Love and Hate

"Well Kim?" Cindy said. Kim shook her head mutely. Kim's mother sighed.

"Kim… we don't' mean to hurt you, but Cindy is right… you can't…move on until you…" Kim, lips pressed together shook her head again, in mute refusal. Ron looked at her through his one good eye.

"How about if you tell me, KP." He said. Now Kim looked panicked. She shook her head again, and this time a tiny moan escaped her.

"KP?"

"I can't…" Kim said, in a tiny voice, "You'll hate me… you'll see that your mom and dad were right…" Ron's face paled with anger, but not at Kim.

"So that's part of it, isn't it Kim." He said, "Kim, they were stupid..."
"No…. Shego said that would happen…that I'd wreck your family, and it came true…it did!" Ron closed his eye and sighed. Cindy and Margaret waited and then, just as they were about to speak, Ron looked at Kim and spoke.

"KP… if you will tell me… I'll….try to get back together with mom and dad. No promises. But I will try."

"Will you…you try and forgive me?" Kim asked him, sounding about five years old.

"What?" Ron said, "Of course… Kim, there's nothing you could do to…"

"Yes there is…" Kim said, "I'm… it's a lie, Ron… I'm not… I'm just a coward…a little girl who played at being brave…that's what happened." She shuddered. "I'll tell…. And then…you'll understand." She looked up at her mother, "You too mom… and you'll hate me as well." Margaret started to say something, but a look from Cindy silenced her.

"It was…" Kim shuddered. "When Shego beat me last." Margaret looked at Cindy—Kim had told Cindy, but Cindy had refused to tell her mother—and Margaret understood the oaths that bound her.

"She… she…." Kim squeezed her eyes shut, "She took me out and tied Ron up and told me that if I could beat her, he could go…you remember Ron, right?"

"Yeah, KP…"

"I tried… I tried…" Kim said, "But I was so tired and weak…and Shego just laughed, and kicked me around and then she started pulling my clothes off…and she kept laughing…" Kim was hunched over, trying to shield herself from something nobody else could see. "And she kept making jokes about me…and I couldn't stop her…she hit me in the muscles, in the pain points…and then she kicked my legs out from under me and said that I wasn't interested enough in saving Ron, so she'd just save me the trouble of getting him killed myself and do him now." Kim didn't say anything, as Ron put on hand lightly on her shoulder.

"And then I managed to hit her from behind…I was crazy, I was screaming and I don't remember what…and then Shego was screaming back at me that no skanky bitch was going to make her a laughing stock…and she threw me across the room and kicked me and it hurt…" Kim was hyperventilating… and Cindy shuddered…she had heard this before and Ron had seen it, but Kim's mother was the color of new milk. Kim waited a moment and then calmed down…slightly.

"And then she pushed me down and all I had on were my panties, and she used her claws to slice my back and that hurt worse than anything else, and I screamed…but Shego said she was going to fix that pretty face of mine so that nobody would ever look at me again…and I was screaming and she was screaming and then Ron..Ron…." Kim put her face in her hands, unable to continue. Cindy looked at Ron. The disfigured teen was patting Kim on the back, his face pale, but controlled. He looked at the two adults.

"You know, if you're pissed enough you can pull your hands through cuffs?" Ron said. "Maybe I was skinnier—or maybe Shego had misjudged but I only lost a bunch of skin, and no broken bones…" He paused, "And then I got medieval on her god-damned ass." He shrugged, "Too bad it didn't work out like I hoped it would."

"But it did…" Kim said. "It would have, if not for me…" She looked at her mother, "Mom, you have to understand, Ron was winning…, he was beating her, and then she leaped over to me and grabbed me and put her hands to my neck and she said if Ron didn't… if Ron didn't…"

"Give?" Kim nodded.

"He did…he did because of me, because I was just blubbering, and then Shego had a ch-cha-chance to get her breath back and she jumped on him and she was screaming about him… and she just kept hitting you Ron, and hitting and hitting and hitting," Kim's voice started to scale up into hysteria. Cindy patted her pocket, confirming that the syringe was there if needed.

