Date written: Wed 28 Oct 2009
Author: Starway Man
E-mail: theop at hotkey dot net dot au
Disclaimer: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.
Rating: Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.
Symbols: " " denotes speech, ( italics ) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.
Main characters: Xander, ensemble
Warnings: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.
Author Notes: A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www. fanfiction. net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.
Author Notes 2: Hello again, the usual greetings and felicitations to one and all. And thank you everyone for all the reviews and feedback! Now, for this story - I must admit, one of the best storylines in BtVS season four was "Who Are You?", and Nodakskip has run quite a few gender-bender fanfic ideas past me over the years. Add to that one of the most fantastic fanfics Greywizard has ever written called "Who Am I?" which is currently a WIP at TtH, and this story almost wrote itself!
Acknowledgments: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!
Classification: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF
Summary: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.
Title:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux
***
Story 28: How The Other Half Lives
The Bronze, Sunnydale, California
October 30th, 1997
"I can't believe Partytown was bought out and shut down just before Halloween," complained Cordelia Chase, a.k.a. Queen C of Sunnydale High School. "Not to mention that tyrant Principal Snyder cornered us all into taking part in that stupid-ass escort thing tomorrow night. I mean, where the hell are we going to find decent Halloween costumes now?"
Her followers, known as the Cordettes, all just looked at one another. Brainpower wasn't exactly the prime quality they'd been chosen for by Cordelia to be part of her inner circle, but the cheerleaders could still think to some extent.
"Uh, there's a new place that just opened up yesterday called Ethan's? I mean, if beggars can't be choosers..." the minion called Harmony Kendall said hesitantly.
"Yeah, I suppose," Cordelia exhaled. "Alright, fine. We all meet up there tomorrow morning?" There were a number of affirmative nods. "Good, that's settled. Now the question is, what do we all dress up as?"
"Myself, I'm hoping it's gonna be something that really shows off all your...assets," the quarterback named Larry Blaisdell said with a leer, as he and his friends moseyed on over.
"Larry, why don't you take a long walk off of a short pier?" the girl named Aura asked nastily.
"Hey, now, there's no need to be rude," Larry's fellow football player named John Lee Walker said at once.
"Rude? I'd call it being a complete Neanderthal," Cordelia said to John Lee, who was one of her ex-boyfriends. Then she looked scornfully at Larry, "Or do you prefer being called a Cro-Magnon brain instead?"
Larry scowled at once; the guy called Xander Harris had called him the exact same thing at school earlier today when he'd been inquiring about the possibility of dating Buffy Summers. "Don't call me that, cheerleader."
The stereotype label quickly made Cordelia lose all sense of judgment. "Oooh, I have an idea. This year for Halloween, what say me and my friends dress up as football players, while you guys wear cheerleader outfits?"
"WHAT?" both the Cordettes and the jocks all exclaimed in dismay, it was obvious that no one wanted to do that.
But Larry hadn't gotten to where he was on the social pyramid around here, by backing down before a challenge like that. He said sneeringly, "Cordelia, the only way I'd ever do that is if you can convince that ass-wipe Harris to take part in your little scheme." He then smirked, "And what are the odds that that's gonna happen, huh?"
Cordelia faltered for a moment, since she knew Larry had a point before she squared her shoulders and said, "Okay, I'll bite. What's in it for me if I can get the doofus to play ball, and what do you want if I can't pull it off?"
This made Larry pause – he hadn't intended for this to really turn into a wager of some sort, but it was too late to back off now, without him losing face in front of his friends. "Guess that depends. Y'know, what do you want that I can give you?"
"You become the cheerleaders' slave for a week," Miss Chase said without hesitation. "Anything that me and my girls want done, you do it. No complaints, no arguments. Deal?"
"Anything within reason," Larry temporised, starting to feel a little out of his depth. "As in, nothing like being forced to wear a skirt in public – just carrying your bags at the mall, carrying your books and gym equipment at school, stuff like that."
He sent her his most intimidating look and added, "Take it or leave it."
"Fine," Cordelia glowered for a moment, figuring this was the best concession she could get out of the hulking football player. Ignoring the looks from her followers, who were silently pleading for her not to do this, Miss Chase added, "All right, what do you want from me if I can't get Xander to cooperate?
