Look After You- Chapter Sixteen
A/N: As always thanks to Pepper for the beta. References and lines from episodes Prototype and Thresholds. Any comments appreciated.
***
"Would you want to know what I've been through? Would you want to know I've missed you too and have you on my mind?" Elisa, Stay.
Tom Paris was dating Susan Nicoletti.
The news had spread around Voyager faster than an asteroid colliding into a planet.
This piece of information had surprised B'Elanna, since Tom had clearly said that he wasn't the dating type. And whether he was taking this 'relationship' seriously or not, he was definitely acting like it.
It had been a week since the somewhat strange fantasy of Tom, and she had yet to analyze what had transpired. Instead, she did what she was good at: ignoring the problem, and choosing to lock those thoughts and feelings in a box to consider at a later date or not at all. Without realizing it, she had become hyper-alert around him; with everything said and done analysed to the ninth degree. If he noticed something odd in her behaviour, he didn't say anything. In turn, he hadn't been acting normal around her either. But since he'd been with Sue, he hadn't been acting normal in general.
Tom seemed to spend all his free time with Sue. And when she did get to see him, Sue was always plastered to his side. Their inability to keep their hands of each other was irksome, and Harry seemed to think so too. In fact, Harry seemed downright exasperated by this fledging relationship, and in the instances when they had to spend time with them, B'Elanna and Harry made their excuses and left. Not that Sue was a bad person. She was reasonably nice, and mildly intelligent. But Tom had this uncanny ability to turn even the most intelligent women into a simpering fool, and that didn't make for good company.
Why he had suddenly changed his casual-only rule to a serious relationship, she had no idea. All she knew was that ever since the day he had been stranded with Neelix on an away mission more than a month ago, Tom had been acting funny. B'Elanna knew that Tom had never had more than one date with any woman aboard Voyager. The Delaney sisters didn't count, as they were almost child-like, and their dates resembled that of a young teenager: just a bit of harmless fun. Tom never went out with the twins unless Harry was with them, and she knew for a fact that the dates never progressed further than mild flirting.
She was surprised at how much Tom's love life was becoming a major issue for her. She'd never cared for any of the women he had previously been with, and in fact had downright scorned them. Yet every time she saw Sue and Tom together, something bubbled up inside her, and she suspected that this alien feeling was jealousy. But how was it possible to be jealous of a man who had been with so many women that it intimidated her?
When she closed her eyes and thought of the memory of his lips against her skin, she remembered why.
***
A couple of weeks passed by, and B'Elanna began to adjust to life without Tom around, or at least him being around and accessible. It was just Harry and her who made the effort to spend time together now, and though she loved his company, a part of her longed for the days when Tom used to be around, and the three of them used to tease one another. It had been a long time since they had pulled pranks on one another, and she missed the way it was always Harry and her ganging up against Tom. She had no idea how that set up had formed, but she felt it was a more satisfying pairing than it would have been had Tom and Harry ganged up on her. She was pretty sure neither of the men would be alive to tell the tale for starters.
One evening, restless and bored, she decided to wander around the ship. Harry was at band practice, and she could find nothing to occupy her mind. After much aimless wandering, she found herself hovering at the entrance of Sandrine's. Wondering what she was doing there, she noticed that Tom and Sue were there too, playing pool.
She watched as Sue held the cue in her hand, and was bent over the table, with Tom right behind her, showing her how to shoot properly. Evidently, Sue was pulling the 'I-can't-play-pool, show-me-how' routine she knew to be a popular trick amongst certain women, and Tom was taking the bait. With disgust, she observed the way his entire front side was leaning into her, with both arms encompassing her waist and hands positioned over hers on the cue, something that ought to be illegal in public. Part of her felt that she should walk away, but she found that she was transfixed by the sight; except it wasn't Sue she was imagining Tom was whispering sweet nothings to; it was her.
She let out a gasp and she tried to suppress the memories she so desperately didn't want to remember, and finally found the energy to turn and leave.
She didn't notice Tom lifting his head and spying her as she walked away.
