Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I do, however, own my OCs, this storyline, and more than a few pictures of Cam Gigandet.
A/N: Thanks to the best beta in the world -- readingtime. changedbyEdward -- I had WAY TOO MUCH FUN sending you stalker voicemails. More than Romeo, bb. This is one is for all my forum girls asking me for a Happy Edward chapter, and is lovingly dedicated to DefinitelyStaying, who gave me the idea. Let's see if you can guess the theme song.
HOLY COW! 4,000 REVIEWS???? I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! THANK YOU!!! KEEP 'EM COMING!
Story recommendation this week is Golden Moon by NusiainForks. It's a 'Edward left in NM and Jasper stayed behind' story. I know, we've all read that plot summary a hundred times. But that's where the similarity between this one and all the rest end. This is a love affair of the mind. She is on Chapter 26 and Jasper and Bella have not so much as kissed yet, but I have never once felt as though the story was dragging. It is sensual and romantic and a highly enjoyable read. It is on my favorites list.
Edward's POV
Monday. Bella was running late getting ready. I wondered if perhaps she wasn't ready to return to reality, either. I knew I wasn't.
"Edward, have you seen my cell phone?" Bella called from the bedroom.
"No, I haven't. But Bella, even with me driving we're going to be late for class if we don't leave now. I'll help you look when we get home."
Bella huffed, irritated. "Alright."
We got in the car and headed for school. Bella looked more nervous then I'd ever seen her. "Bella, do you want to talk about it?"
"I'm going to hurt him. I hurt everyone who wastes their time caring about me." Bella was self-loathing on a level that could match my own.
"Bella, you are doing the right thing. Yes, it's going to be hard. Yes, it's going to hurt him. Believe me, I know. But sometimes doing the right thing can be the hardest choice to make, and sometimes it means hurting the ones you care about most."
Bella was biting her nails and not paying much attention all through Biology. I finally reached out and offered her my hand, and she took it without looking at me. I rubbed my thumb over her knuckles and she squeezed my hand. An hour from now, Bella would no longer be Jasper's. She will be on her own. I wanted to be thrilled at this development, but found I could take no joy in something that caused Bella such sorrow and guilt.
After Biology, Bella almost collapsed when she got up. She was shaking like a leaf. I reminded her to use what I had taught her to keep herself calm, both for her sake and for Jasper's. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and picked up her bag for her as we headed out of the building. If I were human, I think I'd be sick. I didn't want to make him any more uncomfortable than he was already. Especially in light of what was in store for him in the next few minutes. I removed my arm slowly from Bella's shoulders, making sure she was relatively steady, and took her hand in mine instead. Is that supposed to be less offensive to me? I was so grateful to Bella for protecting me from having to see her be affectionate with Jasper. It saddened me that I was not able to offer him the same respect in return.
Edward taught her how to block me. Son of a bitch. The next thing I knew, Bella stiffened, and then her hand started shaking. He must have done something to break through her defenses. Why would he do that? I squeezed her hand to let her know I was there for her, and to be strong. Bella looked up at me with gratitude, and I smiled a soft smile in return before letting go of her hand.
I watched as they walked towards Mirror Lake. They were out of sight, but not out of hearing range. At least, not out of range for a mind-reading vampire. I heard Jasper's thoughts when he smelled me on her clothes. I had to restrain myself when his very first words to her were to ask her if she'd slept with me. It bothered me that she felt she deserved that remark. Yes, I felt she cheated on me, but I blamed him for that as much if not more than her. And she didn't have sex with him until after we broke up. Did he really think so little of her? I rejoiced at Bella's frank honesty, especially when discussing her love for me and admitting that it wasn't all just an act. I was so proud of her for being so determined to sort her feelings out on her own.
I got angry when Jasper made the remark about 'everything he put you through.' First of all, in all fairness, Bella and I had probably put each other through equal amounts of torment, but that was our concern, not his. Secondly, he had put Bella through his own share of pain. Did he completely forget the night he used his powers against her, for instance? How about the day I had to ride on the back of her bike for hours just to make sure she didn't crash because he had her so upset? People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
I was as shocked as Bella when I heard that he was going to propose to her. Then when all their words were spoken, he kissed her. He thought about how much love and affection she felt for him, and he used his powers to let her feel all his love and desire in return. She kissed him with every ounce of passion with which she had kissed me. I felt betrayed for a moment, and then I remembered the night that I let her go. She went to the meadow with me, she let me spend the night in her room. I kissed her and sang her to sleep and held her the whole night long. Jasper probably endured 10 hours of absolute misery that night, knowing she was in my arms. I could endure 10 minutes.