"And Larry, if you even hint at me putting out for you, you'll get a Manolo Blahnik so far up your ass, you'll be walking funny for a week!" Cordy finished up scathingly.
"Uh, I dunno. What do you guys think?" Larry turned to John Lee and his other friend, Cody Weinberg.
"She dates you for a week," Cody suggested helpfully.
"No, even better – she dates Harris for a week," John Lee smirked towards his ex, who just glared at him viciously.
"Wait, I've got it! You date me AND Harris at the same time," Larry suddenly hit upon the ultimate humiliation, which made most of the girls gasp with horror. "A week's worth of all three of us going out together ought to do wonders for your reputation, right Cordelia?"
"That's it, Larry, you've gone too far!" Cordelia suddenly shouted, which instantly made everyone recoil in fear. "You know what? I am going to win that stupid bet, and make you crawl on your belly like a reptile – just for that last dim-witted insult! Do you hear me? I'll see to it you'll be sorry for the last two minutes, for the rest of your pathetic life!!" So saying, Cordelia turned around and stormed out of the club.
"Dude, what have you done?" John Lee asked his football teammate fearfully.
"He's awakened the beast that'll destroy us all," Cody replied, looking very distraught.
"God, Larry, WHY did you provoke her like that? You KNOW that Cordelia's going to do everything she can to get her own way now!" Harmony complained. "And there's no way I want to dress up as an NFL linebacker or whatever!"
"Yeah, you really pissed her off," Aura nodded. "For my money, Cordelia's gone to find Xander right now and persuade him to do it!"
Larry laughed nervously. "Come on, what's the problem? Everyone knows those two hate each other! There's no way Harris will ever say yes to dressing up like a cheerleader..."
"He may be a complete dweeb, but he's still a guy. If she, like, completely throws herself at him, Xander might not have the willpower to say no," Harmony said worriedly. "There's a reason why just about every boy at Sunnydale High is willing to get on their knees in order to go out on a date with Cordelia Chase, remember?"
The three jocks just stared at one another, hoping like hell that Larry hadn't just landed them all into deep shit.
***
Outside 17619 White Oak Drive, Sunnydale, California
A short while later
Cordelia arrived at Xander's house in her car and, as she got out, the young woman took a moment to look around the neighbourhood to make sure there were no demons or vampires in the vicinity. Then she quickly walked over to the front door of the Harris residence, and rang the bell. Hiding her shock at how badly Xander's mom had let herself go during the last five years, Miss Chase said politely, "Hi, Mrs. Harris, it's me Cordelia. Cordelia Chase, remember?"
Jessica Harris squinted at the girl on her doorstep. "Cordelia? My God, I haven't seen you in ages. What are you doing here?"
"Uh, I'm here to see Xander," Cordy said quickly. "Is he in?"
"Yes, he's upstairs with his friends – Willow and Muffy, I think her name is." For some reason, the middle-aged mom still couldn't properly remember the name of the girl her son had been fixated on for around a year. Jessica gestured to Cordelia, and Miss Chase took it as an invitation to come in. "I'll take you to his room – oh, unless you remember where it is?"
"Yeah, I remember," Cordy nodded and set off upstairs. There had been a time when she and Xander had been close friends, after all. Knocking on Xander's bedroom door, she went in and after the small talk was out of the way, Miss Chase explained why she was here.
"You have GOT to be out of your mind," Xander said to her immediately, as he briefly glanced around at Buffy and Willow to see their reactions. "Why in the name of almighty Zeus would I want to do anything like that? Sorry, Cordy, but you made your own bed tonight, so lie in it. And tell Larry I'll see him and you at the Espresso Pump on Saturday night, say roughly eight o'clock."
"Xander!!" Buffy said crossly. She may not have liked Cordelia very much – in fact, she thought the society princess was a spoiled bitch – but there was such a thing as female solidarity in the face of a recalcitrant male. "How can you agree to that? Larry almost pummelled you today, and now you're planning to humiliate Cordelia right alongside him? I thought you were better than that..."
