A/N: Just a quick response to those who are finding Emma unsympathetic in this story. I'm trying to portray both Will and Emma as human, flawed and fallible. To me they are all those things but not bad people. We're all capable of hurting the people we love the most without intending to, sometimes we even hurt them knowing that we are but unable to stop ourselves all the same. Emma may be a little out of character here but when you remember that in the show she's someone who has married or almost married two men in an attempt to deal (not deal) with her feelings for Will and been capable of leaving Will at the altar then I don't think this storyline is so farfetched. I'd like to make it clear too that this story is set in season one where Emma and Will's relationship was very new and intended to explore what would have happened if they had thrown themselves headlong into that new relationship at that point, in particular how Emma would have dealt with Will's infidelity when she'd given so much of herself so early, making herself vulnerable in a way she'd never felt able to before. And, of course, in this story Emma's having to deal with the very intense experience of having a child at the same time as being hurt and betrayed. This is a story about mistakes, misunderstandings, uncertainty and insecurity, the things that go unsaid and the damage that betrayal does. That said, thanks so much to those who are enjoying the story and encouraging me to carry on with it. I hope you're still enjoying the ride ;)
Will watched the two of them side by side eating from their plates of fruit. Their methods could not be more opposite. Emma held each berry carefully, examining the shape and size, before popping it delicately into her mouth. Zac crammed fistfuls of berries into his mouth in one go, some of them didn't even make it, but the little boy didn't seem to notice that or the berry juice dripping from his fingers.
Mid-mouthful with one hand pushing fruit into his mouth, Zac reached his other hand across the tabletop to Will's plate of cookies.
"I can see you," Emma said, eyeing her son, a slight smile playing across her lips.
Zac turned his head to look at her.
"Yes, you," she grinned at him.
"Can I have a cookie, Mommy?"
"If you finish your fruit first, and if Will says you can."
Zac looked up at Will, with a look so heartrending that he knew he'd say yes to anything his son asked him. He nodded.
At that Zac proceeded to mash berries into his mouth at impressive speed, cleaning his plate. Will could only watch him in awe. Then he was holding his empty hands out to Emma for inspection. His little berry stained fingers a mere inch or less from the bright white bow on her top and she didn't even flinch.
"Good baby." She smiled at him and he grinned back, lunging forward then, planting a red stained mouth over hers.
Emma laughed, removing his drool from her cheek with a paper napkin and then wiping his hands.
Will offered his cookies to Zac, who stared intently at the plate and then examined each cookie in turn, looking for the biggest or the one with the most chocolate chips, Will wasn't sure. All he could think was would he and Zac ever have that ease? Could they get that now? Or was the chance for that relationship gone? Was he just going to be some guy they went for a meal with now and then? Who gave Zac cookies and asked him how school was going?
"Are you okay, Will?" Emma's voice brought him out of his thoughts. Zac was sitting in front of a plate covered in cookie crumbs, a smear of chocolate around his mouth, joining the red and blue juice stains.
He nodded. He wasn't really sure what to say. He hadn't slept much.
"Can I go see the doggy, Mommy?" Zac was watching a little golden labrador pup by the entrance as intently as he'd been focusing on the cookies. As closely as Emma was watching Will now.
"I don't know, Zac-Zac, we're still having breakfast," she looked back at Will, reconsidering. "If you promise not to stroke him, just look, then you can. Do you understand?"
His little head nodded as Emma picked him up, lifting him over her lap and into the aisle of the restaurant. Zac smiled and walked slowly towards the puppy.
"Will, are you going to be okay with this?" Emma spoke carefully, her voice low, one eye on Zac, the other on him. "If you can't do this you need to let me know. If you can't be a part of Zac's life then please tell me now."
He shook his head, bewildered. Of course he wanted to be a part of Zac's life, of their lives.
"I don't expect you to take it all on, Will, I know you didn't choose this but if we could make it work for Zac. If you could just see him sometimes, send a card on his birthday, it would mean a lot." She knew her tone sounded desperate.
As afraid as she'd been of this whole situation, of how she'd deal with it, the possibility of sharing Zac, as much as she'd been wary of it, she needed this now. She'd had to face the fact that Zac wanted a father, already, and he had one, she was the one who'd kept them apart. She couldn't contemplate what would happen if he found that out when he was older. If she hadn't at least tried. Silently she begged Will to come through for her then.
