Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I do own my OCs, this storyline, and a wicked sense of humor.

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If you are looking for the Girls' POV Epilogue -- go back one chapter. Now that this story is complete, I moved the April Fools' chapter to the end so that it didn't interrupt the story flow. You may need to review that chapter on this one, though, because the system is not smart enough to know that chapter 46 is no longer the epilogue.

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***THIS CHAPTER IS NOT REAL. IT WAS AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE.***

***IN ACTUALITY, IT IS JUST SOME CARLISLE/BELLA SMUT FOR THE HECK OF IT.***

A/N: Thanks as always to readingtime. Theme song for this chapter is Bump-n-Grind by R. Kelly.

Reading selection for this update is Heartache by Ooohlalaa. It is all human. Edward is a successful NYC photographer and a heroin addict. Bella falls in love with him, knowing something is wrong, but not knowing what. This is not a flowers and puppies kind of story, it is full of angst and pain and ultimately love and sacrifice and second chances. It's on my favorites list.

Carlisle's POV

"No, Edward. This is a conversation that I am certain Bella would rather you not be here for. Go hunt. Give me three hours with Bella and then when you come back, I'm sure that things will seem much better to all concerned." Begrudgingly, Edward walked out the front door, being careful to close it quietly so as to not wake his sleeping angel in the bedroom. Bella. The missing link to our family puzzle. The human who brought out the humanity in each of my sons, both for good and for bad. It was the bad part that concerned me, and I decided that I could not stand by silent any longer.

Edward thought I'd come to speak to her about the upcoming issue with the Volturi. He was wrong, but I wasn't about to correct him. Naming off all the known bacterial diseases in alphabetical order was all that was necessary to block him. He'd become weak, addled since Bella had come barging back into his life like a bull in a china shop. But she will make him strong again. I will make sure of it.
Right on cue, Bella came stumbling into the living room, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and panties. Perfect. She rubbed her eyes with the sides of her fists as her eyes tried to focus, expecting to see Edward. She did a doubletake when she realized that it was me sitting on the sofa, with no Edward to be found.

"Carlisle?" She was confused, but not mistrusting. Good.

"Come, Bella, sit with me. You and I are going to have a little conversation." Bella didn't argue, but took the seat next to me. She scooted against the arm of the sofa and I matched her movement so that our knees were touching. I reached out to caress her knee and she jumped a little, but I merely tightened my grip slightly to keep her from moving away.

"Carlisle?" she asked again, this time looking and sounding a little more like a frightened foal. And in a way, that's what she was. A pretty young foal that needed to be broken.

"Bella, I must admit that I am concerned with your recent behavior. First, you seduce Edward and make him fall in love with you. Then you leave him for Jasper, effectively destroying his marriage to Alice, all the while stringing Edward along under the pretense of being 'friends.' You constantly flirt with Emmett to the point that he is buying you sex toys to remind you of him. Now you are back in Edward's arms while you still have Jasper on a leash two blocks down the street. Not to mention the fact that I know how you've always felt about me. Movie star handsome, I believe was what you said, correct?" Bella flushed red, and a lone tear was rolling down her cheek.

"Carlisle..." I moved my hand up her thigh and squeezed a little harder.

"Now, Bella dear, you know that it isn't nice to tease the Cullen men the way that you do, don't you?"

"Yes?" she replied hesitantly.

"Well, I think that I've been very tolerant of it, don't you? I have always treated you like a daughter, have I not, regardless of how careless your actions were?"

"Yes, Carlisle, you have."

"Well, Bella dear, I think you have been a Very. Bad. Girl. Wouldn't you agree?" She was really shaking now. Perfect.

"Yes." Bella hung her head in shame.

"Yes, what, Bella?"

"Yes, I've been a bad girl." Closer. I put my finger under her chin and made her look at me.

"Daddy," I said, her eyes finally showing an ounce of true understanding.

"Yes, I've been a bad girl, Daddy," Bella said, staring back at me with silent defiance. We couldn't have that now, could we.

I kicked the coffee table out of the way. It cracked when it hit the opposite wall. "Stand up, Bella," I commanded. She did as she was told.

"Strip." Bella hesitated, looking towards the door.

"The only Cullen you have to worry about right now is me, dear. They have all been told not to return until we have concluded our conversation to my satisfaction. Strip." Bella took off the t-shirt and glared at me. "The panties, too, Bella. Turn your back to me as you take them off." She turned around and bent over as she lowered her panties, showing me a wonderful view of her delicious ass and bare sex, already glistening with arousal. I inhaled deeply. No wonder my boys were so intoxicated by her. Bella stood tall and turned back to face me, tossing her panties at me. I stuffed them in my pocket as a token of remembrance.