"Yeah, Xander, Buffy's right," Willow added in her own two cents, even though she could hardly believe she was actually saying that. "I mean, if I had made a bet like that, would you do something like that to ME?"
"No, of course not," Xander defended himself vigorously. "But the point is, Will, Cordy is NOT you or Buffy. It's her mess, and I don't want anything to do with it. Come on, Willow, put yourself in my place for a second – what if Cordelia had come to either you or Buffy with an insane request like that?"
Both the Slayer and the computer whiz looked at each other, unable to argue with that logic. Cordelia, feeling that events were slipping out of her control, suddenly blurted out, "I'll make it worth your while, Xander. Name your price and I'll pay it, no questions asked – right now, I'm really that desperate."
"Really?" Harris suddenly pricked up his ears. "ANYTHING I ask?"
"Xander, if you dare ask Cordelia to prostitute herself to you – our friendship is over!!" Willow smacked him on the arm.
"OW!" Xander yelped, recoiling from the angry stares Buffy and Willow were sending his way. "Okay, fine. As if I would ever want to score with her, anyway."
"XANDER!!" Buffy slapped him this time, as she'd seen the hurt look that had appeared on Cordelia's face for a microsecond before the cold mask had slipped back into place. "You apologize for that, right now!"
"OW!! Will you guys quit hitting me?" Harris demanded, rubbing his other arm. "And sorry, Cor."
"Whatever," Cordelia said disdainfully. "Come on, Lame Boy. What do you want, money? A job after high school, other than something at the local pizza delivery place? Let's hear it."
"I wouldn't touch your money if my life depended on it, and I don't need your help to find a job when the time comes," Xander glared at her heatedly, which actually made Cordy take a step back. "I was going to say that all you have to do is order your sheep to lay off from taunting Buffy and Willow for a week, but now I've changed my mind.
"You want me to dress up as a cheerleader like you?" he repeated her request. "All right, then YOU have to dress up like ME tomorrow night! Hawaiian shirt and all!!"
Cordelia Chase almost reeled backwards in horror, as this was extortion of the type even she could have never foreseen coming. ( Is he serious? )
Even Buffy and Willow were looking stunned at their friend's outburst, wondering if he was serious. "Xander-" the two girls started to say.
"No, you two stay out of this!" he snapped at the girls. "Well, Cordelia? Have we got a deal? Because it's either that, or I WILL see you and Larry at the Espresso Pump on Saturday night," Xander promised her.
"Fine," Cordelia hissed at him; she knew it when Harris wasn't bluffing, and this instance was definitely one of those times. As said, these two had known each other for a very long time.
"Meet me and everyone else tomorrow morning at that costume shop, Ethan's or whatever, and I promise my friends will leave your friends alone for a week."
***
Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California
October 31st, 1997
Principal Snyder's jaw almost dropped to the floor, as he saw a collection of juvenile delinquents heading his way.
He saw four boys – Xander, Larry, John Lee and Cody – dressed as Sunnydale High cheerleaders, who were wearing the traditional yellow and maroon outfits along with female wigs on their heads. He then saw four girls meet with them – Cordelia, Harmony, Aura and Willow as well. All of them, except for the Chase girl, were dressed as Sunnydale High Razorbacks football players; Cordelia was dressed just like Xander, according to the devil's bargain she'd struck with him last night.
"What the hell is going on here?" Snyder demanded, as he came over to the group of eight. "Why are you lot dressed like that?"
"It's, it's kinda complicated to explain, Principal Snyder," Willow stammered, staring at him fearfully. Instead of dressing up like a ghost, she'd decided to take part in the group costume thing today as Miss Rosenberg felt partly responsible for what had happened.
"Wait, let me guess. One or more of you decided to enter into some sort of stupid bet, and it all snowballed into...this," Snyder said in distaste. He may have been an obnoxious and intolerant man, but he hadn't gotten his job by being entirely stupid.
"Wow. Good guess," Harmony said in surprise, before her cheeks went pink and she shut her mouth.
