Look After You- Chapter Nine
B'Elanna hadn't seen Tom properly since their crash three weeks ago, coming up with the excuse that they'd both been busy with their duties, although in reality she knew they were both trying to avoid one another. In particular, Tom seemed to be avoiding get- togethers and meals with her and Harry, and a part of her felt slightly disappointed by this.
Their almost-kiss had been unexpected, and on her part unwanted. As she had said to him, she wasn't one of the women falling at his feet and she never wanted to be. Maybe she found him slightly attractive, but then again you'd have to have a heart as cold as a Cardassian to be completely impermeable to Tom Paris. Likewise, she was sure that Tom saw her just as his friend and that the days of him being so determined to pursue her had died out as soon as he decided to change who he was. But compared to the likes of Harry, her relationship with Tom was very different. With Harry, their friendship was easy and effortless and she knew without a doubt that it was completely platonic. With Tom, however, things weren't so easy. She still hadn't been able to get rid of that unsettling feeling that came with being around him, and she couldn't stand the fact that some things about him she just couldn't figure out or anticipate, whilst he was able to read her with startling clarity.
***
Tom and Harry had a date with the Delaney sisters, and for the first time in a while she felt alone.
Harry had started his duty early in order to leave early and though she hadn't seen much of Tom lately, she had seen Harry every day, and it felt strange to spend a day without at least one meal with him. Stepping into the mess hall at dinnertime, she tried to find a familiar face. Joe, Ayala and Samantha Wildman were sitting at a table, and seeing her, Joe waved. For a moment she was tempted to join them, before she remembered that Joe was starting his shift soon, and that the other two would probably be leaving too. She smiled at him in acknowledgement, and sat at a nearby table. She looked at them wistfully as they got ready to leave; Joe, Ayala and Sam were as close as Harry, Tom and she had been. They had found solace in each other because they all had married partners back home, so knew what the other was going through. Though she was sure that their friendship wouldn't be a trouble-free one, they would never have to worry about the problems that came with three close friends being single (or sort of, in Harry's case.) Even though she was probably being irrational, the insecure part of her feared that by dating the Delaney sisters Harry and Tom would feel that they didn't need B'Elanna anymore, and leave her like everyone else before them.
That notion was ridiculous really. Tom had said that he wasn't the serious relationship type, and she knew Harry was only going on the date on Tom's insistence. But what if they liked their company better? After all, this wasn't their first date with the girls. Maybe they were more fun than her, had a better sense of humour and didn't get as moody as she did. In fact, maybe right now they were on the holodeck running Tom's ship programme, letting him sing...and enjoying it.
She muttered curses into Neelix's mystery meal of the evening.
"Is this seat taken?"
She looked up to see familiar dark eyes shining down on her, and her stormy mood was instantly lifted.
"Do I know you?" she asked. "Because you look familiar, but it must be a long time since I've seen you because I can't recall who you are."
"I can see you've been hanging around too much with Paris," Chakotay said as he sat down.
She smirked at that. "Disapprove?"
"I think you're old enough to befriend whichever fool you choose."
"I'm glad you finally think so."
They smiled at each other.
"How have you been, B'Elanna?" he asked in that soft tone she didn't realise she'd missed until then.
She considered this. "I've been okay. How about you? I haven't had a chance to talk to you properly in weeks." Since coming back from the mines, she realised. Back in the Maquis, they'd be in each other's company every day and now she was going weeks without properly talking to him.
"I've been pretty busy. Being First Officer is pretty demanding. Maybe I decided to turn rogue instead of stay in Starfleet because I couldn't face the paperwork," he said with a grin.
"I wouldn't blame you if you did. Are you happy here, Chakotay?"
For a moment Chakotay's eyes intensified with an emotion she couldn't identify.
"I am. The Maquis here are settling well, better than I could have hoped. And we're alive- that's the most important thing. Plus working alongside the captain is definitely...interesting."
B'Elanna grinned at this. Chakotay seemed to revel in the captain's company.
"Are you happy here, B'Elanna? I know it wasn't exactly easy for you at the start."
"I haven't broken anymore noses, if that's what you're asking. But I think I am." Having good company definitely helps, she thought.
"I'm glad."
"Do you ever think about what would have happened had we not been stranded here?"
"Sometimes. No doubt we would have ended up in jail. And no doubt you wouldn't rest until you found a way to get us out."
She laughed. "I did tell you that I was efficient."
Chakotay grinned. "Yes, you did."
"The Maquis cause seems like a distant memory. Sometimes it's hard to remember that we fought for them. I hope they're okay," she said softly.
Chakotay placed a hand over hers. "I'm sure they're fine, B'Elanna. The Maquis are resilient and I have no doubt that they'll still be there when we get back."
"I don't think going back and just picking off where we left off will be an option. We're practically criminals, remember? For all we know the captain may turn us over as soon as we get back."
