Look After You- Chapter Twenty-Seven Part I
A/N: This chapter is split in two because of its length. I was going to be mean and post the second part tomorrow, but thought otherwise… Anyway, enjoy reading, and as always, comments welcome. For anyone who is wondering, there's still about six chapters left to go. Thanks to Pepper for the beta, and there are references to The Thaw, The Basics Part I and II and a blink-and-you'll-miss-it Star Wars quote.
***
"I never want to see another clown again." B'Elanna's voice echoes around him, but he can't seem to find her.
"Make that jokers too. Or anything you'll find in a circus," comes Harry's voice. Tom tries to locate him too, but can't find him either.
Suddenly, he feels incredibly disorientated, and the scene he's in melts into another. Where am I? He wonders.
The place looks vaguely familiar, like a scene from a holo-programme. He's on the edge of a cliff, surrounded by towering trees. The drop down below is vast, and he stands his ground, afraid that he might fall.
"What are you doing here, Tom Paris?" a voice questions, and he turns around to find B'Elanna standing several feet away from him. His eyes widen when he sees that she is wearing a revealing dark, green dress, making her seem like a beautiful nymph of the forest. Why doesn't she dress like that more often? He asks himself.
"I'm not sure," he confesses. He frowns. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm looking for something but I can't find it. Will you help me?"
He nods. "What is it you're looking for?"
"It's a bracelet."
He frowns again. B'Elanna didn't wear bracelets.
"What does it look like?"
"It's bright blue. Do you think I've dropped it down the ravine?"
He doesn't know why she would be anywhere near the ravine.
"I'm not sure," he answers. He peers over the edge of the cliff. "I think I can see something down below, on the sand. Something is sparkling."
"Really? Do you think you can get it for me?"
He hesitates. He'd do anything for her, but he's not sure he can do this. "I'm not sure," he answers again. "It sure is a long way down."
"Does it matter?"
He looks back over the cliff. "I'm scared," he admits.
When he turns around, B'Elanna is no longer there. But Harry is.
"The only thing you have to fear, is fear itself."
He looks at him in puzzlement. What kind of saying was that?
"If I get her bracelet, I might fall."
"You'll only fall if you've forgotten how to fly," Harry responds.
He considers this. Had he forgotten how to fly?
He stands up tall on the edge of the cliff, his eyes glued on B'Elanna's bracelet; the only thing that mattered right now.
He takes a leap of faith, and hopes it's enough to get him to the ground below safely.
***
Tom let out a groan, and opened his eyes. He'd been sleeping rather deeply, but his last dream had been unsettling enough to wake him.
"Computer: what time is it?"
"The time is 0200 hours."
Tom let out another groan, not feeling as if he could get back to sleep now. He sighed and sat up in his bed, staring around in the darkness. Shoving his comforter to the ground, he walked over to the viewport and sat down on the ledge before it, and stared out to look at the stars.
The last couple of weeks of Voyager had been 'safe,' as he deemed it. Nothing too perilous had happened, excluding Harry and B'Elanna being imprisoned in a freaky dimension and Tuvok and Neelix somehow merging. Although he had been worried when it looked like Harry might never be let out of the place he was trapped, Tom knew the situation was not beyond the Captain's control, and as always, she had found a way to outwit the enemy. Tuvok and Neelix merging had definitely been weird, although not uninteresting. It was nice to have the two back again, but he was sad to see Tuvix go.
Tom gave out a yawn, and continued to look out at the stars. He hadn't been able to sleep properly these last few days, and when he had been able to, he was always plagued with confusing dreams. He tried to conjure up memories of the dream he'd just had. Something to do with B'Elanna and Harry, a beautiful green dress, and a message…
The only thing you have to fear is fear itself.
But what was he scared of? He'd admit that he'd been feeling a bit anxious as of late, reluctant to do anything that might endanger his life or that of anyone else, as the incident with B'Elanna had shown. He felt that something was holding him back, and even if he wanted to take a risk, he wouldn't be able to. Yet he knew in his heart that he couldn't play things safe forever. He just hoped that when it came to it, that barrier would be lifted.
***
The next day, Tom blearily headed to the Bridge, to begin duty, and hoped that the day would pass both quickly and uneventfully.
After an hour or so, B'Elanna popped on the Bridge for a bit. Before heading back to Engineering, their gazes had momentarily locked, but before he could even cast her a smile, she'd walked off.
He sighed. He really had to apologize for being so rude to her the other day. He'd still maintained that he made the right decision, though. Even if he was the 'Tom Paris who would never be afraid to take a risk,' he still didn't think he'd have supported her decision. Any scenario that even remotely involved the Vidiians would always be a no-go area, especially if part of that scenario involved B'Elanna. As far as he was concerned, the only situation where Tom would be okay if B'Elanna interacted with them, was if she communicated with them from the other side of the universe. He'd always been extremely adamant about his promise to her, even if he hadn't yet done much to honour it. In a way, he hoped he wouldn't have to.