Snyder turned to stare at Xander and Cordelia, who were wearing wigs and an eye-bleeding coloured shirt which they had purchased at Ethan's this morning. Snyder suddenly smiled, "Hmm, I think we'll do things a bit differently this year, and split you all up into pairs for the evening's activities. The rest of you can choose whichever partner you like, but as for you and Harris, Miss Chase? You both make such a perfectly matched couple, you'll escort your groups of children together. That'll be all." Snyder then turned around and left, the evil smile never leaving his face.
"Way to go, Harris," Larry growled at Xander, looking annoyed at his classmate.
"Me? What did I do?" Xander demanded.
"Shut up, Xander. And Larry, you stop your whining! That's an order, slave," Cordelia briefly smiled victoriously at the expression on the quarterback's face before turning to face Willow and her female minions. "You heard the man, pick your guy for the night. And hurry up, I want to get this thing over and done with as soon as possible."
Harmony chose Cody, Aura chose John Lee, and Willow got Larry by Hobson's Choice as Cordelia grabbed Xander and dragged him away.
***
Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California
Ninety minutes later
When Ethan's spell hit the good citizens of Sunnydale, it was like a bomb had been set off throughout the town. Because like it or not, Ethan Rayne was a chaos worshipper.
Basically, that meant that whatever he had done tonight, it was to destroy any semblance of order around him. Tonight's activities certainly qualified, as quite a number of children and adults suddenly turned into demons and monsters and started terrorising the streets. By contrast Buffy, who had also bought her costume from Ethan, turned into an 18th century noblewoman, while Willow, who had failed to use her ghost outfit tonight, remained unaffected.
But as for Xander and Cordelia...
"AGGGHHHHH! Xander? What am I doing in your body?!" Cordelia-in-Xander screamed at her...his...companion, after suffering a terrible sense of vertigo for a moment.
"You? What about me? Cordy, how the hell did I end up in YOUR body?" Xander-in-Cordelia screamed back as he, uh, she, uh, whatever – stared in horror at their current situation.
Unfortunately, the chaos was only getting worse with every passing second. "Come on, we gotta get off the streets," Xander-in-Cordelia said urgently, grabbing Cordelia-in-Xander's arm and starting to run, the Slayerette's Sunnydale-schooled reflexes kicking in.
Both of them had no idea that Willow would have her hands full trying to deal with the cheerleader version of Larry, as well as Lady Buffy tonight; all that Xander and Cordelia knew was that they had to get to the school library and get help from Giles, the big Knowledge Guy for whenever things got hairy around here.
***
Sunnydale High School Library, Sunnydale, California
November 1st, 1997
The spell was over, as Giles had found his old 'friend' and used not-so-gentle persuasion to get Ethan to tell him how to end the chaos magicks last night. As a matter of fact, right now Giles was at the empty costume shop and reading Ethan's farewell note, but Xander and Cordelia didn't know that. All they knew was that they had to talk, and the library was the closest thing to neutral territory they could find.
"So. How are you feeling?" Xander asked rather guardedly.
"All right, I guess," Cordelia replied in kind. "Kinda freaked out, though. I mean, I can remember everything."
"Me too," Xander nodded. "Everything. Just wanted to say that, uh, it's pretty weird how you can think you know somebody, and then find out you never really knew them at all."
Cordelia flushed, she couldn't help it. "I, I never even suspected that your parents had become like that. Back when we were in elementary school they didn't...they weren't..."
"Alcoholics, slowly but surely sliding down into the gutter? True," Xander shrugged, since he knew there was no point trying to deny it. This girl now knew all his secrets, just like he knew all of hers. "Just as true as the fact that your mom and dad have changed as well. Your grandfather's money has really altered their outlook on everything ever since five years ago, at least from what I've seen through your eyes."
Cordelia instinctively opened her mouth to deny it, but then closed it again with a snap. "I hate this, I hate it that my privacy has been violated that way!!" she declared heatedly. "And I swear, Xander, if you tell anyone anything that you've learned-"
"You should know better than that, Cor. And besides, what would be the point? Don't you think I know that you'd spill all the Harris family dirty laundry in retaliation?" Xander interrupted her mid-rant. "So let's move on, huh? Why bother with the whole threat thing if both of us know what the other's capable of?"
