His twenty-third birthday saw him waking up alone at two in the afternoon, a hangover threatening from going out with Sam. He had met Jess, Sam's new lady friend he'd met in class. She hadn't stuck around for the drinking they'd done, claiming it was a brother's night and she didn't need to invite herself along.
Dean had had to listen to Sam get poetic about her beauty and goodness before the alcohol had stolen his thinking powers. He hadn't really minded, though. He loved seeing Sammy so happy and he'd listen to it for the rest of the year if it meant that he was going to get the life Dean knew he deserved.
His phone was devoid of messages when he grabbed it, though he hadn't expected anything. Sammy wasn't going to text because he took hangovers like a bitch. Cas was in Cancun. Those were really the only people that texted him, barring other mechanics at the shop asking to switch shifts and other work things.
Why Cas was in Cancun, Dean couldn't figure out. The woman seemed to be made of money and was always taking Cas random places for the hell of it.
Thinking of Cas in the sun made him turn his thoughts where they were bound to go anyway. Just for the thrill of stating it, he typed in a simple message. 'I miss you.' He stared at it, wondering what Cas would do if it were on his phone when he got back. Would he ignore it? Would he respond to it? What would he say?
Dean didn't really have the guts to do it, though. He deleted it before he decided he wanted pancakes on his birthday. The weekend passed with calls from a few friends and radio silence from Cas.
The weekend before Valentine's Day, Cas showed up at his door with a boxed wrapped in blue paper. It was crinkly and the underside showed where he'd folded it because he had apparently cut too much paper. Dean ignored it in favor of reacquainting himself with his body. When his body was still shaky, Cas tripped back into the bedroom and thrust the box into his lap. Inside the paper was a box set of all six Star Wars movies.
He thanked him and then opened them all to check out the DVD art. Episodes one through three had been taped over with gift cards to a pie shop down the road with a note that said Cas knew he'd rather eat pie than watch them.
Teeth cut into his lip as he did his best not to tell Cas he loved him. Instead, he demanded that they go get pie and then watch the good ones.
When Cas left Sunday afternoon, neither had mentioned that Valentine's Day was the next weekend.
In the middle of March, Cas and Dean were climbing out of the shower when a the rain that had been threatening all day hit. Within an hour, the entire block was without power. They spent the rest of the weekend on the couch, Dean laid out across Cas's lap. In between chapters of Vonnegut that Cas read by flashlight and candle, Dean would get bored with laying in the dark apartment that was leaking and would try to trick Cas into having sex.
Most of the time, Cas would smile and gently redirect his interest back to the book. A few times, though, Dean convinced him with a blow job.
The power didn't come back on until hours after Cas had left, and Dean was laying on the couch, smelling a cinnamon scented pillow. He shut the lights off and fell asleep there.
April saw three mechanics at Dean's job quit, making him work sixty to seventy hour weeks. He didn't have the time to see Cas at all, but still dreamed about him.
When Bobby managed to hire replacements at the end of the month, Dean was sick of his apartment. Coming home to another leak in his pipes after Sam's birthday party, he decided to look for a new place.
Thanks to his being a stingy bastard and the crazy overtime the entire month, when he found a house he liked in the middle of May, he bought it on a whim. He wasn't moved in until the weekend after Cas visited, so he'd have to wait to see it.
In June, Dean drank too much. Meg had decided that she and Cas needed to spend the entire month in Italy celebrating their first year of marriage. At the end of the month, he found that he had developed a gut and joined the gym. He didn't stop drinking so much until Cas texted him, letting him know he was three shades browner and back in Kansas.
The weekend after Independence Day, Dean and Cas decided to try camping. They both remembered loving it as kids but hadn't gone in years. They had the car packed up and ready to go before afternoon got very far.
Having sex in the woods had been interesting, knowing they had to keep quiet lent an air of excitement that had been fun if not needed.
Sleeping in a tent, though, was awful. The tent got too hot being closed up, but when it was open, the mosquitoes got in and ate them both. The ground was lumpy, seemingly magically because it didn't matter how many blankets they piled between it and their flesh. It didn't matter how many times Dean changed position, there always seemed to be a stick under his ribs. He'd checked the ground before setting up the tent, though.
When they woke up Saturday morning, Cas asked if they should get a hotel room. They were packed up by noon and had bought fireworks by three. They shot them off the balcony that night, and Cas almost lost an ear when he was going down on Dean who had a lit firework in his hand. Dean returned the favor after making sure that he was okay.
Dean realized he hadn't visited his mother's grave since his father had died more than three years ago. He made the lonely trek out to both of their gravestones, not even letting Sam know that he was coming. He sat for a few hours talking to his mother's stone, wondering what life would have been like if the house hadn't caught fire. He told her about Cas, saying she'd like him. He apologized to her for being involved with a married man, feeling that the married part would bother her a lot more than the man part.
Standing up to leave, he gave his dad's stone a nod and a lazy salute, but said nothing to him. Everything they needed to say to each other had been shouted through the air enough times that he didn't need to repeat them.
When Cas wanted to come down, Dean asked him not to. He was emotionally raw and needed time. When they were disconnected, Dean wanted Cas to hug him.
There was some kind of book fair going on at the library Cas worked at, so he didn't make it down until the weekend before his birthday. Meg had already planned for them to go skiing in Aspen for that week. Dean pressed as many silent 'I-love-you's into his flesh with his kisses as he could stand. He felt empty when he left.
He was worried about his baby and sweaty from work when he pulled up to his house on Halloween. As soon as he opened his door, he glanced at the car next to his and then raced into the house. Cas had let himself in and was in the shower. Dean joined him while Cas explained that Meg had decided to go to a fashion show in Milan, leaving him free to come down.
There were two pairs of black jeans and two long-sleeved black shirts on the bed when they finally left the shower. Dean raised his eyebrow at them, and Cas said they were going out. He convinced Dean to pull half of them on and then tie a black bandana around his eyes as Cas did the same.
Dean wasn't really sure why they were dressed identically, but he went with it. When they showed up at the bar, Cas got close behind him, his nose tickling the skin just below Dean's ear. He said there was a reason they were in masks.
That night, they didn't pretend to just be friends. They danced against each other and kissed in corners, not worrying about who saw them. All they had to do was be sure to not talk to Balthazar and to stay out of his way when he came in with a man and a woman on his arms.
It was going to be one of his favorite memories for the rest of his life, he knew. He could look at Cas and think he wanted to kiss him and then actually do it, not stow it away for the next time they were alone. It was intoxicating. He didn't even mind when Cas cut them both off from drinking after only two shots.
Thanksgiving gave him snow and his entire family asking him questions he'd rather not answer. Bobby wondered why he acted like a lovesick idjit if there wasn't a girl. Ellen told him he better bring whoever it was around so she could meet her. Jo demanded that she be able to throw a punch if he was actually serious about her. Sammy looked wounded, probably thinking that Dean had for some reason decided not to introduce her to him.
Only Jess seemed to be on his side, politely turning an inquiry into questions about Jo's dating habits. When the blond girl turned red and tried to change the subject, they had a new target. Dean said nothing and made sure no one was looking when he poured rum from Bobby's cabinet into his punch.
December was worse than November had been because Cas was in Maine all month with Meg's family. He bought home gym equipment and spent every day after work working out. Weekends he was drunk from Friday night until he tried to sober out Sunday night. Some days were better than others.
Cas sent him random pictures that made him smile, but he deleted them whenever there was any indication of Meg's presence. He made it through because he thought about Halloween and how he had convinced himself that Cas was only his.