***
Another two weeks passed, and she and Harry found themselves in Engineering late at night, trying to figure out how to bring an android back on line.
Her head was hurting and she was exhausted, but she was not a quitter, and she refused to rest until she'd solved this problem.
"We've got to find a way to fix this," she lamented.
"We've been trying for hours. We need a break. The EPS charge can hold until morning," replied Harry.
"You go ahead; I can use some time to think."
"If you're staying, I'm staying." Kahless, she loved Harry.
"Get some rest, Harry."
Harry grinned. "You may think you're tougher than everyone else, B'Elanna Torres, but I can go without sleep just as long as you can. And I'm not a masochist either."
She raised an eyebrow. "Don't make me laugh, Starfleet. And don't make me pull rank on you either."
"If you insist. But let me know if you come up with anything, lieutenant," he said with another grin.
She rolled her eyes, wondering when he had turned into Tom.
The truth was, despite how gruelling this task was, it was a much welcomed distraction from real life, and at least for a while made her forget her problems.
***
B'Elanna's day was not supposed to include being kidnapped by a robot, who wanted her to build more robots, and then proceeded to attack Voyager. I do one nice thing, she thinks, and this is what happens.
"…we are programmed to destroy the enemy. It's necessary for our survival…" she heard 3947 say.
She felt her heart sink. Of course this android had to belong to a group of androids that took the phrase 'destroy the enemy' seriously. And now she'd become part of this.
She heard him talk, but his words didn't sink in. All she could think about was that her stubborn nature had cost her again. Because of her determination to fix 3947, she had unwittingly aided them in 'destroying the enemy,' at the cost of the Builders' lives, and now it seemed, the crew of Voyager.
She had to find a way to stop him. With determination, she took the nearest tool she could find, and drove it into Prototype Unit 001. Seeing this, 3947 turned around and shot an electric pulse at her. She screamed in pain and fell to the floor.
"You have terminated the prototype," 3947 stated.
"Yes. I have," she said between gritted teeth, trying to ignore the pain while simultaneously considering how to escape.
"You will build another."
"Never!"
"Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres. I told 6263 that you are not out enemy."
She looked at him in anguish. "I never wanted to be your enemy. I'm sorry," she informed him, and with those words, found herself transporting off the ship.
Slipping into unconsciousness, the only words she was aware of was, "Shuttle to Voyager: I've got her, but she's injured."
Tom's voice. She had never been so glad to hear it.
Her last thought was, Why am I not surprised that you came and got me?
***
When B'Elanna woke up, she found herself in sickbay.
"Ah, lieutenant, you're awake," the Doctor said.
"Seems that away," she murmured, sitting up and bringing a hand to her head. "What happened?"
"You survived yet another precarious situation, no doubt thanks to my ingenious medical skills."
"No doubt," she echoed.
"You received a high electric shock, B'Elanna, resulting in tissue damage, ventricular fibrillation and neuropathy. Needless to say you're okay now, but I suggest bed rest."
"No argument there, Doctor," she said. "Thank you. And I forgot to say the other day, thank you for your help."
The Doctor looked startled for a moment. "You're welcome," he said in an almost gentle manner.
At that moment the doors opened, and Tom walked in. Seeing him, the Doctor took this moment to walk off into his office.
B'Elanna's eyes widened at the sight of Tom.
"B'Elanna!" he exclaimed, walking up to her.
"Tom," she greeted.
"I came to see if you're okay," he said, clasping her hands without realizing he was doing so.
"I'm fine," she replied. "A little shocked, but I'm fine. Thank you, Tom. If you'd been a moment later-,"
Tom cut her off. "I made a promise, didn't I?"
She smiled at him. "You did."
"So, an army of killing robots, aye?"
She permitted herself to grin. It had been a while since they'd had a moment like this. "Yeah, who would have thought? They were like those robots out of those weird films you like."
"Really? I'm sad I missed it."
"Somehow I doubt it. I was almost responsible for destroying Voyager. You know…again."
