Date written: Mon 19 Oct 2009
Author: Starway Man
E-mail: theop at hotkey dot net dot au
Disclaimer: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.
Rating: Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.
Symbols: " " denotes speech, ( italics ) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.
Main characters: Xander, ensemble
Warnings: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.
Author Notes: A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction. net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.
Author Notes 2: Hello everyone, welcome to the latest story. Now before we go any further, I want to apologize for something associated with the previous fanfic – my bad, my fault, I freely admit it – and that was not making it clear enough how unlike in the movie, the Xander genie couldn't be freed from his servitude with a wish, thanks to the chaos magic throwing a spanner in the works. As a lot of people have said, it's something that would have happened straightaway, so just imagine that that was Buffy's first wish before she wished for Angel to be human, but it simply couldn't be done. And Jason, you raise some very good points with Jenny Calendar; but since the timeline of events in this AU was so different – Angel lost his soul long after Buffy's birthday, say during Valentine's Day or whatever, and Janna was still being shunned as a spy and a betrayer (something I never liked on the show, but that's another set of issues), and Xander was still in servitude to Giles and stuck in the lamp 90% of the time – well, she simply never had the opportunity to obtain his help with the soul curse. And as for Willow, I'd say the odds are she would have gotten into magic eventually, especially when it was time for college and she could experiment a little - with the horrors of high school finally over and done with.
Okay, now, moving on – originally, this was going to be a harem fanfic, believe it or not. Matt and I discussed the various ways Xander could and would score with all his girls, but in the end, I just couldn't come up with a feasible way for it to happen. So basically, I junked the concept and came up with this instead!
Acknowledgments: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!
Classification: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF
Summary: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.
Title:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux
***
Story 19: The Last Action Xander
Ethan's Costume Shop, Sunnydale, California
October 30th, 1997
Xander Harris let out a mental curse of disappointment, as a grade school kid grabbed the last toy assault rifle from the discount bin before he had a chance to grab it himself.
( Of all the lousy luck! Damn it, that'll teach me not to stare at a girl's ass for so long...ah, who am I kidding? These days I'm getting so desperate for some touch, even the female vamps are starting to look good to me! ) he grumbled to himself.
Xander shook his head in self-disgust, and started to rummage through the bin to see what else he could find. He found a toy pistol and a fake policeman's badge, but nothing else that appeared useful. The young man thought about it, and suddenly he came up with an idea for who to dress up as tomorrow night for the escort duty thing.
With that, Xander decided to join Willow Rosenberg and Buffy Summers, his two bestest friends in the whole world. "Hey, guys. Whatcha doing?"
"Oh, trying to decide what sort of costume to get for Buffy. What did you get, Xander?" the redhead asked at once.
"Well, that's gonna be a surprise for tomorrow night," Xander smiled, enjoying the annoyed look on Willow's features. "You decided on anything, Will? And please, don't tell me you're doing the ghost costume again. That's what you've been wearing for the last six years!"
"Uh, no, I've decided to break with tradition this year and be something else," Willow said quickly, and the redhead tried not to look annoyed again after she saw Buffy's smirk.
"Yeah? What, exactly?" Harris asked simply.
"It's gonna be a surprise, just like with you," Willow shot back, putting the ghost costume behind her back so that Xander wouldn't see it. "You help Buffy decide on something while I look around for a bit, okay?"
"Okey-dokey," Xander nodded and smiled as the cute young woman walked off. "Right, Buff – what kind of outfit are we looking at? Naughty nurse, stripper cop, hot teacher..."
"Xander!" Buffy gave him a light smack for being such a guy. "Be serious! I want something that Angel's going to like, not what an immature guy like you is gonna like!"
Although he managed not to show it, the Slayer's words annoyed Xander a lot. He simply couldn't understand how it was that he was the only one who saw a vampire, a demon, whenever Captain Hairgel walked into the room. ( Never mind. If Buffy thinks I'm immature, then I'm just gonna have to prove her wrong! )
Xander nodded to himself and then said, "Okay, Buffy, hit me. What do you think Angel likes in a woman?"
Miss Summers hesitated for a moment. "Uh, I'm not sure. You know, he's not exactly someone who likes to share a lot..."
"Yeah, but we do have some givens to start with," Xander said contemplatively. "One, he likes 'em blonde – I mean there's you, and we certainly can't forget that Darla person from last year. Two, he likes 'em young – hey, no offence, but there's no point denying that you're underage! Three...well, he probably likes women who can kick ass, since you're the Slayer and all." He frowned, "Have I missed anything?"
Unable to help herself, Buffy glanced at the 18th century noblewoman costume not far away before dismissing it with a sigh. ( Well, never mind, I probably couldn't afford something like that anyway. )
"No, I don't think so," the Chosen One turned back to Xander and reluctantly nodded her agreement to his analysis of the situation. "And you came up with some valid points there – ugh. Okay, now I'm all fresh out of costume ideas..."
Either luckily or unluckily, depending on your point of view, Xander came up with an idea for her.
