Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I do own this storyline, my OCs, and an ancient laptop that is slower than molasses in winter.
A/N: Readingtime, changedbyEdward, JustBiteMePlease -- thanks for your help on this one... Love you H&R
Jasper's POV
When Bella left for Edward's, I hunted. I didn't want to, but she and Alice weren't exactly giving me a choice. I quickly found a 10 point buck, and I didn't just kill it. I massacred it. I took all of my frustrations out on my prey, and then sat in the woods, shaking like a leaf. It reminded me of my trip to Canada with Alice, when Alice had bit me and Bella was the only thing able to soothe me. From our first night together, Bella has always been the only thing able to soothe me. Our first night together. When she was still with Edward and I was prepared to pleasure her for one night only and return her to the arms of the one she loved. 'Get it out of your system,' Alice had said.
Spending the night with Bella was the most terrible and most wonderful thing I'd ever done. Terrible because I knew what I was doing to Edward. I knew he didn't deserve it. I knew how much he loved her. I knew what it was doing to Alice, too, even though she tried to hide it. Wonderful because it was Bella, and she was worth it, and in the end, I couldn't care about anything else. Not Edward, or Alice, or even my own guilt.
I hate him now. I hate him because he still loves her. I hate him because she can't let him go. I hate him because he never even gave me the satisfaction of punching me in the face for my indiscretion so I could have a valid reason to hate him. But mostly I hated him because deep down I was afraid that I didn't deserve Bella. And he did.
Sure, he'd messed up too. We all had. I should never have gone to Edward's room that night, or to Bella's after that, and I damn well shouldn't have let myself fall in love with her. Alice should have kept her visions to herself. She shouldn't have sent me to Bella's that night, knowing what would happen if she did. She shouldn't have helped us cover our tracks. Bella shouldn't have been so quick to give up on Edward. She should have been more loyal to him. And Edward. Edward shouldn't have made it so hard for her to stay loyal. He shouldn't have been so controlling, and possessive, and scared to give her what she needed.
But all those things happened, and even vampires can't turn back time. Not that I would anyway. Too many good things had come with the bad, even with the guilt that Bella and I share. Alice was with Adrian now, and there has never been a more perfectly suited couple. Bella and I were together, and I love her more than life itself. Miraculously, she loves me, too, even when I royally screw up. I realize now that I will never have her whole heart, that Edward will always have his place in her life, and maybe instead of hating him for it, I just need to accept it. Be okay with the part she is able to give me. It's enough. But am I enough for her?
I pulled the ring out of my pocket and stared at it. When I bought it, we were in Forks, and blissfully happy. There was guilt, yes, but there was love, and trust, and desire, and it was perfect. Bella and I lived in our own little 'you and me against the world' bubble. I didn't think that would ever change. But it did. I saw it in Alice's eyes when she told me she was done reacting to her visions. I saw it in Edward's eyes when he said he was done lying to Bella. And I saw it in Bella's eyes after the first night she spent at Hotel Edward.
I felt guilty for our infidelity and the damage it had caused. Or at least I acknowledged that I should feel guilty about it. But deep down I really didn't care, because I had Bella. Bella, on the other hand, did care about the hurt we'd inflicted, and cared deeply. Too much for my liking. I kept wanting her to say that it was worth it, but she never did. Even worse was the realization that she didn't want it to be 'you and me against the world' anymore. She wanted to make all the hurt go away for everyone else, make everybody happy, and that was wonderful. It was one of the many reasons I loved her. I was just terrified that making everybody happy would translate into everyone but me.
I stood hours later with no more answers then when I had sat down, and headed for home. Headed for Bella. Because when all was said and done, she was the only one that could soothe me. And there was only one question that I really needed her to answer. Will you marry me? Thursday couldn't come fast enough.
This Tuesday started much like last Tuesday; Bella laughing and joking with Edward as they exited their classroom, followed by Bella running to my awaiting embrace, and my heart breathing a sigh of relief. Edward looked away, saying a quick goodbye before he disappeared into the crowd.
Wednesday passed with little incident. I got lucky in history. The professor decided to team us up in pairs for the genealogy project and we could choose whose family tree we were going to research. Kelly and I were paired up together, and gratefully she had no issue in us researching her family, which saved me a lot of time forging false records.
