Look After You- Chapter Eighteen
A/N: Thanks as always to Pepper. References to Threshold.
***
"Where have you been, my long lost friend? It's good to see you again. Come and sit for a while, I've missed your smile. Today, the past is goodbye." Alison Krauss, Stay.
"Here's to dying and then somehow coming back alive again," came Harry's voice, pretending to toast with an imaginary glass of champagne.
"Not to mention turning into a reptile," added the Doctor, before he disappeared off to dabble with his medical utensils.
Tom groaned from his position on the biobed.
"That was supposed to be confidential, Doc."
"Everyone already knows, Tom," B'Elanna said gently.
It had been three days since Tom had come back from the dead, turned into a reptile-like creature and mated with the captain. Kathryn had already been discharged, but the Doctor had informed him that he was to stay longer as his body had gone through the most change. He'd spent the last three days mostly sleeping it off, and it was only today that B'Elanna and Harry were able to see him. The two of them were both perched at the end of his biobed; one on either side of his feet.
Tom was glad to see his friends again, and judging by the appreciative looks on their faces, he guessed they felt the same.
"I had this feeling that we hadn't seen the last of you, Tom Paris," Harry said with glee. "Of course, trust you to come back as a lizard."
"Reptile, Harry," he corrected. "Lizards are those tiny, slimy creatures that people pickle and put in jars." At least, that's what his sister had told him anyway. "And I definitely was not tiny."
Harry snorted. "Not sure that's something to brag about there, Mr Reptile Man."
Tom shot him a glare.
"I hope it's not too embarrassing for you, Tom," said Kes from her standing position by his head.
"Trust me, nothing is more embarrassing than knowing you turned into a reptile, mated with your captain and she had your babies."
Harry and B'Elanna gawped at him.
"Wait a minute, you mated with the captain?" asked an incredulous Harry.
"I thought you knew that already," Tom said, hesitating.
"Not that bit we didn't!" exclaimed Harry. "We just thought you'd kidnapped her."
Tom shut his eyes briefly. Great. Now they'd tease him about it forever.
"Does that mean lizards carrying yours and the Captain's DNA actually exists, somewhere in this Quadrant?" Harry inquired.
Tom groaned again. He didn't want to talk about this. Ever.
"We're really glad you're okay, Tom," B'Elanna said instead, softly patting his leg. "You really had us worried for a while."
He imagined what it might be like if either of them had died, if only momentarily. He'd be broken. "I'm sorry," he apologised.
"It's okay. Just promise us no more crazy stunts anymore."
"Trust me: I'm doing everything by the book now. No more ideas about how to change things. I don't want to go through something like that ever again."
"It was awful seeing you like that," Kes said, her voice full of worry.
"Yes, well, we all know that Mr Paris won't let a little thing like death stop him," said the Doctor, as he approached his biobed with a hypo-spray full of an analgesic, injecting him with it. "This should be your last one, lieutenant. You're body has fully recovered from your…transformation, and you should be free to go later today."
"Thank God," he muttered.
"Maybe you can join us for dinner in the evening," Harry suggested.
Tom emitted another groan. "I can't handle food right now, Har. Maybe tomorrow."
"That's okay, Tom. We'll save you a tasty bowl of bugs," he replied.
Tom rolled his eyes. "Reptile jokes. That's all I'm going to get, isn't it?"
"And jokes about mating with the captain," Harry added.
"I'm glad to be the object of your ridicule."
"Seeing that recently you'd been the object of our misery, me, too."
He gave them a small smile, still truly sorry for that. He knew Harry's jokes were a way for him to compensate for the anguish Harry had felt, and he was truly glad to realize how much his friends appreciated him, even if it had come at a high cost.
"We better go, Tom," B'Elanna said. "Our shifts start soon."
He felt slightly disappointed, not wanting his friends to leave. "Okay," he answered.
"Look after yourself, okay?" Harry said.
"Will do."
B'Elanna patted his leg again. "Don't go turning into a butterfly or anything," she said.
"Ah, but the temptation is so strong."
"Goodbye, Tom," she said.
"Goodbye, B'Elanna. Goodbye, Harry."
They exited sickbay, and Tom was left with just Kes and the Doctor.
Kes brushed some of the hair from his face. "I'm so glad that you're alive, Tom," she said with a smile. "Things really weren't the same without you."
Tom gave her a smile. "So am I, Kes. So am I."
***
A few hours later, Tom was discharged. Walking onto the corridors of Voyager, Tom had never felt so grateful to be alive. Or human for that matter. He didn't remember much about being a reptile; just feelings really, and for that he was glad. He arrived at his quarters and punched in his access code. Stepping in, he immediately realized something was different.
"Computer: lights."
Light was immediately cast around his room. Everything seemed in place, so what was wrong? He closed his eyes for a moment, and inhaled. There was a strange yet familiar smell in the air. A hint of citrus and touch of something almost floral, combined with a slight mechanical smell. It smelt like…B'Elanna. At that moment, he noticed his dressing gown was haphazardly placed on his chaise lounge, and he knew for a fact that out of habit, he had folded it neatly the morning of his mission. Picking it up and unfolding it, he noticed a part of it was damp from where the material had been folded and hadn't dried properly. He brought the robe to his nose, and it smelt even stronger of B'Elanna. He sat down in his chair, extremely confused. Had B'Elanna been in his room when he was gone, and had she been crying?