"And then she put her hands to your face, and called her fire and dragged her hands down and I could smell your skin burning and you screamed and passed out an-an-an…." Kim started sobbing, uncontrollably. Her mother came and hugged her in the chair, kneeling by her. Ron's hand on her other shoulder, and Rufus crooning in her ear. They waited, two children and two adults in a room…alone except for the ghosts of Kim's memories, watching from every shadow.

"I don't remember anything else Kim…" Ron said softly, "So what happened than?" Kim shook her head, and refused to take it out from where she had buried it in her mothers arms.

"Kimmie." Her mother said, calmly, in her doctors voice, while tears crawled down her cheeks into her daughters hair. "Do you trust me." A tiny shudder went through Kim's body, but she nodded. "Then tell us… this is killing you, it's eating you alive…and the only way to stop that is to let it out. Nobody else will ever know…not your friends, not your father, not your brothers…but…" her mother paused, as Kim shook her head.

"Kim." Ron said, and suddenly there was a tone in his voice that pulled Kim's head around, to where she was looking at Ron. Cindy looked up at Ron, as did Kim's mother. The tone was…certainty… like Ron had been working through something and had finally came to a decision.

"What?"

"Rabbi Katz and I were talking…. And I think I understand now." He looked at her quietly, "You're ashamed….afraid that we'll think you should be ashamed if you tell us…right?" Kim nodded. Ron sighed, "Kim… that's your Kimness…that's your Kimness trying to kill you. Tell us. Tell us what happened. I promise, there is nothing…nothing you can do that will make me ashamed of you… if you've ever, ever believed anything I've said, believe this." He leaned down and kissed Kim on her cheek. "But this is too much for you to keep inside…it's too heavy for you to carry. Let us help. Please." Kim looked at Cindy and her mother, and they both nodded. Kim's hands sought Ron's, fragile, wounded animals, pale against his fingers, as Ron took them in his and knelt before Kim.

"I…you weren't talking…you weren't moving…" Kim said, in a far away voice, "I thought…I thought you were dying… My legs didn't work and Shego was laughing, but I crawled over to you… and I tried to hold you, to protect you, but Shego laughed and asked me what did I think I was doing… and I couldn't say anything because I was crying and she kicked me in my back and I screamed, and b-begged her to stop…to not hurt me anymore." Kim didn't say anything for a moment…

"And then she laughed and told me Ron was dying…but then I'd always used him as the decoy, so nobig… So… So…. So I waited until GJ showed up."

"No." Ron said, "You didn't. What happened, Kim…"

"I…I waited…." Kim said, desperately…"That's all!" Ron's eye held hers…and Kim gave a tiny nod. Then she started to struggle…it was horrible, watching her trying to form the words, but something seemed to happen and they came out strangled, garbled.

"I…b…b…" When it did come out it was in a scream, shockingly loud.

"I GAVE! I TOLD HER SHE WON, I…I… ASKED HER TO LET US GO, I PROMISED I'D NEVER GET IN HER WAY AGAIN, THAT I'D BE A GOOD GIRL, IF ONLY SHE'D LEAVE ME ALONE!" Then, like the strings were cut Kim sagged back down and her voice came, terribly soft. "Then she locked you and me up, Ron and she said she was going to close the door, and nobody would ever find us…but that you…you were a big kid so I'd have enough-enou-" Kim started giggling, voice scaling up again until Ron put his hand on her shoulder, and she continued, "food for a while…and that little girls like me shouldn't get in her way…since I was just a little girl…" Her voice trailed off and then came back, "And I am…because I did what she wanted…everything you did for me Ron… you got hurt so badly…and it was all for nothing because I was a coward…."

"And you believe her." Ron said. He shook his head, and his voice was harsh. "Kimberly Ann Possible… don't be an idiot!" Ron said, and his last word was loud. Kim looked at him.