This morning was interesting, to say the least. I was so excited that the big day had finally arrived. Bella and I met as we usually did after her class with Edward, but she told me that she was meeting Alice in the Oval and Alice was joining her at lunch for some 'girl talk.' Bella looked nervous and Edward smiled encouragingly at her, for which she was grateful. It bothered me that whatever it was Bella wanted to talk to Alice about, Edward knew, but I didn't. I felt a little better, however, when I realized that Adrian had no clue what was going on, either. Alice had given him the same speech. After lunch, Bella and Alice met Adrian and I at the picnic table we were hanging out at on the oval. They were arm in arm, positively beaming. Bella was putting off such a feeling of happiness and relief that I couldn't help but smile at whatever it was that made her feel so light and joyous. Just then, Bella's eyes narrowed as she looked off to her right in time to see Edward and Kelly exiting the music building together. Bella was feeling a strange combination of jealousy, guilt, and happiness. Edward saw us and waved, then asked Kelly if she wanted to meet everyone.
Kelly and Bella eyed each other with suspicion as they were introduced, and then Kelly smiled more warmly as she met Alice and Adrian. She said hello to me, then politely made her exit, but not before telling Edward with great anticipation that she would see him on Sunday. Bella's pain flashed in her eyes, but she quickly hid it from everyone. Well, everyone but me. And possibly Edward, because he looked at her pointedly and said "Music project, remember?" I reminded myself that it didn't matter. She loves me and that is enough. I wrapped my arm around her waist and gave her a little squeeze. She looked at me gratefully, understanding what the gesture meant, and rewarded me with a kiss on the cheek.
After Adrian left for Hotel Edward and Alice left to hunt, Bella got ready for our date. I hadn't told her what we were doing, simply that I was taking her out for a nice dinner. She came down in a gorgeous emerald green cocktail dress that I was quite certain Alice must have purchased. Her hair was pulled up on the sides, and curled in relaxed tendrils which flowed down her back. I swept her into a kiss before we headed out. I put every ounce of hope and anticipation that I could into that kiss without projecting my emotions.
Bella enjoyed dinner. We had gone to a little French restaurant. It was quaint, without being overly fancy. Bella ordered a shrimp and rice dish with a rich cream sauce that she seemed to love, and crème brulee for dessert. The waiter brought her a red rose when he gave me the check and she, of course, blushed. The conversation flowed easily and for the first time in a while it was Jasper and Bella again. I took it as a good sign. Afterwards we parked near campus to go for a walk. I bought her an ice cream cone, which she miraculously managed to not get on her dress as we walked around, enjoying the crisp evening air as the sun set. I led her to Mirror Lake, a small manmade pond on the outskirts of campus. It was set somewhat into a hill, which was carved out creating a wall on one side of the path, with the pond on the other, making it rather secluded. As we approached, Bella noticed the dozens of floating candles that were now illuminating the lake thanks to me pulling a few strings. I led her to a nearby bench to sit. Bella looked at me warily, nervousness creeping up on her like a fog.
"Bella, I know that things have been awkward between us these past two weeks, and I know that I am largely to blame for that. I have let my jealousy overpower my logic and it was wrong of me." Bella didn't respond, so I continued. "I love you, Bella. You have been my best friend, my confidant, my counselor, my lover for almost a year now, and I have never been happier or more at peace with myself. You soothe my soul, ignite my desire, and warm my body and heart."
"I love you, too, Jasper," Bella answered quietly. She was still incredibly nervous and her heart was beating faster than a dragonfly's wings. I leaned forward and kissed her chastely. She put her hands on my forearms and pulled me closer and I deepened our kiss languidly, letting all the tension that had been forging a wall between us dissipate. As I kissed her, I tried to find the perfect words. Will you marry me? Bella, will you marry me? Bella, would you do me the honor of being my wife?
My cell phone rang with Alice's ringtone. I pulled back from Bella, took the phone from my pocket and hit ignore. I put it away and took Bella's hands in my own, setting them in her lap. "Bella, will…" The phone rang again. I growled and raised a finger to Bella asking her to give me one minute. Worry and relief washed over her at once. The relief vanished quickly, however, when she overheard the one word neither of us ever wanted to hear again.
"The Volturi are coming. Jasper, you and Bella need to come home. Now. Edward is already here with Adrian, and Carlisle and Esme will be here shortly. Luckily, they were already on their way for Bella's party."
"Alright, Alice, just give me a few minutes and we'll be on our way." This would definitely put a crimp in the post-proposal celebration I had planned. Damn it!
