Selah: Pause, and consider.
Recording of patient session. Patient, Dr. Margaret Possible. Attending Psychologist, Dr. James McRoe.
"So, Margaret, we were talking about your nightmares last session, and we had to break early. Do you think you're ready now?"
"I wish you were Dr. Peterson…no offense."
"None taken, Cindy's your friend…but she's also Kim's Psychologist…and as such there are potential conflicts of interest."
"Yes."
"So, you were telling me about the dream."
"Um…yes, Doctor."
"It involves Kim being tortured, that is correct?"
"Yes. Only she's a little girl and sometimes just a baby, and Shego's raising her food to crush her head, after do-pardon me, I have… I can'… I need a moment."
"That's all right. Take your time."
"After all my time trying to tell Kimmie she has to…has to face it."
"It's not easy for anyone involved. You know that Margaret."
"Yes."
"But actually, I'm not interested in the events—you've explored them, but I do have a question about one thing."
"Yes Doctor?"
"Why has Shego changed in your dreams over the last month, from Shego, to a teenaged version of her? You haven't been forthcoming on that."
"…"
"Margaret… You know that only by being honest can we make progress in these sessions."
"Um…"
"Well, let's start on another subject. How are the twins and your husband coping? I've kept in touch with the school consulor, and the medical personal at the space center, but what do you think?"
"They're…doing better. The Twins and James are still angry, of course."
"And Kim?"
"Oh, she's doing much better."
"Her doctor agrees. I have to say that her friends have a great deal to do with it. Ron, Monique, Felix, Zita, Bonnie, Shelly-"
"What?"
"That's interesting. Why did you react so strongly to that last name? I understand from the files that Shelly apparently had some of Shego's powers transferred to her before Shego's death."
"um…"
"Is that it?"
"I…"
"Margaret?"
"I'm sorry, doctor, but I can't—it's not a matter of desire but ethics. That involves another patient of mine."
"I see… very well. But Margaret. You need to talk to someone about this, I can see."
"In any case, Kim is doing much better."
Margaret walked to her car, and sighed. McRoe was right, of course, but she couldn't. Not without blowing a secret. She couldn't tell James, either. Underneath his jovial exterior was a capacity for anger that sometimes frightened her—for all that almost nothing could spark it, when it was…
And Shego had sparked it. If he ever found out Shelly was Shego… she didn't know what he might do.
And the truth be told, she didn't want to.
And that Kim was hanging out with Sheg-Shelly. Margaret had worked on that. No need to risk coming up with a name that might raise questions, and whatever she thought about it… the times she was pale and trembling when Kim was a little late, Kim and Ron were right. It was their decision.
However much it terrified her. She kept the brainscans at home, and would occasionally pull them out (with another patients name on them, just in case James saw them) and look at them, to confirm that her brain was a normal teenagers—no sign of the memories that had gone into creating Shego.
But then, Shego was very bright. The little voice at the back of her head would comment. After all the times she'd fooled them, could they really… She cut off the thought. Kim had made her decision and the last thing she needed was a mother who had double thought herself into galloping hysteria.
"And….done." Shelly said, looking at the stop watch. Kim sagged to the floor, gasping in exhaustion and pain.
"Are you OK, KP?" Ron asked.
"Yeah-yeah…" Kim said, trembling. "How was it?"
"Thirty seconds more." Shelly said. Kim gasped out and groaned.
"How come thirty seconds is always fast when you're having fun?" The teen asked the world, "That felt like it was thirty years."
"Ah, like last weeks math test." Ron pointed out.
"Worse."
"Nothing could be worse than math, KP." Her boyfriend mentioned, "Math requires numbers." Ron's shudder was a work of art. Kim laughed at that, and then frowned.
"Wow, I'm late for my meeting with Dr. Peterson… Um… Shelly, mind-" Shelly nodded. The rule about Kim being alone hadn't been rescinded. Shelly felt a twinge of guilt at that. Kim could be free save for the fact that she hadn't told everyone the truth. For Shelly's sake.
Of course, Ron, being Ron, had once gallantly volunteered to take on the hard duty—for all the cheerleaders, which had received a volley of whatever came to hand. From someone else, it might have sounded heartless, but Ron had turned it into a joke that had Kim laughing quite as hard as everyone else, even as she looked for something to toss in his general direction.
"So, Shelly." Kim said as she started showering, now able to stand up—for a time. "What do you think?"
"You're doing better."
"Good enough?"
"I don't…know." Shelly said honestly, "You need to also get Bonnie in on this."
"I will…but I just wanted to make certain there was some hope first…" Kim paused, "So I wouldn't waste her time." Shelly didn't nod at that. Before, Kim would have never thought about that, before… Shelly didn't continue the thought. Kim got PO'd if she saw her thinking about it.
