Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I do, however, own Adrian (yay!), Kelly, this story line, and a very extensive Disney movie collection...

A/N: First of all, I have some exciting news to announce. I have received three nominations for the Eddie/Bellie awards! Thank you to everyone who nominated me! I am honored and humbled. A Lesson in Release has been nominated for Best Completed Novel and for the S. Meyer Award for Grammar, Punctuation, and Spelling. NCB, Inc. has been nominated for Best Multi-Chapter Smut. Voting is open now at www (dot) thecatt (dot) net (slash) tw (slash) default (dot) aspx. The link is on my profile. Please vote today -- after you read this chapter, of course! Enjoy!

Thanks as always to my beta, readingtime. A special thanks to jilburfm, queen of smackdowns, ambiguous pronouns, f-bombs, and all things holy, I mean, holey!

Edward's POV

After Jasper had reclaimed Bella, I started to walk off the dance floor. "Could I have this dance?" I turned my head to see a pretty strawberry blonde asking to cut in on Bella and Jasper, but Jasper didn't seem to notice she was there. Maybe it was because I didn't want Bella to get upset by this girl's actions, maybe it was because I didn't want this poor girl to get her feelings hurt by being ignored, maybe it was because I thought this stranger seemed too sweet to be sad. For whatever reason, I took her by the hand and spun her into my arms to dance. She looked at me in shock, and I froze for a second, thinking she noticed my cold, hard skin. This was a bad idea. But then she smiled at me, and we started to move to the music.

I'd seen this girl in the music building before when I was heading for my Music Appreciation class, always lugging around a huge cello case. I had to admit, she was strikingly beautiful. She reminded me a little of Tanya, only much more shy and demure. I overheard Tanya's name in Jasper's thoughts and realized he had finally noticed this girl. I focused on his thoughts to see if I could learn any more about her. Maybe she could make Edward forget about Bella. She could be good for him, which would definitely make my life easier. Wait a minute…Bella's…JEALOUS? I dared not turn and look at them. I didn't want him to know I was listening in. I pretended to give this girl my undivided attention, but really I was just going through the motions, hanging on to Jasper's every thought. Then they started talking…about me.

"I felt guilty because I told Edward we were sleeping together and I was afraid I hurt him." He didn't know? Well, good, I'm glad he does now, Jasper thought. How crude. "As for the jealousy, don't take it the wrong way. It's just that I was thinking that the whole time I was with Edward, I always thought he would realize I wasn't good enough. She is exactly the type of girl I thought he would be with, someone blonde, beautiful, and perfect. Everything I'm not." Bella sounded so sad. Did she really think she wasn't good enough for me? How many times have I told her she was by and far the better person? I'm not even a person, I'm a monster, a monster who loves an angel. I made up my mind to talk to her about that at my first opportunity.

"Bella, he was the one who wasn't good enough for you, not the other way around. Never doubt that, never forget it." Through Jasper's thoughts, I watched Bella cringe at his words. I knew why. Bella reached behind her neck, looking like she was rubbing her neck, but I was almost certain she was fingering her NDNF charm. For the thousandth time, I wished I could read her thoughts. "Bella, look at me, darlin'. I love you. You are everything I never knew I always wanted." I waited with baited breath to hear what she would say to him.

"I love you, too." There it was. The cold, hard truth of the matter. No matter how much she used to love me, no matter how many times her diary screamed to me that it was real, it doesn't negate the fact that it's over. She doesn't love me anymore. She loves him. My chest ached and all I wanted to do was run and hide, but I couldn't do it without drawing a lot of attention, especially from the girl with whom I was dancing. I looked down at her and smiled politely. When the song ended, she lifted her eyebrows in a silent question. One more? I shrugged and continued dancing. Why not?

When the song ended, Jasper kissed Bella, and my chest tightened even more. "Come on, sweetheart. I think we've had enough for one night, don't you? Let's go home." Why is Bella wracked with jealousy and guilt? I can't believe she's jealous of Kelly dancing with Edward?! Was that possible??? I looked up hoping to catch Bella's gaze, try and see what she was thinking, but they were already out the door and gone. I sighed.

"Are you alright?" the girl asked. I turned back to her and nodded.

"You like that girl with Jasper, don't you?" she asked knowingly. He doesn't just like her. That girl hung the moon for him, I can tell. She didn't seem upset about it, for which I was grateful. I just nodded again.

"And you like Jasper?" She blushed and looked away before nodding. She bit her lower lip just like Bella. I swallowed hard against the string of memories flooding my mind.