***
1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California
October 31st, 1997
Hearing the doorbell ring, Joyce Summers quickly walked to the front door. Her daughter had mentioned that Xander would be joining Buffy and Willow here before the Halloween student volunteer thing, so logically that was who would most likely be at the door.
Opening the front door, though, Joyce saw a relatively tall, dark-haired man standing partially in the shadows. Her heart skipped a beat when the middle-aged mom saw the LAPD badge hanging on a chain around the man's neck, and then a deep male voice said, "I'm sorry to bother you, ma'am, but is Buffy Summers home?"
"Oh my God, what has she done now?" Poor old Joyce suddenly had visions of another high school gym being destroyed flashing through her mind.
"Nothing, as far as I know," the voice suddenly became a lot lighter in tone and nasal in pitch, as Xander's face became fully visible and he entered the Slayer's house. "Hi, Mrs. Summers."
"Xander! It's you – oh thank God, I nearly had a heart attack just now. Young man, don't you do that to me!" Joyce stepped back and shut the door behind him.
"C'mon, Mrs. S, you're way too young to have a heart attack!" Harris said in a jocular tone.
"Buffy! Xander's here," Joyce called out to her daughter, choosing to ignore that. There was no point kidding herself about how she would be forty years old next year, after all.
As the blonde Slayer came down the stairs, Joyce's eyes went wide. The girl had her hair up in a weird, almost tomboy-ish style. A tied-up belly shirt was emphasising Buffy's cleavage, and she was sporting a leather jacket plus a toy gun as well. "Young lady, what are you wearing?!"
"It's my Halloween costume," Buffy shrugged. "I'm Deunan Knute, mom."
"Who?" Joyce obviously wasn't a fan of Japanese manga.
"A sci-fi comics heroine, Mrs. Summers; a 22nd century ESWAT ass-kicker," Xander supplied enthusiastically. "See, this guy Masamune Shirow came up with something called 'Appleseed' back in the 1980's, and Deunan was like one of the two main characters in it. She's a specialist in weapons handling, explosive devices, hand-to-hand combat, and she's an excellent pilot too!"
"I see," Joyce frowned, calming down a lot. "Well, all right. You're sixteen, Buffy, and according to all the books, I'm supposed to be supportive of your life choices at this age. So I'm not chastising you, but I also want it noted that I don't approve of those clothes for any time other than Halloween! Is that clear?"
"Crystal, mom," Buffy rolled her eyes. "Willow, come on! We're gonna be late!" she called upstairs to her absent friend.
Miss Rosenberg slowly came down the stairs wearing respectable, conservative clothes – except she was also wearing a shoulder holster, a fake gun and a fake FBI badge as a matching costume for Xander's. She grinned nervously at everyone's facial expression.
"Uh, hi. Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully, at your service!" Willow said, definitely having decided to go for the whole 'go as you aren't' thing tonight.
***
Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California
Ninety minutes later
Shaking his head to try to clear it, Detective Jack Slater looked around in confusion. The action hero movie character didn't know what was going on, but as soon as he saw monsters and mini-demons chasing parents and children on the street, the policeman pretty much knew that he wasn't in his own world anymore.
The funny thing was, Jack Slater was someone who actually came from a movie within a movie; the main protagonist of the 'Jack Slater' franchise in the 1993 film called 'Last Action Hero' starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. In his mind, Jack had recently visited the 'real world' thanks to a boy named Danny Madigan; and his last memory was of driving off into the sunlight, renouncing his old ways.
And yet now, he was here – wherever 'here' actually was. ( This can't be right. Where am I? ) Jack thought to himself in bewilderment.
On instinct, Slater began to check his gear. His gun was where it should be, as was his badge hanging on a chain around his neck. So as one of the monsters came towards him, Slater drew his weapon and took aim – but upon remembering his vow not to be the mindless popular entertainment cliché anymore, Jack held back on blowing the thing's brains out. To his surprise, the demon just turned around and left. ( Yeah, I'd say that's unusual... )
Slater started to get moving, heading up the street, and thus he missed out on meeting up with Deunan Knute and Dana Scully – who were destined have their own adventure tonight without him.
Jack reached into his left pocket as he hustled his way along the street, and to his surprise, he found a familiar gold-plated ticket stub. Something that had also been affected by tonight's chaos magic, and which had previously been an ordinary movie ticket which Xander had kept from last week. Something that the LA cop knew was utterly invaluable to him.
( Well, at least now I know what to do, ) Slater thought to himself, as he ran amidst the chaos and pandemonium. As a cop he normally would have tried to restore some semblance of law and order, but not here and not now. ( Gotta find a movie theatre, whichever one is the closest around here, and use this to try to get back to my own world... )
Slater eventually made his way into the central business district and found the Sun Cinema on Main Street. To his distress, there weren't any Jack Slater films playing: but he did see Arnold Schwarzenegger's face on one of the movie promos outside, for a blockbuster that was due to be released in about two weeks' time. Shrugging and figuring that beggars couldn't be choosers, Jack went into the deserted cinema and navigated his way past the unattended turnstile.
