These are things Tobi would never say. This doesn't assume that he is Madara or Obito Uchiha. I personally believe him to be Madara...and I've read some pretty convincing stuff. But there will be comments here that could mean he's either Obito or Madara. Whatever. *Cough*Madara*cough*

By the way, this was kinda hard, because Tobi is a very silly guy and would say a lot of stuff. So be grateful I did it.

Sorry if there are some spoilers.

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Things Tobi would never say:

1) I'm being completely serious.

2) I don't have Sharingan.

3) I'm not an Uchiha.

4) Wah! I got dust in my eyes!

5) Ring around the rosie, pockets full of posie, Uchiha, Uchiha, we all fall down!

6) Itachi is my lover.

7) Hey, Kakashi, how's Rin?

8) I love you, Deidara sempai!

9) They're taking the hobbits to Isengard! (x3)

10) I'm the Tob-master!

11) Gah, I'm going blind! Itachi, give me your eyes! *Itachi: I'm going blind too, idiot!*

12) Swirly, swirly, swirly mask...teeheehee...

13) Gah! Ronald McDonald is out to get me! Gaaah!

14) Hahaha! Kakashi, I don't have depth perception either!

15) Kakashi, give me my eye back!

16) Haha, Kakashi, I hide my face, too! (Wow, hey have a lot of similarities!)

17) Rin? Please. Konan!

18) Gah! The red clouds are out to get me! *Deidara: Tobiiii!*

19) Wah! Deidara died! He was a good sempai...I'll never forget him...*Deidara: Tobi! I'm still alive, you twit!* Wah! Deidara's still alive...

20) Aw! What a pretty clay birdy! Haha *boom* ahhhh!

21) I'd be a good husband. I'd clean for you, and cook for you. But not make babies. That's yucky. (Saw it in an icon!)

22) Sasuke, you're my cousin's daughter's sister's brother's mother's second cousin's aunt's grandmother's son's former roommate! *Sasuke: What does that make us?* Absolutely nothing!

23) Sorry, Sasuke. I lied about Itachi. *Sasuke: Wait, what? Aw, shit! But...I already...destroyed...Konoha...*

24) The Sharingan's power...my power...Obito Uchiha's power...

25) Hey, Deidara...I'll make you forget Sasori...real fast ;)

26) But Itachi killed his mother, his father, his lover and his friend...but the only one he couldn't kill...was me. Because I'm so awesome.