"Eat Fresh!" This is in speech (personal revelations meant for everyone to know)
'Where is the remote' This is in thought (means, its only in your cute little head)
-:Vino's Pizza:- This is what you'll hear when you dial a certain combination of numbers in your phone!
Stretch Stuff you do WHILE you talk/breath/exist!
-\-\-\-\-\-\- flashback -\-\-\-\-\-\- This is the start of a flashback
-/-/-/-/-/-/- flashback end -/-/-/-/-/-/- NOT the beginning of a flashback; you'll figure it out!
!(A/N: I love Rock'n'Roll)! Urgent messages from the author to his beloved readers!
--
Yann-kun: Hey, MyWay! Who would have guessed, you're back again! And this quick...
MyWay: Art takes time... but you wouldn't have an idea of that. You're a musician.
Yann-kun: frowns Reading your past few stories, I noticed that the appearances of "GOD" increase rapidly. Whenever I read those passages, I see GOD looking like your dad to me. Yes... the more I think about it... Your dad is the most striking god-lookalike I have ever seen.
MyWay: Are you aware that you are talking bullshit?
Yann-kun: not listening Yes! Even more, now it all makes sense! I always noticed a slight change of light in the room when your dad enters. It even seems to me, that he has an aura of light around him.
MyWay: You're low on oxygen...
Yann-kun: But if your dad is god... that'd make you Jesus! And that would make you responsible for everything that happens to Shinji...
MyWay: Did I ever explain the meaning of "fiction" to you?
Yann-kun: Of course! You ARE Jesus... you're writing all this!
Kenuyasha: entering Did I miss anything?
MyWay: Nothing special... Yann-kun's loosing it. There'll be a repeat...
Kenuyasha: But didn't a drunken friend recognise you as Jesus just this New Year's Eve?
MyWay: You're not exactly helping right now!
Yann-kun: still babbling in the background HA! And now I know where your SOCK IS!
MyWay: alerted Yes? Tell me!
Yann-kun: You must have lost it before you were crucified. I cannot recall any pictures of Jesus wearing socks.
MyWay: Go – to - hell.
Yann-kun: Might be there... might be, true...
Chapter Fifteen: Bad Habits And Angels Die Hard
Shinji felt desperate. This last attack represented everything he had left, yet the angel was still moving. For a microsecond, the thought of putting the angel in an enormous restraint jacket crossed his mind; he discarded that thought instantly though.
"Asuka, ... a little help maybe?" Shinji cried out as the angel took a hold of him.
"Understood… Wondergirl, grab a gun and help us out here!" The red haired pilot said and began running towards EVA-01.
Rei grabbed a nearby rifle and began aiming, yet waited for a good opportunity to shoot.
The angel's grip around EVA-01's neck tightened and Shinji began gasping. It was this moment when Shinji got sight of the light sabre; only a hundred meters out of reach.
'The angel wouldn't be able to dodge an attack from this close… but how to get it?' he thought as he extended his EVA's arm, still too far away to reach it.
-- Tropical Island --
"Hey Pops, come on and help him out a little… I would do it myself, but I am all weak!"
"Weak? Look at yourself, you can't move and you drool… ah well I'll do it, but just because you're my favourite son!"
"I'm your -ONLY- son!" Jesus reminded his father with a slight tone of annoyance.
"Yeah, how about we cut the self pity and the Oh, I was crucified crap to a minimum and concentrate on poor little Shinji, okay?" God said with a sweat drop on his forehead. There are certain things any son finds hard to forgive. Being crucified or having a girl's middle name is just two of them.
-- Tokio Three, Yamada street corner main street --
Shinji Ikari was about to give up; to let this day of hell (aka Asuka Day) finally end… but fate (or more like God) had another plan for him. It was this moment when Shinji saw a short flick of a movie in his mind, inspiring him beyond inspiration.
'Maybe…' Shinji thought and stretched out the remaining arm of his EVA towards the light sabre.
It actually looked like he wanted to use telekinesis on that weapon. Or maybe he was just low on oxygen...