"Ugh," Cordelia groaned. "You're right. And I'd never thought I'd say this, but it really wasn't easy being you last night. I could feel your hormones, and I couldn't stop staring at my own breasts! How can guys live like that?"
"You think you had it bad? My back hurt all last night because of the size of your chest, Cordy. Just my luck you didn't wear a bra while you were dressed up as me," Xander snorted.
Miss Chase decided to change the subject at once, to something more comfortable to discuss. "So what are you going to tell Buffy and Willow? I mean they're gonna go ballistic after you tell them all the juicy details, right?"
"I don't know. Probably," Harris shrugged. "What about your friends?"
"What about them? Harmony and Aura will have already repressed everything by now, and you should know that," Cordelia snorted.
"Yeah, I do. And odds are that Team Jock will repress, too," Xander offered. "Guys turning into girls, REALLY not something the majority of us in the Y chromosome club like to contemplate. It ranks right up there with Celine Dion music and sappy chick flicks."
( I knew he'd say that. Damn it, I LOATHE the fact that I know this guy inside and out now! ) Cordelia fumed silently. ( I know all of Xander's favourite foods, his favourite movies, his favourite comic books. I know all about his feelings for Buffy, and Willow, and even his feelings for me! Ugh, it's like we've been married for years or something! )
That thought was enough to send a jolt of horror through Cordelia's system, and after mumbling something to Xander about seeing him for class on Monday, she quickly sprinted out of the library.
***
The Bronze, Sunnydale, California
November 10th, 1997
Less than halfway through the following Monday morning, Willow Rosenberg had known that something was very badly wrong.
It wasn't that Larry had stopped acting like a complete tool, thanks to his homosexual tendencies no longer being something that he was in complete denial about. It wasn't that Harmony and Cody Weinberg had paired off together ever since the weekend, just like John Lee and Aura. It wasn't even that Buffy had constantly cringed at the thought of all the bad names she had called her red-haired best friend, whilst the Chosen One had been snooty enough to dissuade even a saint from helping her.
It was the fact that Xander and Cordelia simply weren't acting like themselves anymore.
For one thing, Cordy had started munching on Twinkies last week without even realizing it, despite all the strange looks it had earned her from the Cordettes. For another, Xander had somehow known the difference between Laura Ashley and a Todd Oldham designer dress, something that in Willow's opinion was completely against all the laws of God and man. Add to that the looks she had seen pass between those two in class...
Well, it hadn't been long before Miss Rosenberg had confronted the pair and her worst fears had been confirmed. Xander had been Cordelia and Cordelia had been Xander during Halloween night, and now the girl who'd made her life hellish for years knew the boy that Willow loved a lot more intimately than she did.
And that was something that simply could not be tolerated! At least from Willow's point of view, that is, especially if – Heaven forbid – Cordelia suddenly decided that she liked what she was seeing, and decided to claim Xander for herself.
That was a week ago now, though, and to Willow's relief, it seemed that, outwardly at least, things had gone back to normal. But she couldn't take the chance, and so, with the aid of Giles' books, Willow had managed to create something that she thought would level the playing field between herself and the cheerleader.
A Draconian katra device.
( Okay, I can do this, ) Willow thought to herself rather nervously, as she made her way through the crowded club. ( All I have to do is get Xander to switch bodies with me, right? Then once we switch back, he'll know all about my feelings for him, and he'll forget all about Cordelia. Oh, and Buffy too, I suppose; but that doesn't matter so much, because she's with Angel... )
Had she done better research, though, Miss Rosenberg would have known that the katra device didn't work the same way as Ethan's spell; it was simply a soul-switching apparatus, instead of a Halloween costume possession. After she and Xander were returned to their own bodies, they would have no memories of each other's life, just a brief experience of supernatural gender-alteration so to speak.
Thus, the whole thing was pointless, even before it began.
And since this was Sunnydale, almost nothing ever went to plan; so, perhaps not unexpectedly, the redhead's scheme pretty much blew up in her face just a few moments later.
Just as Miss Rosenberg reached the love of her life, someone jostled her and the katra device fell to the floor.