Before he could mull over this further, his door bell chimed.
"Come in," he called out.
The doors opened to reveal Susan. With a sudden pang of guilt, Tom realized that since his return from the dead, he had completely forgotten to tell her.
"Tom!" she cried, rushing over to him. "You're okay!" She enveloped him in a hug, and Tom found himself wrapping his arms around her.
"You bet I am," he said with an impish grin, placing a kiss on the side of her mouth, and pulling her to join him on his recliner.
"When I heard about you I was devastated," she said, her blue eyes wide.
"I'm okay now," he assured her.
"I'm glad." She rested her head against his shoulder. "Although, you didn't tell me you were released from sickbay."
"I'm sorry, Sue. I kind of forgot with everything that's happened."
"Well, because you're alive, I'll forgive you. Although turning into a reptile? That's kind of...weird."
Tom laughed. "You have no idea."
"Any other crazy things you want to tell me about?"
He thought of mating with the captain and having 'lizard' babies.
"No," he answered.
"That's good," she said softly.
They sat in a companionable silence, with Sue's head remaining firm on his shoulder. That was fine with him; he didn't think he could handle anything vaguely sexual right now. In fact, after mating with the Captain and having her spawn, he didn't think he could face sex for a long time.
Tom's thoughts drifted to the woman beside him. Sue was lovely and a lot sweeter than her previous cold temperament towards him had made him believe. She was intelligent and good company, but there was something she seemed to be lacking. She seemed to take things too seriously and often didn't understand why he did some things the way he did. But he had spent more than a year chasing her, and was glad that he finally got her. She was the first girlfriend after Odile and he found that transition not to be as painful as he thought it would be. Harry didn't understand why Tom had suddenly decided to date her after all his claims of being a good-time guy, suspecting that their relationship was mainly about sex. He'd be right, but it was still a committed relationship, nonetheless. And the truth was, he didn't quite understand either. Maybe it had something to do with tiring of a lifestyle that involved sleeping with women whose names he could barely remember. Or maybe it had something to do with evading problems.
After losing Odile, his beloved girlfriend from his Academy days, he had been reluctant to love anyone again. He never wanted to be that cause of pain and have to live with it, ever again. Further more, he didn't want to make himself vulnerable to getting hurt and attaching himself to anyone, knowing that with his luck, he could only cause damage. He knew he could never feel the slightest way about Susan as he had Odile, and thus his feelings weren't on the line. He expected the relationship to run its course eventually, and he was determined to enjoy it in the meantime.
The only problem was, he was beginning to suspect that someone was starting to make him feel the way Odile had made him feel. He also believed that that person was starting to make the carefully built fort of rules and determination crumble away. And that person wasn't Susan.
***
The next day, Tom took time out of his busy schedule of doing nothing to visit B'Elanna in Engineering. The captain had given him the day off, and forbade him to commence duty until the following day. Not that he was complaining. He knew people's relief over him not dying would wear off soon, and that in no time at all, people would be back to wishing the very worse for him.
He found B'Elanna poured over a console, concentrating deeply.
"Hey," he greeted, leaning over the console.
B'Elanna looked up to face him. "Tom," she said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
He shrugged. "I got a bit bored, so I thought I'd go for a wander."
"To here? I could think of more exciting places to go to."
"I think you just insulted the engines, B'Elanna!"
"They'll get over it."
Tom smiled. "So, what are you doing?"
She grinned. "Nothing your feeble pilot mind would understand."
"Oh really?"
"I'm just doing a maintenance scan, Tom."
"I have no idea what one of those is..."
B'Elanna gave him a look.
"So er... anyway," he carried on. "When I got back to my quarters yesterday, I noticed someone had been in them."
He watched as B'Elanna blanched slightly.
"You wouldn't know who that might be, by any chance?" he asked, folding his arms.
Slowly, B'Elanna shook her head. "No idea," she replied. "Maybe it was Sue," she suggested.
"She says it wasn't."
"Oh."
"I wonder why someone was there."
"Beats me."
"Do you think it has anything to do with me dying?" he watched as she squirmed, deriving a lot of satisfaction from it.
"Could be."
"Maybe I'm just imagining things."
"Maybe." B'Elanna didn't quite look him in the eye.
"Or maybe not. Maybe someone was there for a reason. Maybe for consolation. Or to try and steal my Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots, which I'm happy to report they didn't take."
"Is it important to find out why?" she asked with curiosity.
He looked at her intently. "Yeah," he answered. "Because if it's the former, I'd want them to know that I'm touched. And kind of glad."
Her eyebrows shot up. "Oh," she replied. "Well, I guess if you really wanted to know you could ask the computer." By the expression on her face, he could tell she was praying he wouldn't.
He shook his head. "Nah, I think I'll leave it. I suppose it's not that important after all." He unfolded his arms and straightened up. "I guess I better leave you to it. I'm going to go and chat with Neelix."
B'Elanna's barely concealed relief showed in her eyes. "Okay. Well, have fun."
He was just about to leave when B'Elanna called out his name.
"Tom!"
He turned back to face her. "I really missed you when you were gone," she told him.
He wasn't sure whether it was a confession or just a revelation, but he smiled and reached out to squeeze her hand; her words meaning everything to him.