Chapter 36 – Choices

Justin puzzled through the update Axe had provided. "So you're convinced the man behind Brian's shooting is Stockwell, but you can't prove it?" Justin asked as he and Axe walked through the corridors of the hospital towards Brian's room.

"That's right." Axe sighed as he opened another door. "We're sure, but convincing the cops is another matter entirely. We don't have enough to meet the legal standard of 'beyond reasonable doubt.' I turned the phone over to one of our computer experts – he downloaded all the data. He's still tracing all the calls. However, he did get a hit on Stockwell right away. The third guy in our little troupe of bashers has been phoning Jim Stockwell quite frequently."

"Shit," Justin muttered. "I can't believe how far gone he is. He used to be the chief of police. Now he's teaching kids to set off bombs and shoot to kill."

"We should be able to monitor for future attacks now. Katy, one of our guards, is planting the phone back in the kids car. It has a bug and a GPS tracker in it. Hopefully, he'll think he just dropped it. After that, it gets easier."

"And we can pass that onto the police?" Justin's puzzled look caused a slight smile to pass over Axe's features.

"We may not be able to," Axe responded truthfully. As Justin opened his mouth to protest Axe cut him off ruthlessly, his voice raising. "Look, our job is to keep you alive. We won't go after somebody without proof, but our threshold isn't 'reasonable doubt.' We just find the fucker and deal with it."

Justin knew he couldn't be hearing correctly as he stopped in shock in the middle of the hall. "You can't just go around k…"

"Of course not," Axe's quickly raised voice drew attention from numerous fronts. His voice dropped considerably, "We're not hit men, for Christ's sake. We just figure out who is after you so we can protect you." Axe shook his head, almost laughing at the relief on Justin's face. "You should have been an actor – you certainly have a talent for drama."

Justin gave Axe a disgusted glance. "You're not the only one who's said that."

Axe's laughter burst free at the muttered aside. As he got his laughter under control, Axe enunciated clearly. "We watch them."

"That's all," Justin demanded, needing to be absolutely sure. "You just watch them."

"What the hell did you expect? We just watch them. Eventually, they screw up and we throw them to the cops. If we know where the attacks are coming from, our job becomes a lot easier."

Justin stopped short and spun to face Axe in the hallway in front of Brian's room. A single eyebrow lifted knowingly.

Axe shifted slightly under the stare before he amended his earlier assertion. "Fine. Once in a while, a very great while, we'll inform our employers of possible paths forward to mitigate the risk. Whether or not they take action is entirely up to them."

"Really?" Justin's disbelief rang out clearly in the now empty hallway.

"Really." Axe grinned mischievously before opening the door to Brian's room for Justin. He continued pretentiously, "After all, we are government employees." Axe's smile faded and he looked Justin directly in the eye. "This might be one of those times. There may not be a totally legal way of stopping Stockwell."

Justin sobered instantly and said simply, "Let me know what I have to do." Justin nodded a greeting to Tank before walking through the door into Brian's room. He stopped abruptly at the sight of his agent standing next to the bed. "Jared, what are you doing here? I thought you were in New York."

"I was, but then I heard the news." Jared's smug face seemed wildly inappropriate to Justin given that the news was of Brian getting shot.

Justin glanced at Brian with a raised brow, looking for information, but the only response was a shoulder lifted in a careful shrug. "I'm really touched that you'd come to Pittsburgh when you heard that Brian got shot. It's a bit surprising."

"It would be if that was why I came," Jared retorted evenly. At Justin's quizzical look, he explained with a look of almost childish glee on his face. "I'm here because Oprah called."

"Shit!" Brian exclaimed from the bed, surprise overcoming his legendary self-control.

"She's had a cancellation. The actress scheduled for the day after tomorrow got arrested for DUI." Jared's long dark hair moved into his eyes as he enjoyed the reactions. "She wants Justin to go to Chicago and tell everyone about the bombing, the shooting, the show… everything. A half hour segment!"

After a few seconds of complete and utter silence Justin looked away from Jared to Brian, a frown creasing his brow as he thought. He took a deep breath and released it with a heavy sigh before looking at Jared with a rueful smile. "No," he shook his head softly a moment later. "I'm not going to do it."

Jared's jaw dropped. "What?" He moved closer to Justin, his volume increasing as he spoke. "This kind of chance shows up once in a lifetime, Taylor. It'll make your career." Jared was almost yelling, "It's what you said you fucking wanted - a chance to show homophobes what we're all about, to make a difference. How the hell can you just say no?"

"Brian just got shot. I can't leave Pittsburgh right now."

Brian got laboriously out of the bed when he heard Justin's plan, and got on his dressing gown. He leaned on the edge of the bed and speared Justin with his dark eyes.