I've got a few minutes before History, I think I'll meander by the lake on my way, see if the ducks are out. Kelly. I ran down the path. I cleared my throat and looked down at the ground. "I'm sorry for interrupting, but Kelly will be here any minute, and she can't see…that." Bella walked up to me, her eyes bright with emotion, but she didn't cry. Not one tear.
I put my arm around her and we headed to our next class together. "It will be alright. You'll see. Everything will work out." I was saying it as much for her as for me. "I'm proud of you, Bella."
"Thank you Edward. I'm sorry you had to see that." My Bella. Always thinking of everyone else. I told her not to worry and kissed her temple. My whole body relaxed the moment she leaned into me.
After our next class, we met Alice in The Oval. "How's Adrian?" Bella asked.
"He's hanging in there. He misses you, too. I should be grateful. At least we still get to see each other every evening. I feel like a stalker, though, hiding in the shadows until after curfew so I can jump in his bedroom window. I don't know how you did it, Edward, it's creepy."
Alice grabbed a handful of bridal magazines and a large three ring binder labeled "Edward and Bella's Wedding." Bella's eyes got wide and she looked at me with such a look of fear. I stood up behind her and started rubbing her neck and shoulders to calm her down. Looks like you two have made some progress, Edward. I ignored her.
"Alice, is there something you want to tell us?" I asked.
"No, I haven't had a vision of the wedding, if that's what you mean. But that could be because it isn't going to happen, or it could be because Adrian is there. Either way, we're supposed to be planning for a wedding, aren't we? It's got to be convincing. The Cullens don't do anything small. Besides, it will give me something to do once they get here and it gets harder to sneak away. Keep my mind off things."
"Fine, Alice, but you plan it. All of it. You have free reign. Not that it matters, since this isn't a real wedding, but your idea of the perfect wedding and my idea of the perfect wedding are two totally different things, and I don't feel like arguing with you about it." Bella was adamant.
"Alright. So first we need to decide on a designer. Personally, I think Vera Wang is SOOO yesterday, but I suppose a few of them would be passable. Look through these, all the tabs are color coded by designer. We might need to take a trip to Paris…"
"No, Alice. I'm not going on any overseas shopping trips with you, and I'm not going through these magazines." Bella was putting her foot down, but I could feel the tension increasing in her muscles. I kissed the top of her head and went back to massaging her shoulders. I smiled when she hummed in appreciation.
"But Bella," Alice whined in a sing-song voice. It was always her ace in the hole with Bella; put on the puppy dog eyes and lay the guilt on thick. Bella always caved.
Not this time. "Alice, you are bound and determined to do it your way, so why don't you just leave me out of it!" Bella yelled. Her neck muscles turned to stone they were so tight. I felt like I was trying to massage the stress out of a vampire.
We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way, Alice thought. They continued arguing back and forth even after Jasper and Kelly approached. Alice was being downright irritating about it. Jasper couldn't take anymore conversation about mine and Bella's wedding, real or not, and in no uncertain terms let Alice know to back off. Bella flinched a little when Jasper called Alice 'darlin',' but recovered quickly. She didn't recover quite so quickly, however, when Jasper announced that he was going to Kelly's. Even Alice was a little surprised. Wow, two hours after Bella breaks up with him and he's already got a date? Well, at least I don't have to deal with his moping tonight. I'm off to do some more stalking – have a good night, Edward. Don't forget to look through those magazines with Bella tonight – she promised!
"We should get going too, love. We still have some make-up work to do from last week, and if we haven't flipped through at least one of those bridal magazines by tomorrow, Alice will have both our hides." I kissed the top of her head to let her know I understood and helped her up.
Bella stood up and turned to Kelly. "Alright. Kelly, you and Edward are performing your composition for your professor on Wednesday, right?"
"Yes, we are. I hope he likes it, I've heard he is really tough." This professor could make or break my career with one stroke of his pen. She had nothing to be nervous about. It was a beautiful composition and her professor would be a fool not to pass her with flying colors.