As luck or fate or destiny would have it, 'Batman and Robin' was playing tonight, thanks to one of the projectionists giving himself a private advance screening of the movie. Quite frankly, though, the man was regretting his decision to do that.
In his opinion the film was way too campy compared to its predecessor, not to mention there was a lot of unnecessary innuendo; what with the rubber nipples and repeated close-ups of Batman's crotch. That was why the guy had fallen asleep by the time Jack Slater came into the empty theatre, and used the magic movie ticket to actually enter 'Batman and Robin' partway through the film.
The projectionist was eventually startled awake by the beeping sounds of the projector, and he cursed as he went to switch off the movie. Taking the film reel out of the machine, he inspected it before tossing the movie aside.
( Gonna have to use the other copies we have for premiere night, that one might be damaged, ) the man thought disinterestedly.
***
Sun Cinema, Sunnydale, California
October 31st, 2001
A long time had passed ever since the night Xander Harris had disappeared off the face of the earth, and a lot had changed in the town he had called home.
For one thing, high school was over now for Buffy and Willow, and had been for over two years. For another, Buffy and Angel's romantic relationship had completely disintegrated, and he had left the Hellmouth for Los Angeles after Graduation.
For her part, Willow had eventually discovered that she was gay after mourning the tragic loss of Xander back in 1997 and, once in college, she had met her soul mate: a witch named Tara Maclay.
Many other things had happened over the last four years as well. This was Sunnydale, after all.
The demon Acathla; the Mayor Richard Wilkins; the cyborg ADAM; and last but not least, the hellgod named Glory or Glorificus. That particular creature had almost brought about the end of the world by bleeding Buffy's little sister named Dawn, who was also formerly the living energy known as the Key, and the Chosen One had had to save everyone by jumping off a tower and dying for the cause.
Only to be resurrected again by Willow and three friends of hers, 247 days later.
The traumatised Buffy had been under surveillance ever since by a group of three guys named Warren Mears, Andrew Wells and Jonathan Levinson. They liked to think of themselves as supervillains out to take control of Sunnydale, but in fact they could better be described as the 'legion of dorkness'. Primarily, because right now they were in the movie-house for a marathon movie night, and arguing about who was the best Batman to ever come out of Hollywood.
"There's something to be said about the classics. And Adam West was the original Batman, the yardstick against who all others are measured," Warren pointed out, as he munched his popcorn.
"No he wasn't! You're forgetting the 1943 serial film by Columbia Pictures, starring Lewis Wilson," Andrew replied, grabbing some candy-corn for himself.
"Okay, could we possibly move out of the Dark Ages and focus on something more contemporary?" Jonathan asked in slight irritation. "Michael Keaton's Batman broke all kinds of box office records in its day!"
"Well, yeah, 'Batman' did okay, even if 'Batman Returns' wasn't so hot," Andrew mused. "Still, Val Kilmer in 'Batman Forever' did better financially."
"It was heaps better than George Clooney's 'Batman and Robin', anyway," Warren snorted. "Honestly, you guys really wanna see this one? It's the least decent Batman film ever!"
"We paid good money for tonight's little marathon, didn't we?" Jonathan asked, as he didn't want to go back to the trio's lair yet. He then added, "Besides, Uma Thurman is worth watching in any movie she's in."
"Ooh, Poison Ivy. And Bane..." Andrew said before he instantly backtracked, "I-I mean, Batgirl!"
Warren and Jonathan looked at him for a moment, but then the movie started so the question of Andrew's true sexuality had to be put on hold for the moment. Along with the rest of the audience, they watched the film as the caped crusaders battled Mr. Freeze and his two villainous accomplices; before something very unexpected happened.
Unknown to the trio and their fellow movie-goers was the fact that all the theatre's copies of 'Batman and Robin' had been sold off or thrown out by the staff ages ago, except one: the one currently playing within this cinema. The same movie that had been watched by the projectionist in that private screening four years ago; and which still contained the body and soul of Xander Harris within it, trapped in a timeless limbo.
Just then, the movie screen started to glow, as the tradition Halloween wackiness in Sunnydale got started.
Jonathan started in surprise as he saw his former classmate appear out of nowhere on the screen, his food spilling out all over the floor. "What the-? Is that XANDER?"
"Who's Xander?" Warren and Andrew asked at the same time.
Jonathan didn't have time to answer before the image of Xander Harris jumped out of the film, and the male teenager's body landed on the front row of seats. Thanks to the lack of chaos magic, he'd stopped thinking he was Jack Slater the moment he'd become self-aware, and returned to the real world by turning around and diving out in the same direction he'd come in.
More than one person screamed, as the movie patrons quickly stampeded out of the theatre. Jonathan was tempted to go check out his one-time friend, who was apparently unconscious after hitting his head on one of the seats, but Andrew and Warren hauled him away once he'd told them Xander was the Slayer's amigo.
They couldn't afford any lapses in their security or risks to their future plans, after all.