"So you lost… well guess what, put someone in a room for three weeks and starve them and beat them and guess what…they'll lose." He sighed, "I'm not ashamed of you Kim… you tried, you tried your best… are you ashamed of me?"

"No…" Kim said, in a thready voice.

"Good." Ron said, "Because Shego lies, Kim… you never used me as a decoy, because I could never see myself anywhere but your side…win or lose." Then Ron was down on one knee in front of Kim's wheelchair.

"The only thing I'm angry about…" He said and Kim looked at him in terror, but Ron continued. "is that you didn't think I could help you carry this…never do that again." Kim looked at Ron, at her mother, at Cindy…and then slowly her face crumpled, her shoulders started to shake as deep, tearing sobs shook her body. Even while Cindy was dabbing her eyes she nodded approvingly. Not all tears were bad…and this was months of self hate and fear coming out, as Ron and Kim's mother knelt by the sobbing teen, comforting her.

Shelly walked around her room like a caged animal. What was wrong with her? All the way back from the practice it was like there was a green and black form…always lurking in her periphery…never quite seen, but always present. She held her rosary in desperation.

What's happening? Why am I seeing this? Shelly moaned and finally nodded. It was almost 8 PM….she could go out and catch a movie…right after she got dressed and ready. Maybe she could call Felix and Monique.

Walking into her bathroom she looked down at the sink, and looked up.

And screamed. In the mirror was Shego…and the smile on her face was satanic.

Hi Shelly… Guess what? It's time.

"Shut up! You're not real! Go away!" Shelly screamed smashing the glass with one hand…and then she shrieked even louder…. Her hand hadn't been hurt by the glass…because of green fire that wreathed it. Shelly staggered back out of the room trying to put her hand out.

Oh, that's not how you do it… but then you didn't know how to control it then either… The specter was now following her…Shego…standing in her room…and suddenly the shadows seemed to grow. Shelly frantically ran for the door, but Shego was there too.

Running? Oh no…You can't run from me… Shelly finally struck out, screaming in hysteria…and when her hand's touched "Shego", the mercenaries body seemed to vanish…to flow, to cover Shelly.

Then the room was normal…and Shelly seemed to shake herself. The only things damaged were the mirror and a few items knocked off of the shelves. Shelly grinned…a malicious, hateful smile and walked over to the crucifix.

"You know…I didn't expect you to buy into that again." Shelly said, and pulled it off of the wall and crushed it under her foot. "Oh don't be a baby…it wasn't your mother's, it was 4.95 at a swap meet." A cold laugh came from her throat. "I'd flush that stupid rosary, but… I think I'll leave it with Zita…yeah… Zita. That way mommy will know she said her Hail Mary's before she died." A pause, "And then Felix and his little friend…"

"Why?" Shelly said, "Because I can…and you can stop blubbering…it won't help…and maybe if you do stop…I'll kill them quickly." She paused and her face became vicious. "That bitch was supposed to kill herself…but now this may work out better… I'll take everything else. If that Stoppable bastard wasn't enough, I'll pile up all her friends…and remind dear Kimmie that this is all her fault…this is her fault…and watch her cry and wail…and maybe I'll kill her then…or maybe leave her alive." She crossed to the bathroom and pulled an unused tube of lipstick out.

"Lip Gloss… could you be any more idiotic." Shelly said, and looked in one of the remaining shards of the mirror. A moment later and she'd used the lipstick and smacked her lips, now black against her face. "I wish I could do the whole show…but I guess the rest comes with age." She said, concentrating on one fist, watching as the fire grew around it…but flickering, uncertain. "Still, I don't need to be full to take out a bunch of teens, a one eyed Jew and the amazing Gimp-Girl…now do I?" She laughed, "But first, you had a good idea… a movie!" Shelly smiled and dressed, not bothering to lock the door as she left the room. She was humming a cheerful tune...

But it couldn't drown out the sound of Shelly screaming in her mind.

To be continued.