"Would you mind if I came and listened? I'd love to hear you guys perform it from start to finish, and maybe we could all go to lunch after, since I was a no-show last week." Now it was my turn to be nervous. I had put a lot of my feelings for Bella into that melody, my love for her, my sadness at our separation, my hope that there was a second chance for us. She had heard bits and pieces over the weekend, but I worried that if she heard the entire song, she would know what I was thinking and it would be too much for her. I was hoping Kelly would say no.
"That sounds fine. We're already performing in front of the whole class, what's one more person listening in." I think I was wrong about her. The more I'm around her, the more I like her. I was glad that Kelly was really warming up to Bella, and vice versa. Kelly had managed to become a good friend to me, and it was nice not having to worry about losing my friendship with her because of my pseudo-hopefully-one-day-real relationship with Bella.
We said our goodbyes and headed for home. We stopped by Alice and Jasper's so Bella could get her motorcycle from the garage then she followed me home and parked it in our garage next to the Volvo. I looked at it, fondly remembering our time riding together. I considered asking her to go for a ride with me, but remembered that I had promised her this week would be on her terms. Besides, I wasn't certain if our one ride together kept the bike from being a 'Jasper thing' and I didn't want to upset her.
Bella started looking around for her cell phone while I got some water boiling for pasta. She finally found it under the couch. How it got there was anybody's guess. Bella turned it on and it vibrated that she had a text message. Then it vibrated again. And again. And again. And Again. Bella looked up at me wide eyed and went back to watching her phone load message after message. Then it dinged indicating that she had voicemails. "Twenty seven voicemails?!" She decided to listen to the voicemails first.
"Message 1 received Monday 9:34am: Bella, it's me sweetheart. Alice said you have a cold. I wish I could be there to take care of you. Do you need me to bring you anything? I'm just looking for an excuse, you know. Talk to you later. Love you, darlin'."
"Message 3 received Monday 12:16pm: Bella, it's me. I'm starting to get worried now. Call me back. I love you."
"Message 7 received Tuesday 6:26am: Please stop ignoring me, Bella. I don't know what's going on over there, but whatever it is, is it worth it to fuck up what we have?"
I had a really bad feeling that Bella would be better off not listening to any more messages. "Bella…" she cut me off with a finger in the air and a sharp shake of her head. I acquiesced. It was her choice, her decision. I would just have to wait and hope it didn't get much worse.
"Message 10 received Tuesday 8:57pm: Hey Bella, it's me. Again. When you're done playing checkers with the virgin, give me a call.
"Message 12 received Tuesday 11:43 pm: What's happening to us, Bella? You used to not be able to go 4 hours without talking to me, now you've gone four days and haven't even bothered turning on your phone. I know that I've messed up, that things haven't been great between us lately, but God, I feel like I'm dying all over again. Please call me. Please…"
"Message 16 received Wednesday 5:14am: Is Edward holding you against your will? It's the only explanation that makes sense. If he is, I'll tear that son of a bitch apart! I'm going to call Alice and then I'm coming to rescue you. Hang on, honey!"
"Message 17 received Wednesday 5:33am: Alice said not to go there. That you're fine and that you and Edward need this time to help you act like a couple again. What is going on over there that Alice doesn't want me to know about? Would I see something I didn't like? Hear something? FEEL something? Bella, you've got to call me back. Every time I close my eyes, I see these horrible images of Edward balls-deep inside of you, and it's driving me insane. He can't make you feel like I can, Bella.
By this point, my hands were in fists and my knuckles were white. I kept repeating to myself over and over 'Don't rip the phone out of her hand, don't smash it to pieces, don't run over there and turn him into a pile of ash. Don't rip the phone out of her hand, don't smash it to pieces…'
"Message 26 received Saturday 1:21am: Is this Edward's way of paying me back for the one night we shared when you were with him, Bella? You know what… Fuck you both!"
"Message 27 received Saturday 1:23am: Bella, darlin', I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that. I didn't mean any of it. I love you so much. Please forgive me, please don't leave me. I won't call you any more this weekend. I can't wait to see you on Monday. Maybe we can sneak away, just for a little while."
"End of messages."
Bella, showing an eerie and rather disturbing lack of emotion, turned off the phone and set it down on the coffee table, then headed for the bedroom without a word. Half way down the hall, Bella turned around and paused. "Edward? Can you do me a favor?"
"Anything, love."