"Would you like to see him again?" she asked cautiously.
"You think I wouldn't?" Will was stunned.
"I-I don't know, Will, I don't know what you're thinking." Was he mad at her? He had a right to be but this was hard enough. Seeing him again. Fighting back all those old feelings, worrying about the effect of it all on Zac, wondering how they'd make this work. Being terrified that it wouldn't.
"Of course I want to see him, Em."
"You do?" a faint smile crossed her face. Could they do this? Could she fix this for Zac? Could she stop him from growing up hating her?
"Yes. Just tell me when. Tell me where."
She reached in her bag for a piece of paper.
"This is our address, and our phone number, and my cell. You could come next weekend, if you'd like."
"Yes." He wanted to ask if he could come sooner. Was he allowed to impose like that? Take it slow, said the cautious voice in his head. Just one step at a time.
He turned, following Emma's gaze. Zac was what was important. The little boy stood crouched down near the puppy, his hands well back but Will could tell he was struggling not to stroke the dog.
"Zac," Emma called his name and he looked over. She shook her head and he gave her a smile that said he was almost caught in the act. She recognized it. It was the smile Will had when you asked "Where did the cookies go?"
Some things she remembered like yesterday. It was strange to be so close to Will again, sitting right across the table, his leg almost touching hers. And a plate of cookies in front of him. Breakfast cookies. His diet was just the same. And yet you couldn't tell. His body was probably still as taut and muscular, Emma thought, underneath the clothes he wore. She flushed when she noticed him watching her watching him. She did not want to be thinking these things.
"Ah, we should probably be leaving soon, Will." There was a note of apology in her voice. "We have a long drive and...and I have to get everything organized for school tomorrow." It was true but she was nervous too and unsure how much more she could take. "We can, uh, come for longer next time." It had to get easier. It had to. She needed to do this for Zac.
"You -," Will stopped. He wanted to ask if they had to go. But she wouldn't have said it if they didn't. He didn't want to make things more awkward. She'd said 'next time'. There would be a next time. "You should get going then, I guess. I'll get the check." He sounded strange even to himself. It was like he'd lost the ability to talk normally.
"Will, you don't have to. I'll get it." Emma rummaged in her bag. It felt like the worst kind of date.
But Will already had their server's attention and his billfold in his hand.
"Thank you." She smiled weakly. If they could just make this work.
She beckoned to Zac.
"It's time to go, baby. Do you want to give Will a hug?"
The little boy smiled shyly and wriggled behind her on the seat.
"You're not usually this shy, Zac," she tried to cover. She hadn't thought Zac would respond like that. "He's really not usually like this. He's really good with strangers."
She flushed bright red at her tactless choice of words. The last thing she'd meant to do was call Will a stranger.
"I-," she didn't know what to say.
Will nodded slowly.
"It's okay. He...he really doesn't know me." His voice was flat, his emotions contained within.
Emma lowered her head, trying to hide the fact that she was blinking back tears, as she collected their things. She reached blindly for Zac's hand and found his small comforting presence.
"I'll walk you to your car."
She just nodded, guiding Zac between the tables in the restaurant, Will following behind.
When they reached the car, she let Zac into the back and he climbed in to his carseat. She busied herself doing up the harness, double checking it was secure. Then she had no choice but to turn and look at Will, but she couldn't look him in the eye. She was staring at his plaid shirt when he leaned in towards her. She wasn't sure if he was about to whisper in her ear, tell her that what she'd done was unforgiveable, that he'd make sure Zac knew that or leaning in to kiss her the way he always would. She lifted her arms almost as reflex, warding off the unexpected and it ended up as an awkward half embrace half self-defence move, with his lips brushing her hair and her chin banging his shoulder.
She didn't know what it meant and he didn't know why he'd done it. None of this felt real.
Will waved as Emma got in the driver's seat. Zac waved back through the window, his little hand clutched around an action figure. And then Will watched them drive away, almost as though in slow motion. It felt like a dream.
He looked down at the piece of paper. Emma's handwriting. Her address. The first time he'd known where she was for three years. The piece of paper was real. They were real.