if Edward likes tide pools?

I skimmed past the rest of this entry. Just reciting the Quileute legends about us. Damn dogs.

March 6, 2005 – I had a nightmare last night. Jacob was there, holding my hand and pulling me through the woods. Mike was following us, telling us to run. Then Jacob was gone and there was a huge reddish brown wolf in his place. Mike kept yelling that we needed to run, but I wasn't listening. Edward was there, at the edge of the woods, holding his hand out to me and telling me to trust him. He looked scary, but I went to him anyway, but all of a sudden the wolf attacked Edward and I woke up. It scared the daylights out of me. Not for me, for Edward.

I did a bunch of research on vampires today. I think Jacob might be right. I think they might be vampires. I took a walk in the woods to clear my head, and I decided I don't care. If I had the chance to be with Edward, I would take it. If he was going to hurt me, he'd have done it by now, instead of saving my life. At least some of his odd behavior makes more sense now.

Wow. That was some nightmare. I was hunting with Emmett that night, I wasn't there. Only Bella would have a nightmare about being alone in the woods with a werewolf and a vampire, and wake up afraid that the vampire could have been hurt. She really does have a heart of pure gold.

Tuesday – March 8, 2005 – Holy Crow! Where do I even start??? I went to Port Angeles today with Jessica and Angela to help them pick out dresses for the dance. After they got their dresses, they wanted to walk by the bay for a while, but I wanted to find a decent bookstore, so I told them I would catch up with them at the restaurant. Bad Idea. I started daydreaming about Edward and managed to get myself lost in a bad part of town. I past by this group of four grimy guys and got scared, then I realized two of them were following me. They managed to herd me down a dark alley where the other two were waiting and they had me surrounded. I was trying to remember all the self-defense I'd learned, knowing it probably wasn't going to do me any good, when suddenly out of nowhere comes Edward my knight in shining armor, only with a silver Volvo instead of a white horse.

Edward insisted that we go to dinner, even though I told him I wasn't hungry. I'm not complaining, though. The waitress flirted with him the ENTIRE TIME we were there. I mean, seriously, subtle, much? I got him to admit he reads minds, and when I touched his hand to thank him for saving me, it was cold and hard as a rock, but wonderful all the same. It hurt me more than I should admit when he pulled away. He's a vampire. A vampire that drives like a lunatic, by the way. Anyway, when I told him that I knew what he was and that it didn't matter to me, he got angry. Really angry. Not because I figured it out, but because I told him it didn't matter! It broke my heart when he told me that it was a mistake to be alone with me. But then he promised to have lunch with me tomorrow. When he said sleep well, his face was so close to mine I could have kissed him. He smells so good, and his breath smells even better.

Three things I am absolutely positive about now. 1) Edward Cullen is a vampire. 2) Part of him thirsts for my blood. 3) I am unconditionally in love with him.

Just thinking about those men made my nonexistent blood boil. At least justice had been served. Carlisle had seen to it. The only reason they were still alive was because Bella deserved someone who was not a murderer. Bella really didn't like that waitress. She said I dazzled the girl. I couldn't have cared less. But when Bella said I dazzled her as well, that I very much cared about. That was the night she told me she knew. I laughed when I remembered her saying I was crabbier when my eyes were dark, that's how she knew when I was hungry. I shouldn't have pulled away from her when she touched me. I hadn't wanted too, it felt so wonderful, but I was afraid she'd be repulsed by me. She told me to trust her. I should have listened. When she said it didn't matter, I'd actually considered having Carlisle commit her. Her brain obviously had something wrong with it. But I heard the sadness in her voice when I told her it was a mistake to be alone with her. It gave me hope. It made me realize that in spite of everything, she wanted to be with me. Me. When I realized that Bella loved me too. Even then, though, I thought there was no way her love for me could possibly compare to mine for her. From the day we'd met, I'd underestimated Bella, in every way. I'd made her cry that night, one of many. But in the end, it was the happiest day of my life. Bella knew what I was, and she loved me anyway!

Now, I wondered if I would ever get that feeling back, that joyful exuberance that I only felt when basking in the warmth of Bella's love. A love that I would never take for granted again. A love that I now know was every bit as overpowering and all-consuming for her as it was, is, for me. Is it too much to hope that maybe, just maybe, she'll remember that feeling, that she could love me like that again?

Bella and Jasper were back in school the next day. Jasper gave me a look that could kill, but said nothing, humming "Yankee Doodle" in his head over and over. Bella looked sad, worn out. I tried to find out what was wrong once we got to class, but she didn't want to talk about it. Thursday was much the same. I had no idea what was bothering them. I'd even asked Alice and Adrian, who politely told me to butt out. Friday they seemed a little peppier. I'd like to say I was happy about it, and I was glad that Bella seemed happier. Was it completely wrong of me to hope there was trouble in paradise? I supposed it was. I tried to push that thought out of my mind.