"I… can't use a … th-thing like the force……but…." Shinji barely whispered; his throat still being squeezed tight, blood scarcely reaching his brain.
"Leave him alone!" Rei cursed quietly as she shot at the angel. She hit the angel's back, but the AT field shielded it. To everyone's surprise, the point where the shot hit glowed in a bright light.
"That's bad!" Shigeru yelled in quite haste. "The rifle is loaded with tracer ammunition!"
"WHAT??" Fuyutsuki yelled from above, his face shading slightly red.
-\-\-\-\-\-\- flashback -\-\-\-\-\-\-
"Hey Al, what ya think this console is for?" Bob asked and started to push some buttons.
"Boooob, stop that… I swear, you will get us in so much trouble…" Al cursed as he tried to fix a little problem with a recently broken part of the laser induction unit.
"Ah, I just pushed three buttons, let me handle that thing… I will fix it for good!" Bob said, rolling up his sleeves.
It is true, someone forgot to log off from that console… And yes, Bob only pushed three buttons… Selecting weapon, selecting ammunition and confirm…
-/-/-/-/-/-/- flashback end -/-/-/-/-/-/-
"Great… this is just getting better and better…" Fuyutsuki said and sighed in frustration. Where the hell was his faithful flask when he really needed it?
"Shinji will loose consciousness soon!" Maya cried from her workstation.
The old professor knew that if EVA-01 was lost, a success would be even further out of reach… not to mention that Gendo would disembowel everyone who did not prevent that destruction.
"Time to sacrifice the City… Prepare everything for N² bombardment!" Fuyutsuki ordered with a stern expression on his face.
"But sir… Unit 01 and 02 are still nearby to the target… their AT fields are weakened by the angel… they'll might take heavy damage, if not even worse!"
"I said prepare the bombardment, not execute it." 'Sure, I destroy Unit-01 myself; I'll be Gendo's Most Wanted...'
Meanwhile, in the purple EVA's cockpit
"…but I have an AT Field!" Shinji yelled as he took the last of his concentration to create an AT Field around the light sabre.
His veins showed visibly as he tried to move the weapon towards himself, pulling back his AT field. And slowly, it moved. It began rolling towards EVA-01 and Shinji would have gotten it… if it weren't for that Angel, lifting the EVA and slamming it back into the ground hard. Shinji, unable to see a thing, missed his chance to grab the weapon and so it rolled past both, Angel and EVA.
'So much for plan A...' Shinji thought as he suddenly felt cravings for a cheeseburger.
The Angel released him and drew its hand back, only to prepare its final move on Shinji.
Time went by slowly and the angel actually seemed to smile, being about to pierce through the EVA's chest with his claws.
While the facial expression of EVA-01 cannot show a complex facial expression like a smirk, the angel could feel the smirk on Shinji's face.
"You didn't honestly believe that I thought I could reach that thing myself, did ya?" He asked, feeling victorious as the sound of the light sabre activating was to hear. It's always good to have a plan B...
Behind the angel a well known redhead had an expression of insanity gracing her face as she slashed right through her enemy, which was followed by a high pitched squeak and an average sized explosion (well, average for angel's that is…)
The command centre was filled with bright light. Tension filled the room and the sound of popcorn being eaten
"Angel… DESTRUCTION CONFIRMED!!" Shigeru yelled and pushed the "PLAY" button of the intercom entertainment system (known to us as base-wide CD player).
Aoba Shigeru waved his hands in a matter that was supposed to imitate a conductor's movement as Bizet's "Les Toreadores" (Carmen Suite No. 1 mind you) began to play.
While at first his actions were judged as 'stupid' and 'ridiculous' more and more people decided to join in and within a minute, NERV HQ has morphed from a stern organization into a party zone.
At first, orders were not executed... then, orders weren't even given anymore.
'Well… since Gendo ain't around…' the grey haired man thought and let the mood get to him. He smiled and moved his head slightly, matching the rhythm of the music.
Shinji wasn't sure if the people in the control room were tortured or just partying. The yelling, the screaming... the flow of beer? Shinji, expert in his surrounding sounds at home, recognized immediately that Misato must have been there, either drinking the last beer of her life or just the first of many to-be-followed victory beers.