***
Main Street, Sunnydale, California
A while later
Xander came stumbling out of the movie-house, with a big headache and currently thinking it was still 1997. Not that he could really be blamed for that, since being stuck in a movie for four years and crashing into a movie seat would be enough to make anyone's brain think at lower levels for a while.
( What the hell's happened to me? ) He looked around at the quiet streets, recalling how, not all that long ago, it had been sheer madness and rioting everywhere. ( What happened to all the demons? And how the hell is it I can still remember everything about Jack Slater's life, as if I'd lived it myself? )
Shaking his head, Xander checked to see what supplies he had. The gun had long since become a toy again, unfortunately, and all he had on him right now was a crucifix. So, all things considered, it was good thing practically every vampire was taking the night off and staying indoors; otherwise, the odds were that Harris would have been killed before he got even halfway to the remains of the school.
( Oh my freakin' God!! What the hell happened here? ) Xander asked himself in dismay as he stared at the ruins. The place had been cleaned up a lot ever since 1999, but it would still be nearly a year before one of the local construction companies would rebuild the place enough for classes to resume. ( That's it. I need to find a phone! )
A few minutes later, the young man dialled his house but there was no reply. His parents had split up and left town long ago, unfortunately. Next, Xander tried Willow's number; and while it seemed like forever before someone answered, Mrs. Sheila Rosenberg finally picked up and said, # Rosenberg residence. #
"Oh, thank God Mrs. R! It's me, Xander Harris. Look, is Willow there? Can I speak to her?" Xander said in a big rush.
# Is this supposed to be some sort of joke? Xander Harris is dead, he has been for four years now. Who is this? # Sheila demanded in annoyance.
"What? Mrs. Rosenberg, it's me, Xander! Don't you recognize my voice?" Harris asked in astonishment. "Uh, what's going on – why would you think I'm dead? I just saw you the other day!"
# That's it, I'm hanging up- # the Jewish woman started to say.
"No, wait! I, I can prove it's me!" Xander said desperately, even though he had no idea what was going on here. "Um, at Willow's bat mitzvah, my parents got totally drunk and nearly ruined the entire thing! Willow, Jesse and I were best friends growing up, and we constantly hung out at your place the summer before sophomore year. And, uh, when I was six years old and that clown nearly scared me to death on my birthday, you were the one who told me...okay, I kinda tuned you out completely after you started on the techno-babble thing, but still! I mean, I've known you all my life, just like Willow! Please, is she there?"
There was a brief silence. When she spoke again, Sheila's voice sounded a lot more uncertain. # Xander? Is that really you? #
"Yes!" Harris shouted happily. "Now look, Mrs. Rosenberg, could you just tell me-"
# The odds are that after you disappeared that way all those years ago, you almost certainly must have joined one of those gangs which like to get high on PCP around here, # the red-haired woman cut him off, refusing to acknowledge the existence of vampires but no longer quite the denial-filled woman she'd been before trying to burn Willow at the stake. # So do not come anywhere near me, my daughter or my husband; or else you'll regret it. #
CLICK. Xander stared at the telephone receiver in disbelief, before slowly hanging up the phone. He didn't have any more money, so he headed for a nearby rubbish bin and got lucky with a discarded copy of today's newspaper. He stared disbelievingly at the date: Wednesday October 31st, 2001.
( No way, ) Xander thought numbly, as the modern-day version of Rip van Winkle threw the paper back in the trash. ( NO WAY! How the hell did I end up travelling, like, four years into the future? )
Instinctively, Xander headed for the Summers residence at 1630 Revello Drive. Just as he arrived, though, the young man saw William the Bloody exiting the house. He instantly recognized the vampire, and recoiled in fear.
"Spike...?" Xander exhaled in disbelief.
The British vampire just stared at him, before breaking into a grin. "Oi, I remember you! You're the git Angelus offered to me as a snack way back when. Thought you were dead, but looks like I was wrong. Bloody hell, I'm gonna enjoy this..."
But just as Spike swung his fist and socked Xander in the jaw, he collapsed screaming and clutching at his skull. His assumption that Xander was no longer human had just been proven erroneous. "What the friggin' hell-!?"
Spike's agony brought the rest of the Scooby Gang to the door. Willow, Buffy, Giles, Dawn and Tara came out onto the porch, and everyone apart from Miss Maclay stared at Harris in disbelief.
"XANDER?" everyone chorused, even as Buffy automatically brought up her stake to attack.
"No, wait, Slayer! The whelp's human, one of the bloody nummy treats. I hit him just now, and my head almost split apart," Spike grunted as he got up off the ground.
Xander was just staring at his friends in incredulity. There was no more denying the four years that had passed upon seeing their faces; Buffy and Willow obviously weren't teenagers anymore, and Giles had a lot more lines on his forehead that hadn't been there the last time Harris had seen the Watcher.
"Will? Buff? G-man? I, I don't understand, if this really is 2001 – h-how did I end up four years in the future?" Xander asked, and it was patently obvious from his tone that the young man was still hoping all this was a bad dream somehow.