Maybe he was just over-thinking the whole thing. B'Elanna had gone ahead with Harry's plan, and even though the Vidiians' objective wasn't to envelop them in a big, friendly hug, with the help from Denara, they'd pulled through and got the Captain and Chakotay back. While he'd never begrudge them their return, he'd never feel sorry for making his choice. But he would feel sorry for making B'Elanna feel like she couldn't hold faith in him.
I'll make amends later, he assured himself. He just had to survive this shift first.
***
Harry was bored.
He looked around at the rest of the crew on duty to see if anyone else was having as much trouble focusing as he was. He saw that Tom was struggling not to fall asleep. Harry grinned. Not much sleep last night, Tommy? For a brief moment, Harry wondered if Tom had been up to his old frolicking antics again, but as far as he knew, Tom hadn't been seeing any women as of late, for which he was glad.
His train of thought was interrupted by a visual on screen.
It was Seska, and Harry let out a mental groan. He'd really hoped Voyager wouldn't bump into her anytime soon, but apparently the Delta Quadrant wasn't as big as it claimed to be. Harry looked on at the woman who had done so much to wreak havoc on the ship, wondering what she could possibly want.
Unbeknownst to them, she'd fool them in to thinking that she and her baby son were in danger from the Kazon-Nistrim. Much later, a supposedly innocent Kazon would be transported onboard. Not long after, he'd blow himself up.
And Voyager would descend into chaos.
***
"Engineering, I need warp power!" the Captain called out.
Tom turned to look at her, a look of worry crossing his face.
"We can't go to warp, Captain," B'Elanna's voice replied. "The containment field has been damaged. I'm attempting to bypass."
Tom's look of worry turned into a frown. He knew that B'Elanna's efforts wouldn't be enough. He knew what could help, but part of him was afraid to voice it. The other part of him knew that he had no choice. He had to do this.
"Captain, if I can get a shuttle through the cross-fire, I can go back and get the Talaxians to help us." As he said the words, his heart started racing in trepidation.
The Captain turned her eyes onto Tom, and for a moment their gazes locked. He could see the slight uncertainty in him there, no doubt generated from the fall-out from his last shuttle mission, as well as a look of despair about the whole situation.
I can do this, he assured her with his eyes. And he tried to make himself believe that he could.
He watched as the Captain momentarily decided whether it would be right sending him off yet again in a shuttle, right in the paths of lurking Kazons.
Something in her gaze weakened, and without breaking it, she said, "Chakotay, take the conn." There was a pause and then a, "Good luck, lieutenant." And Tom knew she truly meant it.
Tom got up from the conn and ran out, having only enough time to give Harry a reassuring look.
As he rushed to the Shuttle Bay, the only thought that was going through his mind was, What the hell have I gotten myself into?
***
B'Elanna listened to Tom's suggestion over the comm.
Through the chaos, she momentarily closed her eyes. There he goes again, she thought. Yet again playing the hero and running into the arms of danger.
But B'Elanna was aware of two things: firstly, that Tom had been strangely reticent the last few weeks. It definitely hadn't gone unnoticed by her that Tom was unwilling to do anything risky or dangerous, almost as if he were afraid to. She wasn't used to that type of behaviour from him, and suspected that one day something would give and he'd jump right back into it all again. Except right now he wasn't jumping; he was catapulting. Part of her was glad to have that risk-taking and somewhat reckless Tom Paris back. The other part of her was anxious. Which brought her to her second point: Tom had brushed with death so many times that it was almost becoming an unstoppable habit. Tom seemed to have inherited the luck of the Scottish or Irish-or whatever the hell it was supposed to be- yet B'Elanna doubted that his luck would last forever.
Just don't let it be today, she prayed.
Suddenly she wished that she and Tom had at least spoken to each other since their argument. Although they had talked during meetings and on duty, neither of them had made the first move and apologized. B'Elanna told herself that this was because the two of them had been incredibly busy, but she knew that that wasn't the real reason. Part of her was still angry with him for not believing in her, but the bigger part of her was ashamed with herself. After everything they'd said, Tom had been right: the Vidiians were up to no good. Yet she couldn't bring herself to be a big enough person to apologize and admit that she had been wrong. And now Tom was going off on another dangerous mission and they'd left things on a sour note. She'd just have to hope that he'd come back, so she could make amends with him.
She opened her eyes. Somehow, she didn't think Tom coming back would be so simple.
As if confirming this, the ship was hit with force, and B'Elanna found herself lurching forward.
