Date written: Tue 6 Oct 2009
Author: Starway Man
E-mail: theop at hotkey dot net dot au
Disclaimer: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.
Rating: Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.
Symbols: " " denotes speech, ( italics ) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.
Main characters: Xander, ensemble
Warnings: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.
Author Notes: A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.
Author Notes 2: Thanks to everyone who's reviewed and sent feedback, 'tis most appreciated. Especially for the previous fanfic!
Acknowledgments: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!
Classification: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF
Summary: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.
Title:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux
***
Story 6: Out Of This World
Ethan's Costume Shop, Sunnydale, California
October 30th, 1997
As the young man came up to the front counter carrying a toy gun, Ethan Rayne beamed at him in delight after checking a list of names on the counter. "Congratulations, you are my one hundredth customer here today!"
Xander Harris blinked, putting the toy on the counter. "Okay..." he said uncertainly, not quite sure what to do with that.
"No, you, you don't understand. As my one hundredth customer, you get a special discount offer. Anything you want from my store, it's yours for only one dollar!" Ethan said enthusiastically.
"Really? Wow, mister, thanks!" the high school student said gratefully. "Um, let me see...what's the best thing you've got?"
Rayne led the young man to a corner of the store. "How about this?"
Xander frowned at the costume, it looked like something from out of a cheap 1950's movie. "A space suit?"
"It's not just a 'space suit'. This is a copy of one of the most celebrated costumes of all time!" Ethan said pompously, even if his words were true enough. "In 1951, you see, this outfit was considered very prominent, with regard to one of the most famous films ever produced."
Xander shrugged, he'd never been that big a fan of anything but cowboy movies; and Clint Eastwood hadn't started making those spaghetti Westerns of his until the 1960's. "Well, I saw a rerun of The Honeymooners last night where Ralph dressed up as a man from space, so, um, why not?"
( Bloody uncouth Americans, ) Ethan sneered to himself, but without letting any sign of his disdain show on the surface. "Very good, you've made a wise choice. Now I'll just wrap this up for you, and that'll be one dollar."
As Xander handed over the money and took the costume, Ethan couldn't help sniggering to himself. ( Wonder how this'll turn out tomorrow night? ) the chaos worshipper asked himself with a silent laugh.
***
Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California
October 31st, 1997
The entity known only as Klaatu looked around in confusion, as he became self-aware and the consciousness of Xander Harris was pushed far, far away into the background.
The human-looking alien representing a group of extraterrestrial civilizations did not know where he was at first, but then he quickly realized that he was standing in the middle of a street within the United States. He and his companion Gort had spent enough time there amongst its people for him to be fairly certain of that. The houses looked somewhat odd to his eyes, but then that thought was quickly put aside when he saw some humans being chased by what looked like assorted creatures from human mythology.
( Gort. Gort, where are you? ) Klaatu attempted to make mental contact with the automaton, one of the numberless robots created by the peoples of the universe in order to 'preserve the peace'. Unfortunately, there was no reply; and so, for the first time in a long while, Klaatu became very worried. He knew that it should have been impossible for Gort to be harmed or overcome by any power the earthlings had at their possession.
"Xander? Xander!" Klaatu turned around to see a red-haired young woman running towards him.
"You are not actually there," the alien said to her with some mild surprise, his extraterrestrial senses were easily able to distinguish between solids and holograms. "What are you? A projection of some sort?"
"What? Xander, it's me, Willow!" Miss Rosenberg said at once. "And hey, how did you already know that I was a ghost?"
"A ghost?" Klaatu raised an eyebrow. "No, never mind that for now. Permit me to introduce myself: my name is Klaatu. It is a pleasure to meet you, Willow, even though..." the alien humanoid looked around again, "...the circumstances of our meeting appear not to be the greatest, right at the moment."
Willow's eyes went wide. "Are you...no, you couldn't be. You're, you're just kidding me right, Xander? I mean, you can't actually be an alien from another planet?!"
