Hetalia: America Vs. … America?!
Characters: Abraham Lincoln, Congress, USA (United States of America), CSA (Confederate States of America), Jefferson Davis, Union Soldiers, Confederate Soldiers, Mary Todd Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant, Robert E. Lee, Switzerland, Liechtenstein, Greece
Julie: LOL This is all based on the movie "Lincoln," which I did go see.
CHN: Maybe… Okay, now to begin…
Switzerland: Why do other countries have civil wars?
America: Let me tell you about my civil war.
Flashback…
Lincoln: Four score and seven years ago… Let's just cut to the chase. Slavery is bad and we should end it.
Congress: Here, here!
CSA: But who else will pick my cotton, and harvest my tobacco and sugar cane?
USA: … The… whites?
(AN: This was before America was lazy.)
CSA: (whining like a brat) But I don't wanna!
Union Soldiers: Down with the Confederacy!
Confederate Soldiers: Down with the Unio- Wait, what?!
Mary: I'm so depressed.
One year later…
Confederate Soldier 1: I feel like war is a lot more work than just harvesting our own crops ever would be…
Confederate Soldier 2: I feel like freeing the slaves would be much easier.
Davis: Be quiet! You don't know what you're talking about!
CSA: I suppose I'm willing to work out a peace treaty.
USA: That'd be cool.
Lincoln: Not until we pass this Bill of Rights.
Congress: (all happy faces) We just passed this Bill of Rights!
CSA: What?
Davis: No! We're not giving up our slaves!
Lee: I'm sorry, but they were just… too persuasive!
Grant: (strikes victory pose) BWAHAHAHA! I WIN!
CSA: NOOOOOO!
USA: (smacks CSA in the head with a big-ass hammer)
CSA: Lights! Fading! (AN: From "Over the Hedge.")
USA: (aims gun at CSA) I'll give you a chance for final words.
CSA: I have a final request. My slaves… Don't cry for me… (AN: From "Evita.")
USA: (shoots CSA in the heart)
Mary: I'm so depressed.
In Modern Times…
Liechtenstein: (all sad-like) But why did the Confederacy have to die?
America: (sniffles) Because… I'm the hero…
Greece: Sounds like one of my tragedies.
They all have a small pity party.
Mary: I'm so depressed.
CHN and Julie: YOU RUINED THE MOMENT! (rage)
CHN: So we didn't mention the Olympics…
Julie: We have the Winter Olympics next year. In… My god, where is it, in Russia? Oh my god, it is in Russia! LOL
CHN: (sings) Shot through the heart, and you're to blame! Darlin', you give love…
CHN and Julie: (singing) A bad name!