It was frightening, in a way. Shelly read about it, and people talked about it, but to most of them, that level of forgiveness was something other people did. Some of the people she'd heard talk about it most were the most vicious when they themselves were harmed… Except for Kim and Ron. Whatever they said, Shelly was Shego, who had harmed them worse than anyone else. Kim, giving up her pride, her will… her hope… in a little cage, knowing (Shelly felt) in her heart of hearts that Shego would kill them no matter what, but still giving it up, on the odd chance she might not… Ron taking everything he had for Kim's sake… Both drinking the bitter cup Shego had measured out for them…
There was enough wrong doing to fill a lifetimes worth of grudges there. Enough evil to demand an eternity of repayment… yet Kim and Ron had not. Not in the sense of bringing it up to show how good they were, but in the sense that at least as far as Shelly went, it was forgotten. Not that they were safe—they'd killed Shego, after all…or helped give Shelly the strength to do the same.
"So, do you think Bonnie will freak?" Kim asked, drying herself off. Shelly blinked for a moment, then shrugged.
"I don't think so." She smiled, "But if she does, should we bring a camera?" Kim laughed, as Shelly looked at her, at those open green eyes.
Virtuous—That was what described Ron and Kim. Not flawless, but the kind of dangerous virtue that might kill you…would kill you if you tried to deny it…but would also transform you, burning away the dross. Kim had told Monique, and Shelly had dragged it out of Monique (for every day, the memories of Shego were dimmer and dimmer), the story of the last night with Shego's torture… Virtue. Or Sacrifice, for another, which was never surrender, whatever Shego might have thought. No wonder she hadn't recognized it. Shego would have never dreamed of martyring herself for another, the way both Kim and Ron had.
"Hey…hey!" Kim said.
"Huh?" Shelly said, just in time to squeak at the wet towel that hit her.
"No woolgathering while I'm turning into a prune." Shelly laughed at that. As they left, Kim on her crutches, Shelly walking by her side, she saw Ron waiting by the door. Kim smiled at him, as they waved to Shelly, who headed home to the Renton's.
Home. Shelly thought.
Kim and Ron strolled into Dr. Peterson's office. Cindy liked to have meetings after school, for the simple fact that whatever the official guidelines about confidentiality, she was happier if there was less chance of someone dropping by unexpectedly.
"I take it you two are doing fine…" Cindy said. She paused and smiled, "Or at least well enough to get reprimanded for that PDA at lunch." Kim reddened.
"No!" Ron said, "I was looking for a coin!"
"Caught in Kim's tonsils?" The doctor said, raising her eyebrows. "Did you find it?"
"I was interrupted." Ron said, "And that cost me another double cheese pizza."
"Gah." Cindy said, "Ron, you know those are just cheese on cardboard."
"Operative word—Cheese." Ron pointed out. Cindy shook her head.
"You should know about Ron and cheese by now." Kim mentioned.
"Everyone should know about me and Cheese." Ron mentioned.
"Everyone who gets between you and the Pizza does." Cindy responded. Kim laughed at that, and Cindy, giving no sign, watched the teens.
Better. Much, much better. Not perfect, of course. Kim still had nightmares, and so did Ron, but they were declining in intensity and number. Cindy would have been worried if they'd just stopped, but the…. End of Shego, to say nothing of Ron's decision to seek rapprochement with his family, however uncertain and fraught with difficulty it had been, had definitely led to a certain amount of closure.
The sessions were much easier—Kim no longer tired to conceal her fears, and so the talk was much more like a talk, without Kim trying to hide and Cindy trying to discover what she was really thinking.
"Yeah. I still…sometimes have night mares." Kim said. "Most of the time they're… pretty vague." Cindy nodded.
"That's to be expected. Just because you've faced the problem doesn't mean it will vanish." Kim nodded, and gestured at the crutches she used.
"I know that." She said, ruefully.
"I hear that you may be able to graduate to a cane for good in the next few months." Kim smiled at that. Sometimes she could use a cane right now. Sometimes she had to use crutches…and some times, Kim sat, face pale and drawn with pain, in a wheelchair for the entire day. The idea that she might only need a cane, and that not all the time…
"Yes!" She said, with only a flicker of shadow in her eyes.
"And you're still working with Shelly in these after school exercises…" Cindy continued. She paused, "that you've been keeping secret from your mother and doctor."
Oops. The look was plain on Kim's face.
"Oh, well… I'm not ignoring… I mean…" She paused, flustered. "I think they're a little too worried about me—they don't want to push me too far."
"And you think you can recover all the way?" Cindy asked, carefully.
"No." Kim said, quietly, no amusement in her face. Cindy raised an eyebrow.
"I'll get better." Kim said, and suddenly her hand sought out Ron's holding it as he patted her hands comfortingly. "But I'll never be the old Kim." She sighed. "I…" She paused for a moment. "It sounds stupid." Kim said and fell silent.
"What?"
