Date written: Fri 2 Oct 2009
Author: Starway Man
E-mail: theop at hotkey dot net dot au
Disclaimer: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.
Rating: Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.
Symbols: " " denotes speech, ( italics ) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.
Main characters: Xander, ensemble
Warnings: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.
Author Notes: A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http:// www .fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.
Author Notes 2: Thanks to everyone who's reviewed and sent feedback so far! Please, keep it coming.
Acknowledgments: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!
Classification: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF
Summary: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.
Title:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux
***
Story 2: Ship Ahoy
Ethan's Costume Shop, Sunnydale, California
October 30th, 1997
As Buffy Summers entered the costume shop, alongside Willow Rosenberg and Xander Harris, the blonde vampire Slayer couldn't help but glance at her male friend with a feeling of hopeless despair.
( Poor Xander, ) Buffy thought to herself unhappily, as she watched him start looking for a Halloween costume for the trick o' treating tomorrow night. ( I guess I really did totally embarrass him this morning, with that thing about threatening to beat up Larry if he didn't get lost. But I couldn't just let that big gorilla tear Xander into little pieces, could I? Oh, Willow was right, boys can be so fragile... )
"Hey, Xander. Find anything yet?" the Chosen One came up to her friend, attempting to mend fences the only way she could think of.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Harris stopped looking around and turned to face her.
"Well, uh, it's supposed to mean, have you found a Halloween costume yet?" Buffy said with a bit of confusion.
"No. Does that mean you think that you need to beat up the store proprietor for me, so that I can end up looking like a complete sissy man all over again?" Xander replied, his pride and ego still in tatters after Buffy's actions earlier on.
Miss Summers exhaled in exasperation. "Look, Xander, I'm...really sorry about this morning. I promise, from now on? I'll totally let you get beaten to a pulp, if that's the way you want it. Okay?"
"Okay." It was psychologically impossible for Harris to stay mad at the Chosen One for any length of time. Not only was the Slayer his hero, but the boy had been desperately in love with the petite blonde ever since the first moment he had laid eyes on her. It was simply too bad for Xander that Buffy saw him only as a friend, or even worse, as 'one of the girls'. "Okay, y'know, actually? If you hadn't butted in, I think I could've taken him. Larry isn't so tough..."
Xander saw the look his friend was sending him, and so shrugged helplessly. "Okay, so he would have macramé'd my face in the student lounge. But it's the thought that counts!"
"Well, lemme make it up to you. Uh, what do you say we get matching costumes? My treat," Buffy suggested hopefully. She was planning to cement their touching little reconciliation moment by putting her chin on his shoulder and pouting, when Buffy suddenly saw a frilly red 18th century gown and started walking over to it.
"Buffy?" Xander asked in concern, as he followed her and Willow joined them.
"Wow. Look at this," Buffy was almost drooling over the noblewoman dress.
"It's amazing," Miss Rosenberg agreed, as the oestrogen factor in the room climbed significantly.
"Too bulky. I prefer my women in spandex," Xander said flippantly, before Willow smacked him. "OW! I was just kidding!"
( Well, not really, ) the boy added in the privacy of his own mind, wondering just when he would ever learn to keep his mouth shut around the ladies. ( Probably never, that's when. )
At that moment Ethan Rayne, the owner of the shop and a chaos mage out to have a little 'fun' tomorrow night, noticed Buffy looking at the dress and came over to the trio. "Can I help you?"
"Oh! Hi, we were just admiring the dress, it's..." Buffy trailed off.
"Magnificent, yes," Rayne nodded his head as he took it off the store dummy and held it up against the Slayer's body. "My, meet the hidden princess. I think we've found a match, don't you?"
"Oh, uh, I-I'm sorry. But there's no way I could ever afford this," Buffy said hesitantly, looking around at her friends.
"Stuff and nonsense, my dear. I feel quite moved to make you a deal you can't refuse," Ethan said rather smarmily. "After all, just my opinion – but I think you'd look utterly fantastic in this outfit!"
Buffy smiled dreamily at her reflection in the mirror, before coming back to reality. "Oh, Xander and I were thinking of getting matching costumes! Willow, do you think you'd like to-?"
"Oh no, I've already got my outfit for tomorrow night," the red-haired girl held up a ghost costume. "A time-honoured classic!"
( Oh, Willow, ) Buffy thought in despair. ( How are you ever gonna get Xander to notice you if you keep hiding like that? That's it, tomorrow night I have to give you a complete makeover! ) "Actually, Will-"
"Buffy, wait, I can't let you do this," Xander interrupted. "You can't afford to buy two costumes, and since I've only got two dollars..."
"If for a moment I might interrupt?" Ethan said smoothly. "I believe we can work something out. I happen to have a costume in the back that I wasn't planning to sell today; it's ripped in a few places, you see. But since it goes almost perfectly with the noblewoman outfit, young man, I'm willing to rent it to you for, let's say, two dollars? Plus some good word of mouth publicity on your behalf, of course."
"Wow! Xander, take it!" Willow said excitedly. "This is too good an opportunity to pass up!"