"My name's Kelly. What's yours?" She really was sweet.

"Edward. I've seen you in the music building. You play cello?"

"Yes, I'm a music major. Do you like music?"

"Yes, actually, I do. I play piano." Kelly's eyes lit up, excited.

"You do? Maybe you could help me! I have to write a composition for one of my classes and perform it. I keep trying to write a solo, but in my head I keep hearing it as a duet. With a piano. But I didn't know who to get to play with me. Would you do it?" She looked so excited and hopeful. Live in the present, Edward, I told myself.

"Certainly. I've done a little composition myself. Let me know if you need help writing it."

"Okay! So…how do you know Jasper?"

"He's my brother." Ooh, maybe he can set us up! That's stupid, Kelly. Didn't you see the girl Jasper was wrapped around? He didn't even know you existed.

"Who's the girl?"

"My ex-girlfriend." I clenched my jaw, anxious for this song to end so I could get away from this girl and this conversation.

"Oh." Kelly said simply. Ouch. That stinks, she thought. She was kind enough not to press any further. When the song ended, I kissed her knuckles politely, thanked her for the dance and walked away. Alice and Adrian were staring at me as I walked away, their thoughts swimming trying to figure out why I was dancing with Kelly.

"I'll explain in the car. Let's go." Without a word, they both jumped from their seats and followed me out the door.

When we got back to their house, Alice and I could hear Jasper and Bella arguing. Even Adrian could hear them.

"You're being ridiculous!" Bella yelled. "I'm. Right. Here. With you! Not him. How many times do I have to remind you of that?!"

"Then why the fuck were you so jealous? And don't tell me it was just because you thought she was the type of girl that would steal him away from you, because it shouldn't matter to you anymore. But it obviously does!"

"Jasper – he was my first love. Do you remember your first love?" Jasper's thoughts drifted to a pretty southern belle in a white dress and hoop skirt with a parasol over her shoulder, smiling at him.

"Not exactly. I mean, I know what she looked like, and I know I loved her, but I don't remember much else about her. It was when I was human…"

"Well, how do you feel when you think about her?" Bella's voice was calm, calculating.

"Affectionate, I suppose?"

"And does it bother you to think after you left, that she probably moved on, married someone else, had his children?" Jasper pictured her with someone else, a rival suitor, with a small boy between them as they walked down a tree covered lane. "See, you don't even have to answer me. I can see it in your face! And that jealousy right there was for a woman from 230 years ago whose name you can't even remember!" Through Jasper's thoughts, I could see Bella's hands on her hips, her face scrunched up in determination. I laughed out loud.

"Alright, that's enough eavesdropping for one night," Alice chided. "Mind if we stay at your place tonight?"

"Yeah," Adrian said, his voice slightly slurred from the alcohol. "This could go on for hours, and if it doesn't, I definitely don't want to have to listen to the make-up sex." Alice smacked his arm. "Ow! Shit, baby, be careful! That's my throwing arm!"

I sighed in defeat and pulled the car back out of the drive, thinking about everything that transpired tonight. What does it all mean? Bella was definitely jealous, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me happy. But Bella's argument to Jasper made sense. It was probably just the remnants of first love, seeing me with someone else, no matter how innocent or insignificant the encounter may have been, was probably a temporary shock to her. Nothing more.

Alice and Adrian went to his room to get settled for the night. The guide called to me like her blood and although I really didn't want to fill myself with the false hopes the book gave me, I couldn't stop myself from picking it up.

March 12/13, 2005 – I'm writing this a day late because EDWARD CULLEN STAYED THE NIGHT WITH ME! I just had the most amazing day of my entire life! Edward showed up for our date right on time. He was really angry when I told him no one knew I was with him, but I expected that. He had me drive to the end of this road in the middle of nowhere and then proceeded to make me hike for FIVE MILES! Me! I have come to the conclusion that he can actually hear my heart beat, because every time I tripped and he caught me, my heart would skip a beat and he'd give me this little smirk. God, he's so perfect. Anyway, he seemed to get over being mad at me, and went back to the plethora of random questions he seemed to always have for me. It took us like three hours to get where we were going, but it was SO worth it. Out in the middle of the woods was the most beautiful meadow I'd ever seen, with tons of wildflowers and a little stream nearby. But it's beauty by and far paled to the beauty of Edward in the sunlight. He sparkled! Literally! I mean, his skin looked like it had thousands of tiny diamonds in it! I was so afraid to reach out and touch him, afraid he'd disappear, but he didn't. He seemed to like it when I ran my finger up and down his arm. His skin is so cool and smooth as satin, the perfect texture. He had bluish veins in his elbow. I don't know why that surprised me, but it did.