What Shinji was sure of, is the fact that his balls were in pain, probably due to the fact that Asuka didn't hold back a bit on that Angel and sliced through it AND EVA-01's crotch armour. On the other hand, thinking of Asuka holding back, just because HE is in the line of fire, seemed so ridiculous to him, that he had to chuckle.
It wasn't exactly a piercing pain, more like as if someone put his private parts into a pot of boiling water, left it there for 15 minutes and then served it to a bunch of starving piranhas for a late night snack.
Shinji was also not sure if he passed out because of the pain or simply because he was exhausted, but the fact that he opened his eyes to his very own uninhabited tropical island was proof enough that he in fact DID pass out.
"Oh no... You know what?" He yelled at no one in particular as he started walking a circle "I've had enough of this... girls making out and I can't have any? Engines asking for booze? Fishing rods? Not going to happen! You hear? NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!"
Shinji didn't like his place of solitude that he wished for this morning. As a matter of fact, he didn't want to be there so hard, that he started running towards the next palm tree, one objective in his mind.
If his theory was right, passing out in the real world brings him to Torture-Island. Now, passing out in the unreal world should logically bring him back to Torture-Reality.
He heard a sick cracking sound as his head made contact with that thick tree. Luckily, there was no pain attached to it.
The sweet smell of disinfectant made him smile. He was in the medical wing... he was able to confirm his findings as he opened his eyes and saw a so familiar ceiling (number 17 "Honey-bunny" by the way; yes, he gives each ceiling a number and a nickname).
'At least I got some rest...'
"Ah, Shinji-kun… I thought you'd sleep longer than just 30 minutes." Ritsuko said, her hand still flexing uncontrollable from time to time (never mess with the vice commander!).
"Can't you just put me to sleep? How about an artificial coma?" Shinji suggested with his weakening smile and a yawn.
Ritsuko frowned but decided for herself that he wasn't serious.
"Moving on… Good news first!" The blond doctor said, shaking her right hand to get rid of the flex-attacks. "…There are no serious injuries from that fight… I AM kinda curious though… How did you manage to receive so many bruises in one day and still live to tell?"
"All higher beings conspired against me and thought of the most sadistic way to entertain themselves." Shinji cursed, hoping to get his chance for payback, maybe one day...
"Okay... well, your genitals look like they've gone through a lot… I asked the others, no one has seen anything like this before."
…
"Whoah... wait a second... You didn't show around a picture of my private parts, did you?" Shinji asked shocked.
"Shinji, I am a professional, I wouldn't do that" 'Mental note: Gotta take down the pictures from the message board.' "They've all come to see it first hand!" She said with a kind smile.
"HELLO?? slightly flipping out I'd prefer my balls not being part of some NERV-Curiosity sightseeing tour, god damn it!" Shinji complained aloud, anger letting him forget any sort of politeness.
"Stop being so selfish! It's been for medical research you egoistic fool…" '… and I made 50 bucks…' "… Anyway, nurse Akiho will take good care of you since I have an urgent appointment to tend to." She said with a self-satisfied smile on her lips.
Shinji sighed in defeat; not only did probably everyone see his private parts, he would also never hear the end of it...
While young Ikari kept moping inside his room, Dr. Akagi was giving instructions outside.
"Listen Akiho, to my left is young Shinji Ikari, who simply needs some vitamins and stuff… to my right is Mr. Iraki, who seems to have some digesting problems… an enema should at least solve the problem for now… and use force if you have to… he doesn't like the idea and tries everything to prevent it!" Ritsuko said and took a look at her watch. "Damn, I'm late… don't forget, Ikari is left, Iraki is to the right" she yelled while fasting down the corridor.
The only flaw in Ritsuko's plan is that she was facing away from the rooms while young Akiho WAS facing them (Yep, POV 180° around!).
"Well, well..." Akiho Futanabe said as she entered the Shinji's room "... I am sure we can handle that little problem of yours." She assured with an evil smile.
