Emma blinked back the tears. She was driving down the same stretch of road that she'd traveled that night. Leaving Lima again.

She glanced in the rearview mirror at Zac in his carseat, happily occupied with his superhero action figures. Last time he'd been safe in her belly. She almost wished she could have kept him there, protected from all the hurt the world could bring.

When she'd traveled this road that night three years ago, she'd cried for her. She'd cried for the heartache Will had caused and for the dreams that wouldn't come true. This time the tears were for her son. For the pain that she had brought his way. She couldn't bear the thought of Will rejecting him. She hoped he could love Zac the way he couldn't love her. Her baby boy deserved that. But what if Will couldn't love him? Didn't want to love him? All she'd ever wanted was to protect her child but one way or another she couldn't protect him from this.

She'd been so afraid of telling Will about their baby. Afraid of everything that might happen. Of Will wanting custody, having to face him and everything that happened between them. But now she was more frightened that he wouldn't want their son in his life. Frightened for Zac and for herself. How would Zac ever forgive her? But then how would Will?

The sun shone through the windscreen. Everything looked bright today. A complete contrast to the darkness she had traveled through before. That night was a blur but she remembered the way the tears would come, sobs racking her body, and when she couldn't see through the tears, she'd had to pull over until it passed. She'd found herself sitting in the dark, all alone, and wondering where she was going. That was when she realized. It didn't matter where she went. She just needed to find somewhere to rest. Her baby needed sleep. Her baby needed food and calm and most of all her baby needed her. She couldn't feel him and she couldn't see him but this tiny new life inside her was relying on her. And whatever it took she had to do it.

So she stopped driving, found a motel and a late night truckstop. She drank whole milk and ate a sandwich from their refridgerated display. In the pharmacy aisle she foud pre-natal vitamins, the bottle she'd bought the week before left behind in the pantry in Lima. She wondered if Will would ever notice them and what he would think if he did. She lay her head that night on sheets she hadn't washed and she slept in spite of that, her body weary from emotion.

When she woke, she focused only on what this new life she was bringing into the world needed. She had no room for tears and no time for regrets. She needed a place to live and a job. And though she'd planned to run far, she ended up living just where she'd stopped driving. It turned out it was a nice town. She'd driven around it that morning, sunshine filtering through watery clouds, and she liked what she saw. There were parks and a tidy looking elementary school, even a high school where she might find work. She thought it might be fate. And when it came down to it, Emma Pillsbury was not an intrepid traveler. She wasn't going to run away to Mexico, where Will could never find her. She'd lived in Ohio her whole life, Ohio people were all she'd ever known. When she looked at a map, she could see that she'd almost made it to the state border, and it struck her that perhaps she'd been pushed as far as she could go and still survive. Perhaps this was far enough.

So she found herself living in a little town, in a small wooden house with a white picket fence. And she had a job at the local high school. Most importantly she'd found a way to cope. She'd found the strength to raise her son, build a home for them and ensure he felt loved. And she'd held herself together all the while. No OCD relapses. From somewhere she'd found the strength. Mainly because her baby needed her. Zac had needed her to be strong then as he did now. He needed her to build a relationship with his father. There was no going back and no giving up.

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Emma smiled glancing back at Zac in his carseat. His hands were still gripped around his action figures even in his sleep. As their journey went on, his eyelids had slowly grown heavy and his little voice singing his made up songs had grown quiet in the back of the car. He was so peaceful like this. As she pulled into the driveway of their little painted house, she almost felt bad that she would have to wake him so she took a moment just to watch him and take in their home here in Elmwood.

She'd moved in a week after she'd arrived in town, when the owner of the guest house she'd been staying in advised her there was a house up for rent. It was the house she'd brought Zac home to from the hospital, to a nursery she'd spent the preceding months decorating, whenever she wasn't busy with work. It helped with the loneliness and helped her focus on the future and all the wonderful things that were to come. If she didn't keep busy there was a danger those thoughts of what she'd left behind would take over. Sometimes in the night when she was alone in her bed they crept in. For someone who had spent so many nights of her life on her own, she had got used to the presence of another with surprising speed. It had felt strange for a while to hear only her own breathing, unsettling to not feel someone else's heartbeat close to her in the dark. It helped when she felt her belly swell, then she knew she wasn't all by herself. She'd rest her hands gently either side of her stomach, waiting to feel some movement. When she first felt Zac kick it took her breath away. She wished then she had someone to share it with. But there were a million things to do to prepare for the arrival of a new baby. Child proofing, cribs, strollers, clothes to buy. As she got bigger the work got slower, but she liked that feeling that she always had someone with her and her heart wasn't breaking when she thought about her baby. A baby who would very imminently arrive. When she brought him home to this house, those early days had been intense. Every day brought something new, incredible, sometimes terrifying. The bond between them strengthened though she hadn't imagined that could be true. When she looked back, sometimes, like now, it seemed as though she'd never had a moment to reflect. Perhaps she hadn't wanted to, but then there was always something to take care of.

As if on cue, Zac started making little movements and quietly mumbling "Mommy" over and over. Emma got out the car and opened his door. She stroked his cheek gently and whispered in his ear.

"Zac, we're home. Time to wake up, baby."

He opened his eyes and smiled at her, then got a contorted look on his face. "Mommy, I need to wee."

She nodded, understanding, and swiftly undid his restraints. "I'm hurrying, baby, I'm hurrying. We'll get you there."

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Will knew they must be home by now. He wondered what they were doing. A phone call to make sure wouldn't hurt, would it? Was it too much? He dialed anyway and listened to the phone ringing at the other end. Would she pick up?

"Hi, Emma, it's...it's Will."

"Yes, I know."

Her voice was soft. Of course, she knew his voice. Now he didn't know what to say. He should have planned it out.

"Do you want a word with Zac?"

Little feet on floorboards.

"Hi." A tiny voice in his ear.

"Hi Zac."

Will paused. What else could he say?

"Did you see lots of red cars on your journey?"

"Hundreds."

"I love you." The words came out in a rush. He hadn't thought to say them out loud. It was as though they'd forced their own way out.

"Bye."

What else had he expected a toddler to say?

"Will?"

His breath caught in his throat.

"Are you there?"

"Yes."

"I-I've got to go. I'm just running Zac's bath and I've got his food on the stove."

"Yes." Where were the words now?

"We'll see you Saturday?"

It was a question.

"Yes." At least he'd answered right.

"Bye, Will."

"Bye," he said. His voice sounded far away. Far away like the world of baths and mac and cheese and small feet running on floor boards.