He did manage to scare the crap out of me once. It was my own fault. I wanted to smell that wonderful sweet breath of his and leaned in too close. He sprinted away from me so fast it was as if he disappeared and then reappeared on the other end of the meadow. "As if you could outrun me," he said. Then he ripped a tree out of the ground and threw it into another tree so hard it shattered. "As if you could fight me off," he said. That was when I figured out he was trying to scare me off. Nice try. Fat chance. Honestly, he'd never looked more beautiful to me than he was right then, showing me his vampire side, a side no one outside of his family gets to see. He calmed down, took me by the hand, and swore he would never hurt me. I think he was trying to convince himself more than me, but whatever.

Our meadow. It used to be my meadow, my secret hiding place. The moment she stepped foot in it, it became forever ours. I remember everything about that day, every touch, every breath, every word. The way she caressed my arm, traced the path of my veins, was so warm, so pleasant, so comforting.

Even then, she had me all figured out, didn't she? She was right, I was trying to scare her off, for her own good. I was trying to convince myself I couldn't hurt her. There were two distinct possibilities according to Alice's visions, and I wasn't particularly pleased with either of them. I was determined to change the future. I didn't want her dead and I didn't want her changed. I still don't, although I think if it would bring her back to me, I would be too selfish to say no.

He finally opened up to me about himself, about why it's so hard for him to be around me. He said my blood smells tastier to him than anyone else's ever has. Just my luck, right? Said I was like his favorite brand of heroin. Apparently his brother Emmett met someone like me once or possibly twice before. They didn't make it. Edward said that it took everything he had not to kill me right there in the middle of that room full of children. Yes, children. That bothered me, not so much because he thought of killing me, because he's a vampire, I understand that. It bothered me because if he sees everyone else in the class as children, then that must be how he sees me too, right? Actually, come to think about it, he did refer to me as an 'insignificant little girl' when he talked about how he convinced himself to come back from Alaska. I'm not going to dwell on it, though. Too many other good things happened.

I guess I did see her as a child, in some ways, didn't I? That had to have been so insulting to her, I'm surprised she never said anything. In some ways she was more mature than I, despite the vast difference in our ages. It was wrong of me to think so condescendingly of her. She deserved better than that.

Then he started telling me how hard it had been when he had to resist killing me, and how his family got mad when he tried to save me. Except for Carlisle and Alice, even though he cringed when he said Alice was on his side. I didn't get that. I felt so bad for him, suffering like that, just to keep me alive. He said he would never hurt me now because I "am the most important thing to him ever." *Swoon!* "and so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" he said. How romantic is that?! He laid his head over my heart for the longest time, getting used to my smell, I think.

That was the nice part of the date. Then came the not so nice part. He decided to show off and fling me on his back and carry me back to the truck – at warp speed! I felt like I'd stuck my head outside an airplane window or something! I got motion sickness so bad I thought I was gonna puke. It was worth it, though. Edward kissed me! Of course, I had to go and ruin it by getting too excited kissing him back and freaking him out. Still, it was my first kiss, and it was with Edward, and it was wonderful!

Edward told me all about him and his family, which was very cool. He was born in 1901! When we got to the house, he knew where my spare key was, and seemed to know his way around my house as well as I do. He's been spying on me in my sleep! Worse, listening to me talk in my sleep! About him! I was mortified!!! Then he said the sweetest thing…he said if he could dream at all, he would dream about me. See what I mean? Perfect. Even when I find out he's being all stalkerish, I end up just being flattered.

Our first kiss. I closed my eyes and felt it all over again in my memory, her soft, warm lips pressed against mine, her heartbeat fluttering erratically, her fingers in my hair. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't pull away and make her feel bad for reciprocating. I would deepen the kiss and pull her body flush to mine and not stop until she told me to. I would make love to her in our meadow, right then and there. Then I would take her away, someplace far away from Forks and my family and James and Victoria, someplace where happily ever afters really can come true.

She thought me watching her sleep was stalkerish? I highlighted that section and put a note in the margin to ask her if she still feels that way. If she does, I won't do that anymore. I really missed that, though, these past 10 months. I enjoyed it so much last week, even if she didn't know I was there. I will ask her permission next time, and hopefully she won't mind.