"You know what I am? And who is 'Xander'?" Klaatu inquired as he took off his helmet, but just then a monster appeared across the street, growling. The alien noticed it approach, so he squatted down on his haunches and slammed his palm down onto the surface of the street.
Reality itself seemed to ripple in a direct line straight towards the demon, which became very distressed and ran off yelping.
"Oh my God," Willow gasped. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! How did you-? Oh no, Xander, you really ARE him?" Then the ghost saw Buffy the vampire Slayer not far away, possessed by the persona of an 18th century noblewoman. "Buffy?"
The spectral entity quickly ran over to her best friend, as a frowning Klaatu followed her. "Buffy! Are you okay?" Miss Rosenberg asked.
"Buffy?" the noblewoman asked in confusion.
Willow turned to Klaatu, "We're in trouble. She's not Buffy anymore!"
Klaatu tried but failed to understand what was going on. "Who is this 'Buffy' you refer to?"
"Oh, this is gonna be fun," the Willow ghost groaned to herself. "What year is it?" she then asked the noblewoman.
"1775, I believe." The possessed Miss Summers was confused and hyperventilating, staring at both her companions with uncertain dismay. "I-I don't understand. Who are you people?"
"I am Klaatu, and this is Willow," the male part of the question said politely, even though in his mind the year was 1951. "We mean you no harm."
"Yeah, we're friends," Willow tried to be as reassuring as possible.
"But, but y-your dress...everything is so strange! How did I come to be here?" the noblewoman asked, still trying to get it.
"A good question," Klaatu nodded. "You obviously do not belong here..." Then he spied a car coming, and he instantly knew something was very wrong. The basic design was the same, but the humans hadn't advanced their technology this far when last he'd checked. "And it appears, perhaps, that neither do I."
"A DEMON! A DEMON!" Lady Buffy screamed as soon as she saw the vehicle, scrambling to hide behind Klaatu.
"No, that is merely a vehicle used to transport human beings here and there, a 'horseless carriage' if you will," Klaatu said with that same calm tone, recalling what the primitive humans of that era would have called them. "You need not be afraid, it will not harm you."
"We need to get off the streets," Willow decided, as Lady Buffy calmed down a little. "I know, Buffy's house. You two, follow me!" Willow went to grab Buffy's arm, forgetting that she was incorporeal now and so her hand passed straight through the noblewoman's.
"A GHOST!" Lady Buffy screamed in horror, before fainting dead away.
Klaatu quickly gathered her up in his arms, as soon as he put his helmet back on. "Lead the way, Willow."
***
1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California
Not long afterwards
Klaatu was adding up all the evidence presented to him by this body's eyes and ears, and he did not like the conclusions he was drawing. He didn't like them at all.
After he, Willow and the noblewoman tentatively identified as 'Buffy' had arrived here, the spaceman had finally noticed that he wasn't within the humanoid body he'd been occupying up until a few minutes ago. The face was different, younger, barely more than that of a child. Willow's insistence that he was in actual fact her friend, a young man named Xander Harris, was backed up by a photograph in the house showing Willow, Buffy and the young man in question posing together.
Not only that, but when he had rescued another human female from upcoming death at the hands of one of the monsters, she too had called him 'Xander'.
( Can it truly be that I am not in fact who I think I am? That Gort and the galactic alliance do not exist either? I will have to make further inquiries of my own, soon... ) Klaatu ruminated silently.
"What the hell's going on around here?" the brunette demanded, who Klaatu had just learned was named Cordelia Chase. "I was just attacked by Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Boy. And look at my costume! Do you really think that Partytown is gonna give me my deposit back, with it all shredded like this? Not damn likely!"
"Cordelia..." Willow looked like she had a headache, even if that wasn't possible since her head wasn't actually present. "Look, a lot's going on, and I don't have all the answers. I, I need to go get some help, talk to Giles about this..."
"Who is this Giles person?" Klaatu wanted to know at once.
"What the heck's that about? The dork doesn't know who the boring librarian is anymore?" Cordelia said in confusion.