Everyone just stared at him, before dragging him inside and a long conversation took place. Dawn quickly left and went up to her room after she learned that Xander had no idea who she was, she felt weird – not to mention a little betrayed, and a little afraid – knowing that she really HADN'T been around back when Harris had still been part of the group. Everyone else stayed, though, and the gang eventually figured out that his presence here and now wasn't due to a temporal anomaly; it was due to being stuck in that movie for all those years.
"God, I'm almost forgotten," Willow said, recalling that Halloween with a nostalgic sigh. "I was Special Agent Dana Scully all night-"
"You WERE?" Tara interrupted, a look of amazement on her face. "You never told me that!"
"It's not something we like to think about much, actually. I certainly didn't enjoy being Deunan Knute and almost killing Angel that evening," Buffy grimaced. Spike grimaced as well at the mention of his grandsire.
"You did? Say, where is Dead Boy anyway?" Xander looked around. "Uh, and not to mention your mom, Buff?"
Everyone went quiet at once. Xander didn't get it at first, but after remembering that this was Sunnydale, his brain quickly got started in the right direction. ( Oh no... )
"The big poof left town and Joyce is dead, you stupid arse," Spike said, after it was obvious no one else was going to say anything. "She died 'bout eight months ago, brain aneurysm or some such thing. And if it wasn't for that bloody chip in my head, I'd have killed all them so-called doctors who just kicked her out of that effin' hospital!"
"Chip?" Xander asked, still finding it hard to believe that this vampire was no longer someone to be staked on sight. It was only a few hours ago, in Xander's mind, that Spike had been the Big Bad and proud of it – out to kill him and all his friends.
"It's a long story," Giles sighed, taking off his glasses and pinching his eyes.
Willow suddenly smiled, "Oh my God, Xander – you're really BACK! You have no idea how often I wished for this back in high school!"
Overcome with emotion, the witch then hugged her oldest friend fiercely, and less than a moment later Buffy was grabbing him too in a big bear hug. Full of reserve, Giles nonetheless gave Xander a brief hug as well, trying to keep a stiff upper lip but not succeeding very well.
Backing off, Spike narrowed his eyes in sudden dislike. He didn't know how or why yet, but he nonetheless knew for a fact that Xander's presence here wasn't a good thing as far as he was concerned.
***
Outside 1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California
April 27th, 2002
The months had passed, and slowly Xander had started to adapt to life in the 21st century.
Luckily, here on the Hellmouth there were usually never any formal declarations of death whenever a Sunnydale special was concerned; thus Harris had been able to resume his old identity without too much fuss. He looked old enough to pass for his early twenties, and ever since acquiring his GED with Willow's help he had been trying to decide what to do with his life.
( I still remember everything that Jack Slater did, ) the young man mused as he waited on Buffy's porch for someone to join him. ( Maybe I can enter the LA police academy, work my way back up to detective? I don't want to join the Sunnydale PD, that's for damn sure. There are still too many assholes left over from when Mayor Wilkins was running things around there, may he rot in Hell... )
It was rather telling how easily Xander contemplated leaving Sunnydale tonight, actually. Primarily because everyone he had known in high school had moved on, and changed so much.
Giles had left for England months ago, for reasons Xander still didn't understand properly; Willow was completely addicted to the magicks, and barely on speaking terms again with her ex-girlfriend; and Buffy was still like a living ghost after her soul had been torn out of Heaven, seemingly joined at the hip with the chipped wonder.
That was the thing that bugged Xander the most – just how far Spike had dug his way into the gang's lives. At first the boy had thought he was just imagining things; but after he'd witnessed the British vampire entering the Summers house any time he liked, day or night, the former Slayerette had known that he wasn't mistaken. Spike's attendance at the Scooby meetings had also been very telling. Hard as it was to admit to himself, Xander knew that he was more of an outsider now than the vampire who had once been the group's worst enemy.
"Hello, Xander. Long time no see."
Xander got up off the porch swing. It had been four and a half years, but the Irish-born vampire still looked the same. ( Well, duh, he is a walking corpse after all. )
"Hello, Angel. Come on, let's go; we've got us a Gargle Gaggle demon to find."
"A what?"
Xander passed the woodcut drawing Willow had given him to the ensouled vampire, as they walked off the porch. "I can't pronounce it properly, but it's a demon that stung the Buffster with some kinda poison that's giving her hallucinations. According to Will, its pokey stinger carries an antidote to its own poison though. So tonight, we gotta bring 'em back alive."
"A Glarghk guhl kashma'nik demon? Wonderful," Angel scowled, as he and Xander arrived at the vampire's car and Harris put his tranq rifle in the back seat. The teen knew how to use it and use it well, thanks to Jack Slater's memories. Angel added, "This thing is dangerous, I'm glad you called me in on this."
"It was either that or having to ask Spike for help, anyway," Xander replied as he got into the passenger seat. As Angel drove off, Harris mentioned, "So did anyone tell you exactly what happened to me, those four years I spent in limbo? Because I've heard all about what happened with you...after you lost your soul, a few months after I disappeared."