He left when my dad got home. As soon as I could, I ran upstairs and called for him out the window, but he was already there. I turned around and there was Edward – laying ON MY BED! I thought I was going to die, and I would die happy. I suddenly wished I had something sexy to put on to sleep in instead of my usual holey t-shirt and sweatpants. Something from Victoria's Secret would be good.

He was kissing my jawbone, and my ear, and tracing his finger along my collarbone – it drove me absolutely crazy! We talked about the glory of first love, and how powerful the emotions associated with it were – joy, jealousy, all of it. He was jealous of Mike Newton? That is so silly! Especially when he told me that Carlisle made Rosalie for him. Rosalie! Only the most beautiful woman on the planet! How is plain ole' me supposed to compete with that?

Jealousy associated with love. Well, we have a whole new spin on that now, don't we? I'm incredibly jealous of Jasper, and tonight Bella was jealous of Kelly. Jasper, it would seem, is jealous of me. I pondered that for a while. Life had become rather complicated as of late.

My dad came in to check on me, so I had to lay down and pretend to be sleeping. Edward surprised me by laying down with me after Charlie left and whispering in my ear. It was so…erotic. I asked him, in a roundabout way, if it would be possible for us to…be…together. He said that he didn't think so…that I was too breakable. I didn't say anything. He thought I was scared. I wasn't. I was disappointed. He told me that he was a virgin, too, though, and he hinted that he did find me attractive like that, so maybe there's hope. He hummed a lullaby for me and I fell asleep in his arms. I'd never slept so good.

This morning I told him I loved him and he told me I was his life. Sigh!

"Engrossed, are you?" Alice startled me.

"I guess I was." She plopped down next to me and held her hands out. "May I?"

I closed the book and moved it out of her reach. "No offense, Alice, but it is Bella's diary. I don't think she'd appreciate me passing it around if you know what I mean."

"Good answer," Alice smirked. "Maybe there's hope for you yet."

"Funny, your boyfriend just said the same thing to me yesterday."

"It's not like he hates you, Edward. He just hates how you treated her, how you made her feel. Bella is more family to him than his real family ever was. He would protect her with his very last breath and not regret it for a moment. I feel the same way about you, so I can't exactly hold it against him." I leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Alice, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Is there any chance…for Bella and me? Do you see us ever getting together?" Alice immediately started singing "If You Seek Amy" in her head. Damn, she knows how much I hate Britney Spears.

"I have already told Jasper this. I'm done with messing with the future. If it's not something trivial, or something life and death, I'm keeping my visions to myself. As vampires, we always see ourselves as unchangeable, but that's not true. I've learned from my mistakes. Adrian has made me a better person and helped me realize that a lot of times when I was trying to help, that all I was really doing was butting in where I didn't belong. I think you're learning from your mistakes, too, so I hope you can respect my decision to just let things play out however they will. Make your decisions based on what is in your heart, not based on what is in my head, okay?"

As much as I would have liked some clue, some reason to hope or to give up, I wouldn't argue with Alice about it. I could see where she was coming from. I'd often wondered myself if our reactions to her visions weren't causing them to be self-fulfilling prophecies.

"So what was up with that girl you were dancing with?"

"Her name is Kelly. She was asking Jasper to dance, but he was so wrapped up in Bella that he didn't even notice, so I danced with her. That's all there was to it."

"She seemed like a nice girl."

"She was. We had a pleasant conversation. She's a music major, plays the cello. She asked me if I'd help her with one of her classes, but I was so upset when I left that I forgot to exchange information with her." I shrugged nonchalantly.

"Oh well, if she really needs help, she'll either track you down or find someone else." I raised an eyebrow at her, wondering if she saw something to make her say that.

"What?!" Alice asked, offended. "Does no one think I have an original thought in my head? Does EVERYTHING I say have to do with a vision somehow?" She threw her hands up in exasperation. "Ugh!"

I laughed hardily. Alice rolled her eyes at me. "I'm going to hop in the shower before it's time to wake Adrian up. By the way, he told me you made him breakfast yesterday. Way to suck up to the best friend!"

I pouted at her. "I wasn't sucking up. I was trying to be nice." Alice just laughed as she walked away.

A/N: The NCB Boys are making a quick stop in Houston, and then they are on their way to Charlotte, NC. After their sold out show, they will be giving a private performance to NCMomof2, who correctly identified the Fools Rush In movie quote in the last chapter.