Chapter 6- Secret
Got a secret
Can you keep it, swear this one you'll save
Better lock it in your pocket, taking this one to the grave
If I show you, then I know you won't tell what I said
Cause two can keep a secret if one of them is dead
Secret by The Pierces
September 15th 2004
Never in my life had I thought I would not want a positive test results, that was until now. It just wasn't possible, I couldn't be pregnant, I couldn't be having a baby.
"No, it's got to be wrong" I said but Lana cut me off
"Just like the one before that, or the two before that, face it girl, your pregnant" she said, her hands on her hips
"What am I going to do?" I asked
"Firstly your going to tell Kozik, then your going to go to the doctors and make sure everything's alright" she said
I looked at up her, I really didn't want to tell Kozik, what if he didn't want it, what if he left me. I wasn't ready for this. I looked at the clock, realizing that I was supposed to be at my dads house in five minutes.
"I've got to go to my dads house, my Aunts waiting there. I'm sorry" I said, grabbing my bag and rushing out before Lana could say anything
When I got to my dads house my Aunt was waiting for my out the front. She had come up today only because I had asked her to, she was my mothers sister and never liked my father, especially after my mothers death.
"Valerie, how are you sweetheart?" She asked
"I'm good, Sarah" I said as I unlocked the door
The house looked basically the same as it had four years ago. I hadn't stepped foot in the house since I moved in with Lee and Lana, it still held the stench of alcohol, though at lot less than what it had once been.
There were boxes piled up, most of his stuff already packed and ready to go.
"Looks like he was prepared" muttered Sarah
"Yeah, I guess he was" I said
"What do you want to do with them?" She asked
"I want to look through it, then we can put it in storage" I said getting a box and putting it on the table
"Okay, I'll just leave you here to go through it, call me when your done" she said before leaving
I started looking through the boxes, the first few has his clothes in it so I put them aside. The next box had photos, some of me growing up, my parents before me, their wedding day. It also had birth, marriage and death certificates.
The other boxes just had some stuff from my childhood, toys and clothes that were left here. The last one had a bunch of journals and letters. I picked up the first book and opened it. It was a letter from Lee to my mother.
Dear Amanda
My sweet beautiful Amanda, my heart aches for you while I'm inside. I can't help but wonder what would have happened had I not been out away. We would probably be together now, married. But that's not going to happen now, or ever. I really wish things were different but I know that these letters must stop. You will soon be a married women, a mother as well, and I a father. I wish that we could have these things together but fate seemed to have a different idea in mind. I hope you know that I will always love you, no matter where you go, who your with, I will always be here.
Love Lee
I put down the letter, my hand shaking. It wasn't just a letter, it was a love letter, from my godfather to my mother right before my parents were married. Lee had a lot of questions to answer. Why was he writing my mother love letters? Weren't my parents in love? That couldn't have been if she was writing love letters to another man.
Had my father wanted me to find this? He must have if he packed it away, knowing him and what he went through after her death, he would not have kept proof that his wife was in love with another man, he would have burned them.
When had he found them? Had they had anything to with my father's downward spiral into alcoholism. I had to ask Lee, I needed to know.
I grabbed the box and put it in my car, driving back home. When I got back Lana's car was still in the driveway. Did she know? Would Lee really have told his Old Lady about the women he had once loved? So many questions that needed answering.
I carried the box inside, walking straight past Lana and into my room, putting the box on my bed. Lana had followed me inside and was standing in the doorway.
"Where's Lee? I need to talk to him" I asked
"He's still dealing with club business, can I help you?" She asked
"Did you know? About the letters" I asked
"I knew parts of it. Lee told me some but he doesn't like talking about it" she said
"I just need to know the truth" I said sitting down on my bed "Were Lee and my mother in love?" I asked
"Yes, they were. That's all I can say. If you want to know anything else your going to have to ask Lee" she said and I nodded in response
"Have you told Kozik? About the baby" she asked
"I hadn't even thought about it" I said exasperated
"You need to tell him" she said
"I will, I'll go now" I said getting my bag and standing up
"Good luck, and remember girl, he loves you" she said
I got into the car and started driving to the garage, my hands shaking with nerves about what Kozik would think. When I got there I almost didn't get out, almost turned around and left, but then I saw Kozik in the shop. I took and deep breath and got our of the car, walking slowly over to him.
"Valerie, hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were at your dads" He asked
"Yeah I was, everything already packed so I just have to put it in storage" I said
"So you just wanted to visit me" he said pulling me by my hand into an embrace, wrapping his arm around my waist
"I need to talk to you about something" I said pushing him away a bit.
He eyes me cautiously but still held onto my hands, pulling me closer to him.
"Okay, sure" he said
"Um, I'm, uh, I don't know how to say this" I said, looking down at my feet
"Just say it Val" he said laughing at my nerves
"I'm pregnant" I said looking up into his eyes
Kozik stopped laughing and just stared at me for a few seconds, a shocked expression on his face.
"Your what?" he asked
"Pregnant, you know bun in the oven" I said letting out a strangled laugh
"Pregnant, as in baby, as in we're having a baby" he said looking between my face and stomach
"Yeah, we're having a baby" I said "Is this a good thing?" I asked
"Of course it is. How could our baby be a bad thing?" He asked shocked that I would ever think that
"You have on idea how much I needed to hear that" I said pulling him into a kiss
Kozik wrapped his arms around me, holding me even closer. He pulled away and beamed down at me.
"We're having a baby" he said lifting me up and swinging me around
Bowie had heard the commotion and came over. We eyed the both of us suspiciously.
"What's going on?" He asked, his arms crossed across his chest. Kozik had his arms wrapped around me, his chin leaning on my neck, his hands laying on my belly, a smile on his face.
"We're having a baby" Kozik blurted out before I could stop him
Bowie's expression changed from suspicious to horrified to happy in a second.
"Congratulations you two, wow that was fast" he said
He hugged Kozik and me, he walked back inside the clubhouse, a shocked expression still on his face. As soon as he was gone I hit Kozik on the chest.
"Ow, what was that for?" He asked
"For telling Bowie" I said, my hands on my hips
"Why? Wasn't I supposed to?" He asked confused
"Kozik, your not supposed to tell anyone until your 12 weeks, according to my math it's only been 6" I said
Kozik pulled me into a hug and groaned.
"I can't wait 6 weeks to tell everyone" he whined
"Well good for you because now you won't have to" I said
"What do you mean?" He asked confused
"Do you really think Bowie isn't going to tell everyone?" I asked
"No probably not, I'm sorry" he said guiltily
"It's okay, I get it, your excited and want to tell everyone the good news, it's not a bad thing" I said crumpling up his cut in my hands
I saw Lee conning over, he was watching our exchange, slowing down when he saw me looking at him, a guilty expression on his face. He knew that I knew about the letters. He came over smiling at us.
"Congratulations, I'm happy for both of you" he said
"Thanks Lee, that means a lot" said Kozik
Lee stared at me, he wanted to talk but obviously Kozik wasn't getting the message.
"Hey can you get me some water?" I asked
"Yeah sure" he said grinning and walking away, none the wiser
"Congratulations on the pregnancy. It was kind of fast" he said
"Yeah that's what Bowie said" I said, crossing my arms over my chest
"So you were at your dad's today, going through his stuff" he said
"We need to talk" I said
"I figured" he said looking down at his shoes "Can we talk later? I've got club business to take care of" he asked
"Yeah sure" I said before walking off
Kozik walked up to me, a bottle of water in hand. He gave me the water, looking back at Lee.
"What's going on?" he asked
"I'll tell you later, promise" I said kissing him and getting in my car, driving back home to read more of the letters.