10 December 2014

He watched John Paul as he made his way home, walked up the short path that led to his house and opened the door. A moment later Craig was looking at that same door and before he could knock it reopened and John Paul was there, waiting for him. They had words, probably fought, he wasn't certain. The next thing he knew they were up in John Paul's room tearing each other's clothes off, kissing desperately, as if their lives depended on their lips being connected. Then he was inside him.

As his passion grew he became aware of his surroundings and realised where he was. Who he was with. He woke up. And he remembered.

It had been a long wait in the cold. John Paul didn't leave the pub until it closed and then Craig had to watch him leave together with Spike. He'd followed them until they reached the McQueen house where they stood talking for a while. When Spike leaned in to give John Paul a kiss, Craig couldn't watch but had turned on his foot and run all the way home. There, he'd gone straight upstairs, blinded by the tears, and Siobhan had woken up. She'd taken him in her arms, soothed him and rocked him asleep. They'd had ended up sleeping side by side on Craig's old bed.

He opened his eyes and saw the lustful compassion, or was it compassionate lust, in his now ex-girlfriend's eyes, as she thrust herself towards him in sync with his rhythm. He was too far gone physically too back off now and just closed his eyes and tried to recapture the feeling he'd had in his dream.

Once done he rolled on the side, facing away from her, and she held him, unaware of the silent tears streaming down his cheeks.

Two texts awaited John Paul when he prepared to leave work in the late afternoon. They were almost identical; 'Can I see you later today?' and 'Can I come by later today?' The first one was from Spike, the latter from Craig.

He felt the uncertainty hit him and he couldn't decide how to reply, to either one. I can't say no, can I? He thought to himself. I don't want to say no, do I? God, why can't life be simple, for once? He felt like slamming the phone in the wall.

He finally took a deep breath and sent out two texts, one reading 'Sure, come by between 5 and 6' and the other one saying 'I'll call you when I can'.

He then put the phone in his pocket and gathered his belongings and headed for the door.

He could hear Matthew crying as he walked up to the house, but it stopped the second he saw his father appear. They ran towards each other and John Paul picked up the little fella and gave him a massive hug before he tickled each of his chubby cheeks with his lips. Matthew was beside himself with laughter and didn't mind when his dad started changing his nappy. Afterwards they played for a while, before it was teatime for the little one.

John Paul had forgotten all about the text he'd sent when the doorbell rang. Carmel went to the door and he was reminded off his plans when he heard her say, "Yeah, he's here, go right through to the kitchen."

A moment later Craig appeared.

"Hiya," he said shyly, seemingly not knowing what to do, before asking feebly, "You feeding him?"

John Paul gave him an irritated look, but didn't reply, forcing Craig to continue, to take the lead.

"Yeah, I can see that. Sorry. I'm just a bit… don't know what to say… You back with Spike?" He finally blurted out, defensively.

"Nah, we're just seeing each other… casually." Craig felt his heart jump. "Who knows what will happen, though?" Craig's heart collapsed at these words. "What's up with you?" John Paul asked.

"Nothing much, just curious, 'cause… 'cause… I'm leaving tomorrow. With Siobhan. We're leaving."

John Paul was taken aback. "Oh, I'd assumed you'd be staying for Christmas. Why leaving so early?"

"No, we'd booked to go tomorrow. I didn't know how you'd deal with me wanting to see Matthew…"

"Why would I not want you to see him?" John Paul snapped back. "Have I ever tried to stop you from contacting him? Have I ever stopped your mum from contacting him? Even after she tried …"

"What? What did she try?" Craig asked with a surprised look.

"What? As if you don't know! She wanted to take him from me." John Paul looked at his ex-partner with venom in his eyes. "When Chloe made me believe that you were the dad and demanded money." Realising that Craig was being honest, he lowered his voice, "I went to your mum for help and she said that she'd give me the money, but only if Matthew would stay with her. I almost did. I mean, I'd have died rather than give him back to Chloe. She'd only have sold him to someone else. But then my … a mate helped me get a DNA test and I found out that he's mine, not yours."

"So you're his…" Craig's voice fell.

"Yeah, I'm his biological dad. Does that mean you've lost interest?" John Paul asked sarcastically.

"No, I'm just a bit disappointed. … Not that he's your son. I love yo… you so for him being your son is brilliant. But I just kind of never wanted to know for sure. Because now that we're not… that we're not together, and he's with you, it kind of makes me unnecessary. He doesn't need me. I can see that now."

"Of course he does! I tried to tell you back then, but you wouldn't listen. He needs both of us. He was created because of our love and no matter what's happened between us, he's still the result of us." John Paul tried to convince him.

Craig sat down on one of the kitchen chairs, his face hidden in his hands.

"So why are you leaving already tomorrow? Can't you change your tickets?" John Paul asked.

Craig sighed. "I… we… kind of split up, but I guess… I guess we're back on now… Shiv wants to go back as planned, and I … I owe it to her to go with her."

"Oh… okay, what do you mean, you kind of split up?" John Paul was surprised.

"Oh… nothing… it was just a misunderstanding… a sort of… I thought… She thought… Anyway, it's nothing…" He swallowed. "I'll be back soon, though. Now that we've sorted this out, with Matthew."

"John Paul! You're phone's ringing!" Carmel shouted from the living room. John Paul went to get it. Craig took his place next to Matthew and tried to continue to feed him. When his son didn't seem to want anything more to eat, he picked him up from his high chair and gave him a cuddle.

John Paul smiled at the sight as he re-entered the kitchen, answering the phone at the same time, "Hi Spike. Yeah, I'm home. I was gonna call you later." He walked over to the sink and looked out of the window. "Yeah, it was good. I'm kind of busy now, feeding Matthew. I don't think I'm free later. I think I might have plans."

Turning back to give Craig a smile he was disappointed to see that he'd disappeared, leaving their son in the high chair.

"Or, on second thought, I guess I'm free. Why don't you come over?"

Picking up his son, John Paul couldn't help the sinking feeling that they'd just been cheated out of happiness.