Angel didn't like the unfriendly tone Xander had developed. "It pissed you off, I take it," the ensouled vampire commented. "But if that's the way you feel, why even bother to call me?"
"If it comes down to a choice between two terrible evils, it's better to deal with the devil you know," Xander shrugged, still looking straight ahead. "It's like Spike's hypnotized everyone around here apart from me; they're treating him like they did you in the old days. Which is really kinda weird since he doesn't have a soul, just some electronic leash that got jammed into his head."
A sigh. "Just between us, Dead Boy, I worry about how if that chip ever stops working, Spike is gonna pig out on an all-you-can-eat buffet; and Buffy is gonna hesitate just a moment too long before trying to dust him. And that's IF she can slay him; the way they patrol together so often, Spike must know all her moves by now."
( This sounds serious, ) Angel thought to himself in concern. "So what do you suggest?"
"What's the story with that other Slayer? Faith, I think her name is," Xander asked as he watched the houses flash by.
"She's still in jail, I visit her every so often. And if you're thinking what I think you're thinking, forget it. Faith won't leave that penitentiary in Stockton, even though that place couldn't hold her if she really wanted out of there," Angel advised his companion. "She's still trying to make amends for killing those two people, in her own way at least. Even though I'm sure Wesley and Cordelia don't believe that for a second."
"Yeah, I was kinda surprised to hear that Cordy ended up working for you," Xander shook his head in mock wonder. "I'm also surprised she's lasted at the job this long, if she's still anything like the person I remember."
"She's not," Angel said shortly. "She's changed a lot since high school, Harris, believe me. Ever since 1999, Cordy's been getting visions from the Powers That Be. They let her know about the evil vamps or demons, and the people who need rescuing from them. Then my crew and I go out to save the day, so to speak."
The car finally pulled over as Xander said, "Well, good for you. Hey, after you go back to the big city, tell her I said hi. Personally I doubt it'll mean much to her, but I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt about the whole personality makeover thing."
Harris quickly got the tranq rifle out and said to his undead companion, "Let's go bag us a demon."
***
Buffy's bedroom, 1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale
A few hours later
The Glarghk guhl kashma'nik demon had been caught, its stinger isolated and Willow had brewed up the antidote for Buffy. But the moment Angel brought it to her, a very familiar smell hit his nostrils.
( Spike's here, ) Angel thought to himself before he realized that he was wrong; the scent was too faint for his grandchilde to be physically present. ( No, obviously not. But then how-? )
Suddenly he figured out that the smell was coming from Buffy, tucked asleep in her bed. The conclusion was inescapable; she had been in close proximity often enough for William the Bloody's scent to mix with hers, and there was only way one way he knew of for that to happen.
( Buffy's been sleeping with Spike?! Why the hell didn't Xander say anything about that? ) Angel thought jealously, before calming down and realizing the truth. ( Oh, of course – he doesn't know. He couldn't know; he'd be the last person Buffy would confide in about something like that. Not after Harris heard all the stories about what happened with me on the night of her 17th birthday. )
Angel shook his head and said softly, "Buffy? Wake up. I have something for you to drink."
"Angel?" Buffy blinked fuzzily as she woke up. Then a cold look came over her face. "No, you're not really here. You don't exist. I just made you up, same as everything else in this stupid hallucination.
"At least...I think I did," Buffy suddenly appeared unsure.
"Okay, then we can discuss that after you drink up," Angel gave her the demon poison antidote. "Please? If I'm not real, then what's the harm? And if this is real – which, by the way, I promise it is – you know that I'd never do anything to hurt you. So for old time's sake, huh? Trust me on this, that stuff is gonna help you."
Still looking suspicious, Buffy quaffed down the liquid. The Slayer's pupils dilated for a few moments before she started shaking her head, and a loud rumble erupted out of her stomach. Whether it was from hunger or the antidote, Angel couldn't tell, but he personally preferred to believe it was the former.
"Um, Angel? You're still here? This isn't a dream or, or a hallucination?" Buffy asked hesitantly.
"No, Buffy. This is all very real," Angel replied.
Finally, the blonde seemed to be convinced herself. "Then do ya mind waiting outside while I get dressed, and then we can go downstairs for a bite to eat?" Buffy asked hesitantly, as she got out of bed. "For some reason, I'm really hungry."
"No problem," Angel nodded, as he headed for the door. "I'll see you downstairs. By the way, there's a Glarghk guhl kashma'nik demon tied up in the basement, if you're feeling better we should kill it right after you've eaten."
( He always seems to know exactly the right thing to cheer me up a little, ) Miss Summers thought to herself with a grin as she started looking for her clothes.
***
Somewhere underground in Sunnydale, California
April 28th, 2002
After Buffy had killed the Glarghk guhl kashma'nik demon, she had come to the conclusion that it had been sic'ed onto her by the nerd herd, right when she'd been looking for their new lair the other night. Miss Summers could remember hearing some sort of flute or horn playing right before the demon had showed up, anyway.