The headache instantly felt worse. In fact Willow was reminded of that terrible occasion when she and Cordelia had been stuck in a broom closet for ages, during Parent-Teacher Night at the school. "I-it's like amnesia, okay? Xander doesn't know who he really is right now. Just sit tight, I'll be back as soon as I can once I get to the library..."
"Wait. I wish to accompany you," Klaatu spoke up, even as Lady Buffy whimpered at the thought of being left defenceless and alone. "I have many questions regarding what has happened tonight, and a library would appear to be the most suitable place within which to begin looking for answers."
"Well, THAT didn't sound like Xander," Cordelia said in amazement. "When did the doofus here get so deep?"
"Doofus?" Klaatu and Lady Buffy both asked at the same time.
"Never mind," Willow moaned. "Look, Xa- I mean, Klaatu. I really don't think that's a good idea-"
"Why not? I am perfectly capable of defending myself to whatever degree is necessary, here on this planet," the alien interrupted calmly and confidently.
"Well, uh, you need to stay here and look after Cordy and Buffy, right?" Willow didn't know why she was so reluctant to let Klaatu come along, but for some reason she just felt strongly that he shouldn't.
"Hey, the day I need Xander Harris to look after me is the day that I'm broke and living on welfare!" Cordelia declared scornfully.
At that moment, the vampire with a soul known as Angel came in via the kitchen. "Oh, good! You guys are alright. It's total chaos out there..."
"Who are you, good sir?" Lady Buffy asked in confusion.
"Angel! I'm so glad you're here," Willow said in obvious relief before the vampire could answer that. "Uh, we got problems, and I really gotta go. Xander and Buffy have been possessed by their Halloween costumes, Cordelia's hasn't, and uh, g'bye!"
"Willow, wait!" the vampire commanded, just as the ghost was about to depart through the wall. "What are you talking about? And where do you think you're going?"
"To find Giles at the high school, he'll get to the bottom of this I'm sure!" the ghost said determinedly, before she vanished.
"Great," Cordelia threw her arms up in the air. "Just when I thought the weirdness couldn't possibly get any worse..."
Klaatu ignored her, as he walked up to Angel and studied him carefully. "What are you?" the alien asked simply. "I can tell that you're not alive, but you're not a dead body either..."
"I'm a vampire," Angel said guardedly, for some reason the young man in the absurd-looking spacesuit was making his inner demon howl and gibber in fear. "You don't remember that, I take it?"
"A vampire...I remember briefly studying the legends," Klaatu mused. "And that would explain why I can sense that, within you, there exists a being whose heart knows only darkness and evil."
"You mean, Angel really IS a vampire? I thought the freak and the nerd were just trying to warn me off about him in the bathroom earlier today!" Cordelia exclaimed, as Lady Buffy started to cling to her arm in fear. She turned to the noblewoman and snapped, "Do you mind?!"
Both Klaatu and Angel ignored the interruption, even as Lady Buffy let go. "Are you content, being what you are?" the alien asked.
"No," Angel replied in that same guarded fashion. He didn't know why, but in Klaatu's presence he felt compelled to explain everything. "You see, when you become a vampire, the demon takes your body but not your soul; Angelus walked the earth for over a century that way, wreaking havoc and killing pretty much everyone who tried to stop him. But after those gypsies cursed him and restored my soul, all the crimes that he committed for 150 years...all the sadistic glee he felt over the murders and everything else...well, I have to live with that nightmare. It's as if I did it all myself, even though I guess you could argue otherwise..."
Stripping off his gloves, with inhuman strength Klaatu grabbed hold of Angel by the neck with one hand and a porcelain lamp with the other. Immediately the light globe started flickering on and off as the ensouled vampire groaned, going in and out of his demon face.
Cordelia yelped and jumped back, "GROSS!"
The vampire just kept growling and moaning, as Lady Buffy fainted again. Everyone else ignored her as Angel jerked around for a few more moments, before he was encapsulated by white light and then a fine dust exploded into the air. Angel subsequently collapsed down to the floor, choking and heaving.
