"There is, I am convinced, no picture that conveys in all its dreadfulness, a vision of sorrow, despairing, remediless, supreme. If I could paint such a picture, the canvas would show only a woman looking down at her empty arms." -Charlotte Bronte

Chapter Twenty Two

December 25th, 2003

It felt like forever to get to the hospital but it was really only a couple minutes, they had stopped the bleeding from my shoulder but I was more worried about the baby.

I was laying in the hospital bed while the doctors checked me out, Happy was standing behind them, watching them menacingly.

"Valerie, you're going into labour" the doctor told me, "You have to deliver now"

"But I'm only 21 weeks" I said trying to sit up but the pain was too much

"If we wait you and the baby could die" said the doctor, "Get her prepped" he told the nurses who brought me in a hospital gown

The doctor had left for me to get changed and Happy was about to leave as well when I grabbed his hand.

"Don't leave me" I told him, he slowly nodded and moved so that he was sitting opposite me

As soon as I was dressed in the hospital gown the doctor came back in and it began. It hurt like hell and I wondered if this was what it was supposed to feel like.

"I need you push" said the doctor, "I can see the head"

"You can do it, kid" Happy whispered in my ear, squeezing my hand

I took his encouragement and gave one last push, squeezing his hand so hard I thought that I might have broken a bone. I felt the baby come out but I didn't hear any crying, I tried to look to see what was happening but was pushed down by one of the nurses.

"What's happening?" I yelled, "Where's my son?"

The nurses all gave me somber expressions, and I knew what had happened, I didn't want to but I did.

"No...no" I said starting to cry, "He's not...my son...my baby"

The nurse brought him over and placed him in my arms. He was small, his skin a light creamy colour that was cold to the touch, he was already growing a little bit of blonde hair. Happy wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I started crying into his chest. I saw Happy take out his phone but I couldn't hear what he was saying, I was too focused on the grief that was taking over me.

After awhile the nurse came back into the room, taking the baby out of my arms and putting on what looked like a bed. She was about to wheel it out when Happy growled at her.

"The father's on his way"

So that's who had been on the phone with. I wasn't sure if I wanted to see Kozik right now, but he had every right to be here.

The nurse just nodded and walked out of the room. Not long after she had gone Kozik had come running into the room, stopping in the doorway. His eyes flicked from me to the bed that held the body of our child.

Kozik slowly walked to the bed, staring down at our child. I watched as he reached our his finger to stroke the baby's cheek. I could see tears well up in his eyes, he looked over at me. It looked like he wanted to say or do something but he just turned around and walked out of the room.

I buried my head in Happy's chest again, letting myself cry until I exhausted myself, falling into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up, at first expecting to be in my bed but instead I was greeted by the sight of a hospital room. As the events of the previous night came back to me I quickly sat up, feeling my stomach to find that the bump was gone, another thing reminding me that my child was dead.

I looked over to see Happy sitting in one of the chairs, his head in his hands as he muttered to himself.

"Hap" I said in a croaky voice

Happy immediately looked up at me, his eyes wide with bags under them, I didn't think he'd slept at all last night. I looked over to me other side expecting to see a bed holding my baby but it wasn't there.

"Hap, where's the baby?" I asked, starting to freak out, how fare they take my child away, even if the child was dead

"Relax, they took him down to the...morgue" he said, walking over and pressing a kiss to my forehead, "I'm sorry, kid"

I leant my head into his chest, grabbing at his cut, clutching onto him for dear life. My thoughts wandered to Koz. Where was he? What was he doing?

"Where's Koz?" I asked

"Don't know" he said, "He hasn't been back since you fell asleep"

I was trying to wrap my head around the fact that Happy, my 'friend', had stayed by my side the entire night; while Kozik, my Old Man, had left and not come back.

I looked up when I heard someone knock on the door, Lucinda was standing in the doorway, a sad smile and sympathetic look on her face.

"Happy, why don't you go and get some food" she suggested, "Tell the doctors she's awake"

Happy seemed to hold onto me tighter, he wouldn't normally let some unknown woman boss him around, he especially wouldn't now.

"It's okay" I told him, "She's my Aunt"

Happy reluctantly let go of me, giving Lucinda a menacing look before walking out of the room.

"So, that's your Old Man?" She asked, sitting down at the foot of my bed

"No, he's a..." I started but couldn't finish, "I don't know what he is. My Old Man, or ex-Old Man as it seems to be turning into, came last night and then left and hasn't been back"

"Sorry, I just assumed he was your Old Man. We were all here last night but the doctors told us to go" she told me, "I think they were to scared to tell him to leave"

"He does scare most people" I said, a small smile on my face

"But not you" she said, "He loves you, wouldn't have stayed overnight if he didn't"

I looked away from her, unable to deal with her sympathetic look any longer. I knew that Happy had feelings for me, but what had happened had shown me that his feelings were much stronger than I had first thought.

Lucinda opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted when Happy walked back into the room, followed by the doctor.

"Valerie, I am extremely sorry for your loss" he said, I knew that he was just giving me his condolences but for some reason it made me angry and sad, "I think that the fall after you were shot is what caused the stillbirth, unfortunately I do not know the exact cause"

My eyes started watering again, Happy rushed to my side and pulled me against him and I burrowed my head in his chest, clutching at his cut.

"When will she be discharged?" Asked Lucinda

"Later today, she's physically okay" said the doctor but I was barely listening, too busy bawling into Happy's shirt, "She might want to talk to someone when she's ready, a therapist or counsellor"

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind" Said Lucinda, nodding at him and smiling, signaling that he could go. The doctor looked at me again before nodding and walking out.

I wasn't sure what happened next, it was all a bit of a blur. Lucinda left soon after, Lana and Ava both visited but I didn't talk to them. I mostly clung onto to Happy, soaking his shirt in my tears. Kozik didn't come to visit again, I was disappointed but also relieved.

The police arrived a couple hours later to question me, I didn't really feel like the telling them what had happened, especially since the truth incriminated Happy. But we had worked out a lie to tell them that wouldn't get Happy in trouble.

"Did you recognize who the shooter was?" The cop asked

"No, he was wearing a ski mask, I couldn't see his face"

"Did he say anything?"

"No, he just shot me and left, Happy arrived soon after"

I knew that my recount seemed to be practiced, judging by there suspicious looks they weren't buying my story, but they didn't push. They offered their condolences before leaving, assuring me that they would catch the man who attacked me.

I almost scoffed when they said that, they couldn't catch him because he was dead, Happy had killed him when he saved me.

I was released later that day, just like the doctor said. Lana had offered to drive me home but all it took was one dark look from Happy for that plan to go out the window. I rode on the back of Happy's bike, I hadn't been on a bike mg or a few months but I felt comfortable being on the back of Happy's bike.

We were soon home but I froze in front of the door, unable to take another step inside the house. Happy picked me up and carried me inside, my eyes trailed to where I guess my blood was. The blood was gone and the room stank of bleach.

Happy took me to my bedroom, laying me down on the bed and sitting down next to me. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep, crying myself to sleep for what I suspected would definitely not be the last time.

"Each new life,no matter how brief, forever changes the world."

I know you all probably hate me now, I'm sorry, it was really hard for me to write this chapter. Please review and tell me what you think, I'm fine if it's just criticism. I love to hear back from my readers;