So Angel had suggested going to that neighbourhood again via the underground tunnels, in case the area was under surveillance by the bad guys. A sensible precaution and an effective one, too, given the geeks' techno-savvy.
"Well, this brings back memories," Buffy grumbled to herself as she sloshed along in the sewers, Angel at her side. "Last time we were in a place like this, you broke up with me as I recall."
"I know, but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing," Angel said in reply. "I wanted you to have a life with someone who could give you everything I couldn't – marriage and children, even. But instead, you ended up with Spike?"
The Slayer whipped her head around so fast, it almost caused whiplash. "How did you..." Then she looked disgusted. "Has anyone ever told you that that vamp smelling thing which you guys do is GROSS?"
"Cordelia's mentioned it once or twice." Angel didn't say anything else as they kept walking.
"Well? Where's the lecture?" Buffy finally asked, unable to tolerate the silence anymore. "Aren't you gonna say stuff like 'how could you' and, and 'what were you thinking'?"
Angel shrugged. "How could you, and what were you thinking?"
Buffy glared at her ex in the semi-darkness. "Very funny, wise guy. So, is that it? You don't care? Is it because Spike and I aren't sleeping together anymore, or is it something else?"
"I do care, Buffy, and I already figured out that you and Spike aren't being intimate right now; his scent was too faint on you for it to be otherwise. I just have one question; does anyone else know? I'm pretty sure that Willow and Xander don't, anyway. There was a time you didn't have any secrets from them, but I guess those days are gone now, huh?" Angel asked.
Silence. "I couldn't talk to either of them about it. Tara knows, but no one else; not even Dawn," Buffy eventually confessed
"Why not your two best friends?"
Buffy let loose with some ugly laughter. "Best friends? Willow was the one who took Heaven away from me, remember? And Xander...God, he hasn't changed at all! I love him to death but he's still so judgmental, and all with the bad jokes, and everything else that annoyed the heck out of me back in high school. I'd forgotten just how irritating he could be, especially whenever the issue of you and me came up..."
"Considering how prophetic Xander's warnings were that nothing good would come out of our relationship, though, I don't think you really have the right to complain. And it's only a matter of time until he figures out the truth about you and Spike, you know. You should tell him-" Angel said.
"Oh, sure," Buffy interrupted. "I'll just go up to Xander and say, 'Until recently, I used to engage in hot sweaty sex with Spike, someone you practically loathe – just in order to feel something and retain my sanity in this god-awful world Willow hauled me back into'. I'm sure THAT will go down really well with him! And with Willow!"
"Buffy," Angel said chidingly.
"Look, it can wait until later, okay? Come on, I wanna get this thing with the über-geeks over with – the entrance to their lair must be around here somewhere," the Chosen One snapped as she kept walking.
Not far away, Xander stopped moving.
He had followed Angel and Buffy ever since they had gone underground, and heard the entire conversation from a safe distance – sound carried really well in those underground tunnels. But now he had heard enough, and started to head back to the sewer entrance.
It was time for Xander to make a decision regarding his own future.
***
1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California
April 29th, 2002
Willow and Dawn sat on Buffy's bed, while she regaled them with the tale of how she'd defeated Warren and his crew. The Key and the witch were hanging on her every word, as Buffy described recent events to the female pair.
"So after Angel and I came up through the sewers, as soon as they saw us they tried going for some weapons. But we were too fast for them! I punched out Warren straightaway, because I figured he was like the biggest threat out of all three of those jerks. Then Angel and I kinda just banged the other two's heads together, and that sure put 'em down for the count! So after that, I dumped them outside for Angel to keep an eye on, and then I called the police."
Dawn asked, "What did you tell the cops after they showed up?"
Buffy smirked at her. "I told them that those three had been spying on me, that I'd caught them being all stalker-y before they got into a fight with my boyfriend and he knocked them unconscious. That was enough for probable cause, so the cops went inside the house and found that huge-ass diamond those three stole from the Sunnydale museum last year. I figure that'll be enough to nail their hides to the wall."
"That sounds so cool!" Dawn nodded, recalling all the mischief the Trio had caused this year; especially almost making Buffy think she had committed manslaughter.
"Will you have to show up in court when this goes to trial?" Willow asked.
"Nah, I don't think so. The stalking thing isn't quite as serious as the robbery stuff, even though the cops must have found that surveillance system the nerds had set up. The Sunnydale PD said I could just fill out a sworn statement, but I got the distinct feeling they didn't want to talk to me; I'm pretty sure I recognized some of them as the ones that shot at me in the school after Kendra was killed," Buffy had an irritated look on her face.
"So where's Angel now?" Dawn asked. She hadn't seen Big Sis look this animated and happy for a long time; and if he was the cause of it, then the former Key was planning to invite the guy to Sunnydale as often as possible.
"He's gonna be heading back to LA, I think," Buffy replied, some of the light going out of her eyes. Wanting to change the topic she asked, "So has anyone seen Xander lately?"