Adrian came over in the late afternoon. Like Bella, he had brought three suitcases worth of clothing. He'd also brought a framed picture of him and Alice at his state championship game from last year to set by the bed.

"Welcome to Hotel Edward," I said, only it sounded much less welcoming to him than it had to Bella, I'm sure. After I set his bags down inside the guest bedroom, I went back to reading Bella's diary. It was the only thing I figured would get my mind off the fact that Adrian was here, which meant Bella and Jasper were there, alone. No wonder he was in a better mood today, I thought a little sourly. I was highlighting a passage I wanted to talk to her about when I noticed him standing in the entryway, leaning against the doorframe. He was shaking his head at me.

"I can't believe I'm doing this, Edward, but you need to get out of the house, man. Come on, put the guidebook down. I'm gonna grab a bite to eat, why don't you come with me?" I considered his request for a moment and decided that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. We hopped in the Porsche and headed for High Street.

As soon as we got out of the car, I smelled them. Bella and Jasper were here, somewhere nearby. "Come on, I hear that they serve a mean burger at The Library, and it's open mike night. That ought to be good for a laugh. Too bad I've got a game tomorrow, I could use a beer. Hell, I've even got a designated driver already." Adrian laughed as if that were the funniest joke in the world. When we walked in the door, the scent increased. I found them sitting at a table near the stage just as Jasper was getting up to…sing?

"Holy shit, I'm sorry, man, I had no idea that they were going to be here. Let's just go, I can get a burger anywhere." Adrian grabbed my elbow and tried to usher me out, but I was stuck in place. Then Bella turned around and saw us. She smiled and started waving frantically.

"Hey guys! Hurry up! Jasper's just getting ready to sing!" Jasper turned around at her voice and scowled at me. Go Home, he thought. But Bella was already up and out of her seat, taking Adrian and I each by the hand to drag us back to the table. Fine. I've been wanting to 'talk' to you anyway. Adrian sat next to Bella and I sat across from her as Jasper took the stage.

You're in my arms
And all the world is gone
The music plays along for only two,
So close, together, and when I'm with you,
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams must die,
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you,
And now forever I know,
All that I want is to hold you, so close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this one's not pretend
Now you're beside me and look how far we've come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days if I should lose you now
We're so close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this one's not pretend
Let's go on dreaming, though we know we are, so close
So close and still so far.

I could tell from Jasper's thoughts, which filtered through while he sang, that he and Bella had a fight and he was afraid, now more than ever, of losing her. Every insecurity he had came to the forefront. He was afraid she was finally seeing him for the monster he felt he was, afraid that he had lost her trust, afraid of the friendship she and I developed. He chose this song because he needed her to tell him that it was going to be alright, and she wasn't going to leave him…for me.

Does this mean there's a chance she still feels something for me? Is it possible he knows something that I don't? My mind was swimming with the possibilities. If that were the case, what should I do? I didn't want to overstep my bounds, I couldn't bear to lose what little of her I had left, but what if I could have it all again? It seemed too good to be true, and by the way Bella kissed him when the song ended, it would seem that it was.

Jasper sat down at the table and glared at me. You and I need to have a little conversation, brother. The waitress came over and took Adrian and Bella's orders. Jasper and I each ordered a coke for appearances sake. The DJ was asking for someone else to come up and take the mic, but he didn't seem to have any volunteers.

"Edward, why don't you sing a song? I haven't heard you sing in ages. Adrian, I'll bet you didn't even know Edward could sing, did you?" Bella sounded so excited about the idea.

"Ummm…no, I guess I didn't," Adrian replied awkwardly.

I thought about it for a long, hard moment. Finally, I decided I would sing a song that would hopefully let Bella know that if there was a chance, I wanted to take it. Hopefully, if it was all in my imagination, it wouldn't cause any issues. Here goes nothing. I stood on stage and looked only at Bella. I blocked everyone else from my mind, so that the only things left were the two of us.

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading from all the things we are
But are not saying
Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive
The ways I loved you
For all the things that never died
To make it through the night
Love will find you

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love had never went away?
What if it's lost behind
Words we could never find
Baby before it's too late
What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace
Shadows fade into the night
When I am by your side
My love will find you

Now that we're here
Now that we've come this far
Just hold on
There is nothing to fear
For I am right besideyou
For all my life
I am yours

Bella had tears in her eyes. What does that mean? I took a deep breath and focused on suppressing my feelings again as I approached the table. Jasper jumped up and grabbed me by the collar as soon as I got close. There was murder in his eyes. "Come on, little brother, it's time you and I had a little talk." Bella's eyes grew wide and we were starting to gain attention, so I willingly allowed him to lead me outside.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Jasper asked as he not-so-gently threw me against the wall.