Seeing this, Xander automatically bent down to pick it up; and then, after he did so, he came into contact with Buffy's boyfriend Angel. The device lit up while the two males were in physical contact, and suddenly both Angel and Xander looked thunderstruck.
The katra device fell to the floor again due to the shock factor, whereupon it was destroyed by a member of the Sunnydale High swim team accidentally stomping on it as he ran past the group, trying to evade his angry girlfriend.
"Oh my God – how can the same thing happen to the same guy, TWICE?!" Xander-in-Angel looked at Angel-in-Xander and then Willow in pure disbelief.
***
Abandoned church, Sunnydale, California
November 13th, 1997
Xander-in-Angel was pretty sure that he was about to die – or rather become dust, since right now, technically, he was already dead. Well, undead anyway.
The last three days had been torture for him, and not just because the insane female vampire named Drusilla had constantly splashed him with holy water for her own amusement. It was because he'd had to listen to Angelus, Angel's inner vampiric demon, constantly taunting and jeering at him inside Angel's skull. It had nearly been enough to drive him nuts, and Harris had honestly wondered how Angel could possibly stand something like that for an entire century. But right now, his was not to wonder why; his was but to somehow try to survive what was about to happen to him.
As said, three nights ago in the Bronze, Xander's life had been turned completely upside down again just like on Halloween. Everyone had quickly gathered at the library, and Willow had explained what must have happened. The young woman had luckily managed to dodge the question of why she'd ever had such a device on her in the first place, even though the scowl on Giles' face had made her a bit nervous for a while.
When Xander-in-Angel had asked to be returned back into his own body, though, Miss Rosenberg had admitted that she couldn't do that; at least, not yet. She didn't have another such device, and it would take her at least two days to create one from scratch.
That had been painful but bearable for Xander-in-Angel. But what hadn't been tolerable was the Master vampire named Spike discovering that the cure for his undead girlfriend's affliction was sacrificing her sire in an unholy ceremony; and so 'Angel' had been kidnapped and brought to this house of God, in order to be mercilessly slaughtered.
A moment later, Spike walked up the main aisle of the church with a burning incense censer. "Eligor, I name thee. Bringer of war, poisoners, pariahs, grand obscenity," he chanted, as William the Bloody made his way to where Xander-in-Angel and Drusilla were both strapped together to a chain hanging from the ceiling.
Xander-in-Angel felt his right hand being tied to the chain above his head. "Spike..." he managed to mumble.
"Eligor, wretched master of decay, bring about your black medicine," Spike continued on, ignoring that.
"Black medicine," Drusilla echoed dreamily.
Spike set the censer down and picked up the Du Lac Cross with his gloved hand. "Eligor, I beseech thee. Restore your most impious, murderous child," he intoned as he grabbed the downward-pointing tip of the cross with his other hand and yanked down, pulling out a dagger. The vampire then laid the rest of the cross back on the altar and said, "From the blood of the sire she is risen." Spike quickly took Drusilla's left hand and raised it to Xander's as she clasped it tightly. "From the blood of the sire, she shall rise again."
With one swift stroke Spike stabbed the blade through their hands. Xander-in-Angel screamed in agony, as a blinding bright pink light emanated from their wounds. ( Right, that should do it! )
But then, something went wrong as Drusilla started to scream in pain as well.
( What the bloody hell is this? ) Spike thought, looking concerned. ( She's not supposed to be the one screaming!! ) "Dru? DRU!"
Spike instantly went to remove the Du Lac blade, but it was too late; thanks to the mystical connection with the soul within Angel's body, who was anything BUT her sire, Drusilla exploded into ashes from the supernatural incompatibility factor.
"NO!!!" Spike hollered in agony, looking as if someone had just plunged a stake into his own heart. "No, no, no!" The fury suddenly took over, as Spike started glaring at Xander-in-Angel. "YOU! This is all your bloody fault somehow, you stupid ponce!"
"Do you...believe me...now, Spike?" Xander-in-Angel managed to whisper in a broken, raspy tone of voice. "I'm not...Dead Boy..."