"Bend over my knees, Isabella." Bella got on her knees, bending at the waist over my lap. I ran my hand lovingly down her spine and around the curve of her ass before thrusting two fingers roughly into her core. Bella moaned and bucked against my hands. I abruptly took my fingers out and smacked her ass firmly. It turned a glorious shade of pink. "So wet and ready, already, Bella? You ARE a little whore, aren't you? Is this how you've gotten all my boys to fall under your spell?" Bella bit her lower lip but did not answer. Smart girl. I scooted us forward so I was sitting on the edge of the couch and pushed her legs further apart.

"Let's get your punishment taken care of, Bella dear. Then maybe if you're a really good girl, I'll give you a reward when we're done. I am going to spank you now. After every smack you are to say 'Thank you, Daddy.' Do you understand?" Bella nodded her head.

"This is for teasing Edward's boundaries to the point where he felt like a monster, making him feel like less of a man for not being able to fuck you like the whore you are." I smacked her on the curve of her ass and she jumped. I put my other hand on the small of her back to hold her still.

"Thank you, Daddy."

"This is for jumping in the sack with the first Cullen you could get your claws into when Edward couldn't give you what you wanted." I smacked the other cheek. Bella moaned.

"Thank you, Daddy." Her voice was a little unsteady, but not enough to concern myself with.

"This is for teasing Emmett into thinking he had a shot at you, too." Another smack, between her ass cheeks, right over her crack. Bella whimpered.

"Thank you, Daddy."

"This is for hurting Jasper, 'cause messing with one Cullen's head was just not enough." Another smack, lower, so that my pinky grazed her lower lips as it made contact. Bella squealed in pain.

"Thank you, Daddy." A tear was rolling down her face, but the scent of her arousal was flooding the room. She was enjoying this, whether she wanted to or not.

"This is for oogling me at every opportunity, making all the other Cullen boys jealous." Another smack, this time on her thigh. I squeezed the stretched flesh there after I smacked her and she pushed into my hand. Another quick warning slap and she stopped moving.

"Thank you, Daddy," Bella whispered.

"This is for making Rosalie and Esme nervous, never knowing who was going to lose their husband to you next." A matching slap on the other thigh, and I giggled her ass when I was done.

"Thank you, Daddy."

"And finally, Bella dear, this is for making me want to fuck your brains out every day for the past three years." A lighter slap, directly to her folds and Bella jumped in shock.

"Thank you, Daddy."

"You did well, Bella, you deserve a reward. Stand up." Bella stood up, her face and breasts flushed from bending over me for so long. I stood behind her, reached around her and grabbed her nipples, pinching them roughly as I ground hips into her tender ass.

"You're going to be a good girl from now on, aren't you, Bella? You're going to choose one man, and then you are going to satisfy his every need for the rest of eternity, isn't that right?"

"Yes, Daddy."

"Show me how you're going to do that, Bella."

Bella dropped to her knees and freed my erection from my pants. I was surprised for someone so uncoordinated, she managed to do it quite gracefully. Bella wasted no time in taking me into her hot little mouth. I grabbed her hair and started thrusting into her. I knew she wasn't used to that, she was so used to everyone being so gentle with her. Not me. She sucked for all her might, using her tongue and teeth like a pro. The sight of Bella's lips wrapped around my cock was something I would look back on for centuries. It wasn't long until I was close to coming. I pulled out of her mouth and she looked up at me, confused.

"That was nice, Isabella, but I want you to prove to me you're worthy of one of my sons." Bella stood up and I motioned for her to go back to the sofa. "Spread your legs wide and lean over the arm of the couch." Beautiful. Her ass was still throbbing, the blood so close to the surface from my spanking and the heat rolling off it made me hard . I pulled my pants down to my ankles and teased her with tip. Bella moaned and writhed against me. "Show me, Bella." I grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her head back, arching her back beautifully so her stomach was rested on the arm of the sofa as I thrust into her.

"Oh, god, Bella. So hot. So wet. So...tight. Damn, no wonder my boys like you so much," Bella rolled her hips with every thrust, pushing back against me, meeting me ounce for ounce.

"Yeah, Daddy, right there..." Bella moaned.

I reached around and found her clit, pinching it between my thumb and forefinger as she came around me, clenching me and sending me over the edge. When I pulled out and released her, she collapsed over the arm of the couch, fully spent. I knelt down on the ground beside her head and she turned to look at me. I kissed the top of her nose teasingly. "Now, Bella, I do hope you've learned your lesson. I would hate to have to come back here and punish you again."

"Thank you, Daddy," was all she said as I walked out the door.

A/N: Okay, so if you haven't figured it out by now, this was an APRIL FOOLS' JOKE. Forgive me for channeling The Perfect Wife's Carlisle a little bit and having some fun with you. Admit it -- all you Team Anti-Bella's loved it! I actually just planned on terrorizing my girlfriends' email boxes, but enough of them said "You Have to Post This!" that I did. Forgive any typos, it's not like I proofread this before I sent it. Oh, I guess I should send the Cullendales somewhere anyway, hmm...how about...Phoenix, Arizona to give deathcabfortrish a round of lap dances by each of the NCBs.