I don't know. I'm alive, and in a dorm now. College started again, so I dunno if I'll have the time to write but we'll see. Maybe it'll make me want to write more iunno.
This was going to be longer but I got stuck. So we'll see if I continue it later. Anyway:
READ ON!
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It was the best time of the year for the REDs. It was break time.
"HELL YES!" RED's Scout shouted as he tore through the base, packing up for the trip off of the front lines, "Alright guys, hands up! Where are we going this time?"
"We're in California, right?" RED's Sniper asked as Scout zipped by him, "We got two weeks to do whatevah we want, and this is the best place to do whatevah we want."
"There'z zo much in California, I can hardly imagine vere to go firzt," RED's Medic said, looking deep in thought.
"Is big trees in California, I hear!" RED's Heavy Weapons Guy offered brightly, "Let us go see Redwoods!"
Scout frowned at Heavy in passing as he picked up a duffel bag and started rushing it out to the truck that the group would be pooling in. "Naw, man, there's gotta be somethin' less borin' than starin' at trees all day!"
"Let's all see the ocean, boyos!" RED's Demoman suggested, "We'll play in the sand and in the water!"
"I hate salty air," RED's Engineer called from outside, shooting the idea down flat, "It ruins my machines. Let's avoid it for a few days, at least."
"I know I know I know!" Scout shouted as he rushed back into the base. Everyone turned to the young man as he lifted his finger into the air. "We should go to Disneyland!"
There was silence.
"Disneyland?" the men inquired in unison.
"Yeah man! I've been livin' in Boston and all I've been hearin' is Disney Disney Disney! We're here in California and I can finally go to Disneyland! Oh man, it's like a dream come true!" Scout shuddered with anticipation. He could wear a silly hat and pretend he was six again with all his brothers…
"Is good idea! Let us have fun at amusement park!" Heavy agreed.
"Naw, Mate, it's much too commercialized," Sniper said, "Rather not head out there. It'd be so tacky."
"Why are you against it?" RED's Spy said, appearing out of nowhere, just like normal. Sniper fought his reflex of strangling the man as he sauntered into the room. "I say that Disneyland is a fine place to go."
Scout smiled at the European, and gestured at him with a smile at the group. "See? Spy agrees with me!"
"That maggot always agrees with you as long as he can get you out of his hair," RED's Soldier grumbled, returning to the base covered in oil. The truck just needed a little tuning up, and he and Engineer had been doing so as the others were packing. "Hadn't you noticed that by now?"
Scout crossed his arms and grumbled as Medic handed Soldier a handkerchief to wipe his face off. Soldier also wiped off his sweaty hands as well as his chest. "Come on, you guys! Just for a day?" The Bostonian pleaded.
Medic looked at the kerchief that Soldier returned, and the German tossed the ruined thing into RED's Pyro's hands with an air of disgust. "I, for vahnce, agree vit zee fraulein."
Everyone had a near heart attack.
"Medic? Agreeing with going to a happy place filled with colors other than blood?" Soldier gasped.
"Crikey, how does a doctor operate on himself, I wonder?" Sniper muttered.
"Filthy Schweinhunds, zere are reazonz I go to placez."
"But there are very few places you go to that are so… vibrant?" Spy said.
"Festive?" Engineer added from outside.
"Happy!" Heavy proclaimed, remembering why he wanted to go.
"I don't vant to go becauze it is 'happy'," Medic hissed, "I am goink becauze I admire Herr Disney. I was able to zee hiz first movie, zee vahn vit zee Princess Snow White?"
"That was the only one you saw?" Scout interjected, appalled that poor Medic hadn't seen any other Disney films.
"Silence, Hödeken. Eizer vay, zere vere few zings zat made my zister smile. Zat movie vas vahn of zem." He adjusted his gloves as he continued, "Zomezink zat bringz happiness to a Germany vere zere is no light or life iz a feat zat I respect in Herr Valt."
There was silence for a while, and Scout smiled. "So you like him because your lil' sis likes him? Why didn't you tell us you had a sister?"
Medic scowled at the young man angrily. "I didn't zay becauze I don't have a zister," and with that, the German stalked from the room.