"Can you delete the text messages for me? I don't want to read them."
"Of course, Bella. I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. It's not your fault." She closed the bedroom door behind her and didn't come out the rest of the night.
I turned her phone back on and read the first message.
Bella, please call me. Please don't do this to me. To us.
I didn't bother to read the rest. I deleted them, 32 in all, and turned her phone back off.
Tuesday morning, Bella still looked rather bereft, but luckily it was our short day, so she only had to shuffle her way through two classes before we could return home and Bella could return to the sanctuary of our bedroom. We didn't see Jasper or Alice, which was for the best. There was no way I could handle being around Jasper at the moment without killing him, and I'm pretty sure Bella would send the wolves after Alice if she even uttered the word 'wedding' to her. Bella didn't talk much, and I didn't push.
Wednesday passed in much the same fashion, and soon we were heading for the music building to meet Kelly. Bella hugged us both and wished us luck before taking an empty seat in the back of the room. There were maybe 30 students there, plus the professor, a heavy set man with thinning gray hair and a scowl on his face.
Kelly mentally psyched herself up as she got out her cello and took her place. With a nod from the professor, Kelly announced the name of the piece, Non dubitare, Non Dimenticare Mai, counted out the rhythm and we started to play. I could hear Bella's heart rate speed up the further along the song went. I glanced over at her as we reached the crescendo and Bella smiled at me. I could tell she understood the meaning behind every note. When the song was over, we received a standing ovation. Bella was clapping and cheering louder than anybody. After the professor congratulated Kelly and handed her the evaluation sheet, Bella ran down and hugged Kelly, and then she took my face in her hands and just stared into my eyes. I put my hands on her hips, nodded my head infinitesimally and let my smile speak for me, as the music had moments before. We would have stayed that way until nightfall if Kelly hadn't interrupted.
"I got an A! I got an A! Can you believe it?! He NEVER gives A's!" Kelly was jumping up and down. "Thank you so much, Edward! I couldn't have done it without you."
"You're very welcome. That's what friends are for." I turned back to Bella as Kelly was surrounded by classmates wanting to wish her their congratulations. "Let's go somewhere tonight, Bella. I feel like celebrating." Bella nodded her head, and I kissed her tenderly, putting my arm around her waist as we walked out the door. I didn't let her go until we got to the car.
"So where are we going?" Bella asked, sounded more cheerful than she had in days.
"How about Dave and Buster's," I suggested. "I thought it might be fun to just hang out and play some games for a couple of hours. What do you say?"
"Sounds great!" We drove in companionable silence. Bella ordered a philly cheesesteak sandwich and a cola. When she was done eating, I purchased us a refillable card to play the games. Bella practically ran squealing to the boxing machine. I laughed as I watched her put the massive gloves on and started ducking and punching with all her might. She had such an angry, determined look on her face, and was biting her lip hard. She managed to knock out six opponents before one finally got her. When she was done, she was completely out of breath and laughing hysterically.
We played Deal or No Deal a couple of times, but it was kind of cheating since I was able to keep up with the rapidly shuffling suitcases to know which one had the million dollars in it. Then we played Pac-Man, Centipede and Donkey Kong for a while. Finally, we made it over to play skee-ball, but Bella kept throwing the ball into the neighboring lane, so we decided it was time to go.
Bella and I held hands in the car. Once again, we didn't talk much, just laughed about how much fun it was. When we pulled into the driveway, I started to get out so I could open Bella's door for her, but she reached out and stopped me.
"Edward? Thank you for today. For the song, which I loved so much, and for this evening. It was just what I needed just when I needed it most." I took her hand and kissed her knuckles.
"You're welcome, my Bella." I ran around the car and helped her out and closed her door. She looked at me, deep in thought, and then stood on her tiptoes and hovered her lips near mine, close but not quite touching. I waited, sharing breaths with her while she decided what to do. We were not in public, there was no one else around. This was not for show. If she chose to kiss me, it would be because she wanted to. It would be real, and it would mean…everything. So I stood. Frozen. Hopeful. Praying for her to move those few scant centimeters my way. And then she did. She just touched our lips together, not moving, just feeling. I wrapped my arms around her waist and she wrapped her arms around my neck and our lips took on a mind of their own, slowly caressing each other. With every movement of our lips, we healed each other's wounds and forgave our past transgressions. With every touch, we got a little closer to being happy. A little closer to being…us.