Jared spared Brian a glance before continuing furiously. "Brian's fine. The doctor's said he'll be out in a couple of days. When I took you on, I agreed to get you chances like this one." Jared moved up, getting into Justin's face. "You agreed to take them."

Justin stared at him through tormented eyes, but with resolution in every line of his face. "I can't do the show."

Jared opened his mouth to continue the argument, but Brian interjected firmly. "Jared, give us a minute, would you?"

Jared threw up his hands in disgust and stepped back from Justin before storming out of the room. His parting comment shot like a bullet as the door closed behind him. "Fix this for Christ's sake!"

Brian leaned heavily against the bed now that they were alone, looking intently into Justin's somber face. Justin stared back defiantly as the silence grew thicker by the second. Justin broke first, "What?"

Brian tilted his head to the side before murmuring softly, "All it takes for evil to win is for good men to stay silent."

Justin grimaced before coming back firmly with a retort of his own. "I don't need you to quote Martin Luther King at me. And you got the quote wrong."

Brian shrugged his shoulder carelessly. "Close enough and I wasn't quoting King. I was quoting you." He paused to let it sink in and then added with a bit of mockery in his tone, "Giving up on the cause, Justin?"

"Fuck the cause."

"Why?" Brian asked softly.

"When did you ever give a shit about gay rights?" Justin shot back and straightened up with a cool smirk. "Let's see if I can remember 'We're queer. We fuck who we want to, when we want to. Anyone who wants to suck up to neutered politicians and bourgeois, conformist heteros isn't representing me.'"

Brian lifted a brow in acknowledgment murmuring, "It's nice to know you listened." He moved from where he was leaning to look directly into Justin's face. "But that's me. This is about you. You were all set to be the Gloria Steinman of gay rights. Instead, I'm thinking of moving to Stepford so you'll feel comfy."

Justin rolled his eyes in disgust. "Don't be an ass, Brian. I just want to focus on my art and getting set up in New York."

"You're giving up." The bold statement had an edge of disappointment to it. Brian continued after a short pause, "- and for the most pathetic of excuses." Brian's voice pitched higher, a mocking mimicry of a whiny child. "Brian's sick. I'm too busy." His voice dropped back to its normal range. He shifted back, giving Justin a bit of space. "You don't even have the balls to say what's really bugging you."

Justin shifted angrily from foot to foot. "Shut up, Brian. You don't know what you're talking about."

Brian leaned forward again, snarling back. "So fucking tell me already!"

Justin exploded, hands going up, body lurching as he leaned into Brian's face. "You got shot! What the fuck do you think happened?"

Brian gave a small, disgusted snort as he leaned back against the bed trying unsuccessfully to hide his lack of strength. "I almost die, so you stop living, Sunshine? Are you going to hide away? Stay out of the limelight." His face twisted into a beautiful sneer as he continued. "Let's just do what's expected, it's safer."

"It is safer, you idiot. How would you feel if it was Gus who got hurt?"

Brian winced at the unwelcome thought before recovering. "Why don't we put him in one of those bubble rooms, protect him from everything? We can keep him perfectly safe." Brian shifted suddenly, moving to stare directly into the tormented, azure eyes of his lover. "Is that what you want for him?" Brian leaned in closer. "That is so fucked up."

Justin stared, momentarily transfixed by Brian's intensity. His entire body shuddered with the effort needed to shake it off. "I am under no obligation to jeopardize the people I love for a cause you don't even believe in."

"But you do," the brunette countered promptly. "Do not use loving me as an excuse for mediocrity." Brian's face hardened as he continued relentlessly in the face of Justin's non-responsiveness. "Cowardice doesn't become you." Justin moved to stare out of the window, anywhere but at Brian. After a moment of silence, Brian went on with a softer look in his eyes. "Besides, it's too late now, Sunshine. It's already done."

Justin turned back to Brian, the unspoken question clear in his eyes.

"You should know by now, Justin. You don't have to be on Oprah to get bashed. Just ask Shandalier." Brian moved in to reach up and lightly caress the scar just under Justin's hairline. "Of course, I wouldn't have thought you'd need reminding of that fact." He gently wrapped his good hand around Justin's neck and touched their foreheads gently together before murmuring softly. "To get attacked, all you have to be is queer."

Justin's eyes filled with tears as Brian hugged him gently. Justin leaned in, breathing in the scent of Brian by burying his face into the crook at Brian's neck.

Brian held on, fighting the pain in his side. He knew he had won this battle and it had been worth fighting. Deep within, however, a part of him was screaming in protest, telling him to shut the fuck up and keep Justin home – and safe.