"Hang on a sec, Will. I mean, what kinda costume are we talkin' about here? Because I don't want to look like something out of 'Pride and Prejudice' or whatever," Xander declared passionately.
"No, no, this costume is nothing of the sort," Ethan said in that same smooth tone, even as he snorted in contempt on the inside. "Now, if you'll excuse me for a few moments, I'll be back as soon as I take care of those customers at the counter, and then we can see about turning you into one of my country's most famous naval heroes..."
***
Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California
October 31st, 1997
"...for God and my country," Vice Admiral Horatio Nelson, 1st Viscount Nelson, 1st Duke of Bronté, KB said. Then he blinked after a terrible rush of dizziness. And then he was rather alarmed; as all around the British navy officer, there was nothing at all familiar.
( What in God's name? ) Admiral Nelson asked himself in disbelief.
Because he was dead, he was sure that he was dead. He had been shot during the Battle of Trafalgar; the bullet had entered his left shoulder, pierced his lung, and come to rest at the base of his spine, shattering his backbone. For hours he had felt himself dying in agony on that terrible October day during the year of our Lord 1805, but now he was here; and the pain was gone. Not only that, but his missing arm and missing eye were somehow returned to him; he felt better than he had for decades.
( What is this place? It cannot be Heaven, surely – ah, dear Lord, hast thou sent me to Hell for sinning with my beloved Emma? ) he wondered to himself.
"Xander! Xander!" Horatio turned to see a red-haired young strumpet running towards him. "Are you okay? Ohmigod, ohmigod, listen, we gotta get off the streets, I think everyone's-"
"Enough, woman!" Admiral Nelson used his sternest command voice, the one that instantly froze unruly midshipmen in their tracks. The British naval hero drew his sword and said, "If you must speak to me, do so slowly and clearly. Now, who is this Xander you speak of? And where am I?" Horatio gestured around at all the chaos taking place, mini-demons were running around chasing the townsfolk everywhere. "Are we in Hell?"
"What? No! Xander, what's wrong with you?" the Willow ghost demanded, transformed as she was by Ethan's chaos magic for tonight. "I mean, what's with the English accent?"
"I am not 'Xander'. My name is Admiral Horatio Nelson, late of HMS Victory, and the British Empire," the sailor said in a clipped tone of voice, keeping an eye out for trouble at all times. "Now I repeat, where am I? And who are you?"
Young Miss Rosenberg, a straight A student who also excelled at history, would have fainted if she was still corporeal. As it was, she almost managed to do it anyway.
"Oh my God, you're really him," she whispered in awe at the presence of a living legend. "You turned into your costume, just like me – you, you're really the Hero of Trafalgar!"
"The hero of...? No, never mind," Horatio said hurriedly, still unsure if this was the afterlife or not. "Just tell me, where are we? This place is utterly foreign to my eyes, as are you."
"I'm-I'm Willow Rosenberg, and this is the New World. California, i-if you know where that is; which you probably do," Willow stammered, trying to speak in terms that the 19th century man would understand. But before she could say more, a couple of monsters abruptly noticed the pair standing there on the street, and decided to make a quick meal out of them.
Unfortunately for the newcomers, however, the demons had underestimated Admiral Nelson's skill with a blade. And whilst he was busy defending himself, Willow heard Buffy's voice screaming not far off in the distance. So, with deep reluctance, the ghost girl abandoned her companion to head for the helpless noblewoman.
***
A dark alley, not far from the Sunnydale docks
Less than an hour later
The possessed Buffy Summers leaned against a crate, sniffling and looking around. She appeared lost and frightened, and with good reason.
The noblewoman persona currently inhabiting the Slayer's body simply couldn't understand what was going on tonight. In her mind, the year was 1775 and not 1997; thus, she was completely unprepared to face the realities of the modern world. Even here on the Hellmouth, where things could hardly be called 'normal', there was nothing her 18th century mentality could find to reassure her that everything would somehow be all right; there was only utter mayhem and pandemonium in all directions.
( Please, oh Lord, ) the noblewoman prayed while catching her breath for a moment, ( send me a guardian angel to guide me home, and I swear I will repay you with a lifetime of devout and holy works... )
But it seemed that God's office was closed tonight, as Buffy's possessed classmate Larry Blaisdell – Xander's attacker who had dressed up as a scurvy pirate, and now WAS one – found her instead. "Pretty, pretty..."
"No! No!" Lady Buffy instantly shrieked. "Stay away from me!"
Pirate Larry gestured to his two minions – fellow pirates whom he had met up with tonight – and said, "Take her to the ship, lads! And be quick about it, you lazy dogs, lest I hang you both from the highest yardarm!"
The two crewmen obeyed orders, and they carried the screaming and struggling noblewoman towards the nearby marina; for the seven seas are the same no matter what the era may be, and the pirates felt a lot more comfortable in somewhat familiar surroundings. As they got to their destination, though, a British voice rang out, "Hold, you so-called gentlemen o' fortune! Release the lady, or I'll run you through!"
"Tie her to the mast," Pirate Larry ordered his minions before he focused on the newcomer, and Lady Buffy was dragged away. "Now, who dares challenge me?" He scowled at the sight of the British Navy uniform.