Right on cue, Harris knocked on the door and came in. Straightaway, Dawn wrinkled her nose and said, "Ewww, Xander, what is that smell? You REEK!"
"Yeah, I haven't had time to take a shower yet. But it's on my list of things to do after I catch a lift to LA with Dead Boy," Xander told all the girls present.
"You're going to Los Angeles? Why?" Willow demanded at once.
"I'm planning to serve and protect, Will. Enter the LAPD academy and all that. I finally decided to stop procrastinating and just do it," Harris told her with a smile, albeit one that felt a bit forced.
"You're LEAVING? Xander, are you out of your mind? You can't leave Sunnydale, you're just a-" Buffy started to say in exasperation.
"A teenager?" Xander interrupted. "Not according to the calendar I'm not, Buff. Besides, I'll be eighteen in about six months; so really, what's the difference anymore?"
"Are you sure about this?" Dawn wanted to know, sensing that something was off somehow. "I mean, really sure? That this is what you wanna do with your life?"
"Positive," Harris told the younger Summers daughter with a genuine smile. "I know we haven't known each other that long, Dawn – well, that's how it is for me, anyway. But I want you to know, I'm gonna miss you; you've been a good friend ever since I showed up again in the land of the living."
He sent her a knowing smirk and joked, "Heck, if only you were a couple of years older, I'd have braved Buffy's wrath in asking you out on a date..."
Dawn giggled, even as Buffy scowled at the thought of Xander touching her little sister without at least an engagement ring on Dawnie's finger. Then the former Key gave Xander a farewell hug despite the bad smell, as did Willow. Both the brunette and the redhead subsequently gave Xander some alone time for a private farewell with Buffy. They figured it was the least they could do, since the Chosen One was looking rather upset.
"So you're really just gonna go? No warning, you suddenly decide to up and leave – exactly like Giles did?" Buffy demanded once they were alone.
"Yeah, well, I'm sure you won't miss me all that much," Xander shrugged indifferently. "I'm equally sure that if things get too desperate, Spike will be only too glad to take care of business. How long were you and him together for, anyway?"
Caught off-guard, Buffy just gaped at Xander. "What-?"
"If it's not too much of a personal question, how long were you guys sleeping together?" Harris asked way too calmly.
"I, I...four months, more or less," the Summers woman spluttered. "How did you know-?"
Xander exhaled, honestly not seeing any point in answering that question. ( Can't tell her the truth, anyway, I doubt she'd appreciate it much. )
"Does it really matter? Buffy, over the last six months or so you've made it clear that whatever you do in your personal life is none of my business, not anymore. I've tried to talk to you about things, but you always just shut me out. Apparently because this isn't high school anymore, and you've gone through too much to see me as any kind of equal any longer. Isn't that right?"
"You're being ridiculous, Xander!" Buffy snapped.
"Am I? Personally, I think the word you really mean is 'childish'. But hey, I'm old enough to know that whatever mistakes I've made in my life, sleeping with someone who's slaughtered innocent people isn't one of them," Harris told her.
"Is that another one of your not-so-subtle digs about Spike?" Buffy asked in annoyance.
"Lemme answer that question with one of my own, Buff," Xander replied. "Tell me, do you really think that guy would still play nice with his dinner if that chip in his head ever stopped working? Would you still trust him around your little sister then? And she's not stupid, by the way. I'm sure that Dawn knows, or at least suspects, about you and Spike by now. So what are you gonna do if – no, make that WHEN – she starts looking for her own vampire lover in a few years time?"
"Hey, don't you even think that! Dawn wouldn't...she would NEVER...that's impossible!" Buffy protested.
"Nothing's impossible, Buffy," Harris said with another shrug. "Think about it – you're her role model now that your mom's dead. First, it was Angel; now, it's Spike. What exactly do you think Dawn's learning from you, apart from the grass has gotta be greener on the undead side of the fence? Seriously, you should ask yourself what kind of example you're setting for your little sister, don't you think?"
"It doesn't matter. Because I'm not seeing Spike anymore, it's over," Buffy said with a resigned air. Then she looked suspicious. "Is that why you're leaving, you're upset about me and him?!"
"No. Or at least not entirely," Xander shook his head. "All that just finally made me realize that I don't really belong here anymore. We're on different roads in life now, Buff, even though I never would have believed that four years ago."
Xander sent her a look which Buffy didn't like at all, before he finished up, "Anyway, I'll be in touch, and if you ever need me for anything I'll be just a phone call away."
With those parting words Xander gave her a quick hug, and then he left.
Personally, the blonde Slayer thought Harris had been more annoying than ever just now, but there was no denying that Xander had made her face things that she didn't want to face up to. Just like that day in Ethan's costume shop when dissecting Angel's likes and dislikes, the big lug had hit the Slayer with some very good points that she had no easy rebuttal for.
Questions that she had no easy answers for, as well.
"Damn it, Xander..." Buffy muttered, starting to miss him already.
***
Next: Story 20 - Keeping Up With The Joneses