"No, Jazz. I know what you're about to do. You can't. Not right now. Just come home. I'll explain everything when you get here." Alice's voice was sharp and forceful, leaving no room for negotiation. "Right. Now. Promise me."
"Alright, Alice, I promise. We'll be home in ten minutes." When I hung up, I felt Bella's panic.
"What's going on? All I heard was Volturi." Bella was already heading back up the path towards the car.
"Bella, don't worry, darlin'. Everything will be fine. Let's just get back to the house and find out what the situation is before we panic." Bella nodded her head and started chewing on her bottom lip.
When we got to the house, there was a flurry of activity going on. Carlisle and Esme had already arrived. He and Edward were at the kitchen table, and Carlisle was obviously speaking to Edward silently, with Edward nodding sporadically in response. I could hear Alice and Esme upstairs, moving throughout both bedrooms with vampire speed.
Adrian had a cardboard box sitting on the coffee table, and was taking a picture off the mantel before wrapping it in newspaper and putting it in the box. He looked up at us as we closed the door behind us. He ran over to Bella and pulled her into a tight embrace. The sorrow coming off of him was so strong I could almost taste it. He was crying hysterically, and it was so strange to see this tough guy with Cary Grant style and grace, broken and sobbing. Alice and Esme came downstairs when they heard us come in, and were standing on the stairs looking at the scene before them, Esme with pity, Alice with absolute devastation.
"Would someone like to explain to me what the hell is going on?" Adrian's head darted up at my words and his eyes met with Alice's. He kissed Bella on the cheek and left her side to meet Alice on the stairs. They sunk onto the steps in each other's arms. Esme came down and kissed my cheek before hugging Bella, then leading her by the hand to the kitchen table. I followed wordlessly behind them. Edward and Carlisle's conversation seemed to reach a conclusion, and I felt both Carlisle's relief and trepidation.
Edward's eyes locked with Bella's then, and if it weren't for the fact that I knew he couldn't read her mind, I would swear they were having a silent conversation of their own. Prick.
Alice and Adrian appeared behind me, arm in arm, and it appeared as though she was holding him up. "Alice, please," I begged. "What is going on?"
"I had a vision. The Volturi are sending representatives to check on Bella's change. In my vision, they found out she was with you, and human. They…killed…Bella and Adrian. They took Edward, you, and me to Italy and when we refused to join them, they killed us, too."
"Oh my God. That's why you're packing. Alright, so we run. We should be able to be out of here by daybreak. I'll contact Jenks…" I was in full-on strategy mode when Carlisle interrupted me.
"No," Carlisle stated softly, but with conviction. "It won't work. Alice has already tried a dozen different scenarios. There is only one solution that will protect everyone concerned."
"Okay. What is it?" I couldn't rid myself of the sense of foreboding.
"The only thing that saved Bella and Edward on their last run-in with the Volturi was Marcus. He felt the strength of their bond, and Aro saw it in Marcus' thoughts. If the Volturi come here and have any reason to believe that anything has changed in that regard, the results would be disasterous." Remorse mingled with her extreme sadness.
"What are you saying, Alice?" Alice looked down, not wanting to be the bearer of bad news.
Carlisle spoke for her. "What she is saying, Jasper, is that Bella needs to move in with Edward. They must act as though nothing has come between them. They will pretend they are getting married over the summer, and that the plan is to change her after the honeymoon. Bella is not the only one who needs protection, though. The Volturi cannot know of Adrian's relationship to Alice. Adrian is going to stay with one of his teammates in the football dorms until they have left, and you and Alice will need to pretend to be a couple again, as well. Their focus will not be on you, but on Edward and Bella, so you will only need to pretend while you are in public." Which means Edward and Bella will have to pretend 24/7. Fuck. That.
"No! I can't agree to this!" I looked to Alice, pleading. "There's got to be another way…"
"Do you think we're any happier about this than you are, Jasper?" Alice accused, and Adrian buried his head in her shoulder, whispering in her hair to calm down. "Do you think I haven't tried every other possibility?!"
Shit. Of course she had. I hung my head and looked back at Carlisle. "How long until they get here? And more importantly, how long until they leave?"
"Well, that's the crux of it. They will be here in two weeks, which gives us just enough time to prepare. They are sending Heidi and Felix, which offers us much better chances than when they were considering sending Jane and Alec. However, Heidi and Felix are the two members of the guard who are most accustomed to being around humans. There is a distinct possibility that when they find out Bella's transformation date has been set for June, that Aro will have them stay here to keep an eye on us until then."