"I've thought about all this too, and we're just going to have to cross that bridge when we get there. There's no point dwelling on it when we're thousands of light-years across the galaxy."
"I guess."
"You know, it could have easily been the crew of Voyager that had to transfer over to our ship, and they would have all had to wear our uniform and play by our rules."
"That's true." Feeling slightly mischievous she added, "The captain would have looked really good in Maquis leather," and watched as the First Officer's eyes widened.
Standing up to leave, she patted his hand. "Don't be stranger, okay?"
She left him with his eyes still wide, apparently transfixed at the mental image.
***
The next day she and Harry were working in a Jeffries tube, examining the engineering circuit bay.
Harry was being uncharacteristically silent.
"Are you okay, Starfleet?"
Harry shrugged. "I'm fine."
"Uh-huh. How did your date go last night?"
"Fine," he answered tonelessly.
"Oh really? So why do you sound like a targ just stole your chocolate cake?"
Harry sighed and put down his hyperspanner. "Tom keeps insisting I go on all these dates."
B'Elanna frowned. "I don't get what the problem is."
"The problem is that it's barely been a year since we've been here and people are expecting to me to forget that I have a girlfriend back home."
B'Elanna felt a bit guilty. Sometimes she forgot about Libby. "It's not that, Harry. You barely talk about her so sometimes it's easy to forget that you're with her. No one expects you to move on."
"Tom seems to think I should."
"Yeah well Tom also thinks spinach juice is a consumable beverage, so I wouldn't trust his judgement."
"I just...I keep thinking about her every day. Is she back home waiting for me? Or has she moved on already, thinking I'm dead? I was planning on proposing to her after a year of being in Starfleet, but that's not going to happen now, is it?"
"You never know, we could find a way home and soon."
"Realistically, we both know that's not going to happen."
She hated seeing Harry look so dejected. He was supposed to be the one with the unrelenting optimism and not the one who needed it.
She tried a different tactic. "What if your positions were reversed, and you were the one stuck back home and she was the one out here, what would you do?"
Harry considered this. "At first, I wouldn't give up hope that Voyager would be found, even if she were declared dead. I would do everything in my power to find out what happened to Voyager, and I wouldn't give up, not for a long while anyway."
"And what if Libby was on Voyager?"
"I wouldn't want her to give up hope that she'd get back. But I wouldn't want her to spend the next seventy years of her life clutching at straws when she could have been building a life for herself."
"I think she thinks the same for you," she told him gently.
"It would be a pretty lonely seventy years," he agreed.
"You don't have to jump straight back into the dating game. Whenever you're ready, then do it."
"Thanks Maquis. You don't give half bad advice."
"Surprising, isn't it?"
"So what about you?"
"What about me what?"
"You've been acting in a rather subdued manner the last few days. And you and Tom have barely said a word to each other- don't think I haven't noticed."
She shifted around uncomfortably, reluctant to talk but knowing that would be unfair since Harry had just poured his heart out to her.
"We're just going through an awkward moment, that's all."
"Something happened on your away mission, didn't it?" he asked, shrewdly.
She shrugged. "Kind of."
Harry didn't question what. "Well sort it out. The two of you skirting around each other is getting tiresome."
B'Elanna was just about to make a sarcastic comment when their combadges beeped.
"Paris to Torres and Kim."
They touched their badges. "Go ahead," they chorused.
Tom cut the formalities. "So, I've just been running my ship holoprogramme."
B'Elanna and Harry exchanged looks.
"And someone has altered my ship," he said, sounding extremely annoyed. "You wouldn't happen to know who did that, would you?"
"I have no idea," Harry answered, innocently.
"So if I ask the computer who the last person was to use this programme, they're not going to say you?"
"I don't know, Tom."
They heard Tom sighing.
"Computer: who was the last person to use this programme?"
"The last person to use Bold Ego was Captain Buttercup."
Harry and B'Elanna grinned at each other.
"Captain Buttercup? You programmed the computer to say Captain Buttercup?"
B'Elanna decided to say something. "It's a good name, Tom. It suits you."
"That's not funny B'Elanna," he replied tersely. "My ship has been turned pink. There's a not-so-very-flattering image of my face on one of the sails and my crew have been turned into nuns."
"I didn't realise you were so creative, Tom," she intoned sweetly.
"Yeah, did you want us to have a look?" Harry asked.
"No I bloody well don't. I want my ship back the way it was."
"I thought you were supposed to be a good programmer?" B'Elanna mused.
"Funny how the computer is making it impossible for me to make any changes."
Harry and B'Elanna laughed.
Tom growled. "When I get my hands on the two of you, I'm going to-,"
Harry cut him off.
"The funny thing about Tom is that he can dish out the pranks but he just can't take it."
"I'd say," she agreed.
She looked at him with a grin, glad that Harry was looking considerably brighter.