Scout didn't understand Medic at all, and called after him with his question, "But Doc, how come you said you had a sister when…?"
The Bostonian was interrupted when Sniper grasped the young man's hat and shoved it down in front of his face. "Quiet down, Mate. There are things that some people just don't care ta remember…"
Scout grumbled as he grasped his hat and looked up at the Australian, opening his mouth to ask what he meant. It then hit him, and he quieted down. "Jeez, I didn't mean to make him mad…"
"No one does," Spy said, "It just happens, si?"
"Mmph… mphphmmm phphphmmph," Pyro said.
"Pyro's right," Engineer said as he followed Soldier in ("The truck's ready, by the way"). He wiped his own hands off from a handkerchief he owned and he tucked his kerchief into his overalls' breast pocket. "We best think of a place ta go. Personally, Disneyland couldn't hurt for a day or two."
"We see Redwoods after Disneyland?" Heavy asked, ever hopeful.
"We'll see, Lad, we'll see," Demoman said, patting the Russian on his overtly huge shoulder. Heavy smiled; that would do for now.
"Alright, we're all going to Disneyland!" Scout proclaimed.
"Ahhh, Soldier, while you are driving there…" Spy said, catching their leader before he packed up, "Would you be so kind as to drop me off at the Mission Inn?"
"What?" Soldier asked. He stopped for a moment, dragged a map out of nowhere, and began scouring it. "But that's in a whole different county!" he said after he found where Spy was meaning to go.
"I know, but Riverside is so much larger than Anaheim. I think I will be staying somewhere else."
"What's gotten into you, Spy?" Scout asked, "Why can't you spend some time with us?"
"I am always spending time with you here on the base. This time I would like to spend time on my own. That is acceptable, no?"
Sniper frowned in disgust at the European. "More like 'I'm always spending time with men', innit that right, ya bloody wanker?"
"Like you wouldn't go fishing yourself if you weren't an introverted child under your coarse exterior, isn't that true? I bet you haven't even lain with a woman yet." Spy lit up a cigarette and his eyes flashed dangerously behind his wicked smile. "That is, if women are even what you're interested in…"
Pyro had to hold Sniper back from an all out assault on Spy. "Want a fat, bloody lip to go with that pus filled sack of…!"
"Spy, could you stop being an asshole for just once in your life?" Scout asked. The European took a long drag from his cigarette and shrugged with a horrendously devious smile.
"I'll think about it."
ADDITION TO STORY WOO?
As we all know, back in 1958, "Gay" did not mean "homosexual", but rather "gaudy" "frivolous", and "joyful". Its synonyms were "happy", "bright", "joyful", and other such words. However, there were other sorts of words that were also associated with the word "Gay" that are much more funny than the actual word itself.
For instance, a "Gay Cat" referred to a tramp that works very little but usually for large amounts of money. Please remember that "Tramp" back then was not necessarily a prostitute or a loose person, but rather a person who didn't always follow the laws, kinda like a man living on the streets and scraping a living through usually illegal ways. See "Lady and the Tramp". "Gay Cat" also referred to "A Spy or Scout for the yeggs". TF2 fans, you are now allowed to giggle uncontrollably into your keyboard, desk, or soda.
PS: Yegg, probably coming from the German word "Jager", meant a burglar, probably more often referring to a safe cracker.
Next, a "Gay Dog" is anyone who lives life happily and to the fullest. Not exactly hedonistic, but more like just happily. Try telling your friends they're a gay dog. Either your English major friends may laugh or you'll probably get clobbered.
Last, "Gay Science". Take a moment to think about what that is.
…
…
It means "Poetry". Funnily enough, it kinda fits in this day and age.
PPS: "Gay" could also be used as a brightly colored children's toy, so a colorful top or a pretty flower could be described as gay. Also, you could even turn people "Gay" back then too. Causing someone to become happy through helping them or giving them a smile would "Turn them gay". Funny how much the language does and does not change over time.
Remember, this was all taken in my family's super old Webster's Dictionary, published in 1958. Hopefully this will make you writers think twice about what you write in your TF2 stories and it'll encourage you to go out and learn more yourself! See you all again!