***
"If I can get a shuttle through the cross-fire, I can go back and get the Talaxians to help us," Tom mimicked his own voice. "Great idea, Paris!" he muttered to himself as he hacked away at the controls of the shuttle. "What ingenious idea are you going to think of next? And navigating through cross-fire? What were you thinking?"
All of a sudden, he didn't feel very brave.
"You should have stayed onboard, with the others," he chided himself. "But no, you had to go gallivanting off on another crazy mission." He paused for a moment. "And now I'm talking to myself. Great."
But he had to admit to himself that no matter how stupid his idea was, he was pleased that he'd finally been able to do something like this. The fact that he might get killed during the process was something he was choosing not to think about. If he could make it in time and get help, it would be worth it. He'd heard the frustration in B'Elanna's voice, seen the worry in Harry's eyes and observed the Captain's struggle to regain control of the situation. He needed to do this, for them. And it sure felt good to be doing something this worthwhile.
Suddenly his shuttle was hit by a series of firing, and Tom struggled to maintain control.
One shot.
Two shots.
Three shots, and the impact was so intense that Tom's head hit his console and he passed out.
***
"Voyager to Paris," Harry called out tentatively.
No answer.
More insistently this time, he said, "Please respond!"
Still no answer.
"TOM, CAN YOU HEAR ME?"
His heart started pounding. Tom not answering his hails was a bad sign, a very bad sign.
A line from one of the sci-fi movies that Tom always used to get him to watch, was ringing in his mind:
I have a very bad feeling about this...
And it was not just about the loss of contact with Tom.
***
"Intruder alert, Captain." Tuvok's voice ran over the comm.
You've been here before…
The thought flashed through her mind, and B'Elanna swallowed, signalling for her crew to stop working. There was nothing they could do now.
She could see the fear on everyone's faces as they tried to prepare for the invasion. They had no means to protect themselves; their phasers useless against the huge horde of Kazons and even if they could help, the ship would never withstand further damage.
But it didn't stop all of them from instinctively holding out their phasers, not willing to back down easily.
"Lieutenant, what should we do?" Joe asked her.
B'Elanna looked at him blankly. "I don't know," she answered honestly. "I don't know," she repeated.
***
He didn't realize he had been sleeping.
When he opened his eyes, he found himself by a familiar-looking stream.
And he was not alone.
Ahead of him, B'Elanna was sitting on the edge of the stream, with her legs dangling in, and from what he could see, she was wearing her Maquis leathers. He went over and sat beside her.
She looked at him and scowled. "What are you doing here, Paris?"
"I've come to see if you needed company."
They were taking a break from constructing something for Chakotay, he remembered now. B'Elanna had wandered off and he'd followed her.
"Well I don't," she remarked, making it clear her feelings of him.
He stayed anyway.
"You can't stand me, can you?" he said after a while.
She snorted. "That's putting it mildly. You rub me up the wrong way. Not to mention, you're this annoying, arrogant, cocky bastard."
He felt slightly hurt by her words. "I'm not like that."
She turns to face him again. "Then prove it."
Their gazes lock, and it's like he's opened a book and is running through all the pages, with all the images showing in her eyes. Him meeting her for the first time. Her rebuffing him. Him saving her life when she drowned. Him leaving her. Them meeting after so long. Her not being able to abide him. The two of them together, in the Vidiians' mines, with him comforting her. Her coming up to talk to him. The two of them becoming friends. Memories of happiness. Memories of sadness. Him leaving her. Her angry at him. Her laughing. Her smiling. Her warmth. Her...everything.
He looks at her in confusion. "I thought I already had."
She starts to shake her head, but she doesn't look too sure.
He continues to look on at her.
She frowns. "Stop looking at me like that!"
"Like what?"
"As if I'm the most intriguing thing you've ever seen."
"Well, you are," he stated, as if it were the most obvious thing in the galaxy.
She sighs. "You think that now. But you'll forget it later. You'll meet me again, and you won't give me a second look. Or a third."
"Somehow, I doubt that."
She doesn't say anything for a moment. "I like swimming down one end of the river to the other. You don't strike me as the kind of guy used to that kind of commitment."
"No," he answers honestly. "I haven't been for a while."
"Do you think you'll ever change?"
"Maybe. If the conditions of the water were right."
"Then maybe you'd consider me as the one you'd swim with."
"You were always the perfect contender, B'Elanna."
"Well then, Tom Paris, why has it taken you so long to realize it?"
Tom woke up with a start, memories of the dream clinging to him. It took him a moment to regain his bearings and for him to realize that he was on a shuttle. It took him another moment to realize that the shuttle was badly damaged, and another to realize that neither Voyager or the Kazon were anywhere in the vicinity. He frowned. Exactly what had happened whilst he had been unconscious?