Angel put a hand to his chest, his eyes growing wide with disbelief as he got back up on his knees. Then he got up and said, "My heart...it's beating! I'm breathing, I'm...I'm ALIVE! How did you-?"
"You wouldn't understand," Klaatu assured him, as he put his gloves back on and then placed his helmet back on his head. "I must leave you all now, however, for I have my own path to follow from this point on."
So saying, he walked to the front door and exited the house, Angel making sure to lock it behind him. Cordelia snorted, "Sure, just run off like that, Xander, faboo!" Then she smiled flirtatiously at Angel. "So, you're human now? Are you free for a coffee at the Espresso Pump tomorrow night?"
***
Sunnydale High, Sunnydale, California
November 1st, 1997
Buffy, Angel and Giles all headed towards the library together, the Slayer having such a huge smile on her face that she was almost in danger of her head falling off. She was hanging off Angel's arm as Buffy said, "Once we find Xander, I tell you, I am SO gonna give him a huge thank-you for what he did last night!"
"Well, it-it wasn't actually him, it was that...Klaatu guy," Angel said slowly, still finding it hard to believe that he was human again now. This morning he had seen the sun for the first time in nearly 250 years, and he was still reeling from that experience.
"Yes, it's, it's amazing, certainly," Giles nodded. "But we need to talk to Xander straightaway, and find out more about what exactly happened during that chaos spell last night. Buffy, are you sure he didn't do anything to you as well?"
"Positive." The Chosen One made a face, grimacing at how weak and helpless the noblewoman persona had been last night. "Cordelia told me how after I fainted, Xander just left. And when I woke up, Angel was human!" The schoolgirl sent another dazzling smile to her boyfriend, feeling happier than she'd been in a very long time.
They finally arrived at the library, and as soon as they went inside they saw Xander staring out a window, looking lost in thought. "XANDER! Thank you for everything you did last night!" Buffy immediately rushed over to her friend and gave him a big hug.
"Ow! Watch it, Buffy; Slayer strength, remember?" Harris grunted in pain.
"OH! Sorry," Miss Summers let go, even if the big dumb grin never left her face.
"Ah, Xander. I, I have quite a few questions to ask you-" Giles began to say.
But then he was cut off as Harris said, "Guys, we've got a big problem."
"What problem?" Angel asked in concern.
"We'll get to that. But first off, I want you to know that I can still remember everything from last night," Xander said slowly. "I, I can't do any of the things that Klaatu could anymore, like making a vampire human, but...but all the knowledge is still there. Just about everything he knew, I know."
"And that's a problem?" Buffy didn't get it. "I mean, that whole 'knowledge is power' dealie..."
"Listen to me, Buffy," Xander interrupted. "Last night, Klaatu managed to find a computer and get on the Internet after he left your house. He was kinda surprised to find out that such a thing actually existed, actually, since he was so used to thinking of humans as what they were during the 1950's; but still, it was like child's play for him to use it to get on-line and tap into...well, everything. Klaatu could have easily launched every nuclear missile on the planet and wiped out the human race, if he'd wanted to. And the worst part is, he almost did."
"WHAT?" Buffy, Angel and Giles all said together.
"But, but why would he do that?" the ex-vampire demanded.
"Yeah, I thought he was supposed to be a good guy!" Miss Summers added vehemently.
"He was," Xander replied flatly. "Klaatu was a friend to the Earth, that's why he held off on dropping the bomb all over the world. But he did that out of a desire not to harm the planet, not for humanity's sake. Because as far as that guy was concerned, we're a completely lost cause. In fact – just before the spell ended, Klaatu was pissed enough to think that humanity can go to hell and stay there for the rest of eternity."
"But why?" Giles asked in honest perplexity.
"You really have to ask that, Giles?" Xander turned to stare at him. "Because we both know just how low the human species can really sink, right? Do you know what the statistics are for the number of killers, rapists and slave-traffickers ever since 1951? How many wars we've fought? How much starvation there is in this world? How many people have turned to drugs, just in order to try to cope? Klaatu was horrified to learn what we've done to ourselves, as well as to the planet."