"Admiral Horatio Nelson, you loathsome cur," the military officer scowled back at him. "En garde!"
Pirate Larry drew his sword, but he never stood a chance against the Hero of Trafalgar. After a short but furious battle, Nelson landed a hard head-butt on the pirate's nose and then Larry's sword went sailing away: so the dizzy pirate jumped off the docks into the seawater, preferring to escape and continue the fight another night. As Admiral Nelson headed for the prisoner and her two guards, the pirates – once known as Andrew Wells and Jonathan Levinson – decided to follow their leader's example and dived overboard, swimming away as fast as they possibly could.
"Kind sir, I am forever in your debt! You've saved me from a fate worse than death itself!" Lady Buffy gushed in sheer gratitude and hero worship.
"'Twas my pleasure to assist you, milady," Admiral Nelson latched onto the first familiar thing he'd seen tonight – apart from the pirates, of course – and quickly released the noblewoman. "Admiral Horatio Nelson, at your service."
"An Admiral? The good Lord has surely blessed me with the perfect protector this horrible night," Lady Buffy smiled at her benefactor. "Unfortunately, I know not where my father's estate is, nor where on the continent we are-"
"According to a woman I met earlier this evening, this is the New World, milady," Horatio frowned.
"The New World?" Lady Buffy looked horrified at the thought at being so far from home. "How in the name of God Almighty did we get here?"
"Alas, but I know not," the Englishman confessed. "Fortunately, I have a plan. We shall take shelter within this vessel for tonight, and at first light seek out the harbour-master in order to find a ship to take us back to civilization. Until then, I will guard your life with my own."
"You are too kind, Admiral." Lady Buffy felt such a surge of hope and joy that she got carried away, and planted a kiss directly on Horatio's lips.
But as luck would have it, this was exactly when Ethan's spell was broken in the costume shop not far away.
Xander was lost in the sheer pleasure of the kiss for a moment, finally feeling the bliss of his beloved Buffy's lips on his own, before the male teen's eyes flew open and he realized what was going on. The boy had been awake throughout the entire evening, a prisoner within his own body as the Halloween persona had been in complete control of his physical form; but now he was free of the possession and back in the driver's seat again.
( What the... ) Xander thought dazedly to himself.
Buffy, who had come out of it at the exact same moment that Xander did, instantly started freaking. Thus, she reacted the same way every other Slayer before had reacted under such circumstances; the girl immediately and instinctively went on the attack, pushing Xander away from her.
Unfortunately, though, her supernatural Slayer strength that meant Xander went flying over the side of the boat, ending up in the freezing cold water just like Larry, Andrew and Jonathan.
"XANDERRRRRR!" Buffy wailed, as she came over to the side of the ship. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" She quickly started stripping off the noblewoman outfit and then dived into the water, intent on rescuing her friend the same way he'd rescued her a few minutes ago.
***
Sunnydale High School Library, Sunnydale, California
November 3rd, 1997
Xander Harris was feeling pretty miserable that Monday morning, as he watched Buffy walk out the doors of the library.
( Stupid, stupid, stupid! ) the boy chastised himself angrily, after kicking the table leg as hard as he could. ( What were you expecting, that she'd throw herself into your arms and say that she'd dumped Angel for you? That kiss on Friday night meant nothing, because like it or not – that wasn't Buffy. )
The recent conversation between them was almost literally carved into his brain with fiery hot knife. Xander tried not to think about what she'd just said, but Buffy's words could not be silenced inside his skull.
"I'm so sorry, Xander. I'm sorry I kissed you like that, I mean – you're one of my best friends, and, and I didn't intend to...well, you know. It's just that Lady Useless was so scared, and you – I mean the admiral – it was such a big comfort that you were willing to do all that for her, I guess she just got carried away for a second..."
( Yeah, right. Pretty much par for the course for me around here, ) Xander thought bitterly to himself. ( I mean God, why didn't she just carve me up after hauling me out of the water, and use me as fish bait or something? It woulda been a lot less painful, not to mention humiliating! )
Eventually, though, Xander finally pulled himself together. It was evidently long past time to stop hoping and pretending like this; it was obvious Buffy wanted Angel instead of him, and so he had to let go of the rivalry he shared with the walking corpse in trying to win Buffy's heart.
If the kiss they'd shared meant nothing to her, then so be it; it was clearly time to start looking at the other fish in the sea.
At that moment, Willow came into the library, looking worried and flustered. "Xander, where have you been?! You haven't returned any of my phone calls, and I was worried sick about you!"
( No need to worry, Will. Larry isn't bothering me anymore, at least, so I guess one good thing has come outta all this, ) the youth thought to himself.
Just then the bell rang, and Xander got up from his chair at the table. At that moment he recalled what Willow had looked like in her Halloween outfit on Friday night and thought to himself, ( Yeah, there definitely are other fish in the sea, aren't there? Hmmm. )
"Come on, let's get to first period. I've got quite a story to tell you..."
***
Next: Story 3 - Greater Than The Sum