"Uh oh..." Shinji muttered, feeling bad things coming up with that woman.
"Just ease up sir, I'll get the enema in a moment... just lean back and relax." She said, read something from his chart and left again.
Shinji knew it was time to get disappeared if he didn't wish to spend an agonizing hour in the bathroom. He knew the medical wing like no other and therefore, that escaping through the door wouldn't work. The nurses had an eye on the corridor and he wouldn't make it down the wing before an orderly would catch up to him... these guys were muscle packed and if you try to escape, they mean business.
His only hope was the air ducts. He had this plan laid out back when he was stuck here for a week; compliments of Asuka.
Without making any noise, he climbed up to the air duct, removed the cover with surgical precision and crawled into the chilled air channel.
Covering the opening again, he started his slow paced escape through the unsuspecting air ways.
'It will take her at least another two minutes to come back... by that time, I'll be in the boiling room, making my run for the elevator!' Shinji thought with a smirk, feeling confident about his plan.
His plan was perfect. Straight to the main duct, then right till the disinfection smell stops, left and then right again till the sounds of medical machines is gone and then the third opening to the bottom.
"Getting a little warm and steamy here..." he muttered to himself, not worrying too much though. After only ninety seconds, he reached his destination.
The air duct opening was one meter above the ground, so getting out of there was no problem. Though, he couldn't see the ground because of all the steam. He removed the cover with the stealth skills of a cat, held tight to the rim and started lowering himself.
Suddenly, shock and worry were written all over his face as he hung all the way from the edge, still not touching ground. Being more than a meter tall, a problem in the equation was apparent.
What young Ikari didn't know was that the new duct towards the brand new Employee Comfort Deck (yep, the Spa) was placed just days after he memorized his awesome jail-break plan.
'Ok, just concentrate... I might be able to pull myself back up tries to pull himself up... on the other hand... failes miserably damn, I should really work-out like Toji suggested... If up doesn't work... let's go down then... can't be that-' Shinji thought and froze as he heard movement.
People were still able to jeopardize his escape plan greatly, especially if they knew him.
"I am so glad this was built... finally time to relax" Misato said and let out a moan.
"Yeah, at last a woman get's to heal her tormented body in a place worthy of herself!" Asuka ranted, sounding rather satisfied with herself.
'Oh fantastic... the dynamic duo is right underneath me, and I can't get up...' Shinji thought bitter as tears of frustration ran down his face.
"Hey girls, got some room in there? I brought Maya along!" Cheered one happy Ritsuko Akagi as she entered the water of the NERV Indoor Hot Spring Bath; the female side.
"Urgent Appointment MY ASS, WITCHDOCTOR!!" Shinji hissed, barely audible. After all, it was HER who ordered the rectum probing nurse on Shinji's sore rear.
"Did you say something, Misato?" The fake blonde asked as waded towards her friend.
"No... Rei, did you?"
"No, major."
'Of course... to complete the circle of doom, Ayanami has joined the Shinji-smash-mob...' Young Ikari thought angrily as his grip on the edge started to loosen.
-- Los Tropicalos Islos --
"Holy shit, you see that? The only females he knows that are not in that room is that Hikari girl and the enema-nurse... That dude is priceless; way better than Pay TV!" God said with lots of fascination and a club soda in his right hand.
"Taking several thousand years of human evolution into consideration; has anything like that ever happened before?" Jesus asked in an almost childish-curious tone as he reached for the popcorn.
"Son, you can live forever, but a day like this is so unique, in a couple millenniums you won't even believe yourself it ever happened!"
Yann-kun: You know what? That sucked... you suck... why did it take that long anyway?
MyWay: Bite me, I moved to another continent, married and now have three cats and a dog...
Yann-kun: Well, nodding that explains some... by the way, you didn't disclaim!
MyWay: Right... I really own nothing (I mentioned that I married?) so sue someone else...
Kenuyasha with a smile: I own lots of stuff! Pointing towards stuff see? You can use it!
MyWay: Yeah, thanks... That all used to be my stuff, WIFE!!
Yann-kun smiling: ...And they lived happily ever after!