It briefly occurred to William the Bloody that that might very well be the case; in fact, it would actually explain why his lady love had been killed instead of healed by the ritual just now. But it made no real difference to the English vampire anymore; he intended to drown the entire world in blood to avenge the loss of his sire, including that of Angel and Xander.
Just as Spike pulled a stake out to finish his captive off, there was commotion at the front doors of the church. The local snitch-bartender Willy came in and strode down the nave towards the altar, with Spike's minion vampires dragging a captive Buffy close behind him.
"It's payday, Spike. I got your Slayer right here!" Willy declared with a wide smile.
The British vampire strode over, grabbed Willy's head and twisted his neck viciously. The human fell dead to the floor, and Spike briefly relished the stricken look on the Chosen One's face.
"Sorry, mate, but your services aren't needed anymore," William said disdainfully to the corpse. Then he turned to the Slayer and said, "Oh, don't worry, Betty – you're next."
"What have you done to Xander?" Miss Summers demanded, seeing her boyfriend's body hanging lifelessly not far away.
Spike briefly looked around, before he growled at her like an animal. "So the git wasn't lying then; that really is the whelp hiding inside there?! That's it, I'm gonna torture him for a bloody century for getting my Dru killed!"
Buffy struggled vainly to get loose from the vampire holding her. In game face, Spike came forward with his glistening fangs heading right for her neck; but then the door suddenly burst open, and Kendra the vampire Slayer came in doing a series of back-flips, ending in a flying double kick that connected to the back of two vampires' heads.
They fell to the floor, pushing Buffy into Spike and knocking him down. Kendra landed on her feet, ready to fight, and wasted no time running over to Spike as he got up, meeting Buffy there to fight him. The junior Chosen One said, "William de Bloody. I've heard of you, vampire."
"Who the bloody hell are you?" Spike demanded, wishing he had more minions to back him up right now.
"Dey call me Kendra," the Caribbean girl said simply.
"Guess it's your lucky day, Spike. Two Slayers for the price of one!" Buffy shouted, as the Chosen Two joined forces to start kicking his ass.
"Xander!" Angel-in-Xander came charging in with Cordelia, Giles, and Willow close behind him. They all saw the ensouled vampire still hanging there, and rushed to get him down as the Slayers split up to dust the attacking fledglings and minions.
Spike, wily old battle veteran that he was, quickly decided to make a break for it when he had a free moment, figuring he'd continue the battle another time when the odds were more in his favour.
"Oh my God," Willow whispered in horror as she stared at Angel's body, with its burned and bruised features.
"Yeah. I'm thinking this isn't going to be pleasant," Angel-in-Xander sighed, staring at Buffy as she managed to finish off the last of the cannon fodder. The last three days had been like a taste of heaven for him, just like they had been a taste of hell for Harris. "But since there's no other choice..."
Angel-in-Xander used the new Draconian katra device that had finally been created, and his current body immediately joined its counterpart down on the floor as it collapsed unconscious.
***
Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California
November 14th, 1997
It was Friday morning, and Buffy and Willow were walking along after the blonde Slayer had bidden Kendra farewell outside the school grounds. Both girls had been through a lot recently, and it was hard to say who was going to be the one to break the awkward silence.
"So how's Angel doing?" Willow finally asked, feeling a bit nervous.
"He's getting better," Buffy sighed. "I just wish we'd been able to finish Spike off when we had the chance, but I guess you can't have everything."
"You're enjoying playing nursemaid?"
"Oh, yeah!" Buffy smiled, before her expression turned grim. "Damn it, what Spike and that nutsack Drusilla did to my boyfriend's body..."
"I know. Xander's still refusing to talk about it," Willow shook her head, figuring that she just had to give her beloved some time to come around. "I mean, physically he's fine, but the look in his eyes...I've never seen anything like that before," she confessed.
"I have," Buffy said uncomfortably. "It's the exact same look I see whenever I look into Angel's eyes, it's...it's...oh, I can't even think about it, let alone say it."
"Um, Buffy? While Angel was in Xander's body and vice versa, you never...I mean, you didn't...did you?" Willow had to ask.
"What? Oh, Willow, NO!" Buffy vigorously shook her head as she finally understood the question. "That would have been too weird, come on! I couldn't make out with Angel while he was in Xander's body, and I didn't want to do that with Xander while he was in Angel's body! My God, the complications, the-the problems that would have brought about – I mean, eww!"
