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Dear Katrina,
I'm back. I spent roughly two months on that journey and nearly died at the jaws of hungry wolves. However, I regret not a single moment of it. To see the first, tiny flake twirl down from the chilled sky, to see the world below me like a network of toy homes, and to feel like a free being exploring the natural world was amazing and breath taking. I would have liked to have taken you along with me, to see it with you.
What I believe in? I don't really know. I don't believe in anything anymore. I believed in being polite and kind to all, but I haven't spoken to anyone in so long, besides you, that I can exercise that belief. I used to believe that Alfred would protect me no matter what, and that dream was shattered and scattered. I used to believe that I could do something good, graduate high school and college with a diploma in my hand and a smile on my face. I used to believe in a home life with a kind wife and good children, to live with and share the rest of my life with.
Now, that I have nothing to believe in and make reality, I've decided to relinquish any hopes of staying put. All that energy I have as a rowdy teenager I've foisted unto travel. I couldn't spend a penny on a prostitute, because only the taste and feel of your skin can satisfy me now, but I wouldn't force you into anything you wouldn't do, because I respect you. And I hope you respect me…
As the snow melts and spring molds into summer, I've planned my new travels. I plan to take that old truck out into the forest and all, but…
But something is happening, I can feel it inside me, I can feel it pulse, like something is hungrily watching me, ready to savagely attack me and tear away my flesh like bits of paper. It's useless hoping, maybe I'm just sick, maybe I'll die soon. Who knows? So I hope you don't put so much effort into coming to visit me.
All yours and more,
Matthew