"What are you talking about?"

"First your little slip on Monday and now this. You think I don't see right through you, huh? Can't you just accept defeat and move on?" I was truly confused. I understood him being upset about the song, but what else was he talking about?

"What slip? Jasper, I really don't know to what you are referring, but I would appreciate it if you would take your hands off me." I was trying to stay calm, Bella wouldn't like me hurting him, but I wasn't going to put up with this, either. After all the agony he'd put me through, I hadn't raised a finger to him. He let go and took a step back.

"What I mean, Edward, was you telling Bella that Rosalie and I had voted to kill her the night of the car accident." Jasper growled at me, looking more truly like a vampire than he had in a very long time.

"Jasper, first of all, I never told her that it was you and Rosalie, I only told her that some members of the family didn't agree with me saving her and saw her as a risk, and that I stuck around afterwards to make sure she was safe. Why, what happened?"

"Oh, nothing much," Jasper sneered. "Bella just wanted to know who in our family would want to hurt her, so I had to try and explain to her why I wanted to kill her. It made for a lovely evening, let me tell you. She is devastated, and I think the only reason she came with me tonight was because we'd been planning it since we got here and she didn't want to let me down. I don't know if she's ever going to trust me again now, and I get the sneaking suspicion that was exactly the response you were hoping for."

"Jasper, honestly, it was one small part of a much larger discussion. I'm surprised she focused on that at all. I'm not going to try and sabatoge your relationship. All I was doing was answering Bella's question as truthfully as possible. I'm done with lying to her, Jasper. I've learned my lesson."

Jasper seemed to ponder this for a moment. I let down my guard so he could feel my sincerity. "Alright, but what about that song choice, huh? You can't tell me that was just coincidental, too."

"Jasper, I love her just as much as you do, if not more. I am trying to be her friend, and I am trying to be supportive of your relationship with her because it makes her happy. On the other hand, I'm not going to lie and say that if she ever gave me a second chance, I'd turn it down. Maybe I shouldn't have sung that song, it obviously upset her, and you as well, which was not my intention."

"She loved it." He mumbled so quietly I wasn't sure I heard him right. Jasper looked in my eyes and I swear if he could cry, he would have been. I was jumping up and down on the inside, and felt a little guilty about it.

"Please, Edward. I know I'm a total hypocrite for saying this, but please, don't take her away from me. I love her. I need her." His voice broke on the last sentence. I understood his feelings completely. I felt the exact same way.

I clapped my hand on his shoulder. "Come on, we've left her alone in there long enough. I'm sure Adrian is fighting the guys off with a baseball bat by now." Jasper chuckled. I gave him a hug and we went inside. My jaw about hit the floor. Bella was on stage, singing.

"I didn't know Bella could sing."

Jasper gave me a sideways glance. "There's a lot about Bella that you never took the time to find out." We sat down at the table and Adrian eyed us warily.

"You two's little pissing contest was getting Bella really upset. I told her to go sing so she could get her mind off it." He was scowling at both of us. At least it wasn't just at me. I focused my attention on Bella, entranced. Her voice sounded so beautiful.

There's some things that I regret
Some words I wish had gone unsaid
Some starts that had some bitter endings
Been some bad times I've been through
Damage I could not undo
Some things I wish I could do all over again

But it don't really matter
When life gets that much harder
It makes you that much stronger
Oh, some pages turned, some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes
and every day I wondered how I'd get through the night
Every change life has thrown me
I'm thankful for every break in my heart
I'm grateful for every start

Some pages turned, some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned

There's mistakes that I have made
Some chances I just threw away
Some roads I never should have taken
Been some signs I didn't see
Hearts that I hurt needlessly
Some wounds that I wish I could have one more chance to mend
But it don't make no difference, the past can't be rewritten, you get the life you're given

Some pages turned, some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned

All the things that break you are all the things that make you strong
You can't change the past cause it's gone, you've just gotta move on
Because it's all lessons learned

Maybe Bella was trying to tell me something, too. It seems she's learned from her mistakes, and has regrets, just like me. I'm just now starting to learn about the mistakes I'd made. On the other hand, I need to live in the present if I'm ever going to get the chance to have my Bella back in my arms again.

A/N: So did you like it??? The Cullendales have left Hawaii and are heading for Inverness, Scotland! Who knows where the Naked Cullen Boys will show up next...