"Oh. Well, good," Willow sighed in relief as they arrived at the library. "I'm glad – uh, y'know, that there are no complications or problems to worry about," she added hastily, as Miss Summers entered the Slayage headquarters.
"That's what you think." Willow heard Cordelia's voice before she felt the other girl grab her by the shoulder and drag her away. "We need to talk, Willow. Right the hell now."
"Hey, let go!" Willow yelped before they ended up in the girls' bathroom.
Cordelia checked to make sure they were alone, before turning back to face her companion. The expression on her face was not exactly a pleasant one, as she glared at the redhead.
"What? Why are you doing this?" Miss Rosenberg finally asked.
"You have the nerve to ask me that? Willow, I'm not a clueless dork like Xander, or a trusting bottle-blonde like Buffy. You may have pulled the wool over their eyes, just like you did with Giles and Angel – but not with me. I know perfectly well why you really created that magical doohickie thing, and what you were planning to use it for," Cordelia glared at her. "I always knew you were pathetic – but something like that is going above and beyond, even for you!!"
"I don't, I-I-I don't know what you're talking about," Willow stuttered.
"No? So you weren't planning to switch bodies with Xander, and get to know him as intimately as I do?" Cordelia purred dangerously. "All right. Then let's go back to the library right now and get Giles to do a truth spell on you. If I'm wrong, then you have nothing to fear-"
"NO! I, I mean..." Miss Rosenberg blurted out, her eyes wide.
"I know what you mean. And I swear, if it wasn't for the fact that Xander loves you like a sister – and I can personally remember those feelings for myself – your ass would be so busted right now," Miss Chase glared at Willow with the force of an exploding supernova.
"Cordelia..."
"Don't you 'Cordelia' me," the young woman almost snarled. "What happened to Xander, it's all YOUR fault. You know that, right? He got tortured for hours in Angel's body just because of your hopeless fantasies that, one day, he'll see you as something more than his Willow-shaped friend. And they ARE just fantasies, Willow. Believe me, I know!"
The tears had started falling down Willow's cheeks by this point. "What are you..."
"Xander loves Buffy, you idiot, even though he knows now that even being Angel isn't enough to make her love him back," Cordelia snapped. "And from that perspective, maybe you did him a favour; it's long past time he gave up on that freakazoid. The way Buffy humiliated him with that lap dance at the Bronze a few months ago, I can remember it from Xander's point of view now; and if I'd wanted to bitch-slap her before – well, you can imagine how I felt after Halloween!"
Miss Chase went on, "But the point is, Xander can't help how he feels about her, so do yourself a favour – find someone else. ANYONE else, because unless something drastic happens she'll always be number one in Xander's heart. These days, I know the big dummy well enough to be absolutely certain of that."
"You...you're just trying to scare me off, because you..." Willow trailed off.
"What, you think I want him for myself? Yeah, well, maybe I do," Miss Chase admitted uncomfortably, seeing Willow's shocked look. "Just between us, I've been attracted to the stupid doofus even before he saved my life in that fire, way back when – even though we've still been fighting like cats and dogs ever since that night. And maybe, just maybe, he also feels the same about me; you must have noticed the way Xander's been staring at my rack and my butt lately. But there's no way anything's ever going to happen between us until he's gotten Buffy completely out of his system, however long that takes."
"Which will happen when, do you think?" Willow finally wiped her eyes clean of the tears.
"Who knows?" Cordelia shrugged. Then her eyes narrowed, as she refocused her attention to the original subject that she had wanted to address with the redhead.
"But if and when that day comes, Willow, you won't be any sort of competition against me. I know that much, I can PROMISE you that much, right now. So just don't ever try to pull anything like that body-switching stunt again, or else everyone will learn about this particular conversation."
Miss Chase then whirled around and left the bathroom, almost growling like an angry lioness.
If only Cordelia and Willow knew what was coming in a few years' time, with Faith the vampire Slayer one day switching bodies with Buffy...
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Next: Story 29 - Steele In Control