When Bella needed to break the kiss to take a breath, I leaned my forehead down to hers. "Wow," she whispered.
"Wow is right," I whispered back.
"We should probably go inside," she said, her voice still barely above a murmur. I paused, wanting so much more to happen once we walked through those doors, but afraid to make assumptions. Bella had to make the call. As if sensing my internal struggle, Bella put her hand to my cheek.
"Edward, today has been wonderful. But I'm not ready yet. It's too soon, and I still have a lot of work to do on me. I need more time."
"I understand, love. You go ahead inside, I'm going to go on a quick hunt. Don't wait up, I'll be back before morning. I'll have my cell on if you need me, alright?"
"Alright," Bella said and went inside. I waited until I heard the deadbolt latch before I ran for the woods. While I hunted, I thought about how much had changed in so little time. I thought about how much I loved Bella, how astounded I was to learn that Bella loves me too. I thought about how hopeful I was for the future, and how intoxicating our newfound intimacy was. I could kiss Bella now, REALLY kiss her. Tasting the inside of her mouth, feeling her tongue against mine, was a pleasure I dreamt of for so long, but never thought possible. Sure, it was scary at first, but I did it. And it was easier the second time. I could only hope to have the opportunity to practice and perfect that skill. Then there was Bella's dream. Regardless of the fact that Bella was asleep, it was a profound experience for me. I didn't lose control, I didn't hurt her. It proved to me that, if Bella took me back, perhaps we could be together in that way. In every way. And the way she made me feel. I was getting hard again just remembering it. I took a couple deep, cleansing breaths in a futile attempt to ward off the uncomfortable tightness in my slacks and headed for home.
When I approached the backyard, I heard an odd buzzing noise, paired with a quieter, wet swishing sound. I heard Bella's heartbeat, hard and frantically fast. I rushed towards the house and I heard Bella. She stopped me in my tracks.
"Ugh…" Bella moaned, and the swishing sound sped up, as did her heart. "Edward…right there…that's it, baby." Bella was pleasuring herself with the toy that Emmett sent her. She was pleasuring herself…and thinking of me. I slid my back down the wall and sat down in the cool grass, listening to the sweet sounds coming from inside. "Jesus!" she screamed when she orgasmed. I listened as she turned off the vibrator. Her heartbeat and breathing slowly returned to normal. I waited, rock hard, until she fell asleep, then I went inside, pausing for only a moment to gaze on her lovely, peaceful face before sneaking into the bathroom for a much needed cold shower.
The shower did nothing to resolve my painful erection, so after cleaning up and soaking for a while, I gave up and decided to try and do something about it. I had no idea how, really, but I closed my eyes and thought about how Bella had grabbed me in her sleep. I tentatively wrapped my fingers around my length and started stroking myself slowly. I fantasized about making love to Bella, about kissing her deeply, about taking her breasts in my palms, about kissing her stomach. I grabbed myself harder, stroked faster as I thought about sliding into her, hearing her whisper words of love and desire to me as we moved together as one. I leaned my head against the shower door and sped up my ministrations, rubbing my thumb across the tip as my hips began moving of their own accord. I thought about Bella screaming my name as she orgasmed. "Oh…Bella!" I came hard, spraying the glass door in front of me as I did. As my wits returned to me, I cleaned myself off and wiped down the shower. It wasn't until I was drying myself off that I realized…Bella wasn't sleeping. She was walking around the bedroom, pacing, and of course I hadn't thought to bring clothes in with me. I wrapped the towel around my waist and steeled myself before opening the door. I flung open the door to find Bella on the other side, arm raised as though she were about to knock. Bella was flustered and breathing heavily. She eyed me up and down and I realized she had never seen me so close to naked. She looked back up at me and realized she was caught. She blushed and turned her head away.
"Bella, I"
"Edward, I" We both started at the same time, and laughed from the awkwardness of the moment.
"How about you get dressed and maybe we can cuddle tonight and not talk about this right now," she suggested, and I gratefully agreed. Five minutes later, and Bella was spooned against my chest, sleeping peacefully, and I was more relaxed then I had ever been in my entire life.
A/N: The Cullendale show is moving to Arlington, Virginia so that the NCBs can give a very special lady a very special birthday! Speaking of NCBs, expect a new chapter out soon. Link to Piano/Cello Duet on my profile.