"I almost died. Ron almost died. Ron lost h-his eye…" Ron was patting her hand in a soothing way, and Kim found herself gripping Ron's hand. "So it's stupid that sometimes I wake up crying bec-" She broke off, looking anywhere else, eyes blinking as Ron pulled her close, holding her. Cindy didn't say a thing, and moments later, Kim continued, her voice slower.
"Because it hurts to walk to the bathroom." She said, "Because my 'progress' is that I'll just need a cane to lean on when I'm tired, instead of crutches, or a wheelchair... Because sometimes it hurts so much when I see a video of our old games, or some news show with a camera of me tumbling across a room, dodging laser beams and I'll never be able to do it again!" That last came out as a near wail.
Anger. Good. Kim and Ron were some of the most generous people Cindy had ever met, especially given their decision RE Shego/Shelly. But they were not inhuman, and it would have been inhuman to not feel anger at her life being so radically changed.
"So right now you're?"
"Trying to push it as far as I can." Kim said, "I may not ever be able to do what I did…but I'm never going to be satisfied with anything less than 110 of what I can do." Cindy didn't laugh at the mathematical impossibility. Those who settled for "100" somehow always found themselves in reality, settling for 90, or even less. Her younger brother could write sermons on that, in his current life (only those who were clueless called it a "job") in the Marine Force Recon.
"Good." She said, "I know you're working with Shelly, and Ron, so listen to them if they say you need to give it a rest."
"Yes Ma'am." Kim said, the extra formality underscoring the fact that she would do just that. She looked over at Ron.
"And you, Mr. Cheese-food-products-fear-me?" Ron still talked with Rabbi Katz, but he also spoke with Cindy, and in any case, it helped Kim now, when he was around.
"Things are pretty good—that artificial Eye still itches, though." He shrugged. "And the interface seems more…grainy then my regular eye." Cindy had been kept up to date by Dr. Possible and nodded.
"Putting a camera into an eye, and the neural interface, stretched technology as it was, Ron."
"Yeah." Ron said, grinning, "So, I use it when I need it, but other than that…" He shook his head, lopsided grin growing.
"And your parents?" Ron's smile failed slightly, and now It was Kim's turn to hold his hand.
"We're…" He paused, shrugged, "working on it." Cindy nodded.
"Not easy, is it." She said softly. Ron shook his head, all amusement gone.
"Not after what they did…" He said, and Kim held his hand comfortingly. Ron paused. "I know why…now." He looked down at his feet. "But that still doesn't excuse…"
"And what if it was your and Kim's child?" Cindy asked, which brought them both up with a start. Ron blinked, and then smiled, a ghostly expression.
"I thought about that, and I… I understand, Doctor…" He sighed, "But it's still hard to forgive. Really hard." Nothing was said, then Kim quietly mentioned.
"It must be hard for them to forgive me Ron."
"They-" Kim cut off Ron's exclamation with a finger to his lips.
"They were right, Ron…" Kim said, "Shego was going after me." She sighed, "They didn't say anything, I haven't thought." Ron frowned, and then gave in.
"OK, KP." He said, and Cindy got the sense that this conversation had been held before. To be expected—Kim's family was her bulwark, and it didn't take a psychologist to realize how much the possibility that she'd destroyed Ron's family hurt her.
And who says teens can't be mature. Cindy thought, although with sorrow, she also had to admit that these two were no longer really, in many respects teens. She shook herself and smiled.
"Well, I have to admit that between the two of you, you've made more progress than I ever could have dreamed…even after we veered into science fiction territory." She nodded once, "If it were up to me, Kimberly, I would end the "never alone" policy, but…" She sighed, "The school board is unwilling to do so, and I have to see their point."
"So do I." Kim said, "I did some research—they really did go beyond what they had to do, didn't they?"
"Yes, and contrary to a lot of movies, not all officials are solely concerned with their position." Cindy stood up, and smiled at the two. "So what are your plans for this wonderful Friday eventide?"
"Well, I was considering…." Kim abruptly looked at Ron, and he raised his hands. "No, KP, I promised!"
"Promised what?" Cindy asked.
"No Bueno Nacho for tonight." He abruptly smiled, "We're going to a non-fast food restaurant."
"Ah." Cindy said,
"And then…" Kim commented, cuddling into Ron in a much more romantic gesture than she'd used earlier, "a movie…my choice." Ron gave an elaborate shudder, not masking his true pleasure at all.
"See, Doctor!" Ron said, "I'm going to see a chick flick, with no space ships, explosions, kung-fu masters, or car chases!" He paused, and looked at her, widening the one eye theatrically, "Is my love not true!"
"They'll write songs about this night." Cindy said, laughing. "Get lost, you two."
"C'mon, Ron." Kim said, as she got to her feet, and Cindy noticed, Ron didn't help, even though he was in position to catch her if she fell. "Time to go eat so you can prepare yourself for the horror to come." Cindy smiled as the two left. When the door closed, her smile faded. So they would be out. Margaret had said they would…
Which meant they could have what promised to be a very, very unpleasant meeting, at Kim's house.
TBC.