YAY FF dot net decided to stop crapping out!

Not much to say aside from this is based off of me spectating and seeing a Medic Kritz a Scout. The Medic got "You'll Feel A Little Prick". It was freaking AMAZING.

So here it is.

Also there is something wrong with this story. Can you figure out what it is!?

READ ON!

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BLU's Medic took a moment to perform light first aid on himself, even though he was behind the enemy lines. Thankfully, the REDs hadn't noticed he was hiding in a small room, slinking in the shadows. They were too busy pushing their cart forward. How he hated watching out the window, seeing RED's Scout, Medic and Heavy keep moving forward. However, there wasn't much he could do. He slid downward and swabbed his wound with alcohol.

He barely finished bandaging his wound when something slammed into his side and hunkered down with him. "Hey, Doc!" BLU's Scout said with a smile.

"Herr Christ!" Medic swore, clutching his heart. He turned to the young man with a glare, "Vat do you zink you are doink, schweinhund?"

"Oh man, we thought you were dead. Haven't seen you in a while. It'd suck to be us without you, huh?" Scout said. He wiped sweat from his forehead and continued, "I was kinda sent to stop that RED's Engie building anything up, but man, you're a nice little bonus. Let's head back together."

Medic snorted, "I won't follow you. Vere iz a Heavy? No Pyro?"

Scout shrugged, "I'm all you got, Doc." There was silence, and Medic slumped in horror. Scout was all he had? How were they going to break through to the other BLUs? The doctor scratched his stubble in thought, but blinked at Scout as the young man started removing his shirt.

"Vat are you…?"

"God, it's freaking hot," Scout interrupted, tossing his sweaty shirt aside, "You charged?"

Medic's jaw dropped, "V…vat…?" he squeaked.

Scout blinked at Medic, his eyebrow raised in question, "What are you 'vat'ing about? You know what I mean! God, what the hell were you thinking of?"

Medic sighed in horror, and dropped the subject. He looked at the gun as it hummed with power, "Vell… yez… zee Medigun is charged, but…"

"Ten seconds of your Uber should be enough to get us through the front lines to our side. Sure, it'll be a waste of a good Uber, but I want to live, and you and I…"

"It'z… not an Uber charge…"

"Oh, okay, that's…" Scout did a double take, "The hell? Not an Uber? What the…?"

"I vas plannink on Kritzing Herr Demoman, but vee vere zeparated, and…" Medic quieted down, and Scout groaned at their luck.

"Just great," he muttered, stretching his aching legs with a frown, "I'm stuck behind enemy lines with a Medic who for whatever god forfreaking reason thinks that a Kritz can EVER beat an Uber out!"

"Vat about you? Vat about you just runnink about vitout zinking for vahnce about strategy?" The two bickered for a moment, but they hunkered into the corner in horror as a rocket zoomed past the house they were hiding in. They then immediately pushed each other apart and Medic slowly, slowly stood up to look out the window, "Look, Scout, zere iz only vahn zing to do."

"And what's that, smart guy?"

"Vee have zee element of surprise. Your scattergun…"

Scout's eyes widened. "No…" he muttered, "nononononono! Do you honestly think we can…?"

"They do not know vee vill be coming up behind zem. It iz zee only vay…"

Scout glared at Medic, "I'm sure there are plenty of other 'vay's, and just because the only way to get back to our side is through the enemy Engie's Sentry doesn't mean we should try and…" Scout groaned and double face palmed, "Oh god… we're going to die…"

"Vell zen, let'z go out vit a bang, ja?"

Scout hyperventilated a bit, and his hands slowly moved downward, so he was clawing at his lower eyelids and smiling like a fool at Medic. "I… I guess they'll yell at me if I don't bring you back, but they can't really yell at me if I'm dead too, right? Alright, on one condition!"

"One… condi… Mein Gott, do not even zink of it…!"

Scout stood up and began removing his belt, "Come on Doc, it'll be freaking AWESOME."

Now it was Medic's turn to face palm. "Jesus Christ, vhy did You ztick me vit him…?"

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BLU's Heavy stood at the point and laid down some fire to stop the payload, but the cart wouldn't stop moving. RED's Scout kept it moving forward, and RED's Heavy was spraying bullets at them. The Builder's League man had to retreat back to where BLU's Engineer was hiding with his sentry, "What are we going to do? Baby Team is controlling kart! Where is Medic? Where is Uber?"

Engineer didn't look up from his sentry upgrades, "Do you honestly think I have time to think o' stuff like that when there's a spy right behind us?" Heavy blinked and turned around. He was staring straight at himself.

RED's Spy dropped like a sack of potatoes, and Engineer tipped his hat in Heavy's direction, "Much obliged."

But Heavy didn't feel any better. "Now I am worried more. Doktor could be hurt. Was he stabbed? He could be…"

"The bomb is nearing a checkpoint!" Heavy's ears perked up from the Announcer's voice, and he rushed down to look out over the front. He gasped. From behind the lines, there was a strange light…

Medic's Kritzkrieg shone like the sun, and suddenly, leaping into combat, was: "Underwear Officer's Arial Assault Gogogogo!" BLU's Scout was wearing nothing but his shoes, underwear, hat and pack; Underwear Officer appeared once again. RED's Scout turned around and looked skyward with a face of disbelief. He ate scattergun shrapnel for his non-belief. CRITICAL scattergun shrapnel.

The shells were able to find the direst of locations to embed themselves. BLU's Scout flicked the empty shell from the barrel and fired again. RED's Medic screamed at the shrapnel in his eyes and dropped quickly. Scout landed on the payload and cocked his gun, pointing it directly at RED's Heavy. He smirked as he fired into the man's head…

…And his smile disappeared when the Kritz failed and Heavy refused to fall. The gigantic man lifted his minigun…

Something stopped him. Scout saw Medic's saw coming down through the man's back. With a smirk, he drew the saw up and inspected the liquid he took from the enemy. Scout was staring at him, and he blinked, "Vat?"

"That…" Scout's eyes shone like stars and he gave a delighted whoop, "That was freaking AWESOME! I TOLD you it would be amazing, but did you listen? Nooooo, don't do it, Scout! Seriously, as if anyone has any dignity during a killfest like this." He sat down on the bomb as if riding horseback and stared at Medic with a smile, "Man, watch those REDs run like little chickens. See ya in hell, Assholes!"

"Well, that wasn't anythin' I expected…" BLU's Sniper muttered, sauntering out on the field, "But I guess that works…"

"Outta the way! Outta the way!" BLU's Demoman shouted, shoving everyone out of the way. He inspected the bomb, pressed his ear against it, and tapped it lightly with his knuckles.

Scout gave a cry, sliding off the bomb and into Medic's arms. The German sighed. "Holy shit man, I was freaking on the TOP. Careful!!"

"Thought so…" Demoman said, ignoring Scout. He flipped something open and peered into the bomb, "Detanates by remote… Lemme just…" Something was clipped, and Demoman dusted his hands, "Alright, disarmed!"

"Hurray! BLU is safe now!" Heavy proclaimed, scooping Engineer up in a half hug of delight. The Texan chuckled at the man's delightful shout, and shrugged at Sniper as the man kept his distance and watched the festivities.

"And now you can get off of me, Scout…" Medic muttered. Scout stared at the German, and suddenly realized he was practically hugging him. The Bostonian immediately released Medic, coughed in his hand, and looked back at the older man.

"By the way, Doc, where'd you put my pants, anyway?" The group immediately turned from Scout to Medic, who slammed a palm on his face once again.

It was not the last time he did so that day.

The End!

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Hope you enjoyed it!