"I'm pretty sure that endangering the lives of a ship is mandatory for every Chief Engineer," he assured her. "And we're all okay. Apart from Harry- he ate something bad for lunch. But he'll be okay. And well, you're okay."
"Thanks to you."
"It was nothing, really."
For a moment the two of them simply stared at each other, trying to sort out the puzzle that was the two of them.
***
"…9.8, 9.9, 9.95. I'm approaching the threshold, but the nacelle isn't holding."
"Tie in auxiliary power," Harry suggested.
"It's no use, I'm breaking up!" Tom said, as he frantically tapped at the controls, at the helm of the shuttle. "I'm breaking up!" he repeated again.
The shuttle exploded, and Tom found himself on the ground of the holo-deck.
He found a tired Harry looking at him with his chin rested on the console, and B'Elanna giving an exasperated look.
"You're dead," she informed him.
He sighed, and rubbed his hand over his tired eyes. Didn't he know it.
A month had passed since B'Elanna had been abducted by a robot, and things between them were better. Tom was still dating Sue, but had finally realized that if he wanted to spend time with his two friends, he had to spend time with them minus Sue, which they seemed to appreciate. He didn't realize how much he missed them, until seeing B'Elanna in sickbay. The Warp 10 project was something he'd been thinking of for a while, but his reasons for executing it was an excuse to spend more time with B'Elanna and Harry. Though things between him and B'Elanna seemed slightly awkward, they were improving. And this project offered a chance for them to work together, merging ideas and theories together, minus their emotional problems.
Although he revelled in their company, this project wasn't proving easy. Days were spent mulling over every contingency and trying to find ways to solve an ever-growing list of problems. When it seemed liked they might succeed, the shuttle broke up and they were back to square one. It took a throwaway comment from Neelix for them to be back in the game, only for Captain Janeway to take this chance away from him because there was a slight chance that he might be prone to some sort of damage. He practically had to beg the captain for this opportunity. He'd gone most of his life with people laying expectations on top of his; claiming that he was 'special' and destined for great things, and this was his chance to prove that he was worth something; that he hadn't derailed irrevocably when he had caused the crash those few years ago. Knowing this, the captain acquiesced, and he finally felt like things were going to stay right after all.
On the day of the launch, Harry and B'Elanna accompanied him to the shuttle bay.
"Nervous, Tommy Boy?" Harry inquired.
"Me? No!" he lied.
"Just remember everything we've gone through in the scenarios, and you should do fine," B'Elanna informed him.
"Here's hoping." They reached the Cochrane. "Well, this is my stop."
Harry clapped him hard on the shoulder. "Good luck, buddy. I've got to say; I'd rather it were you than me on that shuttle."
He winced slightly. "Thanks, Har. You always do know the right words…"
B'Elanna smiled at him genuinely, but there was something glistening in her eyes that he couldn't define.
"Good luck, Tom. I know you can do it. Just remember to come back in one piece."
He grinned at her. "You have my word."
They turned and left, and his heart started beating in anticipation. Sue commed him to wish him good luck, as did Neelix and Kes, which gave him further drive. He was going to do this. He was going to reach Warp 10.
***
He'll never forget this day; his greatest achievement. He'll never forget the congratulatory looks from Captain Janeway, or the sheer pride that shone in her eyes. He wouldn't forget the congratulations from Sue, Harry, Kes and Neelix or the awe from his crewmates. But mostly, he'd never forget the look of B'Elanna, as she came bounding into sickbay to check that he was okay; the relief in her eyes that he was, and watching that look transform into great enjoyment as she told him that he'd done it.
Her pride spoke volumes of how far they'd come since they'd first met, and it made it all- even the events that would follow from going to Warp 10- worthwhile.
***
Later that night, Captain Janeway made a ship-wide announcement that Tom had died.
B'Elanna and Harry both sat in shock in Engineering. It had only seemed like minutes ago that Tom and B'Elanna had been sitting in the mess hall, trying to drink a celebratory coffee. But then Tom had collapsed, and just like that he had died.
B'Elanna couldn't bring herself to believe it.