"Wait…for the entire school year?!" Fuck. This cannot be happening!
"Possibly. It will depend on Aro's decision after they call him. We won't know for certain until then. What we do know is that we have two weeks to prepare. Bella, you need to move to Edward's as soon as possible, no later than Sunday." Bella looked at Carlisle with no expression on her face. She felt completely numb.
"Why so soon if they're not going to be here for two weeks?"
Adrian let go of Alice and walked out of the room. Alice looked at me. I'd never seen her so pained. "Two reasons. One, because we need to air the human scents out of the house before they arrive. Two…because it will take that long for Edward and Bella to get comfortable enough being together again to pull off the ruse." There it was. The one sentence that made the horrific reality of the situation set in. Bella and Edward will not only have to live under the same roof, they will have to be convincing. They will have to be…affectionate. They will have to act as though they're in love. And I will have to stand by and watch. Worse, I will have to act like there is nothing wrong.
Carlisle stood up and put his hand on my shoulder reassuringly. I looked in his eyes, let down my defenses and let him feel the agony that was coursing through me. You might as well have asked me to give up my limbs. It would have been easier. Never before had I ever felt as much like a helpless child who needed his dad as I had at that moment. "For Bella. And Adrian. For all of us." I barely nodded. "Jasper, I need to hunt. Will you go with me, show me where you go?"
Carlisle turned to Edward, who had been sitting quietly looking at his hands in his lap the entire conversation. Edward nodded without meeting his gaze. And all I felt from him was calm. Hey Edward! You really think that calm shit fools me? You're loving this, aren't you? Edward didn't even flinch.
Bella stood as I approached her, still completely numb, utterly overwhelmed by the course of events. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her. I didn't care who saw. I needed her. I let the flood gates open and poured all my love into her, and she returned my love in kind. I kissed her like it was the first time. I kissed her like it was the last time. I kissed her as though our very lives depended on it. Eventually Carlisle's hand was on my shoulder again.
"Come on, Jasper. You still have Bella's birthday tomorrow, and the football game on Saturday. Bella needs you to be strong." Bella nodded at me resolutely and I did the only thing I could then. I walked out the door with Carlisle behind me and disappeared into the night.
Carlisle and I hunted in silence, and then we sat, ironically very near the spot where I had been sitting just days before contemplating my pending engagement.
"Jasper, when we go back, you will find Edward's mother's engagement ring on Bella's finger. Alice determined it was best for him to give it to her tonight. Please, for Bella, don't make her feel guilty for it. It's not her fault." He might as well have stabbed me through the heart. Wordlessly, I took the ring out of my pocket and placed it in his waiting palm. He inspected it in the moonlight. "It's lovely." He put it back in my hand and I clenched my fist around it.
"I was 30 seconds away from proposing, Dad. I was mid-sentence for God's sake." I think it was the first time I'd ever referred to Carlisle as 'dad.' He was kind enough not to acknowledge it. He recognized it for what it was.
"I know, son. Alice told me. It's one of the reasons she insisted on putting the other ring on Bella's finger tonight. If you and Bella were to be engaged, and then have to be separated for an indefinite period of time, I would have to believe that it would make this even harder on the both of you than it already will be." I realized he had a point, but couldn't hide my resentment at the entire situation.
"Zeus must really hate me." I laughed at my own dark humor. Carlisle chuckled along with me. There was nothing else to do, really.
"If it's any consolation, I'd have bet money that she would have said yes."
A/N: Team Jaspers, please don't hate me. I actually did it this way to make it easier on Jasper, 'cause I love him. Oh, and someone asked me how long this story is going to be. If I had to take a guess, I would say about 40 chapters, so we're not quite half way there.
If you have read Hiding in Plain Sight by the wonderful Limona, you will recognize that our two stories now bear in common a critical plot point. Please be aware that although the similarity is coincidental, I have already consulted Limona and received her blessing. If you have not yet read Hiding in Plain Sight and have no idea what I'm talking about right now; run, don't walk to her story and read it. Right after you review. The link can be found on my favorites list.
The Naked Cullen Boys are concluding their Texas portion of the tour with a trip to Dallas! cdunbar -- I've got your private show all lined up for you, Jazz and Adrian, right?