"The planet? What's that supposed to mean?" Angel asked at once.
"Climate change. Global warming. It'll be here in less than a decade, the way things are going," Xander said grimly. "Never mind some demon opening the Hellmouth, in less than a century human beings won't have air fit to breathe or water to drink anymore."
"Oh, come on, Xander, that's ridiculous-" Buffy started to say dismissively.
"Why, just 'cause you think so?" Harris interrupted her harshly, startling the Slayer. "Buffy, the scientists have been screaming warnings about that sort of thing ever since the hole in the ozone layer showed up, over ten years ago. But no one wants to hear it, and it's just not...politically sensible to draw any attention to it," Xander finished up with a look of disgust on his face. "Anyway, Klaatu figured that once the polar ice caps have melted enough and the carbon dioxide levels reach critical mass, we'll end up with a runaway greenhouse effect. And when that happens, this planet and everything on it will be roasted alive."
"What?" Giles stammered, as his Slayer looked utterly shocked. "But, but..."
"What can we do to stop it?" Angel demanded of Xander.
"You mean apart from genocide? Damned if I know," Harris scratched his head, the male teen looking at a loss over what to do. "There is one thing, I guess, but the spell ended before Klaatu could do it, and since I don't have the power to do something like that anymore..."
"Do something like what?" Buffy wanted to know.
"Doesn't matter," Xander sighed. "Besides, it would have been...there would have been a lot of, uh, collateral damage, I guess you could call it. It would have killed a lot of the plants even if it would have saved the greenhouse, so to speak."
"For heaven's sake, Xander, y-you're talking in riddles," Giles said with some exasperation. "Explain yourself clearly, please."
So Xander did.
***
Sunnydale Mall, Sunnydale, California
January 20th, 1998
The big blue demon known as the Judge growled, as he saw the pitiful band of armed humans heading towards him. He had been reassembled just last night, under different circumstances than what might have been – given that Angel was no longer a vampire. Thus it wasn't Angelus who was at his side, but rather the insane vampiress named Drusilla.
"Oh, look! Here comes my kitten!" Drusilla clapped happily, as she spied Xander amongst the group. "Please, pet, kill 'im first? Then my daddy who's not my daddy no more, and the nasty Slayer as well?"
The Judge just grunted, and raised his right hand. A lightning bolt flashed out and connected with the Zeppo of the group, as Buffy, Angel, Giles, Willow and Cordelia dove out of the way. But then, something went wrong – and the Judge started to panic.
"This cannot be," Big Blue muttered to himself, as he started to feel pain. ( No weapon forged by man can hurt me! )
The Judge decided to turn up the juice higher, and burn his victim to ashes. But that proved to be the demon's undoing, as the remnants of Klaatu from the Halloween possession rose to the surface; and the alien decided to finish what he'd started on Halloween night.
A luminous white light erupted out of Xander's body, flooding the area and blinding everyone with its unearthly brilliance. Screaming, the Judge exploded as the feedback vaporized both him and a number of bystanders also hit by the explosion, as they stumbled around in the sea of light.
When the white light faded, everyone was surprised to see that the mall was in complete darkness, the electricity was no longer working. Nothing seemed to be functional; not even digital wristwatches were working anymore. The entire neighbourhood was in darkness – as was the rest of the country, and indeed that entire half of the planet.
In the coming days the Scooby Gang would learn how technology had basically been switched off completely, and that human beings had been plunged into a new Dark Age. That tens of thousands had died during Ground Zero, either in traffic accidents or in non-functional hospital wards or whatever. That it would be a terrible struggle to survive from now on, and that countless millions would die from being unable to adapt in time.
Modern society would utterly disintegrate and human beings had to learn how to live under the most primitive of conditions, all over again.
But on the plus side, with humanity no longer able to destroy its own planet with its unsustainable habits, the Earth most likely now had a future to look forward to – at least, as long as Buffy kept the Hellmouth secure.
***
Next: Story 7 - The Xanchurian Candidate