OH GOD RELIGION? In a FICTION?

BURRRRRRN IIIIIIIIIIIT.

Truu Stori; Martin Luther, German monk who pretty much started the religious reformation of the Christian doctrine back in the olden days put up a bunch of theses on the church doors the day before All-Saints Day (AKA Halloween) to tell people to avoid buying indulgences on that day. Everyone went all up in arms, he was excommunicated, Lutheranism was born, and then the peasants revolted.

OH U WACKY PEASANTS.

Fast Forward many years; there are plenty of German Lutherans nowadays and it makes me wonder. Everyone talks about Nazi Medic but wouldn't it be terribly ironic to have Lutheran Medic who talks about God's love and then stabs you in the face with syringes?

So I dunno. I remembered that us Lutherans wear red on the Sunday before Halloween (We call it "Reformation Sunday"), and I thought "Hohoho what if BLU Medic had to wear red for Reformation Sunday?"

The answer? LULZ FOR ALL.

I dunno, it's not funny, I guess. Maybe. You decide.

READ ON!

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There was an alert that sprang up through the BLU compound. BLU's Scout ran through the base, shouting out loud, "Guys! Guys! We're invaded! They're here!"

"Where!?" BLU's Soldier roared, "I'll tear those filthy REDs to pieces!"

"He's at the locker room!"

"They got to the locker room!?" BLU's Engineer cried incredulously, rushing after Scout as the kid ran to the locker room, flailing frantically. Scout whirled the corner, rushed into the room, and tackled the RED supporter to the ground, ready to beat the offender to death with his bat.

"Mein Gott! Gerrof me, you dummkopf!" RED's Medic shouted, struggling with the younger man, "Just VAT are you doink!?"

"Guys, guys! I caught him! Say your prayers, Asshole!" Scout struggled with the enemy Medic, who was trying to hold back the arms that held the deadly weapon, "You're going down so hard…!"

"Mmph!" BLU's Pyro (who had been in the locker room when Scout's assaultings occurred) mmphed, trying to wave Scout away, "Mmphphpmmrph!"

"What's that, Pyro?" Soldier asked when the others finally arrived on the scene, "That's not RED's Medic?"

Engineer grasped Scout's arm so they could get a better look at the prone form of the Medic. Indeed, he was wearing the same regulatory apparel of a Medic that belonged to the Builder's League, but something was increasingly suspicious about him.

Scout found out immediately, and reached down to grab at Medic's neck, "Then how do you explain the red kerchief around your neck? Huh? HUH? I knew it! You've been hanging with the REDs all along, HAVEN'T YOU?"

"It iz not az you zink!" Medic tried to explain, "I muzt vear it! It iz a memento from…"

"From your TRYSTS with the REDs, HUH?" Engineer sighed as Scout fumed some more; he really shouldn't have taught the kid words he wasn't going to use correctly, "I'm sure they're your BEST FRIENDS."

"You underztand nozink, schweinhund! Release me!"

"Come on, Scout," Soldier said as both he and Engineer lifted the Bostonian off of Medic, "Let's listen to this guy for a few moments to explain himself before we ram a rocket up his ass."

Finally, with Scout suspended in the air, Pyro could help Medic up and let him explain, "It iz a memento of my family. I vear it every Zunday before Halloveen for religious purposes."

Soldier and Engineer stared at each other as he began to explain the religious reasons, but they ignored him and huddled quickly, "So, you think we can shove a rocket up his ass for wearing stuff even if it's for religious purposes?" Soldier asked.

"Come on, man!" Scout tried to whisper but ended up failing. He turned around and gagged when he saw Medic straightening the blasted kerchief, "I just want to beat his face in for that. Who wears handkerchiefs around their necks anyway?"

"Well, I think our Fearless Leader said we aren't allowed to attack people for their religious beliefs, but she never really knew that one of them included wearing red…" Engineer muttered.

The three turned ever so slightly to Medic, who stared at them with his usual look of disinterest. It put them on edge; how could he look so damn calm when they were trying to find ways to blow him to smithereens? "Just what religion requires you to wear red anyway?"

"Zee traditional garb of zee Lutherans on Reformation Zunday is red," Medic said halfheartedly, "I forget zee detailz but apparently vee are remembering zee martyrs during zis day or zomezink."

"If you don't know what it's about, why do you even do it?" Engineer asked.

"It iz zee principle of zee thing!" Medic fumed, still trying to adjust his kerchief just right (and making Scout glare at him even darker than before), "My parentz did it and zo I do it too. Besidez, zis vas a gift from zem, vhy should I not be allowed to vear it to remember zem by?"

"Well, we can't exactly tell him he CAN'T do it," Engineer muttered. However, to keep the peace, he spoke up again, "but don't you think you could be a little more discreet about it?"

"Diskreet, ov couuurse…" Medic drawled, "Zquashink zee religiouz fervor of vhan's teammatez iz zee best vay to vin zee war." The other BLUs shrugged as he removed his kerchief and tucked it in his sleeve so the red wasn't seen, "Zere, iz zat better?"

"Works for me," Soldier said, "Come on, let's kick some RED butt."

"Right behind you," Engineer replied, striding after Soldier.

Scout continued to glare at Medic as he checked his medigun to see if it was in good condition for the day, "You and your REFORMATION. I'll reform YOU someday, just you wait!"

"You do zat," Medic replied nonchalantly.

Scout pointed an accusing finger at Medic, opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, then closed it and stormed from the room.

Medic opted to follow Pyro out instead of walking out without a partner, so Pyro took the lead, "Mmph," S/he said simply as they left together.

"Mmm? Oh, yez, it iz a ztunning red. Almost az bright az your fire…" Medic said, a smile on his face, "Now, let'z turn zoze REDs zeir favorite color, ja?"

Pyro cackled from beneath his/her mask.

End!

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So yes, I dunno, hope you learned something today. Review please! Also I promise I don't do this too much. I just kinda wanted to make sure you guys knew why BLU Medic is a little less insane than RED in any future short stories.